Overwhelmed single mum with no support

[MissJ94]

Ive been through a lot in the last two years because of my ex, who was abusive. And to me, if you really look at things, I feel like he is still being abusive.

2025, I had a 3.5 week voluntary mental health stay with my baby who is now 13months. I had one 3 day involuntary mental health admissions. I was sectioned under the mental health act twice. My diagnosis is BPD and cPTSD. 

I just want to be the old me again. I was damaged before, but because of the ex and everything hes done, I feel like im irreparable now.

He took out an AVO on me because I was contacting him about our baby, he had told me he wants to be in the babys life but wasn't showing up. I ended up spam texting him telling him to just admit he doesnt want to be in the babys life and then ill never contact him again. So instead of admitting that, he took out the avo and now im not allowed to contact him. He goes around saying I dont let him see his son, that I dont put effort in. But he forgets to mention to people the full story.

I have a 14 year old and a 13 month old, different fathers.

I have no issues with my 14 year old, hes not as dependent on me now hes older.

My 13 month old though. I ended up screaming at him yesterday because he wanted to be held the whole day. Hes been clingy the last few days and I was all touched out, I had had enough, I was becoming overwhelmed and angry. When that happens it all gets directed at his father. Knowing that the baby is half his father, makes me not want to even look at him. He was crying even if I stood up! So I yelled, telling him to shut up. Thoughts of putting both of them into foster care, or me just getting in the car and driving off to start a new life.

I dont want to be like that. I dont want to be thinking like that. I hate myself for it. But after everything his father has done, I cant help it at times.

Any normal situation youd be able to send someone a message or call them asking if they can help put in those times of being overwhelmed but I have no one. And im sick of it. How hard is it to be a parent if thats what you want. And if you dont, why not just say it! If I could have, I would have messaged the ex yesterday asking for him to come take his son for a few hours so I can regulate, but im not allowed to! I hate it! I hate doing it all myself, on my own! I was a single mum to my eldest and now to my youngest, I never wanted any of this. 

What supports are out there to actually help? When those times of overwhelm come on and I just dont want anything to do with the baby, what do I do? Because im scared that one day ill get so overwhelmed that id do something bad. 

I do love my sons, we have more good times than bad. But those bad times, im really not coping at all. Its like I need an on call support person to take over at those times, to keep baby occupied so I can calm down and hit the reset button. 

I just dont know what to do anymore and I hate it😓

[Sophie_M]

Hi MissJ94,

Thank you for trusting this space with something so raw and painful. What you’re describing sounds incredibly overwhelming, and it’s clear you’ve been carrying far more than one person should have to carry alone. Being a single parent, with no support, while healing from abuse and managing complex trauma would push anyone to their limits.

I want to say this clearly and gently, the thoughts you’re having don’t make you a bad mother. They are signs of extreme stress, exhaustion, and trauma, not a lack of love. You’ve already shown a huge amount of care by noticing these thoughts, feeling alarmed by them, and reaching out for help before anything happens. That matters.

It makes sense that being unable to contact your ex, especially when you’re overwhelmed, feels unbearable. Losing the ability to ask for help in moments of crisis can leave you feeling trapped and alone. And caring for a very young, clingy baby without any breaks can push your nervous system past its limits, especially when you’re already “touched out.” Because you’ve said you’re scared you might reach a point where you could act in a way you don’t want to, it’s really important you have immediate, real‑world support during those moments. You don’t have to manage this on your own.

Please consider reaching out to one of these supports as soon as you can:
• Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 — 24/7 counselling and support
• Lifeline 13 11 14 — especially if things feel like they’re escalating
• 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 — specialist support for people experiencing ongoing abuse and coercive control, including post‑separation abuse

If at any point you feel you might lose control or your children are at risk, this is an emergency and it’s important to call 000 or go to the nearest emergency department. That is about protection and support, not punishment.

You deserve practical, hands‑on help, not just advice. A social worker, perinatal mental health service, or community mental health team may be able to help with respite, parenting support, or crisis planning. A GP or mental health clinician can help link you into these services. You are not failing. You are exhausted, traumatised, and doing your best in an impossible situation. We’re really glad you spoke up here, and we want to help you stay safe and supported.

Take care,
Sophie M

[Jessica_Cloud]

I suggest a Family Relationship Centre. They offer mediation to work out a parenting plan for your baby. They also can refer you both to parenting courses so you can co-parent effectively, reducing the conflict.