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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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1980 Should I stay or go? (Emotional abuse (
  • replies: 2

Three years ago I found out my partner had taken naked pictures of me without my knowledge or consent. Through psychology I realised that there was a long history of emotional abuse. We separated for 9 months and he did a lot of work with a psycholog... View more

Three years ago I found out my partner had taken naked pictures of me without my knowledge or consent. Through psychology I realised that there was a long history of emotional abuse. We separated for 9 months and he did a lot of work with a psychologist and we got back together. While things aren't as bad as they were I feel like he never really addressed the core of the problem. He knows what to say and do but never really addressed how bad this was for me. Also, a condition of us getting back together was that our relationship would be porn free, because this was a slippery slope to normalising the non consensual photos. He says he is attracted to my body which is petite and looks most like a younger woman than one my own age. I'm not sure if I'm being unrealistic with the porn issue as I know a lot of men watch it, but breaking this promise was a big deal for me. Last week I told him it's over and now he's saying he'll do whatever it takes, he'll go to a domestic abuse counselor or group etc. When it's good it's really good, it's not all bad but I'm not sure I should hold on for him to do the work, although we have a long history with a lot of good things in our relationship and we also have kids. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

Stevolica27 Partner makes plans last minute for just about every holidays/long weekend
  • replies: 1

This might seem trivial and I've posted a similar thing around Christmas, but it really ramps up my anxiety. There have been several long weekends this year and aside from Australia Day, my partner has made plans (often the week of) to go with family... View more

This might seem trivial and I've posted a similar thing around Christmas, but it really ramps up my anxiety. There have been several long weekends this year and aside from Australia Day, my partner has made plans (often the week of) to go with family and friends, camping essentially. Sometimes I go, have a good time, sometimes we go together for day trips - I'm happy to compromise, sometimes she goes the whole time and either go one night, the whole time, and/or do my own thing. She went all of Easter and I went out of those nights and hung out elsewhere catching up with my own friends the rest of the time, which she doesn't tag along to unless planned in advance. We had made an agreement that the long weekends were up for grabs but she suggested the May Day weekend for staying home, doing things around the house (that we need to do) and doing things together that we both like to do, just us. We were going to join the family this weekend just gone but my gf was sick and decided not to go - we even thought of doing a day trip etc and I was happy to drive and support (we also didn't manage to have much fun at home due to sickness). But this weekend, I thought was just gonna be about us and planning that together but 'everyone' is going camping again so my partner wants to go for at least one night "since we missed out" this past weekend. The thing that gets me upset is that we both know how much allocating an occasional long weekend to doing our own thing, particular if the longer weekend time allows us to plan different kinds of adventures. I just don't want to default all the time to what 'everyone' is doing, because they decided to do it that week ... Maybe I have no right to hold onto our May long weekend plans since we have other weekends together, but similarly, we could organise for everyone to go camping any weekend for the one night - the place they go is 2 hrs away for us, 3 hrs away for the rest. Any thoughts/criticisms of my perspective welcome - just need to get out of my own head. Cheers,

random__ I’m terrified of my ex best friend
  • replies: 6

I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so scared of this girl.. we have known each other for 10 years now she was my best friend and ex girlfriend.. but she’s always been the same.. she would comment of my weight and appearance, stalking my house and a... View more

I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so scared of this girl.. we have known each other for 10 years now she was my best friend and ex girlfriend.. but she’s always been the same.. she would comment of my weight and appearance, stalking my house and always take the guys that I liked away from me.. but she has gone to far, 3 years ago she falsely accused me of something horrible! she accused me of sexually assaulting her.. she turned my life upside down due to this.. we hadn’t spoken for 6 months after that.. but then she sent me a message saying that she falsely accused me and it was her boyfriend who told her to do it.. I couldn’t handle being around her.. she made me feel so worthless.. so I moved to another state.. but now she’s followed me here.. she has moved 3 times getting closer to where I live and now she’s only 30mins away… she stalks my social media’s, tells everyone that I SA’ed her and replicates everything move I make in life to how I look, dress and what I post on social media.. she’s destroyed a lot of my old friendships with the things she has told them and posts about me a lot.. I’m so scared of her.. I’m scared of doing things I wanna do in life.. I have sleep problems and since dealing with this whole situation I hate physical touch.. I feel like throwing up when I think about her.. I don’t know how to handle this anymore.. I feel like I’m drowning!

