Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jems14 Boyfriend has depression and is pushing me away
  • replies: 1

I have always been someone who has been somewhat emotionally intelligent. I have had several relationships - some great, some bad. Either way I have learnt a lot each time. I met my boyfriend 5 months ago and it felt like something just clicked. He j... View more

I have always been someone who has been somewhat emotionally intelligent. I have had several relationships - some great, some bad. Either way I have learnt a lot each time. I met my boyfriend 5 months ago and it felt like something just clicked. He just felt right. We happened to meet before summer holidays so spent lots of time together making plans and having fun. After holidays we both started work, his work seemed to bring him a lot of unhappiness. His beloved dog seemed to make him sad a lot too as she is old and losing her faculties. I instantly switched into support mode and have consistently been there since. In late Jan we had our first fight and it was bad, he ended up leaving and driving back home (1 hour away) and this scared me a lot. He recovered and all was well. He continued to spiral into a depression and I continued to support him. He fell in love with me so fast and cried when he said it to me as he said 'he felt scared of love'. Things have continued to spiral with him and me. I have given him space when he has wanted it, been there to support him when he needed it and yet he has consistently now started saying he can't commit to me. The problem is, I accept that and give him space and he then gets needy and wants to cling to me and seek reassurance. Downside of this is I am now left completely depleted of empathy, self esteem and trust/hope for the relationship. If he doesnt sleep well I get cut out. He knows he needs help and has FINALLY started seeing a therapist but I don't actually know if I can support him through this as he seems to focus solely on the relationship when he feels anxious/depressed. I am lost, I miss my partner but he feels gone. I can't keep putting myself in harms way either. Any advice about this would be great.

KFPDW Dealing with confused relationship feelings. 
  • replies: 8

Quick sidenote: Before I begin on here, I accidentally tried to post this on the sexuality/gender identity form. So I decided to it on here because it fits better. Hey, it's been a while since I posted on beyond blue. So here I am once again dealing ... View more

Quick sidenote: Before I begin on here, I accidentally tried to post this on the sexuality/gender identity form. So I decided to it on here because it fits better. Hey, it's been a while since I posted on beyond blue. So here I am once again dealing with confusing feelings and emotions and venting them out on here. I'm trying to deal with my sexual side I know it's a part of life and these feelings are very overwhelming and it's hard to try and processing them. I guess I desire to be with a girl, In a proper relationship initimacy. But there isn't anyone in my life I feel I can build that sort of connection with. It's not easy trying to process these feelings. But I do my best. Lately, I've been trying this dating app call hinge which I was recommended to by a friend. And I've been trying to reach out to certain girls that I think I'm likely to connect with. But no such luck yet, no replies and no one reaching out. There are some girls whose profiles catch me by surprise about how sensual they try to appear. More power to them for being brave in expressing themselves how they want! But when I'm in this state of mind. I am still trying to sort out these feelings as a whole. It can trigger some overwhelming reactions. I know I'm attracted to a certain type physically but there's more to it than that. I want to be able to be with someone emotionally as well as physically. To be like best buds but something more can come out of it which hopefully is a relationship. I don't want to just go out with someone just based purely on their looks or because I'm attracted to them alone. I wanted to be more than that. Because I'm very much a kid at heart who likes animation, film, video games, skateboarding and I don't drink alcohol or go to bars and I don't swear. So it's not just if I'm into someone but if that person would be into me and accept me for who I am. So yeah, that's about the size of it. If anyone has any thoughts or advice help me, I would really appreciate it.

Scythe Confused and stressed about a guy I’m dating
  • replies: 4

My guy and I are in our mid 30s divorced and we’ve been exclusively dating for the last 8 months. I constantly feel confused about him. On the one hand I think he’s honest and has good intentions. On the other hand I don’t trust him. I don’t know why... View more

My guy and I are in our mid 30s divorced and we’ve been exclusively dating for the last 8 months. I constantly feel confused about him. On the one hand I think he’s honest and has good intentions. On the other hand I don’t trust him. I don’t know why. I have been unable to commit to him as a gf although he is ready. 1. I have serious health issues and he’s been very supportive of this. The health issue I have has no standardised treatment and limits mobility. 2. For the first 6 months he spoke of his ex wife (10 years marriage) a lot randomly. it really started to bother me and my sister convinced him to stop talking about her. My sister had to step in as he was not listening to me to stop it and told me he’d feel suffocated not talking about her. For the last 3 months he has not spoken about her. 3. I feel quite insecure about his ex. He has only spoken very highly of her. He doesn’t really know the reason they divorced except she gradually changed and withdrew from him emotionally and they both fell out of love. They never fought and were known as the best couple in their group. 5. We do enjoy being together and have lived together through lockdown etc. 6. When we first started dating his Facebook was filled with photos of him and his ex wife - including his main background photo. I ended it there but he then deactivated his account. He said he did that because his relatives in India don’t know he’s separated and he wants to tell them in person. 7. At times I don’t find him that good looking. When he has a short beard I do. He doesn’t like having a beard as he feels shabby. He’s a metrosexual as well. 8. We’ve gone through a lot together - his apartment had sewage overflow, lockdown, he fell sick after vaccine, my Dad got cancer. He has helped me get off an antidepressant I was on. 9. He has tried to reassure me about his ex by promising he’d never go back … it has taken a long time for me to feel secure but I still get bouts of insecurity. 10. For the first 4 months he crossed sexual boundaries with me a bit - even the first time we got physical and it bothered me a lot. Since then it’s been fine. 11. I doubt we are emotionally compatible. He thinks we are. He says he’s had the longest infatuation with me and the strongest emotional connection. 12. He thinks he’s an amazing partner and very mature. I don’t think so. He’s an amazing friend. 14. He thinks all our problems are due to my health issues. What to do?

