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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MO2TG Struggling with recent separation.
  • replies: 25

I'm at a loss. Struggling through a separation that was not my choice. 22 years together and my husband won't consider counselling. Very black and white in his attitude. Said he has unhappy for years and feels nothing but used. Now it's his turn to d... View more

I'm at a loss. Struggling through a separation that was not my choice. 22 years together and my husband won't consider counselling. Very black and white in his attitude. Said he has unhappy for years and feels nothing but used. Now it's his turn to do what he wants. He's done with me, the kids and helping others. He moved out but what I thought was a spring clean was a getting rid of stuff because he was leaving. It's like he's already dealt with it yet I'm just at the beginning. We had I thought a healthy sex life, team work and great friendship. Going through life together getting ready for more time together as the kids are older teens now. At first I thought the anger was issues with his work and I picked up the slack in our relationship. He has held onto every one of my flaws and thrown them in my face from the last 20 + yrs. Obviously has harboured a lot of resentment towards me. I'm a mess, now when I try to talk to him it's just a barrage of emotional abuse. A complete change in personality. No affection completely withdrawn from me. It hurts. I feel that he has an underlying mental health issue like depression. There plenty of indicators and risk factors. It has been a difficult 2 yrs for family reasons but I was blindsided by this. Now when i do see him I get so anxious because I don't know what to do anymore. I try to keep busy. The loneliness is at times unbearable. I give myself pep talks. I talk to my family. I'm stuck in my old life while he is making a fresh one. He does not share info or include me which is to be expected but it's hard. I'm surrounded by memories. But not ready to make changes. I'm waiting and I know it's unhealthy but I'm not ready to give up.

Cosmicpanda I feel like im not good enough for my girlfriend
  • replies: 8

So i have been dating my new girlfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26yo. *Side note ( i have ADHD and dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life which i have gone through with her) A bit of background off her first, she comes from... View more

So i have been dating my new girlfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26yo. *Side note ( i have ADHD and dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life which i have gone through with her) A bit of background off her first, she comes from a quite strict italian family (but so do i to some extent so i understand what its like for her, and she has never been in a relationship before. So ive kind of always realised it since the start but kind of just played it off as abit of banter, until recently as it has just kept coming up and ive actually looked back at what she said and how she said it. So i have about 9 ear piercings and a few tattoos, which she has openly said to me she would rather me not have them and she would prefer a clean version of me, even after i opened up and told her about the reason i have them, that they represent my own personality, need for autonomy and that they represent a time in my life where i was struggling and im proud to have them, and its not like i was hiding them from day 1 i always had them. I also had longish hair at the start of the relationship which she didnt really like but i didnt think much of it and got it cut to suprise her.I have a motorbike aswell and i was just super excited to show her some of my new gear, and she would just turn around and say "oh we can talk about that later". I feel like im not good enough for her, even though i feel myself i really am Like she has this perfect picture/mould of a bf that she wants to take home to her parents and she is trying to make that into me. And for once in my life i feel im actually comfortable being myself and not something im not and masking my true self but i feel like she is bringing me back there. Also when we have conversations i feel like i have to filter what i am going to say incase our opinions differ and she gets offended (which has happened), like im walking on eggshells. I am happy to change and make compromises but i feel this may be too far???But all in all she does atm make me feel like pretty shit. When for once i was actually starting to feel good I am going to tell her how i feel, and just see where it goes from there, i dont want to write the relationship off straight away

lilykitten Parenting kids with different needs fairly
  • replies: 9

I am a single mother with 2 girls (17 and 18Yrs). The youngest is a self isolating ASD level 2 with a PDA profile. Her life is shaped by extremely high anxieties, sensitivities and doesn't respond to any discipline or routine therapies. Low demand is... View more

I am a single mother with 2 girls (17 and 18Yrs). The youngest is a self isolating ASD level 2 with a PDA profile. Her life is shaped by extremely high anxieties, sensitivities and doesn't respond to any discipline or routine therapies. Low demand is the recommended approach which really upsets the 18 year old. I have reduced demands on her as well and try to treat her as much as I can but she does have a few chores and expectations or I would feel I was failing her as a parent. Both kids have regular therapy sessions and the specific needs of the youngest have been explained to the eldest but she still feels it is unfair. Covid and the marriage break up (3.5 yrs ago) have been very traumatic for everyone. My youngest paces around the living room to self regulate but she likes to be alone when she does it. My eldest will frequently position herself in her path just to take a stand that it is her house too. This leads to serious escalation in the youngest which is very scary. It is like the elder is trying to train her sister but it actually increases her stress and puts relationships built up with good deeds, back to square one. My eldest is currently not talking to me after I made her leave the lounge room last night. What should I do to create harmony in the household?

