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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Warrior823 My partner is still married
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for almost 9 years, we both have children to previous marriages. All of the children are over 18 now. We have been through a lot together, we were both there for each other during hard times raising our children from 2 sep... View more

I have been with my partner for almost 9 years, we both have children to previous marriages. All of the children are over 18 now. We have been through a lot together, we were both there for each other during hard times raising our children from 2 seperate homes each, he supported me when I was diagnosed in 2023 with Stage 3 Breast Cancer, loss of family members, etc.However my partner is still legally married. I have asked him several times to get a divorce and every time I bring it up, he rolls his eyes and says "I don't think about it". Recently I told him that I feel that it is disrespectful to me, as I believe I have been very patient and had originally asked for him to be divorced by their 25th wedding anniversary (obviously that didn't happen) It's not like he is isn't amicable with his (ex) wife, he still pays her each month for his 2 children (another sore point) as 1 works full time, the other works part time and is attending university. Am I out of line wanting him to get the divorce?

Sheetu My husband will hurt me and my kids
  • replies: 8

I have started feeling my husband is going to tongue me and my kids , he has taken all the financials in his hands and I don’t have any control so I have to keep asking for money and then arguments starts and he starts blaming me , I am earning money... View more

I have started feeling my husband is going to tongue me and my kids , he has taken all the financials in his hands and I don’t have any control so I have to keep asking for money and then arguments starts and he starts blaming me , I am earning money which he used to take earlier but I changed my account and do that has stopped but he just wants to control everything and so he uses aggression . I have to just work according to him and things are ok , even a slight disagreement he gets triggered . I have been in this marriage for 21 years now but it’s getting very difficult to stay anymore . He also has frightened me and said he will take my or back and lot of other things . I don’t think I can cope up any more with him . Whenever I am alone at home I am just worried that he will hit me as he has done once . I don’t know what can as I thought once I will walk out of house with the kids but then where do we go and everything goes for a toss my job , kids school and uni what do I do . Please suggest

Guest_29421192 I feel like I’m acting
  • replies: 3

I have noticed that I feel numb.it’s strange because I have friends and an okay ig family relationship, everything seems fine but I feel disconnected from it all??? Like I go to school have a good time then when I’m home I forget about it?? I can’t r... View more

I have noticed that I feel numb.it’s strange because I have friends and an okay ig family relationship, everything seems fine but I feel disconnected from it all??? Like I go to school have a good time then when I’m home I forget about it?? I can’t remember how it feels to be happy truly anymore and I’m confused about it tbh.Another thing is that I feel like I’m not thinking about what I’m doing mostly because every day is the same I’m on autopilot allll the time and the only time my brain is awake is when I’m showering.All my life has been literally wake up, act, shower which means dropping the act, act again then, sleeping. i feel exhausted all the time and I didn’t even mean to put an act up it just started one day then I had to keep using it. Like wow that kid is sooo good at everything no that kid is acting. My act is slipping just like my grades and now I feel like I need a personality but I don’t have one 🫩 and I can’t talk to anybody because of I don’t even know why! My friends don’t even know that the person they are talking to is a flipping character, I’m too deep in the role and I can’t back out of it anymore. This act is what I’m seen to be it’s one with me I can’t get it off! Please give me advice to get my real self back because I can’t go to my friends and be like “ oh yeah how I act isn’t who I truly am and I was lying to you since grade 1 when you guys kicked me out 🥰“

Guest_54251988 Parenting - is this normal?
  • replies: 1

Is it normal to get so overwhelmed with children's silliness and not doing as told that you start wondering 'what would happen if I accidentally dropped this knife on my foot right now? would they actually help? what if I had to get stitches - would ... View more

Is it normal to get so overwhelmed with children's silliness and not doing as told that you start wondering 'what would happen if I accidentally dropped this knife on my foot right now? would they actually help? what if I had to get stitches - would they behave in the ED room??'. Is it normal for your brain to go off on these tangents?

blues23 Confused
  • replies: 7

I have no idea how to handle this my family member who I’ve mentioned before as kinda I guess it could be considered low contact as in they are avoiding me and my child but are leaving gifts in my doorstep, lying to me about not wanting gifts for the... View more

