Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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cattattoo Stepfather ruining mental health - move out or deal with it until uni degree is finished?
  • replies: 4

Hi guys. Context: parents divorced when I was 2, stayed with my mother, went no-contact with biological father 1 year ago (emotionally abusive). Mother has been with stepfather since I was 4, I grew up calling him 'dad'. I'm 19F (studying full time).... View more

Hi guys. Context: parents divorced when I was 2, stayed with my mother, went no-contact with biological father 1 year ago (emotionally abusive). Mother has been with stepfather since I was 4, I grew up calling him 'dad'. I'm 19F (studying full time). Many verbal fights between him and my mother over the years were about me, over irrelevant or insignificant things. I would be guilt tripped by him afterwards, being blamed as the cause of their fights, and reminded that I should be grateful that he paid for my schooling and other things because I 'would not have these things with my father' (who wasn't well off). Recently he got worse. Last year I got a tattoo. He wasn't impressed but shrugged it off. I got another one (but really it was the second half to the first) and he screamed about how ungrateful I was, disrespecting his personal values, how I was ruining my life, and that he would pull me out of my private school and send me to the local public school. I left and stayed at my friends for a week, eventually going home after being guilted by both parents (at no point did stepfather apologise for anything he said). Last week he yelled at me for turning the heater on when I was the only one home. This week, he yelled at me for having a messy room and for not paying for my own ice cream tub when I went to the shops with mum because I 'have my own money' (mind you, I have paid for household items in the past out of my own pocket with no arguments. I also offered to buy my own ice cream, mum said no). He seems to nitpick everything I do. I try not to leave my room (even if I am hungry) because the thought of seeing/talking to him makes me so anxious that I feel nauseous. I got diagnosed with anxiety and put on antidepressants in 2021 (which I am no longer on) and I have lost my access to a psychologist (the one I attended was at my school). It feels like every day spent in my house is degrading my mental health, to the point where i'm afraid my emotions might get out of control. I have tried many times to discuss things with him, with no results. Mum doesn't stand up for me in the moment, but talks with him afterwards. I am 1 trimester into my 3 year degree. I want to move out but accomodation is expensive and i'd have to get a new job. After my degree I will be moving for another course. Do I stay and walk on eggshells for 3 years, or move out and hope I can remain financially stable? - cattattoo (>'-'<)

Mumof_2 Confused in my marriage
  • replies: 5

If I completely honest with myself my marriage has always been a bit of a roller coaster. On some level I wonder if my husband has an undiagnosed mental health condition. He rides a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I wake up everyday no knowing what o... View more

If I completely honest with myself my marriage has always been a bit of a roller coaster. On some level I wonder if my husband has an undiagnosed mental health condition. He rides a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I wake up everyday no knowing what one I'm going to get. He is 16 years older than me and I have never really felt our age difference until recently. For a lot of it we have a lovely life, we have two beautiful children, we are relatively financially stable, we enjoy lots of adventure together as a family we have great friends. The hard part is we run a small business together, he hates it and puts so much pressure on myself, if things go wrong its my fault.. always, he can never apologise, he can't operate our business without me and I couldn't operate it without him. Recently the stress he places on me has me pretty much clutching at straws, I have imagined what life would be like without him and when I think about that I find a sense of calm within myself but at the same time I know he adores me and our kids and for me to make the decision to leave it would have a negative impact on everyone. In saying we are financially stable, we are but not so much if you were to split so everything would change, Is it worth it???????

Beaser Not sure about how to go about things.With my maybe ex.
  • replies: 7

Hi hope everyone is well I have recently broken up with my partner of approx 18 months.. I know that we had problems and she has so much in her life with a busy home life and elderly father to care for .We have both had our mental health and anxiety ... View more

Hi hope everyone is well I have recently broken up with my partner of approx 18 months.. I know that we had problems and she has so much in her life with a busy home life and elderly father to care for .We have both had our mental health and anxiety issues..We decided on a break about two weeks ago and i hadnt made contact untill i ran into her just randomly while i was at work 3 days ago . Now i find myself texting her and wanting to call her . People say i need to cut contact and make it a clean break but my heart and if im honest my loneliness gets the better of me . Maybe i need to leave it and see if she makes contact and she may respect me more . This with the anxiety of a possible change has me feeling like im falling .. Brett .

Lonely789 Help in making new friends
  • replies: 9

I really struggle to make new friends. I’m often on the side lines and won’t just walk up to people and start talking say at the gym or kids sports for example. I find it really hard to open up with people until I’ve gained their trust which is hard ... View more

I really struggle to make new friends. I’m often on the side lines and won’t just walk up to people and start talking say at the gym or kids sports for example. I find it really hard to open up with people until I’ve gained their trust which is hard for people to get to know me. We recently made a decision to move towns and have basically not heard from any of our closest friends since we let them know. They’ve basically skipped my birthday, sent messages and said they would come see me and weeks have past and no one came to see me. One even went as far to say well now you are moving we won’t see you any more I will not drive out of my way for anyone not even family so if you move away expect that. I’m totally gutted as I thought this was a close friend and someone I could trust and we have been completely dumped, just because we chose to do something that will be good for us but aren’t following the grain of these friendships. I miss having a friend that walks into your house and makes them self at home, these friends never did this so much but we had a lot of fun times together. How do you find that again as an adult?

