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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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LostRoo Am I overthinking or am I in an abusive relationship?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am a newbee and want help to understand what's happening to me. I am so confused.. I have been in the relationship with him from last 11 years. I loved him and showed it by action..for last 11 years I showed up physically, emotionally,... View more

Hi everyone, I am a newbee and want help to understand what's happening to me. I am so confused.. I have been in the relationship with him from last 11 years. I loved him and showed it by action..for last 11 years I showed up physically, emotionally, mentally and financially. Feared if I have a baby I can't show up financially and cause fights. didn't speak to my parents, sister or friends in front of him as he would get mad. Served his mother in stroke as a humanity.. hardly could visit or stay with my family when I went back home even though we were from same city as he gave excuses to take care of his family or saying that your parents are judgemental etc. During this time, when he would get angry he would get cruel with words, undermine me, my family.. after his mother had stroke he even hit me.. then showed remorse the next time saying he got angry as I kept fighting and blamed on his depression. I thought he needed support and didn't said nothing to no one.. He blamed me for not being able to conceive, blamed me for being fat, didn't show intimate emotional connection and concentrated on himslef, his hobbies his work.. On regular basis, I bought groceries, cleaned, cooked and kept track of all the paperwork related to household. When I got frustrated he said he bought dishwasher for me.. when I was sick or couldn't cook I ordered pizza for both.. and then he complained that he hated pizza or it wasn't nutritious.. at no point he made an effort to make simple sandwhixh for me even when I was sick.. and I just kept going on.. He also has been home from last 9months as he wasn't coping with some boss issues.. I had told him to quit as I knew if he gets frustrated he will get angry and I will suffer.. However, recently I got stood down due to covid-19 and I couldn't bear the behaviour.. and fights I distanced myself from him.. I felt undesired and loved and felt need for external appreciation. In this thought I ended up on porn site wanting to post my photos, never posted but deleted.. he found out as it got uploaded on google drive.. he embarrassed me further by showing it to my family.. I got more distanced.. I ended up telling my family first time how I felt.. It has been 7weeks.. in this time I also got infatuated to some random guy online which I never met which he found out about.. well now.. he says I am cheating on him.. I understand that I shouldn't have gone this way.. but I just don't know where to start from.. and what's wrong with me??

Ereen Not sure what this feeling is 😢
  • replies: 2

I recently got married to my 5year long distance bf. Its been 4 mnths that we have been apart. But like everyone he is stuck at home too abroad and m stuck here at home here in australia due to covid 19. My now husband since he is stuck at home is so... View more

I recently got married to my 5year long distance bf. Its been 4 mnths that we have been apart. But like everyone he is stuck at home too abroad and m stuck here at home here in australia due to covid 19. My now husband since he is stuck at home is so bg with playing games that he hardly have time for me. I told him that this behaviour of is making me feel very sad. We had an arguement and we didn’t talk with each other for a week. Then we spoke again and we had the fight for the same reason. Its been like that on and off for 4 times now. This when we had a fight he spoke to me in very rude manner. He was very harsh that hurt my feeling very much. He said he hated talking long hours on the phone instead he prefers playing game. I told him during times like this we have to be there for eachother but he said he is nt like the movie actor who will be there for me all the time he will be there when he feels like. I was shocked to hear that kind of statement from him. We haven’t spoken with each other for many days. M very hurt .my parents keeps on asking hows everything between us but i am tired of lying everyday that everything is fine. Everytime i think abt it i cant stop my tears. I cry every night so that nobody can see me crying. It hard seeing your newly married life crumble like this and even in times like this. I am unemployed right now... This problem is making me hard to concentrate on my studies . I am scared to tell my parents that things are not what it seems because i dnt want to make them sad. I dnt want to tell anybody abt what is going on in my life because it will make them sad too. Although i try to stay happy outside deep down m very very sad.

Shyone What happens now
  • replies: 44

Hi, So I have posted before about my marriage, wanting to save it. Well that hasn't happened and as of tonight it is over. What do I do now we have a house mortgage, van etc loans together. Where do I start?

Hi, So I have posted before about my marriage, wanting to save it. Well that hasn't happened and as of tonight it is over. What do I do now we have a house mortgage, van etc loans together. Where do I start?

