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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Soverylostgirl Struggling with relationship loss - not your typical breakup.
  • replies: 4

Its 5:45 am, I've been awake since 4:30 crying again. Soon to be ex-hubby sleeps in different room so I guess that's a blessing he doesn't have to listen to me. 2014 - 2017 we went through a highly contested court battle for his sons. It was an emoti... View more

Its 5:45 am, I've been awake since 4:30 crying again. Soon to be ex-hubby sleeps in different room so I guess that's a blessing he doesn't have to listen to me. 2014 - 2017 we went through a highly contested court battle for his sons. It was an emotionally screwed up time. The end of court was sept 2017. Oct 2018 he said we were done. Since then we've been in this up and down relationship. I can't even explain it. He leads me along for a while then says he doesn't. We live together, regularly we're intimate but zero attachment on his side. Anyhoo, we have really been at each other this week and I found out he's talking to someone online. This has really shattered me. I feel so stupid. I love him beyond words (16 years together and 3 kids) and I've asked if he'll work on us and I just get zero.. I know I need to let him go but he's the love of my life and I'm not coping. I've stuck by him through everything, and what's worse is he told me he started to disconnect with me in 2015 but didn't say anything. Yes we have had our ups and downs over the years but we always worked it out. I knew we had dome issues but I was waiting for court to be over to deep dive into fixing them... But instead he used me for what feels like the funds to support his court case and tossed me aside. I'm not innocent. During the court stuff I posted stuff online and it was used against him in court (stupid emotional shit). He blames me for it. But he doesn't see everything I've done for him over the years... I'm just so depressed. I've never been this bad. I've taken to drinking alcohol at night to push down the hurt and make me sleep. I'm sitting here on my couch bed crying, wondering if I'll ever be OK again. I start work in 2hrs but luckily taking a half day because of shit that's happened this week. How the hell do you let go? I don't know how someone can just disconnect so quickly after so long. I hear him in the other room talking to people and laughing and I miss that with him. I miss the way it used to be.

Trish2 Relationship issue
  • replies: 8

Hey there. I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of 6 months where at times I feel really happy about it, but other times I feel quite anxious about where it could be heading. This is also my first ever relationship and I'm 20. I feel re... View more

Hey there. I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of 6 months where at times I feel really happy about it, but other times I feel quite anxious about where it could be heading. This is also my first ever relationship and I'm 20. I feel really happy knowing I'm with this person. I would like to think our bond between one another is actually really great and strong in many areas. We have mutual trust and she's there for me quite a lot. The problem however is that I feel as if I'm the one putting in all the effort. I always find myself being the first to ask when we should hang out, I deliberately put off asking sometimes to see how long it'll last before she says anything and I find that I'm still asking first (the longest I've put it off is almost 2 weeks), I seem to want much more affection and sex than she does and I find myself being the one who's messaging more generally speaking. It confuses me because I can tell she genuinely enjoys my company but I just feel like it isn't really fulfilling for me to have to always be the one to initiate affection and make the effort to see her. I have spoken with her about this before but I don't know if I can ever really communicate to her that I need a bit more from her without overwhelming her or putting pressure on her. I wish this was something I wasn't so bothered by but it has made me feel really lonely and upset considering I don't want to overwhelm her with my feelings towards everything here. She's not the kind to be uncomfortable with what I tell her and always welcomes what I say to her but I just really worry that it'll be too much for her to handle. I've always been honest with her but I still don't see any change and I have considered that she has a busy schedule, but there was a lot more effort being made for me when we were dating for the first month without anything changing for her so I don't know... I'd like to think she takes our relationship seriously but I feel as though I'm not much of a priority anymore. I'm just not sure and would love any advice I can get. Thanks so much for hearing me out.

Corella Being ghosted
  • replies: 6

I am being ghosted by a man i spent 8 months talking with. He keptcalling me, so i took it as interest. Well i fell in love, after being chronically single. Im 42. Im childless never married. Why do ppl play these games? What should i do. I believe s... View more

I am being ghosted by a man i spent 8 months talking with. He keptcalling me, so i took it as interest. Well i fell in love, after being chronically single. Im 42. Im childless never married. Why do ppl play these games? What should i do. I believe some ppl never find love. During the 8 months i hardly cried i was so happy. Anyone got advice

WorkingWife online couples counselling
  • replies: 1

Does anyone know of any online couples counsellors that are located in Australia, but are originally from the USA? Thanks.

Does anyone know of any online couples counsellors that are located in Australia, but are originally from the USA? Thanks.