Strawberry-Slam_30 The hard challenges after leaving a toxic friendship.
  • replies: 5

Hello Beyond Blue Forum, I want to share my story in hopes that it will help others. I am open to hearing any advice or stories. I am on a waitlist to see a therapist but it will take a few weeks so I thought talking about it will help.It's been abou... View more

Hello Beyond Blue Forum, I want to share my story in hopes that it will help others. I am open to hearing any advice or stories. I am on a waitlist to see a therapist but it will take a few weeks so I thought talking about it will help.It's been about 5 months since I went no contact with one of my close friends of 10 years. During those 5 months, it's felt very quiet and isolating. It's peacefully quiet in that I left a friendship that was so toxic and emotional abusive that I feel free. Yet painfully isolating to lose a friendship and all of the amazing memories, opportunities and people that came with it.My self-esteem and motivation is very low. I used to love making music but now when I start on a new song/project my heart starts to race and a wave of negative thoughts enter in. I feel sad that doing something creative is no longer an emotional release for me but rather something that makes me feel worthless.I used to be in a band with this friend and two other girls and it unfortunately came to an end after I went no contact. It was really heartbreaking to lose the band and the memories, opportunities that came with it. I still keep in touch with the other two bandmates and they 100% support my decision. But it was big loss after losing the friendship.What's also difficult is that some of my friends who who've played shows with our band are still in contact with this friend. One of my bandmates has chosen to keep in contact with her even though she agrees and has seen how awful she has been to me over the past few years. Our other friends aren't aware of our falling out but they hang and collaborate with her as she is a very popular person, is actively making art/music and has a large social media following. It does make it hard to be open and comfortable in these friendship circles and it feels unsafe for me to interact with them. Other symptoms I've had these past few months are heart racing, sometimes feeling faint/dizzy, feeling withdrawn from social interactions, social isolation, nightmares and flashbacks and a whole lotta fear, depression and anxiety.I feel like the subject of toxic friendships is not really spoken about much (unless maybe I've been living under a rock). But I hope this starts a conversation and I'd love to hear any advice on how to cope with this.Thank you for reading.

Mrs Chloe Divorce and depression
  • replies: 2

I caught my husband cheating last week and he doesn’t seem remorseful. He says he’s in the middle of overdue reports and wants to discuss about it after a couple of days.We’ve been fighting on and off as I cannot contain my emotions. He’s on maintena... View more

I caught my husband cheating last week and he doesn’t seem remorseful. He says he’s in the middle of overdue reports and wants to discuss about it after a couple of days.We’ve been fighting on and off as I cannot contain my emotions. He’s on maintenance with depression medications.I’ve read that there’s a chance he’ll be depressed again once we go through a separation or divorce.How can I help avoid him falling into depression? He needs to keep working to support us- we have a 1 year old child. While I rebuild my life as a single mum, he needs to keep paying our bills until I have a full time job.I wish to have an amicable and respectful separation for the sake of our son.

brobej15 Separation. It's a long road.
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have separated. It's only been recent. The issues have been for a long time. We've been married for a year. We wanted different things in the end. He wanted me to fit a mould - house, kids, the town he grew up in and to be his parent... View more

My husband and I have separated. It's only been recent. The issues have been for a long time. We've been married for a year. We wanted different things in the end. He wanted me to fit a mould - house, kids, the town he grew up in and to be his parents. I wanted someone who walked with me through life, whatever that looked like. I believe you can have stability and more. He just needed stability. We expected different things from each other. I've reached out to those who love me, I have great support around, sometimes it's just difficult. The road is so long, I just hope I can cope. I don't know how I can face him again. I don't know how strong I can be. I've been riding my feelings, taking it minute by minute. I just don't know what else to do.

nupk07 Ex or not
  • replies: 2

My 9 years of relationships with my partner ended a couple of weeks ago. Reason: Infidelity He left me for this new guy over 2 casual hookups. And I still care about him and miss his physical presence. Everything else is fine. Any suggestions how to ... View more

My 9 years of relationships with my partner ended a couple of weeks ago. Reason: Infidelity He left me for this new guy over 2 casual hookups. And I still care about him and miss his physical presence. Everything else is fine. Any suggestions how to get over from the person you loved and shared 9 long years together side-note: we work in the same office building and still in touch