mon09 Help please
  • replies: 5

My sister and I had a fight last week. It was a long time coming and I confronted her for her behaviour towards me. We both erupted and I ended up slapping her. She kept calling me a C!5t and time me I’ve caused her 7 years of trauma. She just could ... View more

My sister and I had a fight last week. It was a long time coming and I confronted her for her behaviour towards me. We both erupted and I ended up slapping her. She kept calling me a C!5t and time me I’ve caused her 7 years of trauma. She just could stop screaming at me. Whilst I understand I’m on the wrong for hitting her I am not ready to apologise. She has kept her three children from me this week and also away from our family home where I live. I feel like I am wearing all the pain and blame. Our father has sided with her and won’t speak more then a few words to me. I feel like I have to move out and I am 34 but the market is so high I can’t buy anything decent and if I rent I’ll have no money left.I feel so horrible because I miss her kids so much they are my everything but I don’t understand why I have to carry this pain all alone when I didn’t start the fight. I simply no longer took her abusive manner towards me.

Cinnamonrolls Thinking about reporting my ex to the police, I'm so angry. Fear it may be too late.
  • replies: 3

Hi there. I came here because I don't have much support from others around me regarding my feelings. I also lost most evidence as he smashed multiple phones. I also don't trust police, I've had a few incidents with them and honestly don't have much r... View more

Hi there. I came here because I don't have much support from others around me regarding my feelings. I also lost most evidence as he smashed multiple phones. I also don't trust police, I've had a few incidents with them and honestly don't have much respect for them. When they came to my house for a domestic, they began searching through my belongings and I found that vile and invasive. It didn't seem like it was in my best interest. It made me incredibly uncomfortable so I have avoided them ever since. I don't have anything to hide but I don't appreciate it. I'm a messy person living with severe ADHD & possibly autism and I'm generally embarrassed that I'm messy. Felt like they were judging me for my disability. Don't have specific dates, it's been ages. I am so angry about what happened to me. I just cannot believe it's been nearly 3 years and I'm just as angry if not more. Furious thinking about it. This person is not safe, I genuinely believe he might kill someone one day. It's not fair he gets to live his life when he humiliated me in front of my family. He was 6'3, very bulky person and would often physically abuse me, intimidate me and make me so fearful by saying "This is it, it's worth going to prison for." It resulted in the police being called maybe three or four times. Destroyed my reputation with my family, ruined my job opportunities and attempt of getting a degree. Just got worse and worse as time went on.

Dav67 Wife has left because of my childhood trauma that i didn't recognise until now
  • replies: 16

Having grown up in a migrant household with an abusive father (both physical and psychological), i was not aware that these traumas would manifest in my adult life. My wife of over 30 years has decided to seperate for the time being (although i think... View more

Having grown up in a migrant household with an abusive father (both physical and psychological), i was not aware that these traumas would manifest in my adult life. My wife of over 30 years has decided to seperate for the time being (although i think this could be it). My behaviour over the years was hot and cold. Grumpy and angry for no apparent reason to loving the next. My ignorance to how this impacted on my wife and her mental health is embarrassing. She has tried to love and help me over the years but i found that difficult to accept due to the nature of my trauma . I am currently seeing a psychologist to help with the trauma but i desperately want to be with my wife again. How do i earn her forgiveness?

MiracleBoy21 40 years old, Single mother, Living with parents, Bqd Past ,NO HOPE
  • replies: 4

I am 40 years old, a single mother to a 1 year old boy, live with my Italian parents, and to top it all off. I have no drivers licence. I will admit that I had some trouble with substance abuse, as I am an addict. My issue that I cannot get over is I... View more

I am 40 years old, a single mother to a 1 year old boy, live with my Italian parents, and to top it all off. I have no drivers licence. I will admit that I had some trouble with substance abuse, as I am an addict. My issue that I cannot get over is I feel like I am 15 years old. I am controlled like one. I would like to do so much about it but because of my past actions, I now suffer the repercussions. I love my parents dearly and appreciate everything that is done foe my son and I, but I feel like I am mentally going to have a breakdown, I just having crying episodes instead and I hate feeling this way. My father is 74 year old traditional Italian overprotective and abusive psychologically only when he drinks. My y mum just lashes out. I litrelly don't go anywhere, only if my son has an appointment, my dad takes us, so I'm just home everyday. I have severe depression, anxiety and Borderline personality disorder/substance misuse to self medicate and heal the pain of craving what I always wanted was emotional support and be accepted of who I am, but NO! Till this day I am put down, controlled, spoken to like rubbish. I need some guidance on what to do from here. I need to move out. My son and I. My mental health is be affected severely

catlady67 Struggling six months post break-up
  • replies: 3

6 months ago, my fiance (m, 30) moved out of the house we shared. We'd been together for the majority of the last ten years. We were each other's first loves. We'd gone through a miscarriage together, and we now have a 3 year old son. I get why we br... View more

