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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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anon143 How to process feelings from infidelity?
  • replies: 3

Long story short, my ex (separated from my husband a little under 2.5 years ago) & I have kept in contact & tried countless times to rekindle our “marriage” as we do have a 3 year old. Reasons for ultimate separation were emotional, mental, financial... View more

Long story short, my ex (separated from my husband a little under 2.5 years ago) & I have kept in contact & tried countless times to rekindle our “marriage” as we do have a 3 year old. Reasons for ultimate separation were emotional, mental, financial and physical abuse from him. We live seperate in different states. On the two times we have tried to give it another shot I always find evidence of third party situations on his end. I feel I am holding onto these emotions & I’m not sure how to process them. I want to feel these emotions so I can attempt to move forward. How do you process them? It’s a bit like I feel numb, it almost feels like I’m actively avoiding it effortlessly but I’m not trying to, I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s the best I can explain it. It’s resulting in me having very vivid dreams of rage around these situations but in my waking life I can’t even “tackle” it. It feels like a burden and a heavy weight.

BlueOrchid98 Stay or Leave?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Hoping to get some perspectives on my current situation. I have been with my partner on and off for 6 years, and we moved in together around 2 years ago. We had broken up in the past due to fights about him talking some online forums in ways ... View more

Hi all, Hoping to get some perspectives on my current situation. I have been with my partner on and off for 6 years, and we moved in together around 2 years ago. We had broken up in the past due to fights about him talking some online forums in ways that seemed really inappropriate to me (it made me feel very uncomfortable/ I called him out for it because I saw it as cheating, although he disagreed that it was). It was a really tough breakup for me and I ended up on antidepressants to deal with it, however I still reached out to him after being broken up for around a year because I missed him and wasn't coping. He has since sworn that he won't ever do those things again and I haven't seen him doing it, so I assume he is keeping true to his word. However I am feeling very isolated/ lonely at the moment in the relationship. He is an avid gamer and is constantly on the computer talking to friends/playing games (he works a 9-5, then comes home and plays until 12-1am). I am a University student with a very heavy workload so I am out most of the day, but when I come home he barely wants to talk to me anymore. I have to raise my voice to even get him to notice me with his headset on and he doesn't want to do any activities outside of the house. It would be very messy if I was to end things now as we have only recently moved into a new place (less than a year ago) and he wouldn't really have anywhere else to go other than back to his parent's place. I also think that if I end things with him I will end up getting depressed again, I don't have a great family life and have had a lot of issues with that in the past, plus I don't have many people I would call close friends. I have brought this up with him before and he always says he is sorry, he'll spend may 24 hours with me before going back to the computer. I just am unsure what I can do about it. For reference I am 23 and he is 25, so there is time to sort things out, I just get stuck on feeling like it is a lost cause sometimes. Plus it is a little upsetting that I feel like I am fighting with a computer for my partners attention. This situation probably isn't a big deal, however I wasn't sure where else I could go to get advice. Sorry for the long and probably badly formatted post.

Qwertymoo Fight for love or give up?
  • replies: 2

How do you know? Ok first time poster, reaching out because I have a pit in my stomach and I can't sleep and I honestly don't know what to do. First ever partner thought I'd found the one, madly in love. Felt so lucky. Then it changed and he started ... View more

How do you know? Ok first time poster, reaching out because I have a pit in my stomach and I can't sleep and I honestly don't know what to do. First ever partner thought I'd found the one, madly in love. Felt so lucky. Then it changed and he started getting angry, not at me at first but eventually at me, and calling me names and putting me down. Threatening. I know he has depression, but also think there's more to it. He tells me not to listen when he is angry that that's not really how he feels. Now I've been gone a week and he tells me he is going to the drs and going to get help. Do I help him through this ? I feel sick being away from him because minus his outrageous outbursts he is my perfect man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just feel like I don't know how to be happy anymore.

decibelx Feeling down after losing a friend
  • replies: 3

I've just been blocked by a close friend after an argument where I called her out on her lies to me. She was an only friend actually, as I don't have any since moving to this city. She decides to block me on all our communication platforms saying tha... View more

I've just been blocked by a close friend after an argument where I called her out on her lies to me. She was an only friend actually, as I don't have any since moving to this city. She decides to block me on all our communication platforms saying that there's no point in us being friends anymore and that she wishes me the best. This has happened before and she ended up unblocking me but ever since then our friendship has been unstable. This time however, it feels final. The reality of it is just kicking in and it feels like grief. I struggle with depression too so I'm not taking this particularly well. Do you think there's a chance the friendship can be saved after a cooling off period?

