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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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guardedgirl01 Possible "Daddy Issues"
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I've never done something like this but I love to quote on quote "trauma dump" sometimes, so, here we go!I have noticed that I have issues with intimacy sometimes, as well as commitment. I will get close to someone who I have feelings for... View more

Hi everyone,I've never done something like this but I love to quote on quote "trauma dump" sometimes, so, here we go!I have noticed that I have issues with intimacy sometimes, as well as commitment. I will get close to someone who I have feelings for, and I know they have feelings for me, but for some reason I can not get closer in regards to having an actual relationship with this person. I shut myself off and ultimately end up hurting them and feeling very guilty about doing so afterwards. I find myself only searching for non-committal relationships in which I can have an emotional attachment to someone without the strings attached to a relationship. This has ultimately caused me to have low self-esteem and values towards myself, I find myself thinking very depressive and anxious thoughts most of the time. I recently got diagnosed with anxiety/depression and have started a daily medication as well as therapy sessions. This has been going well for me so far, and I feel as if I have started to get the help I need. My father cheated on my mother when I was 15 with our neighbour, who was also kind of like an influential mother figure in my life from the time I was born - we had lived in that street for 15 years of my life. He broke up with my mother and still continues to be in a relationship with the neighbour he cheated with. I have had periods of time in which I do not speak to my father because he can say some pretty hurtful things to me sometimes and I can not seem to get over the fact that he cheated on my mum with someone who I trusted as well. I do not speak to the neighbour anymore, even though apparently she wants a relationship with my sister and I - but has never reached out to us or been kind to us in public. I am just starting to think about my relationship with my father and how it could possibly be affecting my life in regards to trusting people I care about and seeking the healthy kinds of relationships I ultimately do want in the end. I am struggling with self-worth and opening myself up to new people, and how to get out of this stage of my life in which I am actively seeking out unhealthy relationships for myself. Thank you for listening to my TED talk, and any advice or messages would be greatly appreciated!

Waffle- Moving out of home for the first(?) time to escape abusive family
  • replies: 2

My living situation at home with my family has always been difficult. After talking to friends and doing some research, I recently discovered that it's more than that. My situation fits the definition of "domestic violence". Due to health problems, I... View more

My living situation at home with my family has always been difficult. After talking to friends and doing some research, I recently discovered that it's more than that. My situation fits the definition of "domestic violence". Due to health problems, I never managed to move out of home by myself, despite how much I wanted to. The only time I managed to move was for work, where my accommodation was arranged for me as part of my job. I recently had to quit my job due to health problems. My family was supportive of me coming back to live with them. While they were kind to me at first, they've already gone back to their own ways.The stress is so bad that in my current state, I can barely get anything done. I need to deal with my health, go out and make new friends, and search for a new job. But with all the abuse, I've come to a complete standstill. I'm researching places to rent so that I can move out of home by myself. I know based on past experience with work that I can live on my own, and thrive in that environment. It's not ideal to move out before having a job lined up. But I'm desperate to get out of my current situation. I have a lot of doubts. I feel like I'm incapable of moving out, even though I successfully lived on my own for years. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, or what people would think of me if they knew I was doing something so drastic. I feel ashamed that I don't have friends to move out with together, since that's far cheaper and what all of my friends did. The abuse from my family feeds into my doubts. I don't know anymore. All I can think is how much easier this would be with friends who know what they're doing. I'm looking for support and advice.

angrylozenger Little revolution for me but also a problem
  • replies: 1

So the problem in my (20F) relationship with my boyfriend (23M) was the fact that he occasionally vapes with friends. I told him how deathlily worried i am about it (twice) and strongly discourage it and said how I felt and one thing was about how it... View more

So the problem in my (20F) relationship with my boyfriend (23M) was the fact that he occasionally vapes with friends. I told him how deathlily worried i am about it (twice) and strongly discourage it and said how I felt and one thing was about how it's on the boarder line of addiction - he took it in and couldn't say confidently that he would stop doing it all together (he has two minds about it) but addressed what addiction actually meant (I've never been through it) because he's been through it with things that are worse. It put in perspective about how frequency and dosage matters. And explained how it can be enjoyed every hour and then rather than it being a requirement for the body. I'm still concerned about short term and long term effects that it can still have on his body though... Revelation was just what addiction means and how this isn't the case for him. But are there any ways I can cope with this? I've been struggling to accept it (the fact he does it occasionally and how worried about his health) for so long and I'm not quite sure how to go about it. Is frequency really key here?

ceb76 Husband of 18 years has left
  • replies: 4

Hi I’m really struggling at the moment aster my husband of 18 years dropped a few bombshells on me about 7 weeks ago. We have gone backwards and forwards for 7 weeks and he has seen a psychologist and has told me he has some major childhood trauma to... View more

