Sudden breakup

[Romy]

Hey all,

My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for each other and we loved each other so much. He recently has finished university, and has no job and no money. He called me saying he was worried about a trip we were going on coming up, because he had no money and felt like he would have a bad time. I reassured him that it was only a 2 night trip and I had money saved up. Anyway, the same night he called me again, I thought in regards to our trip... he broke up with me. We live an hour and a half away from each other which is why it was over a phone call. A couple of days later he saw me in person to talk about it. He states that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as he once did, he loves me and cares about me, but not enough for a relationship, he thinks the spark is gone. I told him that after 7 months, the spark does diminish. We are comfortable with each other now, we enjoy each other's company and we love each other - the honeymoon phase is over and that's ok. Anyway - his mind was made up and it was over. We ended it on good terms, I told him I wasn't mad at him, but he knows that I am really struggling with the breakup. His mum has since made contact with my mum - she has said that she has no idea why he has done this. She said that he has been so happy since meeting me (and I'm his first girlfriend), and she agrees that he is panicking about his future and not thinking clearly. She hopes for my sake that he will change his mind and realise he does want to be with me. I am devastated, but after hearing that, I have been given hope that we may end up together one day. But, this makes me sad at the same time, because I don't want to live in false hope if it may never happen.

[Coffeelover1]

Hey Romy I didn’t do uni but I know when I finished school I felt like I was falling off the edge of a cliff into the unknown , I’d say your boyfriend has a lot going on in his head, worries about his future & getting a job.This might be distracting him from enjoying his time with you. Talk to him & let him know life’s full of ups & downs & your there for him ,ups & downs, once he has a good job & is happy in himself maybe he will come back to you.

[quirkywords]

Romy,

Relationship break ups are very emotional difficult whether you are the one breaking up or the person breaking up. I am sorry you are feeling unsure and are struggling.

When it seems to come out of the blue the breakup can leave you confused, having self doubts and very upset.

Had your boyfriend expressed how he was worried about no job and no money before saying he was worried about the trip?

Are you at uni or do you have a job?

Sometimes when people worry about things they find it hard to tell others even their loved ones.

It is helpful that your mother and his mother are communicating.

Sometimes this can be confusing as while mothers often know what their children are feeling, as the children grow up, that might not be aware of their emotional state.

I am glad you had a chance to see each other in person. I am pleased you are on good terms.

It is always good to have hope as long as it is a reasonable hope.

So does he want no contact with you for a while , or has he indicated you could have contact as friends but not being in a relationship?

Only you can decide to what he wants to do. Some people do need space and if they are pressured then they close down all together.

Some people after a breakup want to be friends but then this can get confusing and sends off mixed messages.

If you decide you may end up together one day, does that mean you will wait indefinitely and not meet other people or will you just see what happens.

Thanks for sharing your story

Quirky

[SamSJ2018]

Sending you a huge hug and positive vibes.

[Romy]

He did express his worries before he said he was worried about the trip.

I am at uni - I also work.

He has not said what kind of contact he wants, however has said we can still be friends - which I laughed at. I have decided that I need to not contact him for awhile - I need to try to focus on myself, because he has broken me and I am in a terrible state. I do not know what I'm supposed to do in regards to future relationships.

[Tess2]

Hi Romy,

just rest up, be kind to yourself. You are not broken. This was his decision. Recover from this loss before you think about future relationships and don’t judge them on what happened here. If he thinks the spark has gone after seven months it is his issue.

Other people will not be like him.

i am sorry you have been hurt

tess

[quirkywords]

Romy

Thanks for your reply.

I think focusing on yourself and being kind to yourself is a good idea.

There is no rush or pressure.

You need to properly grieve the loss of this relationship that you had so many hopes for.

I am sorry you are in so much pain.

It sounds like you have supportive family.

Quirky

[Romy]

Is it wrong to go on with my life whilst still having hope that one day we will end up together? I just feel so strongly that this isn't over for us. I know holding onto hope will just delay by recovery from the breakup, but what if we do have a chance in the future?

[quirkywords]

Romy

Life can be unpredictable.

i know a woman whose teenage romance was broken up by her boyfriends mother and they both went on to marry other people. My friend married and when it was over and she was in her 50s and she went looking for her former boyfriend . They met up an married a a year later.

She always felt that they should be together.

I think there is a difference between hoping to one day meet up again with a former love, and deciding if you can’t have your former love you will never be involved with another person.

I also know people who vow they will never find another love and then when they least expect it , find someone and dont think about their former love.

life is full of surprises sadness and choices.

you are grieving and hurting now, so it is not a time for big decisions.

Quirky

[Romy]

I'm reading a break up book that says you need to go at least 50 days cold turkey - no communication with your ex in any form, in order to heal. Today is day 1 for me. I've decided that, if after 50 days, he is wanting to come back, at least I have used that time to recover, and I can make a proper decision of what I want. But, if after 50 days, he doesn't come back to me, at least I have healed and it won't hurt as much as it does now. You know when you just have that gut feeling that it's not over?