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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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katwil empty nest and feeling lonely
  • replies: 8

Is there anyone out there experiencing Empty Nest Syndrome? I feeling incredibly lonely. Our son moved out in Feb to go to Uni. We initiate all contact. Our daughter is getting married in July. We used to be very close. She called me her best friend.... View more

Is there anyone out there experiencing Empty Nest Syndrome? I feeling incredibly lonely. Our son moved out in Feb to go to Uni. We initiate all contact. Our daughter is getting married in July. We used to be very close. She called me her best friend. Now i am forgotten. It hurts alot. I dont handle rejection very well. So, im now having to come to terms with this life and im not sure how to do it. I just feel passed over and lonely. I went and saw Zootopia by myself. That was miserable.

JJ1981 Maybe give up on finding love?
  • replies: 16

Hi ladies and gentlemen I'm a 41 year old male professional who has been single practically his whole life. I did manage to have dates with a few women since I moved to my current city five years ago. But, I have a funny feeling that the COVID pandem... View more

Hi ladies and gentlemen I'm a 41 year old male professional who has been single practically his whole life. I did manage to have dates with a few women since I moved to my current city five years ago. But, I have a funny feeling that the COVID pandemic (and its aftermath) left Australia's dating scene in shambles. I feel that is more of a case amongst the women. I understood that the best way for me to find a potential date after school and university is to find social groupings involving regular contact with women. But, so many women are now hesitant to go to mixed gender social groupings because of how certain men have hurt the women they came across in a big variety of ways. So, that hurt guys like me too. I feel that maybe I am not meant to find love. Otherwise, life's circumstances would have been far more in my favour. Like me working near city offices, instead of in deep suburbia. Like me having genuine help on dating instead of being leached upon by every so called dating coach imaginable for money (who doesn't love money?!). Like me going to social groups that have the same women attending regularly instead of just showing up once and never returning. Like my siblings helping me hook up with one of their contacts instead of hiding them from me. Like me finding women at the "right place at the right time" instead of me finding women being sighted by 50 male "competitors", including their friends and work colleagues. I also have been now getting the impression that some women find heterosexual romance to be a mere misogynistic conspiracy designed to restrain women and their freedoms...which is why I keep hearing about how more women are staying single and have NEVER been happier. All at a time when my depression has been contributed to by a very long absence of companionship. I just now ask myself...am I meant to be single for life? Am I meant to just shut my longing up in response to women reacting to how some men treated them? I must say I am feeling more at peace about this possibility, but I want to say this. That is still a sad reality for me to face. Any thoughts/comments? Many thanks.

rhinoceros I'm really disappointed in myself - I'm scared dating and intimacy
  • replies: 5

Hello friends I've posted here a few times. I was in a 5 1/2 year old relationship with someone very abusive. She was never formally diagnosed as such, but she had very strong covert narcissistic traits. A lot of the abuse was covert in nature, gasli... View more

Hello friends I've posted here a few times. I was in a 5 1/2 year old relationship with someone very abusive. She was never formally diagnosed as such, but she had very strong covert narcissistic traits. A lot of the abuse was covert in nature, gaslighting, isolating, silent-treatment and subtle put downs. For me the worst abuse occurred in intimate situations. Unfortunately I experienced for a while ED as a result of A/D medication I was on. It was not something I could control. My ex would scream and yell at me, she would say all sorts of horrible hurtful things. She made it very clear this problem was entirely my fault, and that I had to fix it. I believed her, so I tapered of the A/D medication, and sure enough the ED issue did improve. Although I never felt safe/comfortable around my ex, so naturally that would have an impact. To make matters worse, once this problem was resolved, she told me I was a monster and an animal basically for having a sex drive (which at that times wasn't exactly high due to the abuse). I managed to escape that relationship 10 months ago. I've had quite a bit of therapy and felt like I was making progress and healing. Recently I was contacted by a good friend. She said a friend of hers took interest in me, and suggested we go on a blind date. Nothing high-pressure, just coffee during my lunch break at work. I agreed to this. I figured there's nothing to lose, and it would be good for me to meet someone new. As time passed, and the day this would take place got closer, I cancelled it. I was having panic attacks, so scared of just having coffee with someone. Instead of feeling excited and maybe just a little nervous, which it probably normal, I felt paralysed by fear. Now that I've cancelled this, I feel really disappointed in myself. I though I had made more progress in overcoming the damage caused by my ex. It like being back at square one again. I feel totally stuck. I'm 29 years old, and quite lonely in many respects, yet I'm unable to even have coffee with someone. In one sense I'm ready to meet someone new, but there almost a hard-wired circuit in my brain that activates a panic response at the slightest hint of potential romance. I would be so grateful if anyone has advice for me that might help me get out of this predicament. Thank you

Sum1 Family Drama
  • replies: 3

Concerned for the wellbeing of a child, on husbands side of fam. School age. I've suspected neurodivergence (at a guess asd and adhd) since he was a baby. Parents are aware of developmental issues (almost nonverbal, aggressive (our children can no lo... View more