Hi I’m really struggling at the moment aster my husband of 18 years dropped a few bombshells on me about 7 weeks ago. We have gone backwards and forwards for 7 weeks and he has seen a psychologist and has told me he has some major childhood trauma to work through. He wants to separate while he does this and has left our house, split our finances and does not want contact from me for a coupleof weeks. He says he is hopeful of working things out but needs some space. I am gutted as at first he told me of a few issues in the marriage I had no idea about and when I pointed out that issues he has were there before we got married he took that on board. But still he has said some horrible things to me and now tells me it isn’t in fact about me… it’s about him and he needs to work out those issues away from me. I feel totally rejected and excised from his life and cannot eat sleep or work. My legs and arms tingle I am obsessing over what he is doing I am worried about my future. I am worried about him.

Soberlicious96 Addicted Step-son
  • replies: 3

Really wish my partner would stand up to his 'kids' (ages 35 and 33) and ask them to NOT smoke dope around us. It's bad enough that they drink so much and even play drinking games at times, but the fact that he is such a people-pleaser with them driv... View more

Really wish my partner would stand up to his 'kids' (ages 35 and 33) and ask them to NOT smoke dope around us. It's bad enough that they drink so much and even play drinking games at times, but the fact that he is such a people-pleaser with them drives me NUTS. We went to Melbourne on the weekend for one of their birthdays and there is always so much booze and dope there. I had already told N that I wasn't going to hang around all night to 'watch' it and I didn't either. I went out to an AA meeting just to get away for a bit. N was fine about that, no problem. BUT ...... N (my partner) is in just as much denial as A-x is. And A-x has all the traits of a full-blown addict. He's not even driving anywhere any more, so A-e told us the other day. She's pregnant and is gonna go into labour or something and will need A-x to step up right when he is wasted and doesn't even know it. Maybe I should get some NA flyers to take down there next time we visit ..... just leave them somewhere in the shed where A-x spends all his time drinking and smoking..... then again, maybe I could look for Nar-Anon (family support) online for myself. Seriously just don't want any part of being around all that active drinking and using. It does my head in. Posting this late at night to try and release some of the tension in my mind. Hoping I'll get some sleep now ..... Anyway, nigh nigh. Thanks for 'listening'. I'll check again sometime soon. I'm okay. Just a bit of an emotional 'hangover' from a difficult weekend. And this crappy constant rain is not helping anyone. Feeling in desperate need of sunshine and warmer weather. Take care out there y'all.Talk again soon. Xo

Brandon2142 Feelings of rejection in a sexless marriage
  • replies: 3

Hello everyone, I live in a mostly sexless marriage, has been this way for a long time now and I'm at the point where I feel unwanted and unattractive, like I'm kept here because it just works out better for everyone else in our family, we have two c... View more

Hello everyone, I live in a mostly sexless marriage, has been this way for a long time now and I'm at the point where I feel unwanted and unattractive, like I'm kept here because it just works out better for everyone else in our family, we have two children together and none to anyone else, I'm almost 30 she's almost 28.For years I would always be the one who initiates intimacy, at the beginning of our relationship it was also her, however now it's only me and I'm always being turned down and this is really hurting me, I have told her I hate that it feels like Im having to basically beg by being the one who has to ask all the time, it's an awful feeling that causes me to feel detached, like I'm just some other guy.It's gotten to the point where I don't want to try anymore, I don't want to be the one who has to carry all these feelings and the confusion, so when going to bed I say goodnight and go to sleep, she has asked if I'm alright and that has hurt me more because that has signified that in our relationship I'm either suffering at the hands of rejection or "theirs something wrong with me"Feels like I'm a matter of convenience in this relationship, while my needs go unattended to, every time I have said something there has been no resolution for my feelings, like I'm not being taken seriously because.

xxlostxx I need advice!
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny ... View more

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny this. Though I’ve caught him looking up escort services and he gambles and makes poker deposits behind my back but financially restricts me when I need to go grocery shopping. I’ve recently caught him sex texting and sending his private’s to another girl he met on a chat site. He promised me he wouldn’t do it again even sent me a message whilst he was at work saying that he loves me and that he’s sorry he’s made these mistakes and will not do another and thanking me for not leaving him but then the other day I find another account he created shortly after on an online dating site and I asked him if he had created one and he lied to my face then got very defensive. I didn’t bother showing him the proof of what he’s done because I felt so defeated by this point and just kept it to myself. I think 5 years on of constant broken trust it’s been made clear that I need to leave. Im so sad and so alone. We have two young children and the last thing I want is to break up our family but my mental health is really taking a big hit from this. I honestly thought he was the love of my life, I’ve never deprived him of anything so for him to do such things really confuses me…What would you do..? This is all high level because of the limited characters, I hope I’m making sense.

