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Saving my marriage

That Other Guy
Community Member

18 months ago my wife announced she couldn't stay with me any more.  12 months ago we stayed together on the basis we had an open relationship.  Over 6 months I formed a relationship with someone else that was not really consumated (one failed attempt).  When that started getting serious my wife pulled the plug but insisted she had a free pass to still see someone because I kind of had.  She had a pretty full on encounter with another guy, and then assumed they could stay friends.  I stopped talking to my friend and she stopped talking to hers


We have not lived together for 6 years, first because of study, then work.  She said we'd start to see each other week on week off, but this month I will see her twice, both times for three days.  One has happened, she made clear I was her last priority and I had one morning with her.


At the start of last year I felt sure no woman would ever talk to me, but in the open scenario I met many women who were interested in me, so I don't feel insecure any more. But I feel terrified to lose my long term marriage all the same.  There are days I feel I can take this and days I can't.  I don't know what to do.  My wife won't leave, she gets everything she wants, she is in control and keeps me at arms lentgh most of the time.  I want us to stay together but I am not sure if what we have, is what I wanted.....



3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi that other guy,


I’m sorry that you have to go through this. 
Seems a little unfair that she gets to continue being in an open relationship but not yourself? 

To be clear, we're both not in open relationships, but when we closed she insisted on a free pass until she had one encounter, which she did on the last night she was allowed.  I am left feeling like I was not enough and that we'd only been together and that meant something to me, and was garbage for her.


Community Member

mate I feel , your pain.

I am going through a tough time myself.