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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Ja_sm Betrayal and BPD
  • replies: 2

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and we have had our ups and down. Over the past year or so they have put an enormous amount of work into better understanding their condition and learning coping mechanisms for when they suffer an episode.Early ... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and we have had our ups and down. Over the past year or so they have put an enormous amount of work into better understanding their condition and learning coping mechanisms for when they suffer an episode.Early on in our relationship I spoke to a close friend about their condition and to help gain perspective/understand regarding what was occurring, especially during an episode.They have recently found out that I shared this information and whilst they stated it was unfair of them to put me under so much strain, I know they are an incredibly private person, which leads me question whether they can ever fully trust me again.I feel so guilty about talking to others about something so private to them, and perhaps I should have found a therapist. At the time though, I needed someone to talk to and that was my friend.Now I am constantly second guessing what they are saying and wondering if I have irreparably damaged our relationship.I guess I just needed to tell someone as I haven't spoken to anyone about this - I don't want to betray their trust again.

Grace0000 Am I Useless
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from chronic undiagnosed pain and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. He has gotten worse over the past few years. He has tried psychology many time and many different antidepressants with not much success. He asked me a few ... View more

My partner suffers from chronic undiagnosed pain and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. He has gotten worse over the past few years. He has tried psychology many time and many different antidepressants with not much success. He asked me a few years ago to learn how to critical think and ask questions better in an attempt to in turn help him to have a safe place at home to offload to me. I have not been successful at this. To begin with I was reluctant as I felt all he wanted to do was change me and I didn't feel that what he wanted was going to help him. As time has gone on he has become resentful and angry with me as my progress in being able to control my emotions when he melts down is very slow. When he's not doing so good he is hurtful and blames me for not doing better and that I don't prioritise him higher as I should. I don't feel this way. I feel that I really try hard to help him, by taking care of him in the ways I can. Which is cooking, cleaning, running the house, being attentive when he's not doing well. I don't know how to deal with the mental side of things and I just say the usual stuff like "I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so well, can I do something for you?" Then he gets angry because he thinks I should already know what to do and I should be able to just talk with him. Argh, I hope this makes sense. I feel so disgusting and useless. A waste of space.

sad_husband Emotional Affair or Friend?
  • replies: 11

HiMarried with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public ... View more

HiMarried with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public figure a few years ago when we were having difficulties. I know of sexy pics and invites to catch up when she was staying in the city (unsure if sexual or not). No messages I've seen are proof of an affair, maybe because he was smart enough not to risk blowing up his career by leaving text evidence of infidelity (he is married with kids). She swears they never slept together, they are just friends, and that she isn't attracted to him.For a few years things were pretty good. As far as I know, contact with her friend had stopped. We started to have difficulties again recently and texts have started again. Now they are using Confide to message, so it's very hard to know what is being sent between them. I confronted my wife and was told they are just friends. We talked about it and agreed that it should not be secretive. Confide is used because in their texts they bag his opposition, which would be bad if it became public. As you can probably guess, she's still texting him all the time, and it's entirely secretive.I think she loves me, and honestly aside from this potential emotional affair things are pretty good. She is disappointed in me for our financial situation (the cause of most of our issues), but all other indicators of a bad relationship aren't there.I do think she has feelings for her friend however, and I worry that given he would provide her with financial security, that she is interested.I know exactly how the above sounds. Please give my wife the benefit of the doubt in replying as I truly believe my wife is an honest, caring, and wonderful person. She is the most selfless person I know, and I don't think she would do anything to hurt me - but I can't stop thinking that I am losing her. Possibly she isn't even aware this may be an emotional affair. Can anyone think of reasons why I shouldn't worry? Is it possible they are just friends and I'm not seeing the truth? If she is having an emotional affair, how can I "nudge" her into realising it so it can cease? Suffice to say I am on the verge of breaking, any help is appreciated. Thanks,Sad_Husband.

