stuck

sir_stokeley · ‎18-08-2020

I am so stuck. I was diagnosed in Jan with BPD, depression, and anxiety. I haven't seeked or received any help or treatment for any of this because I don't know where to start. I had my mental health diagnosis hidden in my room because I didn't know what to do with it. My mum was going through my room and found it, took photos, sent it to my dad. They both saw on paper my diagnosis and that I had a history of self harm. They called me ungrateful and made jokes. I try to forgive and forget but sometimes it's too much. They know I have troubles sleeping, I've complained about not sleeping until 11-4 since I was 8. They still take my phone off of me at night at 8:30, leaving me alone in my room for 4-8 hours a night with my thoughts in a room full of things I could easily relapse with. I've expressed how this makes me feel and I was laughed at, again telling me to stop being dramatic and to just go to sleep. I have a close friend who was recently assaulted and who already had considerable existing suicidal thoughts/plans. I am so worried about him. Ironically enough, my mum works at the school I go to in the Wellbeing Team. I feel like I can't go to the school counsellor or nurse about anything because it will degrade my mums professionalism? Bc of this she knows about this boy and what happened to him. I had a dream 2 nights ago. It was so distressing to me because that's what he said is his plan. Tonight he was expressing suicidal intentions/behaviour and I was so worried and felt sick to my stomach. My parents came to take my phone off of me and I begged them to let me have my phone, just for the night because I was worried about my friend. My dad laughed in my face and told me it's not a life or death situation, to get over it, go to bed, stop gossiping. He said the only reason i wanted my phone was to gossip and talk to boys all night. I told him he had no idea what it was like and how this boy is feeling and he scoffed and mocked me, called me melodramatic. They took my phone and continued to mock me from their bedroom. I am so scared my friend will call me and ask for help or even just want someone to talk to and I won't be there to help him. I've cried so hard i gagged and almost puked. I am so worried about him because if anything happens to him because I wasn't there I don't think I could cope. I don't know what to say to them to make them understand me, because they don't take me seriously.

Sophie_M · ‎18-08-2020

Hey sir stokeley, thanks for reaching out to us again on the Beyond Blue forum. It sounds like home and school life are so stressful right now and we're sorry to hear how difficult it is to turn to your parents for help. We can imagine how uncomfortable it would be to try and turn to the wellbeing team with your mum there. We're also sorry to hear about your friend and how you're unable to help him through this dark period. This must be so frustrating and scary. Please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We'd strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. They can help support you through this tough time and offer some advice on what steps to take next in terms of treatment. You're also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our counsellors can offer some advice and referrals for support services in your area. We'd like to let you know that our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

You might also find it helpful to read through some of the tips and advice on our webpage for sleep issues:

Please keep us updated here on your thread.

Croix · ‎19-08-2020

Dear Sir Stokeley~

I’m glad you came here, also that Sophie_M met you and has given you some most excellent links, with Kids Help Line at the top.

You have several problems, lets have a look:

You are not old enough to act entirely on your own so do need an adult professional to look after your welfare. Normally one would go to a school councilor/nurse or teacher one liked and tell the whole story. You are prevented from doing so due to your mother’s reputation. If she scoffs at self-harm and isolates you at night then she is not being professional and really does not deserve your protection

You may not be the only kid scoffed at

In this instance you are more important than her reputation. Even so I understand why you feel you cannot go. So use the Kids Help Line instead. At least they will take you seriously.

Secondly you have been diagnosed with mental health conditions and a history of self-harm, this requires treatment, if that is being withheld for whatever reason for 8 months then that too should be told to the Kids Help Line.

I’m not going to talk about sleep, another problem for another day. I am going to talk about your friend who has said he has thought of killing himself. Does your mother just know just of the assault, or of the suicidal thoughts present now?

Frankly I think it would be good if he talked to the Kids Help Line too, on his own behalf. -so show him all the links on this page. For a start it will take some of the pressure off you, as you will no longer be the only source of nighttime help, and secondly he will receive proper advice with practical solutions

OK this service is good, but you sometimes have a long wait. The main good thing is that you can contact more than once and not have to keep on explaining.

Substitutes – Beyond Blue’s Support Service as Sophie described or the Suicide Call Back Service, (1300 659 467) phone, chat, email.

https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/suicide-call-back-service-onl...

No one person, no matter how much they care, can keep another alive just by themselves, it takes people, a medical team, and a little bit from the person themselves. If you cannot receive a call remember he knows the alternatives, scary for him first time but this goes quickly.

Your friend is lucky to have such a caring person looking after his welfare, one resourceful enough to ask here for help

I’m worried about you both, so please come back

Croix