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Hi , new to this. I have BP and have had for decades. The doctors had told me for years I should share with my family, so 12 months ago I did share because I was not doing well. ( by this I mean hospitalised) I only shared basic stuff. Since then I have been "ostracised"by my daughter in law. I used to babysit 2 days a week for them and now am not allowed to be alone with the grandkids. I am at a loss how to move forward. Any advice from anyone ?? ta
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Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi unknown2u

Welcome to the forum and I am so pleased you have come to get some support and some conversation around what I can imagine is a really hurtful and sad time for you.

I just want to perhaps come from the other side of the fence here and perhaps shine a bit of a light on what your daughter in law might be thinking or feeling. I used to have my mother take care of my children and as she aged her ability to do what "I expected" changed. I am wondering if the combination of her lack of understanding BP and that you are not disabled or incapable of caring for your grandchildren mixed with the fear that "something will happen to them" while in your care could be what is going on here and hopefully some education on her side mixed with a good conversation with you could really make a different outcome here.

How would you feel about having a conversation with her and explaining how you miss terribly being able to look after your grandchildren and out-rightly ask her why it is that you are no longer able to do that. Hopefully she will be honest and mention the hospital stay or the BP or even that she is scared you will not be able to care for them as she "expects". This would be a good time to help her understand your BP and what you do to manage it, that is doesn't have an impact on your caring for your grandchildren and that if she is worried what things could be put into place to act as "back ups" should something happen. I think if you can help her understand where you are at both mentally and emotionally and show her that you are capable or even ask for the opportunity to show her and provide her with some comfort that she can trust that her children will be safe and cared for while with you.

This is a hard thing to have to do and I can hear how much it is hurting you but I think perhaps she doesn't know the facts and is just preventing an issue and it is easier to not have you look after them. I think with a good conversation and giving her some information and some reassurance you might even be able to do one day or even half a day. Ask for the opportunity to show her.

I am so sorry you are feeling so ostracized and grandchildren are such a wonderful part of life, I hope she will have this conversation with you and this has a positive outcome for you.

Hope to chat some more to you.