Supporting my partner

[dragonstar]

My partner is experiencing depression and anxiety and I am wanting to support him in anyway I can. He is of the belief that he just has to 'ride it out' and has cut off communication with me. I am in NSW and he is in Tasmania at the moment. I have experienced depression and anxiety myself and have tried to apply the same support that my family gave me to help me through the tough times, unfortunately my partner won't talk to me about how he is feeling and what he is going through. He tells me he is a liability at the moment and that scares me as he is the most beautiful kind person I know. I am looking for ways that I can support him if anyone can help?

[ecomama]

Hi dragonstar, welcome to the forums. 

I'm sorry for what you're going through, I can see from your words that you care very much for your partner and the situation is worrying you. 
But I'm sure you'll get some support from other members too, so you're in a good place to share. 

I wanted to ask if you shared children together or property together? 
If so there are some legal channels you may have to go through. 

If not, there are a few options but doing these is a risk to further alienate him from you atm. 

If he has cut off all communication with you, do you see this as him breaking up with you? 
Some times attempts to make contact when one party has gone No Contact, even for the purpose of supporting him, could be seen as further contact. 

Hope you pop back in to tell us more about the relationship and also how you're doing, 
EM

[Sophie_M]

Hi dragonstar,

Welcome to the forums. We're so sorry to hear about what you and your husband are going through at the moment; it sounds like it's been a really tough time, but we're really glad that you found the courage to share and post today. We're a supportive community, and we're here to support you the best way that we can.

We do have a few online resources that might be helpful for you, so we thought we'd drop in and say hi to share.

There's so much helpful information on our website - please have a look. You might like to start here, here and here, and don't be afraid to reach out to chat with us online or via phone (1300 22 4636) anytime. We're here 24/7 and we would love to hear from you if you ever need extra support.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello dragonstar, to 'ride-out' depression and/or anxiety is a non belief, because you aren't sure when any small triggers might spark a negative reaction and this can happen at any time.

The support you have tried is always a great way to start, especially when it has helped yourself, unfortunately not everyone will respond the same way you did, which seems to be the situation for your partner.

MI affects all types of people and even the most beautiful person, the person you love can be affected for whatever reason, which they may not want to disclose, this makes it even harder for you to try and understand.

An option to consider is to suggest he has a checkupwith his doctor, who may notice how he's feeling, order a blood test and then suggest some medication, then hopefully he will take this first step.

Usually when someone is suffering from depression, they don't particularly like being quested about why they feel this way, simply because they may not know and continual questions makes them close up, so wait until he wants to start talking, then you might get some ideas.

Let him know that you are there for him, any time or any day and that depression has affected many other people, and now fortunately it's not taboo any more.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Petal22]

Hi dragonstar,

Im sorry that your partner is experiencing depression and anxiety I think it’s great that you want to support him.

Im sorry he has cut off communication with you, sometimes with anxiety people can suffer with intrusive thoughts ( in my case) and sometimes these thoughts can be about the people we love or our ourselves.

Sometimes these thoughts try to make us withdraw from the people we love and for the person suffering with these thoughts it can cause them to withdraw.

You could try to encourage your partner to see his gp and discuss the way he is feeling and what he’s experiencing.

You can just let him know your there for him and that you want to listen to him with no judgment.

Please let him know that he’s not alone.