MummaOf4 Depression in a new marriage
  • replies: 3

We have been together for 4 years and married for 2 months. While I do love him, I find it hard to be happy. I like meeting new people and creating friendships, he gets jealous and insecure. I feel like I can't even have a break without him having so... View more

We have been together for 4 years and married for 2 months. While I do love him, I find it hard to be happy. I like meeting new people and creating friendships, he gets jealous and insecure. I feel like I can't even have a break without him having something to complain about. I never have "me" time and when I try to, I feel guilty. I have no friends I can talk to about how I feel. We have 6 kids together and we don't get time to ourselves often. I don't even go out on my own. He is constantly picking a fight with my kids that live with us but such an angel to his kids. His mother hates me because I stand up for myself. I feel really alone and can't find someone I can confide in. I used to but she stabbed me in the back. We have a 2 year old son with a rare heart condition, he had 2 surgeries with another on the way. We have gone through that journey together as well. To be honest I have no idea how I'm feeling, it's a mix of everything and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Carla2022 Is this typical of a husband with depression?
  • replies: 5

My husband has been suffering from depression for the past year. He has no interest in spending any time with me at all. I put the kids to bed & we finally have some time to be alone together and all he wants to do is go into the spare room and play ... View more

My husband has been suffering from depression for the past year. He has no interest in spending any time with me at all. I put the kids to bed & we finally have some time to be alone together and all he wants to do is go into the spare room and play games or watch videos on his phone. I try go into him to have a chat or hopefully just spend some time together but I can see that he’s just waiting for me to leave. Is this typical of someone with depression? I know he’s feeling terrible within himself but I also feel terrible now, completely alone & rejected.

Katie_J Husbands double life
  • replies: 4

2 weeks before Xmas last year my husband of 17 years came home and told me he had an affair 4 years ago that resulted in a child. He said the affair was short lived. He also got a unit 18 months ago and has been spending time at the unit when he told... View more

2 weeks before Xmas last year my husband of 17 years came home and told me he had an affair 4 years ago that resulted in a child. He said the affair was short lived. He also got a unit 18 months ago and has been spending time at the unit when he told me and my children he was working away. He started the affair while my mother was dying and continued it after she died and when I needed him the most. He also told me and my children that a couple of xmas ago he needed to work but he spent it with the child from the affair. He has told so many lies and has also spent a huge amount of money on child support and the unit over the years. This was hidden From me. I am struggling every day as I loved him and trusted him with my life. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that my life has been a lie for so long. Right up to the day he told me he would send me messages and call me 5/6 times a day and tell me he loves me and checking how my day is going. He couldn’t do enough for me around the house. So confusing and so hard for me to comprehend. He of course has left and we are going through settlement at the moment.

Natalie22 Feel trapped and a bit lost
  • replies: 12

Hi. I am new to the forum. I am not sure I am writing in the correct section. I am in a loveless, sexless marriage and we basically live at different ends of the house and we are house mates. About 6 years ago he went to hit me and things have gone d... View more

Hi. I am new to the forum. I am not sure I am writing in the correct section. I am in a loveless, sexless marriage and we basically live at different ends of the house and we are house mates. About 6 years ago he went to hit me and things have gone down hill since then. About a year and a half ago my gp put me on a low dose of antidepressants for antidepressants for anxiety but I was quite resistant and stressed and I think I had a reaction to them. It was not a pleasant experience. Things here are pretty terrible as he has a medical condition and he says things, forgets and then I will be a liar etc. If is very toxic. I have thought about attempting but realistically I know that I would not be able to do it. I just feel so trapped as I feel that there is no way out of the situation as if I leave him there is nowhere to go, how will I survive, there is nowhere to rent. My only choice is to stay in the marriage. Sorry about the rambling.

VikingNerd Wife finally moving to Australia but has BPD, can she claim disability benefits?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone. Long time viewer, first time poster. I dont know where else to turn. My wife is finally moving to Australia in the coming months but hasn't held down a job due to her BPD/Bipolar disorder. I'm just wondering what avenues of help or finan... View more

Hi everyone. Long time viewer, first time poster. I dont know where else to turn. My wife is finally moving to Australia in the coming months but hasn't held down a job due to her BPD/Bipolar disorder. I'm just wondering what avenues of help or financial assistance she may be able to claim once she's here. I don't know how to talk to her about it as i don't know the details. I want to give her some piece of mind that there may be support for her here outside of myself. Or will she just have to be completely reliant on me? Im not sure how this works. Any insight and information would be appreciated.

adamc Dad Won't Ask For Anyone But Me To Help Him
  • replies: 6

My Dad has injured himself over the years because he wouldn't ask for help to do something. Today when I went for a long walk to the shops, I got home and Dad told me that he struggled doing some work outside because he had no one to help him. Just l... View more

My Dad has injured himself over the years because he wouldn't ask for help to do something. Today when I went for a long walk to the shops, I got home and Dad told me that he struggled doing some work outside because he had no one to help him. Just like many times, even though I wasn't at home, my Mum and eldest sister were but he always refuses to ask them. He always just uses the excuse "Well, I had no one to help me."