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Im feeling like im so alone. Spoke to my ex partner.

Beaser
Community Member

Hi and best wishes to everyone.         

I am feeling so alone at the moment , i spoke to my ex partner last night it was a friendly chat and we are still friends.   I  just feel so alone with no family to turn too and not wanting to be a burden to friends who i have turned too before.  I just wish we could be together again and i could do things differently . I am also not working at the moment so it just gives me so much time.  I know that when you look back on relationships its easy to gloss over things .  She is a carer for her elderly father who has been sick and i admire who for that. I just feel so alone i wish i could turn the clock  back.    I  also feel scared off being alone forever.  I know that ringing her may not be the best but i just miss her.   I have a wide group of friends at my football club but i still feel so alone lately. Im not sure about where to turn.   Im sad at the moment.           Beaser.

17 Replies 17

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Beaser, I'm sorry you feel this way, and there is a difference between ringing an ex to actually being together and sometimes an ex can give you more support being apart, rather than being with one another.

If, however, you were together then other problems, if there were, could stop this help and instead be criticised.

Ringing on the phone you have the opportunity to hang up if you aren't supported, whereas being together this may not be possible and as she is looking after her father, then perhaps help is required both ways, but if you are still friends that's good, just as I am with my ex and we speak a couple of times a week.

Try and keep talking with her, I want this to be able to help you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Beaser
Community Member

Thank you Geoff.

I always appreciate and respect your words.  Yes i do want to stay friends and be there for her . Im just finding it so hard at the moment ..    Im going through the guilts about what i should have done and how i could have made it work.  Brett. 

Fiatlux
Community Member

Hi Beaser,

I think it's great that you and your ex have an amicable relationship.

Keep in mind that being a carer can be very lonely too. I am sure that she appreciated your support also.

I returned to my old house and I am cohabitating with my ex and youngest son, but honestly we are not a loved up husband and wife. It may be a little less lonely living together, but l still feel very lonely. It feels more like a share house arrangement than a family home. We are amicable but that's about it.

Maybe if your ex is open to it, ask for a catch up coffee, just as friends.

Beaser
Community Member

Thank You .  Fiatlux i so appreciate your reply.

Your right being a carer for her would be lonely and she does a great job and i admire her for it.   I did ring her again this morning maybe i shouldnt have now i sort of regret it. She is doing it pretty hard with her Dad and has just left a job she recently started. I guess she didnt need me ringing as well . I just wanted her to know  that i never meant to be mean or hurt her in any way and she agreed i hadnt been . I did tell her i missed her maybe that wasnt a good thing.    Im sorry to read of what you are going through  im sure your son would be appreciative of you being there for him . I would like to catch up with my ex for a coffee but i feel i need to leave her be i hope shes not upset or angry with me.   . Happy to talk anytime     Brett.  

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Brett, wondering what you should have done sometimes can't be decided by you alone, it has to be agreed on by both of you, sure you can propose these ideas, but a relationship needs to agree on the final decision and that's where trust is built.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Beaser
Community Member

Thanks Geoff. You are right . I guess in a way its like a team thing and we both have different regrets and thoughts about things. I think im just having some real tough moments at times and think too much . 

How have you been yourself.   I must say you seem a real night owl judging by the times of your replies.  

Brett

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Brett, good of you to ask, I go to bed early and hop up at about midnight, being doing this for years, gives me no social life but have accepted this a long time ago.

Thanks for asking, but with old age comes it's own disabilities.

Geoff.

Life Member.

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Beaser,

 

I am sorry you are feeling lonely, thinking about past relationships after a while often only brings up "good memories" and you forget why you ended things in the first place. It can be helpful, when you feel like ringing your ex, to write down everything you wish you could say to her and rip it up. This can help you get your feelings out without contacting them. It can be a helpful technique. 

 

Dwelling on the past is a common human error and it is never helpful, I know I do it more than I care to. Just remember that you will not be alone forever, there will be more relationships. Look forward and take this on as a way to improve yourself in your next relationship, don't look back.

 

I hope you feel better soon,

 

Jaz xx

Beaser
Community Member

 Thank you Jaz.    You are right i have looked back and glossed over the good things and i tend to forget why things went bad . As you may have read i rang her yesterday as i was feeling guilty about some of my behaviours.  I regret this now . She is going through a lot herself and doesnt need me calling even as a friend.     Brett.