24yearoldgirl Hi again - Part 1
  • replies: 2

Hi again, it's me 24yearoldgirl.. I'm now 26. My last post was about breaking away from my mother, after being her carer for pretty much my whole youth. I've always considered my mother's needs and bended my own situation to fit her needs, helping wi... View more

Hi again, it's me 24yearoldgirl.. I'm now 26. My last post was about breaking away from my mother, after being her carer for pretty much my whole youth. I've always considered my mother's needs and bended my own situation to fit her needs, helping with the cost of rent, and bills, food etc. taking on tasks such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, and medical assistance when she was ill or out of hospital. Around 3 months ago, I left my mum. I managed to achieve getting a job that I liked, and was staying with a flatmate, and felt more confident. During this time, my mum was sleeping in the car, as we have always shared rentals and the cost of living together, for my entire upbringing. While I was happy in my new job, I got news that my mum would be going into a major operation at hospital and needed urgent accommodation. And so yes, of course I left my job, flew back to help her, and we found a new rental together. 2 months ago, mum had her major surgery (removal of a non-cancerous tumor, and total abdominal hysterectomy).She was lucky to survive her operation, as she also survived her head injury many years ago. The problem is: I have been there for her through everything, and yet received abuse from her when she would drink alcohol most nights. 6 weeks after her recovery, she started to open the bottles of wine again, resulting in her calling me a stupid little bit*h, slurry*, and would film me crying. I have grown up with forms of abuse, manipulation and her threatening to hit me in the face, at her doing. And if I ever reacted, she would call me crazy, and even call the cops with footage of me yelling or crying and say that I'm meant to be a carer. Does she have a mental illness, or am I being controlled by her, willing to help her every time?

Blackdog18 narcissistic abuse
  • replies: 1

I am an 80-year-old father with a 40-year-old son who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. He lives alone in Melbourne in a lovely apartment near the CBD. The Disability Support Pension supports him. He is not physically disabled. I trav... View more

I am an 80-year-old father with a 40-year-old son who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. He lives alone in Melbourne in a lovely apartment near the CBD. The Disability Support Pension supports him. He is not physically disabled. I travel up from Geelong by train once a month to visit him, and sometimes I stay overnight. He has a substance abuse problem, alcohol and marijuana.Because of a serious violent incident against his stepmother and me five years ago, which involved police intervention, he is no longer welcome in our house. He blames the breakdown on my wife, a loving retired nurse. For years he sent her loathsome emails and text messages until I removed her details from his phone and laptop. My doctor advised me to disengage from him, which I have done from time to time. My problem is that he has no friends or support apart from me, so we always resume contact, and I visit him but no longer stay over. I generally catch up with him on Christmas Eve. Otherwise, he would see no one. Last week he demanded I stay three nights because I had been interstate to see his half-sister. (he is estranged from her and his half-brother.) I refused, and the email abuse and gaslighting started again. I care for him and am very concerned for his welfare, but he makes me unhappy and worried, and he scares his stepmother. His own mother died when he was eleven years old.

Kerrald Cheating Husband. Zero support or finances
  • replies: 2

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol. Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out. Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon.... View more

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol. Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out. Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon. He’s also previously talked about harming himself. We are going to separate after Xmas. But he went out again last night and spent all our money at the brothel again. we have 2 young children, and I have zero support as all my family and friends are overseas. He has his own business and currently pays me a wage - he says he’ll continue to pay me a wage until I can get on my feet, but I can’t trust that because of his spending at the brothels etc. I feel completely isolated, and feel that he has the control because he is our only source of income. I need someone to hand hold me through all of this mess

clintoff What are the chances she will come back?
  • replies: 2

Hi, My girlfriend broke up with me via letter. We were together for 3 months. I fell in love with her as a person and would regularly tell her that, refer to her as beautiful, amazing etc. Her, her friends and colleagues as well as her psychologist a... View more

Hi, My girlfriend broke up with me via letter. We were together for 3 months. I fell in love with her as a person and would regularly tell her that, refer to her as beautiful, amazing etc. Her, her friends and colleagues as well as her psychologist all made mention of how much happier I made her life. She said that I was the best thing to ever happen to her, she could only see me in her future etc. It went from that to receiving a letter saying that being intimate made her feel depressed because I was taking too long and therefore it meant I didn't enjoy it because she wasn't attractive etc and she can't trick her brain into thinking anything different. She hasn't deleted me off social media but for my own personal improvement I limited seeing what she posted so I can focus on me getting past the hurt (I know it takes time as I have dealt with a mother with mental health issues but I also know how to separate the person and the mental health).What are the chances of her rekindling how she felt after she gains control of her thoughts? How else can I support her? I have set the relationship aspect aside because I know it will only cause more problems and do more damage to her progress. Thank you

