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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Talltrees89 Extreme guilt and paranoia
  • replies: 4

I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their house... View more

I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their houses afterwards and even that makes me feel guilty and I regret doing it as it some how feels in appropriate and disrespectful. I can't stop crying and have a sick feeling in my stomach. This man is my world and I'd hate to jeopardise it. Why am I taking this so hard? I have anxiety diagnosis already and now feel highly paranoid and guilty.

Teddy Bear Feeling like the meat in the sandwich
  • replies: 1

Hi there,The relationship between my husband and his adult daughter has broken down. She refuses to come around to visit him anymore and more or less has cut off contact with him. He suffers with depression and anxiety, which has contributed to some ... View more

Hi there,The relationship between my husband and his adult daughter has broken down. She refuses to come around to visit him anymore and more or less has cut off contact with him. He suffers with depression and anxiety, which has contributed to some of his behaviour which has pushed his daughter away over the last few years. They used to be extremely close when she was growing up, so this is very painful for him.What also doesn't help is that he cannot tolerate her husband. He has tried to get to know him but the more he got to know him, he realised that he did not like him. This has also contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. She still keeps in contact with me, she is my stepdaughter, and just recently she has invited me to a baby shower as she is having a baby. I would like to go , but I feel really bad for my husband as I know it will trigger him into a downward spiral again, and he has been really trying hard to stay upbeat. I don't want to go behind his back because I think honesty is always the best policy, I just feel like the meat in the sandwich, as I understand his feelings but I also understand the daughter's feelings, and I think by staying away she feels that it is the only way for her to cope with the situation at the moment. He is going really good at the moment and I am scared that if he goes down again he will start self harming again as he has done that in the past and also stops eating and drinking. We ended up at hospital last time.Just wondering if anyone has advice.

Stephii Help
  • replies: 7

Hi. I'm just laying here a bit upset I don't know what to do anymore.my bf and is communication he depleted, he tells me he hates affection and we do not kiss hug or touch and he never calls me babe or baby anymore. He says go eat some more food you ... View more

Hi. I'm just laying here a bit upset I don't know what to do anymore.my bf and is communication he depleted, he tells me he hates affection and we do not kiss hug or touch and he never calls me babe or baby anymore. He says go eat some more food you fat f"** if you stood next to an elephant I wouldn't even be able to tell the difference. I don't think I'm fat I like myself in the mirror but he's led me to believe I'm a giant mammoth and I hardly eat anymore if I eat one thing he says go on shove your face but the thing is I don't and I hardly eat he acts as if I eat so much when I lost five kilos in a week I am afraid to eat he calls me a fatty and to go lose some weight it's like he wants me to be skin and bone to make him happy he said it you weigh more then me which I don't it must make you fat. I said everyone's body is different I'm Maori I'm not skin and bone but I ain't fat. I like my body always have and no-one else has ever called me that. And if I tell him about his ignoring tactics silent treatment neglect he gets mad and starts calling me nasty names I don't know what to do anymore I just call him those names back cos I am hurting. It's taken a huge toll on my self esteem and now all my insecurities are bought out. Not to mention the fact I get called ugly r****d if was gone noone would notice cos my family doesn't care about me . My dad killed himself and he knows I don't have anyone. On top of that gamble issues and everything else I'm so depressed and then I don't clean the house because he nags me right after he's called me names. And then he's nicer to everyone else but treats me like garbage. I don't know what to do anymore I do want to live I love life but he just stresses me out I feel like he doesn't love me I'm not sure any tips ?

Srouls11 Loosing everything
  • replies: 5

With the swipe of a pen the local Sargent has issued a family violence safety notice and I immediately have been separated from my wife of 20 years and our 4 beautiful children. I cannot talk or see her or the children or go home. She has shut my bus... View more

With the swipe of a pen the local Sargent has issued a family violence safety notice and I immediately have been separated from my wife of 20 years and our 4 beautiful children. I cannot talk or see her or the children or go home. She has shut my business down that we worked together (her admin me tradie) sold my car, sold all my tools (tradesman) about $8000 worth. Having a garage sale on weekends where all my stuff will be sold probably. She needs the money is what I hear from her family. I am labelled an abuser and rejected by her family and society. I know FV is unaccetable and I'm not going to ever expressing my innnosence but I must be at the lower end of the scale. Her perception of my behaviour has caused her to be fearfully and BAM I'm violent. Relationship has been under pressure with me sustaining a work place injury, taking time off, money problems etc. I understand why men take their lives.