Tokyo Having a break
  • replies: 5

Hello people. My partner is so attached and over controlling. I would just like to get away from him for just a week to be with my family , but I know he will not let me I am so upset because I know him too well. He’ll assume that I am not going to s... View more

Hello people. My partner is so attached and over controlling. I would just like to get away from him for just a week to be with my family , but I know he will not let me I am so upset because I know him too well. He’ll assume that I am not going to see my family, I have been nothing but a loyal partner to our relationship. Is it okay to go visit your family for a week without your partner beside your side everyday all day? I just need the space to breathe a little because I know if we don’t get a break sooner or later the relationship will come to an end.

Will1 She said: "I'm not responsible for your happiness"
  • replies: 7

I told my wife I'm not happy and want more from our relationship. I even gave her examples of more things I would like to do together. When I told her she doesn't seem to care I'm not happy. She told me: "I'm not responsible for your happiness". What... View more

I told my wife I'm not happy and want more from our relationship. I even gave her examples of more things I would like to do together. When I told her she doesn't seem to care I'm not happy. She told me: "I'm not responsible for your happiness". What do I do?

MissBenthos My journey so far. Is this emotional neglect?
  • replies: 14

PART 1 OF 4: SYMPTOMS Before I sought help I had not felt a single positive emotion in years. I was sleep-deprived and crying every night over the frustrations of not being able to sleep. Attempting to soothe the unrelenting anxiety that had me tremb... View more

PART 1 OF 4: SYMPTOMS Before I sought help I had not felt a single positive emotion in years. I was sleep-deprived and crying every night over the frustrations of not being able to sleep. Attempting to soothe the unrelenting anxiety that had me trembling in the safety of my own bed and the emptiness that stripped my soul with food and alcohol, it didn't matter that I was on the verge of throwing up, I needed to stuff more down because I remained feeling empty. I was dissociating at times - the kind where I thought I was in a dream not reality. Inwardly exploding with anger. Exhausted. Beating myself up for being this way. Grieving for the joy that felt beyond my reach and the life I was missing out on. I was there but I couldn't feel it. All food tasted the same. Music sounded like white noise. Spending time with friends was a chore. Everything felt pointless. I saw myself as a wondering zombie in an empty world. With the sleep I could reach I would dream of endless zombie mobs lunging at me, no matter how many I defeated, there were always more. It had felt this way since forever. I was told life isn't easy. Besides, others have it worse, what do I have to complain about? I was suicidal and yet my inner voice was hounding at me to "have a cup of cement and stop being a little @*$%^!" rather than seek help or discuss my feelings with anyone. I would never consider a comment like that towards anyone else. I had plenty of respect, patience and caring for other people, and none for myself. It was time to see a doctor. No, not for my mental health, for a pap smear - the regular physical check-up - I had no issues with physical assessments. Towards the end of the appointment, my doctor asked if "there was anything else?". I said "No." She persisted with "Are you sure?". At that moment I froze. I couldn't speak, only break down into tears. I don't remember how, but we managed to organise a session with a psychologist.

Rich60 Help or run?
  • replies: 6

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. This is difficult but necessary. It may be a common story, and if so, I hope there are some techniques and advice you may be able to offer. The nub is that my family is under siege from my younges... View more