6 months ago, my fiance (m, 30) moved out of the house we shared. We'd been together for the majority of the last ten years. We were each other's first loves. We'd gone through a miscarriage together, and we now have a 3 year old son. I get why we broke up, I think. He hadn't touched me in over a year (unless it was sexually), stopped saying he loved me. I wasn't a very nice person either. I made fun of his hobbies, and didn't often make the most of the time we would get together. Despite this though - when we're strong, we're unbreakable. We let our egos get in the way and didn't communicate. But. It's been 6 months. I hate coparenting. My son is my world. I want him home every night. I hate this big empty house. I hate having to see my ex a few times a week, and being constantly reminded of him when I look at my son. Lately, my son has had really big issues with being separated from me. He cries and screams for me when his father takes him, or when I take him to daycare. And that's really affecting me. All I want is for the ex to try relationship counselling like he promised, to give our family another chance. So I'm not torn away from my son so often. Being away from him and being home alone three/four nights a week is destroying me. Because of this, I've been trying to talk to him about it. He never, ever replies. I can barely get through an hour without sobbing, I currently have a day-long headache from crying too hard last night. Being a single mum is hard. Being a single mum who has a spinal cord injury is freaking hard. And my pre-existing depression, anxiety and PTSD complicates things more than I'd like. I'm about to go dry my tears and pick up my son... from his father's house. There are thoughts that run through my head multiple times a day that I'm not proud of, that I wished I would never experience. It just sucks.

Mark h Son closes off to my new relationship - Advice Needed
  • replies: 6

Good morning Beyond Blue Community I am writing to ask for advice. I am now completely lost with what to do. I came out of a 20 year marriage 17 months ago now (so Jan 2021) which was a very trying time for all concerned. I have two boys aged 19 & 16... View more

Good morning Beyond Blue Community I am writing to ask for advice. I am now completely lost with what to do. I came out of a 20 year marriage 17 months ago now (so Jan 2021) which was a very trying time for all concerned. I have two boys aged 19 & 16 who struggled to come to terms with their mum & dad separating after so many years. Both boys were living with me at home through last year and I then finally sold and moved out of the family home back in February this year. My eldest son now lives with his partner's parents property and my youngest boy stays with me 4 days a week and with his mum 3 days a week. The week I moved house (first week of Feb), I met a lovely new partner who I have been dating ever since. It was strange how everything aligned, she lives locally, we have the same interests, we just make each other happy and have been seeing each other everyday since. It's the happiest I have been in many years to be honest. Over recent months, both myself and my new partner have decided to commit to each other and get engaged. My youngest son however suffers with massive anxiety and as such hasn't really communicated with my partner even though he says that it isn't her, just the condition he is in. He panics in public spaces, hates crowds and generally doesn't cope well with change. Yesterday, I told him that I was engaged and he has since closed off completely. He won't talk about it and has now gone to his mums to stay. I feel so incredibly guilty that I have upset him but I also feel that my happiness is important and at the end of the day, I am going to be spending the rest of my life with this person. I have told him that nothing has changed. Things will be the same as they are right now and that the marriage side of things won't be until next year but he just is completely shut off. His Mum found a new partner within 3 months of the separation and he moved in within 5 months. I spent all of last year making sure my boys were ok but now that I have my happy back, I just feel that I am not being allowed to make decisions to shape the future I have with this new lady in my life. Any advice you have would be appreciated. I love my boys but I am struggling at this point to know if I have made the right decision by them.

Doberman38 psychologically disturbed online friend
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone. I have a close knit social media friend group (have never met in person) consisting of people from all over the world, and we chat almost every day. Unfortunately, the behaviour of one of my closest friends in the group is becoming incr... View more

Hey everyone. I have a close knit social media friend group (have never met in person) consisting of people from all over the world, and we chat almost every day. Unfortunately, the behaviour of one of my closest friends in the group is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and concerning. He would be fine for long periods, then slip headlong into a very paranoid mindset, perceiving innocuous things as evidence that most people in the group hate him and want to ruin his life. His most concerning behaviour lately has been talking about other people and death, and also his comments about suicide. It's evident he has serious psychological problems, but we're at a loss at how to handle this. We've tried to support him as much as we can and have urged he seek psychological help, but despite him sometimes appearing to be open to this, it's gotten nowhere. The saddest part of all this is how close our friendship is and how fulfilling it is when he's not in such a state. I just really don't know what to do.