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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sgf Lost
  • replies: 5

I am lost and don't know what to do or where to turn or how to deal with the betrayal and continued lies and promises after catching my ex out cheating. To make a very long story short I know the breakup is the right thing to do. I don't really have ... View more

I am lost and don't know what to do or where to turn or how to deal with the betrayal and continued lies and promises after catching my ex out cheating. To make a very long story short I know the breakup is the right thing to do. I don't really have an issue with that side of it but the level of lies and deception afterwards with promises to maybe look at the relationship later and his denial to even admit he was seeing someone else is really hard to wrap my head around. I even went and begged him to tell me the truth and still he lied pretending he just need a break to wrap his head around other issues. I ended up having to go to his place and find him and her in the PJ's early one morning to get him to actually admit he had moved on without telling me first. This had been going on since Feb this year and I only started to find out in June of this year when I started to uncover the lies and texts etc. We didn't live together as he looks after his mum, and we did divorce years ago but got back together 12 yrs ago. We have kids with issues, and I work from home to manage the kids so have become very isolated and do not have a life of my own. I already suffer depression, and this has just been so sudden without any warning. The day I found them together he finally admitted that she was his girlfriend, and I was just the ex, so what was my problem. His mother who I thought was my friend all these years just stood there and told me that it was never a real relationship anyway so what was i so upset for. I am alone now I don't have any friends; my mum has dementia so I can't talk to her anymore, i have lost someone i thought was my best friend who promised that he would never cheat on me as his first wife did it to him and my first hubby did it to me. I am pretty sure he has been cheating on me for yrs. The level of betrayal and the depths he continued to go to are my issue. I am not suicidal as I have kids that need me, and he would never be able to deal with them. But i don't know how to move on..... I want to stop crying, I want to stop being so angry and i don't want to feel this way anymore. I know i need help, but I don't earn enough to afford therapy and sorry but 5 sessions under the doctors referral seems so little.

Spectre84 I think my partner may be Asexual
  • replies: 5

I'm a 38 year old male and my partner is a 29 year old female. We have been together for over 4 years and engaged. We were friends for about 4 years before that so our relationship started off quite healthy. In this time we have battled the pandemic,... View more

I'm a 38 year old male and my partner is a 29 year old female. We have been together for over 4 years and engaged. We were friends for about 4 years before that so our relationship started off quite healthy. In this time we have battled the pandemic, working from home together, dealt with the stress of building a house and general life issues. I'm a very active type of person and I'm very attracted to my partner. When we were first intimate she let me know that she has always had issue where she has never been able to climax, she does not know what that feels like. She has had a few partners before (fwb) but I'm her first relationship. She tells me I'm very attractive and it's not me but in the last couple of years, I would be lucky to get intimacy once every 2 months. At the moment it's now almost 4 months and she has no interest. When we do its because i want it and she will go through the motions like she is just waiting for it to be over. I have tried to talk to her and get her to open up about what it is, if there is anything i can do to help her but she goes into a shell. She is not an unattractive girl but I know she has confidence issues with her body. I think it may be a combination of stress, self confidence and maybe a medical/mental issue with her issues but she seems to not want to do anything to fix it. Otherwise she is affectionate but just not in a intimate way that leads to any intimacy. At this point I'm starting to wonder if she is Asexual, I have asked her about this but she just won't answer me. I know she is not cheating on me or anything like that, we work from home and together all the time. I love her and want to marry her and be with her but I can't go on like this and thoughts of getting it somewhere else are starting to creep in and I'm not that person, so I feel guilty about that. I go to the gym and try to keep fit, I'm an average looking guy but this has made me feel unattractive, unloved, a bit lonely and now it's affecting me where I've become short tempered and everything is stressing me out because I'm not happy. I even mentioned to her that maybe we get some couples therapy but she just goes silent and it's like I'm talking to a wall. I feel worthless and not good enough for her anymore. We occasionally fight like most couples and I'm not perfect but I would rather her be honest and say look this is why I don't want to be intimate with you so I can work on fixing.

May Tee Tee Pancreatitis
  • replies: 2

I am in two minds what to do.I have a great life but always dreamed of travelling with my partner. I know the time to travel is now for us. I have patiently waited for the right time to travel together. Life has got busy and then illness has arrived.... View more

I am in two minds what to do.I have a great life but always dreamed of travelling with my partner. I know the time to travel is now for us. I have patiently waited for the right time to travel together. Life has got busy and then illness has arrived. Partner has chosen to go back work.I hate being in our house and do not wish to wait any longer.I get angry and frustrated when I are home. We do take short trips. I am in two minds what to do. Must I travel solo.