I have no idea how to handle this my family member who I’ve mentioned before as kinda I guess it could be considered low contact as in they are avoiding me and my child but are leaving gifts in my doorstep, lying to me about not wanting gifts for their children then turning up with 200$ of Easter eggs and telling me they wernt getting us any beforehand, sending me into a tizzy because I wanted to get their kids eggs and we both agreed not to the most recent thing is my family member is asking what my child wants for their birthday ( the precursor is oh target is having a toy day” they just heard about that sale has been on for 3 weeks) lol my child has told me numerous times that they don’t want anything from this family member because they have hurt my child’s feelings calling them a cow and blocking them out of seeing their cousins, i know this tactic of my family member is called hoovering but im really not sure how to manage it i know my child doesn’t want gifts on the back door step I also know that my child Says they don’t want a present from them .. I find these things so triggering I’m trying not to react and be like well going the same tactic my family has used on me which is to ignore or say I don’t know what my kid wants… it’s all so weird and completely confusing , another development is the family member left a birthday card in my letterbox thanking me for all I do ???? I haven’t seen this avoider for 6 months and I wonder why like why are they up to ? Also family member left birthday present in my back door step at 9:30 at night I’ve bearly opened thembecause I’m like who actually puts presents on peoples back doors steps I find the whole thing extremely hurtful and weird

Annie_03 Want to move out but have manipulative parents
  • replies: 3

Last year, I was working on my relationship with my mum. We were getting better after years of a bad relationship with each other. But around end of that year, she really invaded my privacy by reading my diary. She read all my diaries. I journal a lo... View more

Last year, I was working on my relationship with my mum. We were getting better after years of a bad relationship with each other. But around end of that year, she really invaded my privacy by reading my diary. She read all my diaries. I journal a lot, as recommended by my psychologist. So I have a lot of thoughts in there. Obviously after reading everything, she was furious. I decided to move out right that week but got talked out of it by my cousins who told me not to avoid the situation and not act impulsively. So I faced it, and I took her out to dinner and sorted things. My dad however, we haven’t talked after that whole ordeal because even the thought of me moving out is so against “our culture”. He told me he would drag me out of the house I would’ve move out to and drag me back home. I’m nearly 23 by the way. I have always wanted to eventually move anyway. Whether or not my relationship with my parents is good or not, they still have their strictness and olden day thinking and I grew up differently. I just want to live my life. Moving out for me is now more than just a privacy reason but also because I feel like I do not know how to be an adult. Yes I have a full time job but I barely know any life skills. And I know for a fact if I don’t move out then I will never grow as an adult because my parents will constantly be like “come home by this time” or “no don’t do that” or “it’s not in our culture” which I am *so sick* of hearing. I just want this burden lifted off my shoulders. I don’t want to walk on eggshells every time I’m around my mum because she changes her mood every few minutes. I don’t want to live around my dad because he’s just so so toxic. I want to finally be happy and content. What do you suggest I do?

Vikjeet Life
  • replies: 1

Hi there my life is in really bad situation at the moment wont ongoing issues in relationship with my wife. I have twins who are overseas with my wife and my wife won’t let me talk to them and is arguing with me allthe time. She doesn’t respect me pa... View more

Hi there my life is in really bad situation at the moment wont ongoing issues in relationship with my wife. I have twins who are overseas with my wife and my wife won’t let me talk to them and is arguing with me allthe time. She doesn’t respect me parents and always scares me she will take the kids away if I ever did anything I am so much stressed and been thinking about some nasty stuff how can I overcome this please?

Sans89 My partner developed a paranoid personality disorder
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner officially for 6 months, but we knew each other for around 2 years. When I met him at first, he was great and the most loving person in the world, but I couldn't enter in a relationship at first, due to a previous break up... View more

I have been with my partner officially for 6 months, but we knew each other for around 2 years. When I met him at first, he was great and the most loving person in the world, but I couldn't enter in a relationship at first, due to a previous break up that left me with several trust issues. He demonstrated his unconditional love for me for almost 1.5 year, when I felt finally ready to start something with him. We are in a long distance relationship, and he agreed on this situation at first, we are both people that like experiencing things and we didn't need much physical contact. We started talking a lot about his past, about his problems, and he was so glad to talk to me as I was the first person he opened with in his life. Few weeks ago, out of the blue, he started experiencing some very deep paranoic thoughts. He broke up with me out of the blue, he started accusing me of every possible thing. Then he became lucid again for few days and he was deeply sorry. I tried to tell him that I wanted to support him, but he had to go to get some medical help. He booked himself a session to the psychologist that he recommended him going to a psychiatrist. I was very happy and proud of him asking for help. Than the situation worsened very rapidly. He started to call me, saying very confusing things, accusing me that I don't work for real, I don't care about him, that I manipulated him and so on. I contacted some friends in common that are located in his city to check on him, and this made the things worse. He got so angry, he said next time he will beat the shit out of them. He doesn't need to be checked on. Then he started mentioning about some very tiny details that happened more than one year ago, that a normal person wouldn't even remember, saying things like 'you used sex to manipulate me', that I made him feel so bad for some very tiny things I did, that now he understands everything. I feel it's not him talking, but his illness. He refuses to get help at the moment. Also he lives in a different country, he has no family support, no medical insurance, nothing. I am struggling to understand what to do. I deeply love him, but I am his worst enemy at the moment. I have to accept that the person I knew is dead. I feel so frustrated because I feel I lost the love of my life due to his traumatic childhood. He asked me to go back to him and bring him to the psychiatrist. I am very confused on what to do. I feel I have two choices: going back and dedicate myself to him, abandoning my life and my dreams or to abandon him to his problems. I need some help please. Thank you

