I just feel so lonely!! ☹

[Olivia1]

Hi all! I hope you are all doing well!

I am a 17 year girl who has high functioning Asperger's. And I feel so socially isolated and invisible. At my school I struggle to connect with anyone and I am afraid that that's because I am a boring, basic nobody. I only have 1 good friend who I hang out with and without her I have nobody. I feel bad because she is really popular and I feel like I rely on her way to much and I feel like i'm holding her back socially. Then when I started working I still made no friends. I just feel like no matter where I go I will be always lonely, which is a scary thought because I don't want to be lonely as an adult.

I just wish I knew how to make new friends. It seems to come so easily to some people and it's close to impossible for me. I try and get out there but it is really hard considering how socially awkward I am and extremely shy. I also seem to have anything interesting to say.

I don't really know how to end this well so.. have a good day and thanks for reading. ❤️

[james1]

Hey Olivia,

Welcome to the forums. I hope you find some comfort in the community here, and that you are able to connect with some people.

I am sorry to hear you feel so lonely. I also feel horribly lonely sometimes and I know loneliness is something that is really hard to cope with. That said, I think it is also a very normal thing to feel lonely and you are certainly not alone in that way.

You mention you feel like you can't make friends easily, and are really socially awkward. It also sounds like you feel like you are not interesting to anybody, except your friend, who you feel like you are holding back. I understand these feelings can make it even harder to try and make meaningful connections with people, and I am sad to hear you feel like a nobody.

I am not sure how to convince you otherwise, but it certainly sounds like your friend thinks you are an interesting enough person to have as a friend. Even if you feel like you are relying on her too much, she clearly still thinks well of you.

Sometimes I find it is healthier to look for the connections we have, rather than the connections we don't have. After all, it is the connections we do have which are actually real, and which we can do something with. If we can see that there is at least someone who enjoys our company enough to spend time with us, perhaps there could be more.

I hope you are having a good day too!

James

[missep123]

Hi Olivia!

Firstly I would like to say that I love the love hearts next to your name! So cute!

I understand. My fiancee's sister has high functioning Aspergers and everything you described to me is exactly what she is going through!

I know what you mean about fear of holding someone back socially but from my own experience if they are hanging out with you and enjoying their time with you then it's usually our own thoughts and fears that we are holding them back. The reality and our reality can be very different!

The way I usually make friends is through common interests. What are your interests/things that you like to do?

[Olivia1]

Thanks for your reply!! I like the hearts too 🙂 Thanks for sharing that your fiances sister has Asperger's and I hope she is doing well ♥ I will try and open myself up to try and find others with common interests as me. 🙂

[Nevermind_me]

Hi Olivia,

I understand that feeling of being lonely, socially awkward and holding others back. However, it isn't true. I felt that way as well and still feel like that from time to time. However, deep down I know it's self perception and not the reality.

You're obviously an amazing person and your friend can see that. She hangs out with you because she likes you for you:) So don't ever feel like you're holding her back.

Other people make friends easily, but are they being true to themselves? So many times I've seen people pretend to be something they're not, just to fit in. They may seem really happy on the surface, but it's all a facade. Most people will sacrifice everything just to be popular and trust me, it's not worth it. So my advice is to you is to just be yourself. You shouldn't have to change for others. You are more likely to make and keep true friends if you're honest and sincere.

Also, being shy isn't always a bad thing. In fact, it makes you seem more mysterious and will keep others guessing. In fact, don't worry about being shy at all. I find that the more you focus on being shy, the worse it becomes. So, just talk to people, even if it's hard. It may take you out of your comfort zone, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become. Also don't ever stop asking questions or demanding answers. The more you discuss these feelings you have with others, the sooner you will find a resolution.

Also finding a hobby is always helpful. I found doing art sessions with other like minded people helped me open up socially.

Hope this was helpful and good luck,

Nevermind_me

[Olivia1]

Hi Nevermind_me,

thank you so much for that comment. It was very nice to read and you had some really good advice. I will try and open up to more people and I will learn to accept who I am, as well as being happy with the people that do surround me and care for me.

In relation to starting a new hobby I think that's a great idea and I will definitely try something new!

♥ Olivia ♥

[missep123]

Hi Olivia!

We care about you on the forums, please keep us updated on how you go!

What are some things that you like to do? 🙂

[Olivia1]

I like to read mostly! And play video games, watch TV, write short stories, edit videos, bake and watch youtube. thats about it lol. Oh and roleplaying!

[missep123]

A lot of hobbies!

What do you like reading and gaming?

I like doing that as well. I recently got Paper Mario it's so cute and fun! I love having a good game that I am excited to play after finishing work!

[Juliet_84]

Hi Olivia,

I can definitely empathize with your situation, having felt like you for a great part of my life. Like you, I didn’t really click with anyone at my high school, and often found myself alone eating lunch. I also used to play netball on a weekend and didn’t click with my team mates either, and just found myself doing my own thing for a large part of the time. I remember it used to get to me so much, and I used to feel so self-conscious being on my own, that people were looking at me and wondering what was wrong with me. But then I went to university and I found “my people”. I think it was the fact that I was with a whole bunch of people who had the same or very similar interests to me and thought in a similar way. And the same followed for my working career, I met a lot of similar minded great people and so these people became my friend circle and it no longer mattered. I suppose what I’m trying to say is hang in there, school is the worst because the interaction with your classmates is forced so there’s no escaping it. But it won’t be forever, you will soon get to pick and choose the people you have in your life and it will become a thing of the past. If you don’t like the people you work with, you can quit and find another job etc, you will have much more freedom to choose. In the meantime, have you considered meeting other high functioning aspergers, if there is social groups etc? It might be enough to tide you over in the meantime?