That Other Guy Saving my marriage
  • replies: 3

18 months ago my wife announced she couldn't stay with me any more. 12 months ago we stayed together on the basis we had an open relationship. Over 6 months I formed a relationship with someone else that was not really consumated (one failed attempt)... View more

18 months ago my wife announced she couldn't stay with me any more. 12 months ago we stayed together on the basis we had an open relationship. Over 6 months I formed a relationship with someone else that was not really consumated (one failed attempt). When that started getting serious my wife pulled the plug but insisted she had a free pass to still see someone because I kind of had. She had a pretty full on encounter with another guy, and then assumed they could stay friends. I stopped talking to my friend and she stopped talking to hers We have not lived together for 6 years, first because of study, then work. She said we'd start to see each other week on week off, but this month I will see her twice, both times for three days. One has happened, she made clear I was her last priority and I had one morning with her. At the start of last year I felt sure no woman would ever talk to me, but in the open scenario I met many women who were interested in me, so I don't feel insecure any more. But I feel terrified to lose my long term marriage all the same. There are days I feel I can take this and days I can't. I don't know what to do. My wife won't leave, she gets everything she wants, she is in control and keeps me at arms lentgh most of the time. I want us to stay together but I am not sure if what we have, is what I wanted.....

dragonstar Supporting my partner
  • replies: 4

My partner is experiencing depression and anxiety and I am wanting to support him in anyway I can. He is of the belief that he just has to 'ride it out' and has cut off communication with me. I am in NSW and he is in Tasmania at the moment. I have ex... View more

My partner is experiencing depression and anxiety and I am wanting to support him in anyway I can. He is of the belief that he just has to 'ride it out' and has cut off communication with me. I am in NSW and he is in Tasmania at the moment. I have experienced depression and anxiety myself and have tried to apply the same support that my family gave me to help me through the tough times, unfortunately my partner won't talk to me about how he is feeling and what he is going through. He tells me he is a liability at the moment and that scares me as he is the most beautiful kind person I know. I am looking for ways that I can support him if anyone can help?

white knight Parents estranged from their adult children
  • replies: 3

I dedicated myself to be the best part time dad I could be, child support never waned, visits never avoided and maintained a basic level of required communication with their mother regardless of the abrasiveness she gave At 12yo my eldest came to liv... View more

I dedicated myself to be the best part time dad I could be, child support never waned, visits never avoided and maintained a basic level of required communication with their mother regardless of the abrasiveness she gave At 12yo my eldest came to live with me. I was suspicious my ex was influencing my youngest and at 14yo "D" rang me "I dont want to see you anymore". 7 words I'll never forget. There was no argument, nothing to indicate a problem and no answer given as to a reason. So the months ticked over, gifts sent etc. At 16yo she had a back operation but refused me to visit the hospital. Her mother secretive. My ex had narcissistic tendencies, silence as a weapon was her cherished one, my daughter the same. So in summary the years leading up to 3 years ago was a matter of getting a message every year or two on Facebook "Hi dad". Then what would follow is up to 2 weeks of words, expression of a new start, plans of meeting up, discussion on our lives... then? gone. She'd block me. She refused to use any other form of communication like phone, letter etc because (as I found out from her friend) - then I'd know where she lived and besides, by blocking me on FB she had control. So 3 years ago when she was 28yo "Hi dad". I was to give it one last try. I told her we all have choices even her father. Her friend told me she believed I'd always let her back into my life as I was "soft". After 10 days- gone! blocked I took 3 months to make a decision. Was I to remain vulnerable, hurt regularly or could move on? I realised that I HAD to move on for my sanity and therefore the health and well being of my family. My eldest daughter has nothing to do with her nor her birth mother- why? because she experienced the same narcissistic treatment One day I looked up my youngest FB page- she had unblocked me. I reached for the computer mouse and pressed "block". The hardest action I'd made ever, I knew I'd need to stick with my decision or indeed I'd be that "soft" dad If she comes knocking I'd talk. I'd ask her why she threw me away, what she wanted to gain by visiting and what actions she has made to improve herself in terms of treating others with respect, I would not ask about her life, kids, partner Self preservation, like charity, begins at home. Thoughts? TonyWK