Kate56 Partner packed up left while as at work said he’s depressed
  • replies: 6

My partner and I have been living together for 6 months I have two children from a previous relationship also. I had noticed the past couple months he becoming more withdrawn and not wanting to do the usual things he use to. I asked the usual questio... View more

My partner and I have been living together for 6 months I have two children from a previous relationship also. I had noticed the past couple months he becoming more withdrawn and not wanting to do the usual things he use to. I asked the usual questions if he was ok if anything was wrong also got he was fine. But my gut was telling me something was wrong. He works long hours two weeks in one off, so also put it down to work stress and fatigue from work. He is a introvert and quiet person anyway. I got a msg two days ago as I was finishing work to say he had packed up everything and left as he has been suffering with depression and thought he could deal with it himself but it’s only gotten worse. I tried to get him to talk to me but he’s just shut me out so I have tried to refrain from messaging to give him space. im heart broken I feel betrayed and like some how this is all my fault like I should of done more or I couldn’t make him happy. my kids are devastate as they also got no goodbye and asking if they will see him again and I don’t have the answers for them. he says he love us but it’s best thing for him to leave as we don’t need to put up or see him like that. i gusss I’m just looking for advice I haven’t stopped crying in two days and barely left the bed I also suffer from anxiety and depression and take medication. do I wait and let him speak when he’s ready or do I just give up hope and grieve the relationship we had as gone.

PerfectImbalance Girlfriend has left to work on herself.
  • replies: 4

Hi all. first time posting here. To cut a long story short a girl I’ve been dating for 8 months has left me and come back 4 times in the space of the last 1.5 weeks. she says she’s feeling extremely overwhelmed in the relationship with everything she... View more

Hi all. first time posting here. To cut a long story short a girl I’ve been dating for 8 months has left me and come back 4 times in the space of the last 1.5 weeks. she says she’s feeling extremely overwhelmed in the relationship with everything she also has going on personally and it’s nothing I’ve done wrong or personally and that she still loves me very deeply but she wants time get therapy to sort herself out to be better for her and for us but she needs to go about it on her own without me. I’ve told her she has my full support but we’ve cut all contact so we don’t keep spiralling back and forth to each other again and again. It’s killing me not being able to reach out and see how she’s doing. I’ve told her when she’s ready I’ll be here for her. The silence and waiting is driving me mad but I’m not sure how to cope with it.

Bridge678 How to move on from infidelity
  • replies: 22

Hi guys, first time poster. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas to help me out. My partner of 20 year recently cheated on me, I caught them out, the major cheating happened once and the texting calls over a week. I’ve been begged and pleaded at to... View more

Hi guys, first time poster. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas to help me out. My partner of 20 year recently cheated on me, I caught them out, the major cheating happened once and the texting calls over a week. I’ve been begged and pleaded at to stay. Our marriage was a bit crap prior and we’ve since discussed all the stuff that led to it getting to that point. The part I’m struggling with is I’m not a forgiving person and I’m just losing it everyday, it’s been a week since I found out but I still feel as angry as day one. How do you trust again? How do you move forward?

Jems14 Boyfriend has depression and is pushing me away
  • replies: 1

I have always been someone who has been somewhat emotionally intelligent. I have had several relationships - some great, some bad. Either way I have learnt a lot each time. I met my boyfriend 5 months ago and it felt like something just clicked. He j... View more

I have always been someone who has been somewhat emotionally intelligent. I have had several relationships - some great, some bad. Either way I have learnt a lot each time. I met my boyfriend 5 months ago and it felt like something just clicked. He just felt right. We happened to meet before summer holidays so spent lots of time together making plans and having fun. After holidays we both started work, his work seemed to bring him a lot of unhappiness. His beloved dog seemed to make him sad a lot too as she is old and losing her faculties. I instantly switched into support mode and have consistently been there since. In late Jan we had our first fight and it was bad, he ended up leaving and driving back home (1 hour away) and this scared me a lot. He recovered and all was well. He continued to spiral into a depression and I continued to support him. He fell in love with me so fast and cried when he said it to me as he said 'he felt scared of love'. Things have continued to spiral with him and me. I have given him space when he has wanted it, been there to support him when he needed it and yet he has consistently now started saying he can't commit to me. The problem is, I accept that and give him space and he then gets needy and wants to cling to me and seek reassurance. Downside of this is I am now left completely depleted of empathy, self esteem and trust/hope for the relationship. If he doesnt sleep well I get cut out. He knows he needs help and has FINALLY started seeing a therapist but I don't actually know if I can support him through this as he seems to focus solely on the relationship when he feels anxious/depressed. I am lost, I miss my partner but he feels gone. I can't keep putting myself in harms way either. Any advice about this would be great.