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. This is difficult but necessary. It may be a common story, and if so, I hope there are some techniques and advice you may be able to offer. The nub is that my family is under siege from my youngest brother. He is violent and although I have no qualifications in psychology, he appears to be suffering from severe mental health issues. He has abandoned two wives and four children and left them in dire circumstances. In late 2020, he appeared in my elderly mother’s town in NSW after abandoning his second family in WA. My mother was in care after my nieces found her in a coma in her home. From that point she needed 24/7 care for her physical and mental health. When he arrived intown, pulled her out of that care and brought her back to her home, against medical advice, family requests and during COVID lockdown. In September 2021, he abandoned my mother after some brutal behaviour to my her and my niece. He also tried to take over her finances, but my mother held strong and didn’t hand them over. After the one more final abusive attack, my mother landed in hospital, and he abandoned her. When I spoke with her, she said she was heartbroken. My mother has just died. He now spends his time tormenting his ex-wife and children in WA with accusations to local police in WA that his wife has killed the children. Six times so far. The children’s mother is strong, but they are all frightened. He has also turned his focus to my two brothers who lived near to my mother and supported her as much as they could. I live about 600 kms from the town. We all are still stoic, but his cruel and malevolent behaviour is draining. Now, less than two weeks after our mother’s passing, he is demanding money from the will. He has a violent record and an existing VRO in WA. He represented himself in court in WA and failed, but he continues to mentally abuse his children and wife in WA via email, phone and Zoom. Personally, I am feeling drained, but am trying to support my brothers and their families and my sister-in-law and children in WA by listening. I am driving the 1200 kms to meet and speak with my brother in NSW on a regular basis. We are all torn, as our youngest brother is our brother, but he is so hostile and toxic that we are caught between wanting to help him and trying to get away from him. Do you have any advice? Thank you for reading.

fred4761 Support groups/services for MALE victim of Narcissistic abuse
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Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for... View more

Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for male victims of emotional/psychological domestic abuse but haven't had much luck. He had become very isolated from his family, her family and his friends and colleagues as she gradually, over the years, limited the amount of people who he was allowed to be in contact with. She stopped him from attending any outside clubs and groups as well and his social circle consisted of his wife and kids - no contact with any friends or family members. For years he had been in denial claiming that men cannot be victims of domestic abuse, however after he tells his story to lawyers, counsellors and other professionals they all conclude that is the case. I would like to help him find other people who have been in his shoes and can relate to his experiences. She was investigated a few years ago by Child Protection Services for emotional and psychological abuse and neglect of their daughter. The investigation ended when they relinquished custody of their daughter. I am hoping that this will help to demonstrate her pattern of emotional abuse. They still have two other children and his wife is doing everything to limit access to them. He does not have enough money for the legal fees required to fight for custody, and is not eligible for legal aid so his lawyer advised him to use a mediator at Relationships Australia instead. He is concerned about seeing her for mediation as she has a way of making him feel very small and has him feeling that he is still mostly to blame for everything that has gone wrong in her life. She has a knack of twisting reality to make it seem as though she is the victim. Everytime she sees him she berates and belittles him and talks down to him and he just takes it all. It is really hard to watch and I don't know how else to support him.

Froggy_you I’m cornered
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Idk how to start. I’ll just put it out there. I’m getting bouts of anger these days because of all the pent up frustration of living with my husband. He fights with all his family members and/or other people if he feels like he has been “disrespected... View more

Idk how to start. I’ll just put it out there. I’m getting bouts of anger these days because of all the pent up frustration of living with my husband. He fights with all his family members and/or other people if he feels like he has been “disrespected”. His ego is so bloated but so fragile that even a non-familiar coworker spelling his name wrong feels like an attack to him. I have to be the middle man in the fights and try to keep things afloat when the fights happen. So this stresses me out. But that’s not the worst. The worst thing is when he and I play games for recreation and he loses. This even includes board games. He starts blaming me and saying that I am boring or I don’t know how to play or that I am the reason he lost. I don’t get it! He is so self entitled and gets annoyed easily. Sometimes he even wakes up angry. For no reason! I have to walk around eggshells 24/7 and think about how he would feel or if he would like or not like if I did or did not do something a certain way! And on top of that, he keeps gaslighting me so much I’m so tired! The emotional stress is triggering so much in me. It’s not just emotional, there has been one instance of physical assault. We talked through it but he’s not getting the help he said he would. I have no hope in this relationship at all. To be honest, I pride myself for being a patient person. But I’ve lost all patience now and I just want to leave. In fact forget about patience, I am now just turning into a bitter, guarded, scared and approval-seeking person. please help.

Guest_3847 Someone to talk to / vent my frustration
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Hello all need someone to talk / vent to My wife and I have been married for 22 years with have two late teenage boys My wife suffers from has depression and trauma induced PTSD she has made 4 attempts on her life since Dec the last one was the day a... View more

Hello all need someone to talk / vent to My wife and I have been married for 22 years with have two late teenage boys My wife suffers from has depression and trauma induced PTSD she has made 4 attempts on her life since Dec the last one was the day after my birthday I feel like I’m a slave in this relationship as I do 90 to 95% of the house hold chores And I work full time my wife has no attention to detail and forgets to do things because of her depression which causes issues in your relationship her depression is dragging me down into one as well as I now longer want to do my hobbies I no longer talk or communicate with friends or family i don’t want to say anything in case I’m the cause of attempts or be accused of gaslighting