Jk2020 Don’t know how I should feel
  • replies: 6

Hi. When my husband and I first started our relationship he told me he had gotten another woman pregnant years earlier. she didn’t tell him until the baby was born and she didn’t want anything to do with him. It was a shock and I seriously questioned... View more

Hi. When my husband and I first started our relationship he told me he had gotten another woman pregnant years earlier. she didn’t tell him until the baby was born and she didn’t want anything to do with him. It was a shock and I seriously questioned wether he was the right man for me. We eventually married and now have children of our own. I am also now pregnant with our 3rd child. Then suprise- the “secret” child (now in her teens) has found him and contacted him. I knew this would happen one day, but not now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. One minute I’m trying to support him and the next I feel like I hate him for putting our family through this. I also think this child has a right to know her biological background and so I am torn and very emotional. It’s really getting me down, and I feel the joy of having a new baby has been taken from me. I start to feel ok, and then as soon as she makes contact again, the emotion and anger all floods back. I want him to do what he feels he needs to do regardless of my feelings but I’m just so confused, I’m not sure how to support him but look after myself and pick myself up and move forward.

Violet_S I don’t know if I should break up with my boyfriend or not :(
  • replies: 1

Cheers to whoever reads the entire thing So, I’ve been with my bf (25) for 2 years now. before I met him I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years which i’ve never really gotten over, due to the trauma. Right now my partner and I are in a LDR. I w... View more

Cheers to whoever reads the entire thing So, I’ve been with my bf (25) for 2 years now. before I met him I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years which i’ve never really gotten over, due to the trauma. Right now my partner and I are in a LDR. I was living near him but decided to go stay with my mother in another state because of the pandemic. long distance is hard, but we’ve been coping ok. my boyfriend is a sweetheart, he treats me very well. it is the most healthiest relationship i’ve ever had, which is amazing. however, he is very immature. he has never had a job even though he did go to college. he usually plays video games all day or sorts through his lego. he is a great artist and has potential but there are no jobs available in his area due to how competitive the field is. I’ve suggested he study another course that interests him, but he isn’t enthusiastic about that. Sometimes I feel like i’m way more mature than he is and his immaturity really frustrates me. i’ve been through a lot of things and mentally I feel very mature, so there’s like this.. disconnection in who we are as people and what we’ve experienced. i’m 27 so there is definitely differences. we do share the same beliefs about the world, he is very intelligent which is part of why I fell in love with him originally.. but lately I just haven’t felt attracted to him like I did when we first met. it feels like we’re best friends, not lovers. I just don’t feel that spark. I don’t really know what to talk about anymore. it feels like our conversations are repetitive. I know that if we broke up it would hurt. i’d miss his “good morning” messages every morning. I’d miss seeing him. i’m worried i’ll make a big mistake if I let this go. to add, I suffer from depression and anxiety. it has gotten worse lately. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. I do feel like I am going into a different direction than him. I finished a course last year and am going to uni soon for a 4 year degree. I plan on staying with my mum so I can work casually and save money while I go to uni, which seems to make the most sense. I feel like this ldr will hold the both of us back? I want him to experience more of life and grow as a person. I just feel lost. I care so much about him but I don’t know where to go from here. all I know is that something doesn’t feel right. any advice would be appreciated

Beth27 Moral conflict
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been best friends with this guy since we were young kids and it’s been over 20 years of friendship, we have always had great profound love for one another and we were each other’s first loves. We have always talked on and off for our lives... View more

Hi, I have been best friends with this guy since we were young kids and it’s been over 20 years of friendship, we have always had great profound love for one another and we were each other’s first loves. We have always talked on and off for our lives but the timing to start a serious relationship was always off. My issue is that I have been dating a wonderful man for 3 years, we started dating less than a month after I got out of a very toxic relationship, it’s been a great relationship apart from feeling like I’m not ready to truely commit, I love him dearly but he’s addicted to work and I’m worried about moving in with him (bringing my two kids) and since the coronavirus restrictions started I haven’t seen him much at all but the feelings started before this, I’ve been trying to juggle kids and study plus this relationship that seems to be the same stuff all the time no maker how we trying to spice it up.bi truely love him but I’m concerned about taking that next step with someone that may not be compatible. And I’ve recently started talking more with my childhood best friend again and it seems to me that this is another bad timing situation... I really want to be with my partner but there’s a huge pull to try and see if the childhood friend and I could have something more (something both of us want) but I’m so confused about what to do, it’s eating me inside and it’s becoming overwhelming, I honestly just want to throw my hands up and run from all my expectations as an adult. please help I’m really not sure what I’m meant to be doing

modus Coping without my kids
  • replies: 2

Hi I have recently seperated from my wife of 20 years. We have 2 children 15 and 9. For the last 3 years i suffer from anniexty and mild depression. Im struggling with the shock of not being around my kids all the time. The thought of not seeing them... View more