KFPDW Dealing with confused relationship feelings. 
  • replies: 8

Quick sidenote: Before I begin on here, I accidentally tried to post this on the sexuality/gender identity form. So I decided to it on here because it fits better. Hey, it's been a while since I posted on beyond blue. So here I am once again dealing ... View more

Quick sidenote: Before I begin on here, I accidentally tried to post this on the sexuality/gender identity form. So I decided to it on here because it fits better. Hey, it's been a while since I posted on beyond blue. So here I am once again dealing with confusing feelings and emotions and venting them out on here. I'm trying to deal with my sexual side I know it's a part of life and these feelings are very overwhelming and it's hard to try and processing them. I guess I desire to be with a girl, In a proper relationship initimacy. But there isn't anyone in my life I feel I can build that sort of connection with. It's not easy trying to process these feelings. But I do my best. Lately, I've been trying this dating app call hinge which I was recommended to by a friend. And I've been trying to reach out to certain girls that I think I'm likely to connect with. But no such luck yet, no replies and no one reaching out. There are some girls whose profiles catch me by surprise about how sensual they try to appear. More power to them for being brave in expressing themselves how they want! But when I'm in this state of mind. I am still trying to sort out these feelings as a whole. It can trigger some overwhelming reactions. I know I'm attracted to a certain type physically but there's more to it than that. I want to be able to be with someone emotionally as well as physically. To be like best buds but something more can come out of it which hopefully is a relationship. I don't want to just go out with someone just based purely on their looks or because I'm attracted to them alone. I wanted to be more than that. Because I'm very much a kid at heart who likes animation, film, video games, skateboarding and I don't drink alcohol or go to bars and I don't swear. So it's not just if I'm into someone but if that person would be into me and accept me for who I am. So yeah, that's about the size of it. If anyone has any thoughts or advice help me, I would really appreciate it.

Scythe Confused and stressed about a guy I’m dating
  • replies: 4

My guy and I are in our mid 30s divorced and we’ve been exclusively dating for the last 8 months. I constantly feel confused about him. On the one hand I think he’s honest and has good intentions. On the other hand I don’t trust him. I don’t know why... View more

My guy and I are in our mid 30s divorced and we’ve been exclusively dating for the last 8 months. I constantly feel confused about him. On the one hand I think he’s honest and has good intentions. On the other hand I don’t trust him. I don’t know why. I have been unable to commit to him as a gf although he is ready. 1. I have serious health issues and he’s been very supportive of this. The health issue I have has no standardised treatment and limits mobility. 2. For the first 6 months he spoke of his ex wife (10 years marriage) a lot randomly. it really started to bother me and my sister convinced him to stop talking about her. My sister had to step in as he was not listening to me to stop it and told me he’d feel suffocated not talking about her. For the last 3 months he has not spoken about her. 3. I feel quite insecure about his ex. He has only spoken very highly of her. He doesn’t really know the reason they divorced except she gradually changed and withdrew from him emotionally and they both fell out of love. They never fought and were known as the best couple in their group. 5. We do enjoy being together and have lived together through lockdown etc. 6. When we first started dating his Facebook was filled with photos of him and his ex wife - including his main background photo. I ended it there but he then deactivated his account. He said he did that because his relatives in India don’t know he’s separated and he wants to tell them in person. 7. At times I don’t find him that good looking. When he has a short beard I do. He doesn’t like having a beard as he feels shabby. He’s a metrosexual as well. 8. We’ve gone through a lot together - his apartment had sewage overflow, lockdown, he fell sick after vaccine, my Dad got cancer. He has helped me get off an antidepressant I was on. 9. He has tried to reassure me about his ex by promising he’d never go back … it has taken a long time for me to feel secure but I still get bouts of insecurity. 10. For the first 4 months he crossed sexual boundaries with me a bit - even the first time we got physical and it bothered me a lot. Since then it’s been fine. 11. I doubt we are emotionally compatible. He thinks we are. He says he’s had the longest infatuation with me and the strongest emotional connection. 12. He thinks he’s an amazing partner and very mature. I don’t think so. He’s an amazing friend. 14. He thinks all our problems are due to my health issues. What to do?