Chris 21 Can’t get over my ex.
  • replies: 5

I wish to pour my heart out,I was with my ex for 27 years, she is my world I hit her and to this day I regret it.i was charged by the police and admitted the guilt. It has been 12 months since, I was removed by the police, they took out an ADVO on me... View more

I wish to pour my heart out,I was with my ex for 27 years, she is my world I hit her and to this day I regret it.i was charged by the police and admitted the guilt. It has been 12 months since, I was removed by the police, they took out an ADVO on me I accept that, Only saving grace is my eldest daughter got herself removed from the avo.I cry everyday over her, Ive had depression tablets, don’t work… i struggle, to awake, to cope at work, I was put under mental health watch due to chronic depression. all everyone tells me is move on. let her go, my heart is so so broken, she was the love of my life… and i regret every day what I did.I have the advo til august 2024.. so can’t contact her… she treats me like I am dead justnwalked away from me … took my little one and turned her against me and disowned my eldest daughter .. it broke my heart the other day to see my eldest so depressed too .. I am so lucky to have her, we are getting a rental together.I am so so lonely, I have no friends, no one to tell.her mum was my best friend, after we split I had her face tattoo on my right arm, it wasstupid, but it’s all I have left of her I speak to it and pretend she hears me. she won’t give me a chance and I don’t deserve a chance.completely broke.I cry everyday, And I’m tired so tired. I have seen sp called experts , move on get over her etc.im constantly stressed headaches, lack of though process etc.I have no friends I’m sad I know none to talk to … I try to explain to my daughter how I miss her mum, but I can’t Burden her … I am struggling but I do not trust doctors … who want to pump,me with drugs that do not work… i am emotionally damaged not mentally ill …. I struggle to interact with people .. all I have is my daughter and 2 cats …. I just wanted to get this off of my chest … and hope if I do and tell the truth karma might help me get my partner back … I realise, what love was and I have lost my soul mate … I really pray no one ever has to suffer my deserved pain …. All I can say is I miss you GG, (not real name) I hope the universe sends this too her.I can’t call or speak to her as I will breach Avo and go to jail. I just wanted to say, I am sorry GG, i know you will never read his but I will never give up fighting to get you back …. I love you so much baby, I’m so so sorry.

EERIEVERSIBLE I want to take a social media detox to improve my relationships and mental health
  • replies: 9

I have had a realisation that Instagram is negatively affecting my mental health and how I relate to others. I see idealised visions of reality that I want to fulfill. But the fact that they exist on social media is the point, to present something th... View more

I have had a realisation that Instagram is negatively affecting my mental health and how I relate to others. I see idealised visions of reality that I want to fulfill. But the fact that they exist on social media is the point, to present something that exceeds reality. Obviously I want to cull Instagram, but should I do with other social media sites? How would I contact my friends? How would I interact with them besides sending memes? Most of my friends are internet friends and I vc regularly on discord. What would I do with myself? I know I could do hobbies but like. Most of my time is spent on social media. I need advice

Pink-Swirl Co parenting problem
  • replies: 8

My ex and i have kids together and we share care week to week. I feel so lost when my kids aren't with me. I work a casual job during school hours and so I am basically a stay home mum, I also have a new partner who's children live with us fulltime, ... View more

My ex and i have kids together and we share care week to week. I feel so lost when my kids aren't with me. I work a casual job during school hours and so I am basically a stay home mum, I also have a new partner who's children live with us fulltime, they attend school also. My ex works full time and will start at 6am and finish around 6pm mon-fri, sometimes on a Saturday until after midday.. his gf picks kids up from school and cares for them when he is not home. She is good to the kids but I just can't feel comfortable that she is caring for them when they could be with me. It makes me feel sad as it was my world to care for my kids for many years and last couple of years has changed so dramatically. I tried to explain this but it unfortunately backfired and I've hurt the ex and exs gfs feelings. The exs gf has lashed out fully at me and now we don't speak at all. The ex just flogs me off and ignores anything other than talking about the kids. I've recently tried emailing explaining I would like to change the care times around so that he can be present when the kids are at his. Its now been weeks since a response, he shuts me down everything, saying things like don't harrass me about it and I don't at all so it makes me feel even more awful. I find this to be really hurtful and frustrating. I would just like to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and maybe some advice on how I can feel better about this situation as it just feels like such a mess that I do not want in my life.