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Feeling low and overwhelmed by this mad situation

Gb72
Community Member
Hi about 8 weeks ago my wife left me for someone else. We had been married nearly 9 years. We were in same sex marriage. When I found out I got mad and shouted at her she then made an allegation to Police that I hit her. I’ve got an IVO hearing next week led by Police. I came to Australia from UK about 3 years ago. Her friends and family were mine but now they have turned their backs on me. I have no one apart from work colleagues and then it’s just work. My ex now wants me out of the rental we shared. Financially I’m screwed as I’ve been left in loads of debt. When I was with my ex I used to put money into her account and she would pay the bills. Anyway apart from rent she hadn’t been paying them so I’m trying to sort that out and I’m broke. At Christmas I got one card from my parents from UK. It’s my birthday next month and I’m dreading it as I can’t help thinking how lonely I am and that I’ll be alone whilst my ex will be enjoying it with her new girlfriend. I’ve tried talking to my mum but she said as I’ll be working on my birthday I will be kept busy and that I should stop feeling sorry for myself. I told my Mum I’m sleeping about 3 hours a night and she responded well at least your getting some sleep. Because of IVO thing I can’t contact my ex as I really want to know what is happening and why? Especially over the bills. My ex has messaged my sister in UK saying they need to get me back as I’m mentally I’ll and that I’m going to be deported. I work come home cry repeat. I just sob at how things have gone wrong and I feel overwhelmed. I know that if I died I wouldn’t be missed for probably 4-5 days. I’m trying hard not to let the darkness overtake me. 
3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

 

No one will have a magic wand to let all this disappear so, try to accept this is a tough time in your life that you will overcome and in the near future you'll have worked your way through the problems you face and be proud for succeeding. 

 

Rest assured at 66yo now I look back at 26yo and my split from a 7 years relationship and gave her my car!, then at 40yo I split (2 kids) after an attempt on my life and paid up all minor debts like washing machine, TV, credit card etc plus 2 months rent so she would have time to get the single parent pension and not lose the home my kids lived in, then at 52yo after a 10 year relationship I was generous also. Now I look back and feel zero guilt over my actions. Yes I was unfairly treated- that's life. As my friend said on each occasions "you should pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with it.

 

That's harsh but true. Your mum is trying hard love....and still loves you. 

Also the IVO thing (I've many years in legal/court experience) it is a common tactic to gain an upper hand so attend court- you have nothing to fear from telling the truth. Keep as calm as you can.

 

If your sadness grows see your GP. This grief period will take time to overcome then when you are ready- nothing will stop you Gb, nothing!

TonyWK

Hi i agree.

Of course you feel so down and out and that is ok. Just for the moment try to sit with the feelings, take yrself for fresh air and time out. Everything is playing itself out and then very soon you will pick yrself up again and keep going. Its hard being alone but worse being in a one way relationship with no support or love or care left. Rest assured yr mum does understand and maybe in due time it will be good for u to move back to uk for a short or longer term. Start fresh. Just remember everyone sees things from their own perspective and it is best to remain honest with yrself and in court etc and reaching  acceptance often takes the load of pressure off you too allowing you to move foward. One thing i learned nothing stays the same. Things always evolve. Be kind to yrself too. Each day brings fresh perspective. The older we get the more we realise how imperfect as humans we all are and thats ok..to a point.

Take care.

HelloGail
Community Member

🙁Gb72 I am really sorry about your situation, the break up, finances and loneliness. Hopefully you may have already a legal aid lawyer who can give you advice on how to go about communicating your financial problems. Nine years is a long time to be together. It may also be hard to to leave Australia after living here three years, you would have made it feel home. Though returning to the UK could turn out positive for you, there could be another partner just waiting for you. Our families know us the best and they want you back and that is a nice positive thing. The break will help you to move on in your life.