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Stuck in the middle

Community Member


I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates than partners.

In this time I met someone at my workplace that i have formed a connection with that I never thought I could. We both said that there is genuine love there and I believe that totally. I think about her constantly!

The relationship I have with my current partner started when we were 19 and now nearly 12 years on with everything we’ve built and done together I don’t know whether I can let that all go.

I’m hurting both of them and I’m literally in bits about it constantly. The stress and anxiety around what’s happening is so intense at times. Feel like I have to make a choice and the fear of making a wrong one has me completely frozen.

I have love for both of them, but what do I do. Give up a very solid, and happy 12 year relationship that’s hit some hurdles. Or I feel like I could be giving up the shot at something special with someone I have an incredible connection with.

Exhausted just thinking about it!

3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

welcome Brenans to the forum.

This dilemma that you face is one many people will relate and I know a male and female friend who have both had to make a similar decision.

Do the women involved know about each other?

Sometimes when people have been in a long term relationship they feel too comfortable and take each other granted so when a new person shows an interest in them they feel an instant connection and feel alive for the first time in years. A new relationship is exciting and energetic and is thrilling. You are constantly learning new things and everything seems wonderful and intense. I am not sure if that is what happened to you or it was different.

I think you know only you can a make a decision because only you know how you feel.

Did it help writing out your thoughts and make things clear of did it just make you feel exhausted.

Feel free to post more if you want to. If you look around the thread you may find people in a similar situation.


Thanks for the reply.

they do know about each other. I told my wife I had feelings for someone else it wasn’t easy! I have the ultimatum of cutting off any contact and changing jobs. I’ve tried cutting off communication and I miss her so much.

With the connection I have with her and feeling the way I do I just don’t think I can do that. If anything I feel like I would wonder ‘What if’ all the time. It’s not an over night thing either we’ve know each other for 18 months and have a lot in common. Feel like I’m justifying it and probably am.

Being stuck in the middle is eating me up. Little things will literally have me in tears.

Im scared if it’s over with my wife, where will I live, will it work, will I want to go back, I’m going to really hurt people. It just gets a lot to deal with. I do have great family looking out for me though and talking to me. Even that sounds selfish...

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Brenans

Just wondering how you are. Have you come any further in your decision making process.

I know you are aware of al the complexities and how it is affecting both women, that makes it is so difficult.