Mr K moving on moving forward but I don't know what I'm doing!
  • replies: 1

Hi BB, I've been on a long painful and upsetting journey initiated by my wife (Ex wife) who has decided that she wants to be single again after 11 years marriage. We have two beautiful little daughters whom I will only get to see half as much as I us... View more

Hi BB, I've been on a long painful and upsetting journey initiated by my wife (Ex wife) who has decided that she wants to be single again after 11 years marriage. We have two beautiful little daughters whom I will only get to see half as much as I used too. I know compared to other poor fathers on here that is as much as I could hope for and I am grateful for this small mercy. I also have the ongoing emotional support of my extended family who know I tried hard to be a good husband and remain a loving and nurturing father, this is also a mercy as without them I would be utterly bereft of family in Australia. Part of me will always love my ex and remember the good times shared over the years, part of me now also hates her for splitting me up with my children. Life has never been more intimidating for me as I have to learn all about child support, tax, medicare etc. etc. my wife did all our financial stuff I just earned my wage and paid it into a joint account. I don't want to argue with my ex and hope we can co-parent successfully for the sake of our girls but I struggle with the resentment too. We have drawn up a parenting plan which does seem reasonable. I know my wife is still trying to get more money out of me than seems fair but I need to consult a solicitor about that. I'm wary of the solicitors as I know they make more money from a fighting couple though. Anyway, what advice can you give me to be a successful single dad? I work full time in a good job, I've moved into a small unit close to our old home to be close to the kids, schools, daycare etc. The small unit is easy to keep clean and tidy so I wont spend all day doing housework with the girls. What are the tips and tricks that you have all learned and what do you wish someone had told you? Thanks in advance, K.

Hello4 I feel like a second choice
  • replies: 5

I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve had a lot of issues in my friendship group since year 7. They have finally stopped and the group has also expanded a lot. But now that it had everyone has that one person they like d most. But I’m constantly being a th... View more

I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve had a lot of issues in my friendship group since year 7. They have finally stopped and the group has also expanded a lot. But now that it had everyone has that one person they like d most. But I’m constantly being a third wheel and I can’t. I feel like a burden to everyone. I Have just been feeling so lonely and it hurts so much knowing that I don’t have anyone who truely cares for me in my friendship group and I have family but my relationship with my parents is complicated. I can’t talk to any of my friends either because they won’t understand and I also feel like by telling them I’m just being a burden on their life if you know what I mean. How can I cope with this because it hurts a lot thinking about this and Sometimes there r night where I’m hurting a lot and just break down alone.

Ragnar333 Morning All
  • replies: 4

First time in my life dealing with my problems with others It took my wife to take my family away from me to get me to realize I have a serious problem, never thought this would happen in my wildest dreams, have been to therapist to deal with my past... View more

First time in my life dealing with my problems with others It took my wife to take my family away from me to get me to realize I have a serious problem, never thought this would happen in my wildest dreams, have been to therapist to deal with my past but haven't spoken to anyone on how to deal with being without my family, she says she wants 12 months to figure herself out as well im not sure i can do 12 months without them

Independent Chosen Family
  • replies: 3

I was advised to escape from my enmeshed family by my then psychologist. Putting together a caring chosen family has worked wonders until the pandemic. The restrictions meant that my circle of activities came to a screeching halt. When restrictions s... View more

I was advised to escape from my enmeshed family by my then psychologist. Putting together a caring chosen family has worked wonders until the pandemic. The restrictions meant that my circle of activities came to a screeching halt. When restrictions started to be lifted families could once again get together - but not our chosen family - we were not flesh and blood. So meeting as a 'family' was still not possible. So while the media showed families getting together ours couldn't. Nothing has changed for us since restrictions were lifted. I really think the government should redefine what family means. I think it should be those who love and cherish each other and look out for each other - something my biological family could never do for me, except my mother who now has dementia. Being on my own isn't nice but it infinitely better than being with my biological family. Please think about us orphans who have had to do all this on our own. Sometimes I have wished I could catch Covid 19 and be done with life because life without my chosen family is no life at all. I am not suicidal but I do wish the Government could think social isolation/ distancing through a bit better. I hope you are all safe and as well as can e expected.