Hi I have recently seperated from my wife of 20 years. We have 2 children 15 and 9. For the last 3 years i suffer from anniexty and mild depression. Im struggling with the shock of not being around my kids all the time. The thought of not seeing them as much really hurts me. Me and my wife are still friends so seeeing the kids is not an issue. Im so scared to lose the relationship i have with them. Sorry this is all new to me and has really got me down. Thanks

Nikky1111 Long distance relationship issues
  • replies: 3

Hi I have been in a really amazing loving relationship for about 5 months now. We live about 1 hour and 15 minutes apart from each other so it's not too impossible and we are seeing each other every weekend at a minimum one of the weekend days but us... View more

Hi I have been in a really amazing loving relationship for about 5 months now. We live about 1 hour and 15 minutes apart from each other so it's not too impossible and we are seeing each other every weekend at a minimum one of the weekend days but usually 2. The only problem is. I work some weekends either a Saturday or a Sunday shift and I finish early at 2pm so I have most the arvo free to do things.. so when my boyfriend comes to my place say a Friday night and stays and I have to work say a Saturday or Sunday he will just chill at mine till I come home and be productive like study or something and just relax. Then we usually have the whole arvo and next day free together to have fun. So it's been working quite ok like this. But. On the other hand. When it comes to me being able to visit him, he has not yet moved out of home and his parents are very old style Christians that believe in no sex before marriage so they will not allow me to stay at his house in his room even tho we are both of adult age. So if I go up to visit him. I always have to drive all the way home the same day because I can't stay. It can be hard because if he has other commitments that weekend and I can only drive up to see him for one day, we have no private space to be able to be intimate together and have cuddles or anything. And that may be our only contact for the entire week. Now we just got news that he will be starting to work Saturdays just for a half day shift, soon, and this is going to limit our time together even more. He won't be able to drive down to my place on a Friday night and if I'm working the Sunday I doubt he would want to come down the Saturday and then have to wait for me at work on the Sunday just for me to get home so we can spend some time together. I want to ask him if down the track if he would consider moving out of his parents house and flat with some mates or just general flat mates so he can have his freedom and privacy and allow space for us to have our relationship up where he lives as well. That way I can stay up there and work around his work commitments also... I am scared of putting pressure on him by asking but it is extremely important to me that we have enough time together and this seems like the only logical and healthy step forward..

coun_tess Dealing (or not) with resentment
  • replies: 1

Hi. I've just joined this forum. I was looking at BB for a work-related issue and thought I'd give it a try. I'm trying to deal with real anger and resentment issues I have towards my partner. I suffer from anxiety and have been on meds before but th... View more

Hi. I've just joined this forum. I was looking at BB for a work-related issue and thought I'd give it a try. I'm trying to deal with real anger and resentment issues I have towards my partner. I suffer from anxiety and have been on meds before but this is different. Some days I think we're going OK but then there's a comment or something happens and all the things he's done to get us where we are now come flooding back and I shut down. He's just been diagnosed with moderate/severe depression and he's finally on the medication dose that makes a difference. But I had to push him to get them. The doc made a great comment. He said... it's not your fault you're suffering from depression, but it is your fault if you don't do anything about it. I resent the fact I had to push him, I resent he hasn't done anything to better himself - just waited for the meds to work, I resent the fact he doesn't talk about anything because he "doesn't like confrontation", I resent the fact I had to make a life-changing decision in Jan and deal with the consequences on my own, I resent the fact he expects everything from me but when I need him the most he's never there. And I'm angry at myself for getting myself into this. And y'know what. I'm sick of the crap. I'm 42 and if we didn't have a child I'd be long gone. But we do and there's nowhere for me to go unless I quit work and haul her out of school. He doesn't parent anyway - more like babysits. He doesn't want to do relationship counselling. It's like talking to a wall. I'm sure there are ways I can deal with it better but it's got to a point where it's so overwhelming that I just want out. I'd have to break my little girl's heart. I sound like a complete bitch but it's just getting harder and harder to pull myself out of this consuming ball of anger.