Walto17 Girlfriend got drunk and hooked up with another girl and feel like she isn't telling me the truth, w
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, just need some advice. Long story short: Went out with my new girlfriend for the first time at a club on Saturday night. She got pretty drunk and everything was good until a friend wanted to take her to the toilet, i didn't think much o... View more

Hey everyone, just need some advice. Long story short: Went out with my new girlfriend for the first time at a club on Saturday night. She got pretty drunk and everything was good until a friend wanted to take her to the toilet, i didn't think much of it until after they came out 15 minutes later and she had told me that the friend forced herself onto her and took advantage of her and she claims that they made out for 10 seconds and she didn't enjoy it but didn't push her off which contradicts what she said. Anyways, her best friend went in after we were concerned and they were there for 5 minutes. We spoke about it the day later and we both agreed that it would never happen again. Anyways today i found out from her friend who went in there to help her that she remembered that they were both doing more than kissing which makes me believe that maybe other things went down that she doesn't remember or doesn't want to tell me. I'm not sure what to do, she blocked and removed the girl off all her social media accounts but i guess i'm not too sure what to think. I'm considering messaging the other woman just to find out if other stuff happened because things don't exactly add up. The other woman was married too by the way. Any advice would be great, good or bad.

Stevolica27 Partner won't make an effort
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, this sounds a bit trivial but is something that really gets me down. I've expressed to my partner but they haven't changed anything. AITA for expecting them to organise themselves when we've planned to spend time together? Basically, one... View more

Hi everyone, this sounds a bit trivial but is something that really gets me down. I've expressed to my partner but they haven't changed anything. AITA for expecting them to organise themselves when we've planned to spend time together? Basically, one example is my partner doesn't like being woken up (too early) but if it's passed mid-morning etc, it's okay to. I'm talking weekends of course. But I really dislike the idea that I have to wake her up and get her organised so we can do the things together we'd talked about, when if it were anyone else she had plans with, she would set alarms and be ready (I mean you kind of have to)... I just feel like a bit of a parent sometimes when it's like, I have to organise her if I want us to spend time together, when she organises herself for spending time with others...My reaction nowadays is just go to go out, have breakfast or whatever because I've asked enough times that she puts an effort to wake-up. Otherwise I have to do it, then wait 30min-hour for her to get organised to her satisfaction before we can go. It sounds petty when I write this but I'm just looking for any thoughts, support or criticism

Elizabeth Louise Dont all working mums have Emotional Meltdowns?
  • replies: 5

My husband says he wants to sperate mainly because I have meltdowns.It's happened more recently with additional stressors going on. Maybe once every 2nd month. The trigger is usually because I'm really tired or stressed from work. After the last blow... View more

My husband says he wants to sperate mainly because I have meltdowns.It's happened more recently with additional stressors going on. Maybe once every 2nd month. The trigger is usually because I'm really tired or stressed from work. After the last blow up I decided I had to manage my stress better. I started running again and trained for 8 weeks and felt great! But damage is done. My husband says he can't risk me doing that again because I'm scaring the kids. All that happens is I start crying and have a bit of an emotional breakdown. Also he doesn't help but actually makes it worse. He looks at me angrily and says I'll take the kids away if you don't stop. That just makes me more angry. Usually im triggered by my husband. It's normally from an argument and because I'm already tired and stressed it escalates because he's just not understanding me. I calm down but it could take me a good 15-20 mins for logic to set in and calm down. I know I need to just stop and walk away but I just struggle when it's too late. I don't see this as an absolute deal breaker to ruin our whole marriage because I'm aware that this is a real concern for him and I'm working on it. I read self help books and I have just stared to see a therapist. But what's causing the meltdowns now is the fact that he's talking of seperation and I had to stop running. I stopped running because I was exhausted from stress so much so that I feel like was going to collapse. Doctors have told me it's not my low iron and its just stress. We both work full time. My job can be stressful and demanding and we have 2 young children and I have quite a large house to clean. We both split the chores for cooking dinner and cleaning the kitchen. I take my kids to their extra curricular activities twice per week.I have had additional streasors lately also like supporting my sister through her court case. I know that's additional stress and my husband can't understand that I have just had too much going on lately. Please tell me that I'm not the only one? And is it common for mums to have an emotional meltdown and I'm just carrying too much?