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The grief is overwhelming

Community Member



I have recently separated from my partner of seven years. We were due to get married in four months time and it turns out he’s cheated on me.


He has cut contact entirely and I’ve had to move myself out of our home all the while trying to deal with the grief and utter sadness I’m feeling. I’m grieving the life we had and the future we had planned. He was my soul mate and we didn’t everything together for seven years. People keep telling me to do things that bring me happiness to distract myself but he is what brought me happiness. I feel like I’m drowning in sadness every single day. I miss him so badly despite what he’s done and I’m worried I won’t ever find someone to be my person again. I feel like my futures been ripped out from under me and I don’t know where to go from here.


I’m hoping anyone could shed a light on how to overcome these feelings or someone who’s been through something similar could give me some reassurance that I can get through this.



4 Replies 4

Hi Skatie14,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.

While you wait for a response to your post, we just wanted to pop in and let you know that the Beyond Blue Support Service is here for you, if you'd like to talk through any of this with our team. We're on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. 

It shouldn't be too long before you hear from our community, some days are quieter than others however please feel free to share a bit more about what's going on for you, and what you'd like to hear from the community.

Thanks again for your bravery and openness in sharing here, and please take care of you.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

Community Member

Hi Skatie14,


I'm so sorry to hear about your ex partner. I can imagine it must be very tough for you at the moment having spent such a long time with him.


I do not have any experience being married or engaged but I have similarly lost a loved one to another relationship. For me, it was incredibly difficult and I felt somewhat angry and hard done by. Unfortunately I found there was not much I could do to ease the grief other than spending time and talking to my friends. I would not feel so alone then. Other than that, time was biggest remedy and after a few months I felt a bit lighter and able to get through the days without dwelling on things too much. I know that doesn't help you too much right now but try your best to not be alone at the moment and let time do the rest if you can. Hope that helps. 💙



Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

After seven years you will be grieving the loss of your role and the many aspirations that you have built up over that time.
Try not to confuse that with the relationship to the person who has not felt the same degree of long-term investment required to sustain the partnership approaching the eleventh hour.
Any hope of reclaiming them is perpetuating the delusion which could lead to even more heartache.
Find another who will surely regard you as their soulmate above all.

Community Member

Hi Skatie14,


Felt compelled to respond to you as I know the searing pain and sadness you're feeling, I went through a similar thing about a year ago so my heart goes out to you.  You're going through both a betrayal and a sudden change of environment, and that's a huge thing for anyone to go through.  And I know how unhelpful it is in the early stages of grief to be told by well-meaning people to do things that bring you happiness.  Rather than try to force happiness, just allow yourself to grieve for awhile and feel all the emotions, even if that means sobbing into your pillow for days.  The body has to process the grief and trying to distract yourself won't really work in the early stages when you're so disoriented.  Eventually after time you'll start to feel like doing some of the things that once brought you happiness, but it's a process that will happen on your own timeline.  You were with him for seven years so it will take time to get over the shock and to get used to not having him in your life....your 'new normal'.  I also advise you to try go completely no contact with your partner if it's practical to do so.  Don't try to contact him pleading for him to come back or trying to understand why he did what he did.  It won't be easy to do this initially, but you must do it.  The last thing you want from him is pity, and he's been very cruel by just cutting you off after seven years so he doesn't deserve to hear your voice or see your tears.  I know you're longing for him, which is natural, but self-respect and self-love needs to trump your emotion for him at this point.  Your partner may well have his own lessons to learn down the track.  Don't try to date others just yet, it will only make you feel worse and it won't work anyway while your partner is still in your energy.   Give yourself time to heal.  A betrayal by someone you loved is a horrible thing to go through, but one thing that helped me was to accept that life has many twists and turns and doesn't always pan out the way you expected, and sometimes things happen to us that we just don't understand why at the time.  The Universe has your back, trust me.  Sending you prayers.