Retroactive Starting a lot of fights with my family
  • replies: 3

Hi I love my family very much and I try to help them in ways that I can, but I seem to be constantly causing conflict and getting into so many arguments with them. They say I have a problem with my temper - I am too blunt and confrontational, and esc... View more

Hi I love my family very much and I try to help them in ways that I can, but I seem to be constantly causing conflict and getting into so many arguments with them. They say I have a problem with my temper - I am too blunt and confrontational, and escalate things. My sisters have threatened to move out because of me and that hurts so much because I really do love them and would do anything in the world for them. Recently, when I've argued with one person, the others join in to tell me it's my fault and that I need to change something about myself. I think I'm the cause of everyone's problems. I am a very private person and I rely heavily on my family...so I'm really struggling with all of this as I have no one else to turn to. I have a lot on my plate so I'm stressed and tired and irritable. After each argument, I tell then that I will try harder to improve - and I honestly mean it - but somehow I end up in another argument...I don't even know how. They tell me that I start fights intentionally to antagnise and don't believe me when I say I don't...but I truly don't fights for that reason. I have always tried to do the right thing and I have tried so hard to be a good family member over the years...but that effort has been wiped out by the recent fights - at least that's what they tell me. If so, what's the point of family then...? Do all the good deeds/memories in the past mean nothing? Is that how it works? Thanks for listening

Luk3 brother issues
  • replies: 4

i do not have a close relationship with my younger brother. he is a recovering addict. we have discussed our up bringing (which was very grounded) but he only thinks of the negative things that happened between us, even when i change to some positive... View more

i do not have a close relationship with my younger brother. he is a recovering addict. we have discussed our up bringing (which was very grounded) but he only thinks of the negative things that happened between us, even when i change to some positive things he manages to turn it back around to negative. he has a lot of negativity and resentment towards me and is happier when i am not doing well in life. i am struggling with how to deal with this as each time we spend a time together i can feel the negativity from him directed at me and now i am at the stage i am avoiding sharing a family meal as it is so tense for all family and very draining...

Paigturner Estrangement from daughter
  • replies: 6

I have a 24yo daughter and have always been close and had a great relationship to the point she would always tell me everything. May 2019 my daughter started seeing a girl she met from the Internet and within 8 weeks her behaviour changed. She would ... View more

I have a 24yo daughter and have always been close and had a great relationship to the point she would always tell me everything. May 2019 my daughter started seeing a girl she met from the Internet and within 8 weeks her behaviour changed. She would stay in her room, would go out & be gone for 4 days only to come home and sleep like she hasn’t slept in years. She became moody, aggressive and even disrespectful. I told her her behaviour was unacceptable so she moved out and in with the girlfriend. Things progressively got worse. She was 3hrs late to the family Christmas dinner and I get a call from her saying she is an hour away but if I wanted to see her for Christmas I needed to transfer her $20 for petrol so she could get here, which I did. She sauntered in with no apology or explanation, ate her Christmas lunch that we had already eaten 3hrs earlier, received her gifts then left. None of the family even got so much as a Christmas card from her which is sooo not like her. In 2017 I financed a 2015 Honda Jazz in my name that she would pay off at $70 a week- this was discussed and terms agreed between us both prior to purchase. For 2yrs she paid her repayments religiously and without reminder, she was quite the little budgeter. All of a sudden repayments stopped and she ghosted me. She wouldn’t respond to text, calls or email. The same thing happened the following month and still she ghosted me. I also noticed her personal belongings being listed on buy, swap, sell on Facebook. I received a text back saying “do what you like but it will just be chalked up to a civil matter”. I woke up to a text 3 days later saying the keys were in my letter box. The car had been returned under a cloud of darkness. When I saw the car my heart sank - it was trashed and anything of value missing. The new tyres fitted to her car some 4mths prior had been replaced with old thread bare tyres, the $1000 dash cam was missing, every panel had damage.This car WAS my daughters pride and joy and was in perfect condition when she left. After this I listed my daughter as a missing person. Well this is the broad strokes, it’s now been 6mths since I have seen my daughter or spoken to her. I don’t know where she is living, if she is ok and have been left a shell of a woman from the experience. Mother’s Day was gut wrenching when my mother received an email allegedly from her wishing her a happy Mother’s Day yet I heard nothing. What do I do and how the hell do I get through this?