John-Doe My wife is leaving after 25 years
  • replies: 4

After 25 years together and being married for 19 years with 3 children my wife recently told me that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for years and she wants to seperate. I tried to talk her into going to marriage counselling but she was not in... View more

After 25 years together and being married for 19 years with 3 children my wife recently told me that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for years and she wants to seperate. I tried to talk her into going to marriage counselling but she was not interested. She said she just doesn't feel that way about me anymore and that it is not something that can be forced. Don't get me wrong she was not nasty about it , she was upset about it herself and she still cares for me but she doesn't love me in that way anymore. It is all my fault. I suffer from lots of mental health issues , anxiety , depression , and various personality disorders and found myself stuck in a zone for years which caused me to live in my own world and not realise I was neglecting my wife and our marriage. Since she has told me it has shocked me into realising how bad I have let my mental health take over my life and am finally doing something about it. But losing my wife has totally crushed me. I feel so helpless , so depressed , I stuggle to enjoy spending time with my kids or anyone because I have to constantly try to not start crying as I don't want them to see me upset. I don't have anybody , I have only ever had one true friend who I also never see or talk to because of the way I let myself become. Whenever my depression got bad it was my wife who was there for me , but now all I want to do is hug her , I need her to be there for me but she is the one that is no longer there for me anymore. Then there is all the other stress on top about finances and living that is all going to have to change and the thought of her moving on and meeting someone else or even just being with someone else is killing me. I just really don't want to be alive anymore. I don't feel like I have a future that can be a happy one. Every dream I have ever had involved having my wife there with me. I hate myself. I am a failure at everything I do. I don't want to be alive anymore but yet I don't want to die either. I know that doesn't make sense but its how I feel right now. I don't know if I will get anything out of this but I need to air how I am feeling. I would have liked to have explained in more detail but was restricted by the character limit.

Ace.x-ray Love my boyfriend but also have feelings for another man, who is a close friend
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and we are happy and doing well, but in those couple of months in getting to know him I now have learnt about his personality. I am an introvert and, let me tell you, people like us need o... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and we are happy and doing well, but in those couple of months in getting to know him I now have learnt about his personality. I am an introvert and, let me tell you, people like us need our alone time and space. He is also an introvert and has never dated an introverted woman, so he doesn't understand why I need the alone time. But I have told him a week ago about it and now he gets it. I have also learnt that he is too attached to me as he likes to hold my hand while in the car when driving and hug me anywhere in the car or car park. I have never met someone like him. I feel that it is too much and feel smothered by his affections. I don't know how to talk to him about this. Another man, that I met in the UK, has come to Australia on a working visa and we started chatting more often as we are closer in distance. Since it has been a while, he is from Canada. We were really good friends and had a crush on each other while working in the same company in the UK, but we brushed it off. He contacted me back in 2019 when I went back to Australia and got to know each other more. I guess my feelings for him came back when he reached Australia, he is in Brisbane now, starting his new job in 5 days, but once he saves up money he wants to come and visit me in Sydney which I feel excited about. I really love my boyfriend and like the other man too. I've known the Canadian for a year, more than my boyfriend. I am confused when I spend time with my boyfriend but feel guilty when I think about the Canadian man, as I really like him too and think of being with him. But then I will have to break up with my boyfriend if I want to. But I know my boyfriend loves me a lot and will be so heartbroken if I end up breaking up and choosing the other man. I have even started to lose feelings for my boyfriend. I am so confused. I don't know what to do in this situation, which is affecting me that I feel guilty.

Gracie24 I don't know what to do next
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago out of the blue when I thought we were in a really strong position. I definitely took it harder than he did so when he asked to have occasional hookups I agreed. Anyways stupid decision I know but ... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago out of the blue when I thought we were in a really strong position. I definitely took it harder than he did so when he asked to have occasional hookups I agreed. Anyways stupid decision I know but during this, he began sending me mixed messages giving me hope that maybe things would go back to how they were. A couple of weeks ago he began being very cold and harsh and when I asked for an explanation he said some hurtful things such as that he felt disgusted and ashamed to be hooking up with me. Our breakup was a bit messy and I did some things that I regret but since then he has been entertaining other girls as well as hooking up with me and so I called him on it and he pretty much gaslit me into believing that this breakup was all my fault and that I was the issue here. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and some other serious mental health issues which has caused my friendship group to exclude and bully me and I guess I wasn't ready to also let him go but since dating him my issues have gotten much worse especially considering he always used to tell me I play the victim and don't help myself when I am really trying. It has gotten to the point where pretty much he has nothing nice to say to me anymore and all he does is purposefully hurt me. I guess I am just a bit lost and have no one to talk to or anyone to give me advice. I am also a bit hurt that he seems completely unfazed and happy whilst I am left with serious trust issues and unable to feel like I can connect with anyone. I don't know what to do anymore and don't know how to stop thinking about what it used to be like and how I can move on.