Concerned for the wellbeing of a child, on husbands side of fam. School age. I've suspected neurodivergence (at a guess asd and adhd) since he was a baby. Parents are aware of developmental issues (almost nonverbal, aggressive (our children can no longer visit because of an incident that was laughed off), at risk of self harm when emotional (not taken seriously by parents) anti-social, can't follow instruction- they never tell him no) etc. They refuse to get diagnosis because they don't 'trust the system'. They don't trust any system. They pulled him out of kindy after a couple of weeks. Hasn't been enrolled in mainstream school. It's possible he may by now have been enrolled in an 'unschooling' program- mum hinted she had no plans to attempt to educate (they are restricted as far as public experiences are concerned). I understand that the child is not yet suited to mainstream but he does need some form of professional support, because he isn't getting help at home. The parents have severe conspiracy mentality. Im not discounting her claims but it is limiting her ability to seek help. They have banned anyone with covid jab from visiting the house. Noone can talk to them because they cut off anyone that has a different view. (My relationship with them is strained because as much as i am patient in trying to understand thier views, they are disrespectful in how they treat other people. Not something i tolerate). Noone is trying to make them believe anything, but very concerned about household mental health situation, childs wellbeing. Tried to reach out to pro's but told they cant offer help if family doesnt agree to 'self refer'. Most people that can help have been immunised and use wifi. If child is enrolled in unschooling, i can't go the ed. dept. route for welfare check. If I call for a welfare check fam will know it was me. I've spoken to grandparents, brothers who agree its an issue, but cant understand urgency and told me not to do anything hasty (multiple years is hasty apparently). My thought is that the welfare of the child is more important than the family liking me? I just want professional to suss out the situation thoroughly. Was hoping that family might give them more opportunity to sort themselves out before pro's intervene, but i keep getting ' i dont like confrontation'- in my book, a complete cop-out.

Mothership My husband wants me to date other people
  • replies: 7

Hi, my husband and I live separately because of his mental health, we talk everyday, and see each other, he says he loves me each day, he has told me to date other people, he says to meet the needs he can't meet, but I have been faithful for the 26 y... View more

Hi, my husband and I live separately because of his mental health, we talk everyday, and see each other, he says he loves me each day, he has told me to date other people, he says to meet the needs he can't meet, but I have been faithful for the 26 years we've known each other. I'm 63 yrs old now and I don't think I could date anyone else, especially to be intimate,

Abc1234a He wont leave
  • replies: 3

Hello, I need some advice. I am in a same sex scenario with my now ex partner. I call him my ex but he won’t accept that and just gaslights me every time I try and deal with the situation about separating (we were married, recently divorced and staye... View more

Hello, I need some advice. I am in a same sex scenario with my now ex partner. I call him my ex but he won’t accept that and just gaslights me every time I try and deal with the situation about separating (we were married, recently divorced and stayed together because of covid) - now covid is over I moved out to my parents and he is staying here temporarily. I have asked him to move out and in response tells me that I have ptsdm and apparently knows everything about this subject (like everything else) and makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Anyway I just want him out of my life, I am not sure I am even gay anymore and have found Jesus and his is all so confusing. I want him to leave but he won’t accept the fact that our relationship is over. I really don’t want to involve the police (this situation is embarrassing because I don’t want to involve my parents) and I am worried that he will have no where to go (I know sounds stupid) I told him to move out by the 2nd July but he doest seem to take me seriously. I haven’t seen my friends since being in this relationship and have had a very depressed mood, I know it needs to end so that I can move on with my life.I have had two temp protection orders in the past as the aggrieved (which I have dropped before going to court) and just got a third last week where he has to be of good behaviour, he is not violent but we things get heated we do fight and things get thrown around.. Can you please offer me some advice.

Bridge678 Medicine withdrawal
  • replies: 10

Hey guys, so a while go I posted about my husband cheating. And of course I think and think about it all the time. Anyway today I had a realisation. At the time when this happened he had gone off (against advice) his anxiety meds cold turkey. Thinkin... View more

Hey guys, so a while go I posted about my husband cheating. And of course I think and think about it all the time. Anyway today I had a realisation. At the time when this happened he had gone off (against advice) his anxiety meds cold turkey. Thinking about when this affair happened I thought he was showing off which was really out of character for him, his behaviour was like he was buzzing a bit. I asked him today if that was when he came off his meds and he agreed I then asked him how he felt at the time of the affair and he said he didn’t feel himself and felt heightened. I suggested did you feel a bit invisable and he said yes a bit I guess and now I’m wondering if the sudden stopping off the meds and the excessive drinking which was done on this period of time has induced mania. There was a few random things he did over that few days that were out of character which I can’t say what as if anyone knows us on here they would work out who I am. I don’t know enough about it but what I’m reading so far it sure matches up. It still doesn’t excuse what happened but if this is a possibility it sure makes it a little easier to swallow. What do you guys think?

maddie_faye Not many friends and fear of losing the ones I have
  • replies: 2

So I only have two close friends, one who I’ve know my whole life but I rarely see her because she lives an hour away and has an inconsistent work schedule and the other one lives only 10 minutes away. with the friend that lives 10 minutes away we we... View more