Anita-K Daughter has cut me off completely from grandkids
  • replies: 17

A few weeks ago, completely unexpectedly as we had a normal mother daughter relationship, my daughter sent me an email asking me to never contact her ever again. And I cannot have any contact with my gorgeous grandkids ever again-not even video chats... View more

A few weeks ago, completely unexpectedly as we had a normal mother daughter relationship, my daughter sent me an email asking me to never contact her ever again. And I cannot have any contact with my gorgeous grandkids ever again-not even video chats! The way the email was written, it was by my daughter but as if she had morphed into a totally different personality! I am heartbroken at the ending of our hitherto fine relationship, but most shattered at no more contact ever with granddaughter 6 or grandson 4-these kids love me so much and I love them so much! Their mum is a single mum. I think the COVID lockdown restrictions on her have given her a mental health breakdown. But she did three years ago suddenly separate and then divorce her very loving kind husband, for no reason anyone could see so this "deletion" of people from her life is not new- I just never could have foreseen that she would do this to her own mother! I have supported her through so much heavy stuff in her life including after being in a domestically violent relationship. I drove all night 600 kms interstate, picked her and her stuff up and then drove straight back 600 kms- the whole round trip in 24 hours! I attended the local police precinct with her, then attended the court case for a restraining order for her. Then she stayed at my place as an adult, for years. We went on very long daily walks together. Also I dropped everything three times in 2018, to take her to hospital when she had life threatening auto immune collapses. I have babysat the eldest child, then just 1, for a full day, in the first year after my daughter returned to work. The kids so love coming to my place to see me! I am feeling so depressed and preoccupied with this issue. I feel so helpless as she says she has me on "block" now and threatens an intervention order if I try to contact in any way. The grandkids will wonder why Grandma does not want contact with them anymore! I am distraught!

PsychedelicFur Should I end my relationship?
  • replies: 2

I've been with my partner for almost twelve months. Communication can be hard and I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. He admits to lying to his parents. On our recent date, he told them he was paying for both of us to go to the movies. Although ... View more

I've been with my partner for almost twelve months. Communication can be hard and I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. He admits to lying to his parents. On our recent date, he told them he was paying for both of us to go to the movies. Although in reality, he paid for the food and I paid for the tickets. And then after the movies he spent some money on a CD for himself. I confronted him about it and how it made me feel uncomfortable, this was yesterday. Today, he hearted a photograph of another girl on Facebook. I am not controlling and I have told him that it's ok to like photos of other girls but hearting makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I've told him three times yet he still seems to do it. He tells me 'I can't live without you.' and 'I need you so much' or 'you are my last hope.' Those comments make me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. He also calls me his lifeline. I don't really know what to do.

Koa I feel like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more s... View more

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more serious, just these last few weeks we’ve been having fights where we don’t talk much afterwards and she starts to use one word responses and not really talk much, she suffers from mental health issues so I try my best to be as considerate as possible but I feel like I can’t always do it. She’d always be the one to fight for communication and after months of things not really working on my end like sometimes I can’t keep the promises I made, change certain parts of myself that cause problems like my snappy attitude at times and sometimes being inconsiderate and inconsistent with change and sometimes we fight over things I should be changing for, and over time she stopped fighting and she’d think she’s the problem and changes, she always does whatever she can to make me happy and always does things in my interest to see me smile, she’s the most amazing person in my life and I need her, but then I’d think she’s changing herself too much and that she shouldn’t change and that I should instead causes she’s done enough of that for others and I wanted to be different. But I realised that in her eyes I’m unappreciative and ungrateful, and trampling on her kindness and big heartedness, I feel horrible and she tried to break up with me a few days ago but I managed to keep her, we were good for awhile but now not talking and now she’s talking “when necessary” and “when told” to make less problems and I feel like I screwed everything up by not being to do what I need to do for her and I feel like a complete failure as boyfriend, is there anything I can do?