Daisyblue Boyfriend with ROCD broke up with me, but I’m not sure if that’s the reason or something else/
  • replies: 1

Recently my bf of a year broke up with me for multiple not exactly clear reasons, and I’ve been left trying to understand. He claimed that “we had no spark, our conversation was boring” and “he feels he is too young to be tied down.” He never told me... View more

Recently my bf of a year broke up with me for multiple not exactly clear reasons, and I’ve been left trying to understand. He claimed that “we had no spark, our conversation was boring” and “he feels he is too young to be tied down.” He never told me about these feelings properly until the day he broke up with me, but he still clearly cared and seemed so torn in his decision, said he still loved me cried for me hugged me. I want to work through things with him, but I don’t want to invade personal space after we broke things off. I understand these could be legitimate feelings but it sucks that he won’t try work through them with me, and I do wonder if it is ROCD even though he seems to thinks it’s not, despite having rocd in multiple other aspects of our relationship. I wish I could try again and message him tell him how I feel…

Nyxy Relationship breakdown with son - red flags ahead
  • replies: 1

My 26 year old son is planning to marry into a family of felons and fraudsters. I have been a Sole parent to my son - life seemed good for us until he reached 15 years old . He chose friends I didn’t approve and by 17 he was drinking alcohol and usin... View more

My 26 year old son is planning to marry into a family of felons and fraudsters. I have been a Sole parent to my son - life seemed good for us until he reached 15 years old . He chose friends I didn’t approve and by 17 he was drinking alcohol and using recreational drugs. He has struggled with self esteem and has zero self worth. I lost the ability to communicate or have any control . I appreciate my faults in not setting the firm boundaries partly from guilt that he was a fatherless and only child . He finished high school and amazingly completed a degree- that he has not used . He stated working for a family run restaurant at age 20 -the owner seemed to really care about him and he became the male role model my son never had.my son by this time my son had 2 dui and lost his licence for 4 years . I accept that this man helped my son get off the drugs and at the time showed genuine care. The red flags started about two years in when I could see he was grooming my son to marry his daughter ( 4 years older ) and encouraged him not to leave the business to fledge a career of his own . My son took easy street and stayed with the restaurant . Then the owner was either not paying him (cash flow probs ) and started asking him for money. Three years in I learnt that this man had been in jail a few years before for embezzling $7 mill and had had a hit on him. Not a nice guy - regardless of my reservations my son has stuck by them and our relationship has deteriorated into nothing more than a hotel which he come and goes from occasionally, with little more than a hello and goodbye. They have sucked him dry of any money complete financial abuse I suspect totalling $150 k plus , he spent $20k on an engagement ( he earns $30 an hour) yet they all live a life of fancy dinners and excessive spending. He is now marrying the girl, obscenely massive wedding of which I was expected to pay more than my share- reluctantly I offered $25k . Last week I had a call from my son desperately asking for $35k needed immediately as the father is in debt to his eyeballs ( btw the restaurant has been bombed twice) . I gave the money caveat if not repaid then consider it my wedding contribution and the father owes me $10k. I have not had acknowledgment from the family and have not heard or seen my son since I paid them. I know there will be future requests that I’m not prepared to give. My son will manipulate with likely outcome that it will be my fault if the wedding can’t proceed. All I want is for my son is to see what I see … I have zero joy about the wedding or his future . . This family has convinced him that I have never been there for him and that’s why he took drugs bla bla . I own that I was emotionally distant at times ( I drank a lot of wine back then but I was never abusive and he had everything on a plate)I worked in a senior position travelled a few times a year which he now says I abandoned him for my job - that same job that provided a home and private education and a nest egg for my retirement . Money that I know the father thinks he is entitled to “ borrow “ from what do I do next . And how do I manage the fallout and likely estrangement emotionally …

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