So I only have two close friends, one who I’ve know my whole life but I rarely see her because she lives an hour away and has an inconsistent work schedule and the other one lives only 10 minutes away. with the friend that lives 10 minutes away we were meant to be going out tomorrow for a drive which we were both looking forward to tomorrow and I even told my psychologist I was looking forward to this and her Mum (even tho she’s 20) rang my mum last night to tell her that she won’t be going because she doesn’t do well in the cold and isn’t really feeling well but is too scared to tell me. I was unaware of this as when I spoke to her about it she seemed quite excited, and this is something that does happen sometimes when I make plans with her she can’t go for whatever reason and when I spoke to my friend Today she told me that she can’t go because of family stuff. now the reason why I’m worried about losing the only two close friends that I have is because according to my mum I can be quite selfish sometimes and not flexible when it comes to making plans which I guess would be my personality flaws. If I lost my friends that would devestate me and make my mental health even worse that what it actually is.

Just_need_answers Looking for answers - he won’t give them to me
  • replies: 4

I thought I had met the most amazing man. We were engaged after one year of dating. thisgs had been pretty amazing . The doubt began when he had parked his car at my place we were staying at his. He made plans to play golf but needed his golf clubs t... View more

I thought I had met the most amazing man. We were engaged after one year of dating. thisgs had been pretty amazing . The doubt began when he had parked his car at my place we were staying at his. He made plans to play golf but needed his golf clubs that were in his car at my place. I said I would get them for him as I was heading that way & could pick them up. He acted all weird- he even said oh no I will go and get them on the motorbike - I rearranged my appointments to go straight home as he seemed nervous. I got home went to the boot of his car and yes the golf clubs were there and a box with bag of stuff - i decided to look through the bag. I found a wig a heap of adult toys and stockings and female underwear. I was shattered- My first thoughts were why is he getting a woman to dress up for him and not asking me. His first response when confronted was he just bought them from the adult shop on a cheap sell out table- I replied with I don’t think they sell second hand toys and worn underwear. he then changed his story and said they were from before me and had been in his car for over a year.I said so which is it. he said he didn’t want his daughter to find in his house ( she is 24 ) He had also lent his car to his son and this wasn’t a problem. it never crossed my mind at this time he was dressing up. I received a picture text from him of a person in dressed up he didn’t crop the top of message and it mentioned a site so I googled the site. I was now questioning his sexuality. He started sending me more pictures and would just say he was trying to shock me and that it is only fantasy. Lots of adult pictures and named acts which i looked up to find out what they were. He had asked me to do things that I have questioned, although he says these are fantasies only. And he is not cheating and there is no one else in his life and he only loves me. His brother is aggressive to me - he yells at me & is very jealous of us, tells me that he loves him more than I do & how much he hates me & has told his brother to leave me. I have been very compassionate in any approach but I am met with anger and nastiness and told I am crazy My question is - is he cheating and leading a double life

Casey_90 Drinking to excess every 8 months or so, leading to violence.
  • replies: 8

Good morning My husband and I have been together for approximately nine years. He was raised in an abusive environment where his parents would often leave him home by himself at the age of seven to look after his four younger brothers and sisters, wh... View more

Good morning My husband and I have been together for approximately nine years. He was raised in an abusive environment where his parents would often leave him home by himself at the age of seven to look after his four younger brothers and sisters, whilst they went out binging all weekend. He would witness them abusing each other quite often. His brothers and sisters don't really remember it, but he clearly does. Now to lead this into present day. He is a fantastic husband and father, he is so selfless and loyal and loves me endlessly. 90% of the time he is fantastic, however, he has a flaw, as we all do, though this is somewhat larger. If there is a family event, probably once a year, him and his mother will stay up all night drinking, they both have the tendency to pick fights when they are in a state, they will fight with one another. Then my husband will come home and try to pick a fight with me, something so simple, like I didn't say hello or whatever. I absolutely try to not engage, I say nothing, I walk away, I say enough, please just go to bed and it just makes him angrier. On two occasions, he's hit a wall, one where he broke his hand. He has never hit me or threatened to hit me, I also don't feel scared, just annoyed that he doesn't have the ability to just end the night and go to bed. The next day he is sorry for himself, he will cry, we will talk it through. He has done it in front of his family, whereby it resulted in him and his mum sitting down and opening up about how his childhood has affected him, which helped, a lot. I have organised counselling, he does not like this side of him and willingly went to counselling. However, yesterday it happened again, he was going so well for 8 months and bam, it happened again. Upon speaking with him today, it was the same, sad, sorry. Honestly I am falling out of love with him, I spoke to him about this today, like I'm at the point where, when he does this, I lose so much respect and my love is waining. I strive for the idea of the old couple holding hands, but it is hard. I understand he is dealing with unresolved issues from the past and there will be slip ups, but quite frankly, I'm worried for my kids and how they will view relationships. I make absolutely every effort to shield them from this behaviour, I will calmly walk them to our room and they will still be happy, just watching their tablet or whatever. But quite frankly, this is not acceptable. What do I do?