Stuck and confused

[Alwayswrong1]

I feel like I’m always wrong all my bad choices and mistakes are thrown at me and never praised for the good ones. I’m estrangement from my adult child and don’t see my grandkids whom I had an amazing relationship with. I’ve made mistakes and I’m trying to be a better person. I feel like every decision I make isn’t the right one somehow it upsets someone or isn’t the right thing to do etc. I have tried to teach myself how to be a good person how to not react and to think before reacting and it’s helping but no matter

how hard I try not it never is appreciated or acknowledged at what point does my past become my past? 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

No, I"m not going to call you "Alwayswrong" becuse it is untrue, no matter what you have done,  and makes you feel worse.  You may indeed make mistakes -big or small- then but that is not all you are, you have a good side too. Being capable of love is one sign of it.

You sound very discouraged and I'm not surprised if your mistakes - if in fact they are mistakes - are thrown at you and your good actions do not get praised. It goes further than that in you are being punished. To love and be with one's grandchildren is a blessing and you are being deprived of it.

It would help if you were prepared to say the reason for the estrangement and for your abuse and who is doing it. Don't feel obliged to say anything unless you want, it's just that with a better idea of your circumstances we may be able to offer better support.

Learning to cope with harsh treatment is not easy in the least, and to try to do it by yourself does not always work as we would wish. Is there anyone on your side, who will listen and care? Being isolated makes thngs so much harder.

Getting support is important.

If you would like to come back and talk more you will be welcomed, and there will be no judgment.

Croix

[Alwayswrong1]

Hi I ended up in jail for a year and noticed my adult child was treating me different although I am so grateful for their support and what they have done for me I vented to someone about how I was feeling and said something in moment of distress I called the child a swear word I was then left and not spoken to or allowed to see grandkids an avo was taken out against me I was never violent or even raised my voice I was beyond devastated to maintain my connection with my grandkids I applied to family court only to be labelled a monster I withdrew the family court I have tried to speak to adult child as we have not spoken or seen each other since 2024 but it was met with hostility I believe they are hurt that I applied to the family court they feel wha type of mother does that meaning me they can’t see that in order to see my grandkids I had to apply to the family court they can’t see their role in it 

I’ve worked on myself so hard and I am in a better place somewhat 

the abuse always thrown in my face is from y older sister it’s been like this my entire life I would react nasty but after taking 2 anger management classes I’m learning to just say nothing and walk away or say how I feel in a positive way 

I am the only parent for the said child and have always had a close relationship I feel they are being 

cruel and like they don’t care I’m shocked as I raised them all on my own and thought I’d raised them to be kind and loving I miss my grandkids enormously and I know time heals I know I need to move along with my life it’s just hard 

[Jessica_Cloud]

Oh golly, what a position. I understand this as I work with families going through the family court system. It creates a new set of problems.

I suggest that you take step back and let your adult child recover. Then maybe start back a line of communication that is ‘light’ - nothing deep or heavy or demanding, just opening up a relaxed conversation. Don’t ask for anything. I know that’s hard. In time, if they want to, they’ll come back. Don’t ask for anything. This is really important to show that you are not being selfish. 

[Croix]

Dear new member~

How can you be always wrong when you have done 2 anger-management courses and now are learning not to react but walk away. This is pretty impressive

Jail breeds anger and it breeds bad language, so it is not surprising you have difficulty adjusting to someone else's 's idea of how the world should be. It really is their lack of expereince that makes them freak out. It's not like on TV.

There may even things that happened inside you will never talk about -your daughter is lucky not to have those experiences.

I can easily understand why you went ot the family court, not something I'd normally suggest. It is adversarial and sets your adult child against you. You need things that bring your together, not make you combatants.

I hope in time your daughter comes to see the love in you and things change. I've no magic words to say to fix the problem, sometimes it takes a third person to make the  right suggestions.

Do you mind if I ask if you are alone, or have someone to support you?

Croix