Flowerchild07 What to do if you have people who need your help, but your life is at a standstill because of it.
  • replies: 8

I have a niece who is dependent on me to take care of her and her 3 children. She has mental health issues and the children aren't being taken care of the way they should be. There's no one else to take care of things and my life, career and mental h... View more

I have a niece who is dependent on me to take care of her and her 3 children. She has mental health issues and the children aren't being taken care of the way they should be. There's no one else to take care of things and my life, career and mental health are in a shambles. People tell me just to move away and she will have to do things for herself, but I don't want to see her children grow up being somewhat neglected and not getting the very best upbringing possible. The eldest children suffer from severe social anxiety and the youngest is on the spectrum, and my niece can't get out of bed some days. The kids don't go to school very often and I am having physical and emotional difficulties trying to do everything. I have dreams and goals, but they have been on the back burner for years. I'm in my 60's and don't know how to get off this roller coaster.

natures-right Feelings of guilt
  • replies: 2

Hi. Thanks in advance for reading. I wanted to vent/ask advice about this particular issue that was raised in counselling with my partner. About 4 years ago he was diagnosed with acute leukaemia. He was very fortunate in that, although severe, it was... View more

Hi. Thanks in advance for reading. I wanted to vent/ask advice about this particular issue that was raised in counselling with my partner. About 4 years ago he was diagnosed with acute leukaemia. He was very fortunate in that, although severe, it was a treatable kind and he is now in complete remission, after spending about a month in hospital and then over the course of 8 months being treated as an outpatient. In counselling he brought up the fact that he thinks our relationship started to decline then because I apparently said 'I can't do this anymore' to him when I first started visiting him in hospital. I have to admit that I don't remember saying this at all. But it's entirely possible, given how stressful the situation was. If it's the case, I am certainly not proud of it. There are many things I wish I had done better whilst I was a caregiver, and obviously I wish that I had not hurt him in this way. I think all this has come up again because when we were fighting, I said I was worried about having to be a full-time carer for him as he got older (he is significantly older than me). Again, I realise now that this was a hurtful thing to say. I have a lot of trouble balancing being open and communicative with being diplomatic and not saying everything I'm thinking. I'm struggling with the guilt of these things whilst the other part of my mind provides counterpoints - I do not believe that I ever would have left him whilst he was sick; I did look after him through his leukaemia; he has always made an issue about me from seeking therapy for my mental health, so that especially during such trying times I felt I didn't have people to talk to since I can find it hard to confide in my friends; as an older person, is it not reasonable that he should also be thinking about his life as he gets older and how that could affect me? He calls me selfish and narcissistic and I am entirely willing to believe that I have these tendencies. I am trying very hard to fix them. I just don't know where the boundary is for me to have an appropriate level of concern about my life, versus actually being selfish and not thinking enough about his feelings. I have been selfish in the past with him and my family, and I feel like I don't relate to that person anymore. But when he says things like this, I can't help but question if I am indeed a bad, a narcissist or a sociopathic person.

DanGhost I overthink about my relationships
  • replies: 3

Hi! this past year has been quite hard for me as I got out of a pretty toxic relationship that ended badly.I've recently got into a new relationship and my trauma from the previous relationship is making me overthink the little things that's going on... View more

Hi! this past year has been quite hard for me as I got out of a pretty toxic relationship that ended badly.I've recently got into a new relationship and my trauma from the previous relationship is making me overthink the little things that's going on and making me stress out of it all to the point I start to have panic attacks thinking I've done something wrong or said something wrong.I do have undiagnosed autism bipolar and a few other things that aren't helping this at all and if anything is increasing the stress and overthinking. I want this relationship to work more than anything she makes me so happy beyond anything I have been in a long time and She is such an amazing person and I'm wanting to help my brain think and to not let it effect my relationship both of our lives are a bit chaotic right now but should be calming down in a few days I hope. with this I'm just wanting to know some ways of dealing with my overthinking and stress. any help is very very much appreciated

Talltrees89 Extreme guilt and paranoia
  • replies: 4

I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their house... View more

I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their houses afterwards and even that makes me feel guilty and I regret doing it as it some how feels in appropriate and disrespectful. I can't stop crying and have a sick feeling in my stomach. This man is my world and I'd hate to jeopardise it. Why am I taking this so hard? I have anxiety diagnosis already and now feel highly paranoid and guilty.