Tegzy Don't mind me, just building a healthy concrete slab of a wall to keep everyone out...
  • replies: 2

I'm already preparing myself the "no one actually cares, so why bother?" intrusive thoughts to get the better of me and cause my thumb to mash the delete button... I can't keep hiding though, because I do that, and then it all builds up, and then I'm... View more

I'm already preparing myself the "no one actually cares, so why bother?" intrusive thoughts to get the better of me and cause my thumb to mash the delete button... I can't keep hiding though, because I do that, and then it all builds up, and then I'm in tears in front of my son, who already has trouble processing emotions, so now he's in tears, because I'm in tears, so now I'm telling him I'm trying not to be while simultaneously encouraging the healthy ability to let out ones emotions...as long as they're not mine of course, mum can't cry, certainly not in front of her son. Believe it or not, I'm quite self-aware, I believe that's where all this stems from; I know what's wrong with me, I know what I have to do in order to overcome it...I just, don't...think I can, or maybe I don't want to. Self-sabotage is a cruel game I've played with myself since I was a teenager. I'm so broken the cracks are starting to peek through from the inside, the implosions are bursting through my skin and I feel exposed, I've spent so long holding them in for him, for my ex, for everyone...no, for me, because I can't be a burden. See? Self-aware, blessing and a curse. We co-parent like a dream, my ex and I, our son is both an angel and a hellraiser, aren't they all though? He doesn't even look like he's on the spectrum apparently, because you're meant to look a certain way...apparently. I work full time and I miss...everything, and I forget...anything that isn't work related. People pleasers and customer service, both the best and the worst job to have. You can't please everyone, so you need to pick someone, something... I have purpose outside of being a mum now; it's addictive, until juggling work and a high needs kid, and a separation, and NDIS, and dating for the first time in ten years, and keeping fit, and trying not to cry in front of my son...until it all just bursts through the seams of the poorly altered dress I sat there sewing together at 3am because I couldn't sleep because I just...keep..failing. Its OK to cry, get it all out, my love, it's so good to cry. Don't cry in front of him, it just feels like emotional blackmail because he suddenly does anything you need him to do instead of screaming in your face...dont, cry, in front of him, don't cry...in front of anyone. Don't cry...

Elizabeth Louise How do you de-escalate an argument with your spouse with children around?
  • replies: 3

I found out that my husband has received advice to take the children away when we have an argument. The problem is, he threatens to take the children away or actually takes them away in the middle of an argument. Normally an argument which he has ins... View more

I found out that my husband has received advice to take the children away when we have an argument. The problem is, he threatens to take the children away or actually takes them away in the middle of an argument. Normally an argument which he has instigated and got angry or defensive to begin with. I simply have just reacted to his reaction.By threatening to take the children away or actually taking them away makes me more angry. Surely there are other ways to protect the children and de-esculate an argument immediately?I realise he's been doing this strategy for the past 2 years since receiving this advice and doesn't realise it's actually making things worse and in some cases even more traumatic for the children. He comes out as the hero or victim and depicts me as the perpetrator because I'm emotional when all of a sudden he's calm even though he was emotionally dystegulated to begin with. How should he defuse or de-escalate an argument without involving the children? EL

_me___ How do I change?
  • replies: 2

Time and time again I have been in relationships but my bipolar disorder gets the best of me, I am on antidepressants and trying to book a counsellor is almost a 2 month wait. I lash out emotionally. I feel as though I have abandonment issues (my bio... View more

Time and time again I have been in relationships but my bipolar disorder gets the best of me, I am on antidepressants and trying to book a counsellor is almost a 2 month wait. I lash out emotionally. I feel as though I have abandonment issues (my biological father left my mum while she was pregnant with me). My step father cheated on my mother with sex workers. I love partners unconditionally but drinking causes me to be irrational. My most recent partner adored me but still left the breakup was a horrible mess I drank a lot the evening he broke up with me, threatened to call the police and was just “crazy” I absolutely loved him though and just cannot understand why I would do those things to someone I love. The look in his eyes like he was resentful of me. I want to know how I can change and stop this cycle. I feel empty, lost and so lonely.