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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Roofluff Past affectiing future
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone,For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through a... View more

Hi Everyone,For many years i have burried my past away to hide it all as i was a child of domestic abuse. I was beaten as kid and then all through my childhood and teenage years it continued through the different partners my mother had. But through all of this i had to be the strong figure for my 3 younger siblings but unfortunately it all has resurfaced now in my 30s as my current partner asked me about having kids and marriage. During the past month i have been sleeping our spare room as ive lost all feelings for her and dont know if its worth being together and have thoughts of running away.

white knight Disowning relatives
  • replies: 17

10 years ago I turned 58yo and forcibly retired from work due to MH issues. I needed to regroup, put myself, my daughter and my wife ahead of- everyone. Like many I had a toxic family that ranged from borderline PD to bipolar to anxiety and the dread... View more

10 years ago I turned 58yo and forcibly retired from work due to MH issues. I needed to regroup, put myself, my daughter and my wife ahead of- everyone. Like many I had a toxic family that ranged from borderline PD to bipolar to anxiety and the dreaded narcissism. Having my own bipolar, anxiety and high functioning autism (recent revelation), I was not much different to my blood relatives except for the narcissism. Ok, that said I decided to give some relatives one last chance which fed my need to not hold any guilt in the future by rash decisions. There is the hard and the easy way to cope with rejecting relatives. With previous attempts when younger I'd crumble at the thought, then crumble again when I grieved for them, so I had become a boomerang family member. When I returned to my family the narcs were happy not to talk about what the issue was, to resolve so recurrence didnt happen, so again and again it repeated. But something changed at 58yo. I decided a few things- that blood relatives no longer automatically had my presence, that I had the right to reject them for a peaceful existence.that seeking stability I needed to ensure I didnt have unstable people in my life, that I was to create my own "more" stable worldthat my wife should no longer carry the burden of my family upsets when she had come from a stable upbringingthat 58 years was long enough and if I was lucky enough to last another 25 years that I could choose then to mould those years into happier timesThe above decision making says it all and I've gradually found peace from family problems. Yes, the occasional relative I still have in my life will call and ask if they can mediate and I politely decline. Those calls are examples of the triangulation from rejected family members. Do I miss them- oh, yes, but the cycle would return if I allowed them back in. My family ensured that guilt was a major weapon so I know my guilt especially that my 93yo mother is still alive, would eat at me. But alas, if I visited her after so many years I know the guilt would be her priority then she'd haunt me from her grave. Troubled people have to build a world around themselves and only issue passes to those that either understand or have a level of loyalty that you feel safe with. These are desperate situations, suicidal thoughts, attempts, suffering through rage and comments from despicable people. Being blood does not mean you are a punching bag. If thats you then untie the rope, let that bag drop... TonyWK

ElaraJ Cross dressing/gender dysphoric husband - can we be happy?
  • replies: 7

HiI've been with my husband for 22 years and we've been married for 16 years. Shortly after we married, I discovered he liked wearing women's underwear when I wasn't around. I was young, shocked, confused and hurt. He told me he wasn't gay and it had... View more

HiI've been with my husband for 22 years and we've been married for 16 years. Shortly after we married, I discovered he liked wearing women's underwear when I wasn't around. I was young, shocked, confused and hurt. He told me he wasn't gay and it had just been something he'd done since a child. I think I just assumed it might stop now that I knew and I didn't know how to talk to him about it. We swept it under the carpet and moved on. Over the years there have been other things. I saw that he'd been looking at women's clothes online etc. there would be gaps of years though. We have always had a very loving and intimate relationship and we've always felt so solid. In recent years our sex life has been less active but I'm going through perimenopause and we've been together a long time! Sex is still good when we have it and we're always affectionate. Last year it all came to a head when I found women's gym shorts hidden in a draw and found it that he'd been on Grindr. I assumed the worst - that he was cheating on me and trying things with other genders. I was heartbroken and confronted him. I said we couldn't brush this under the carpet anymore and if he didn't want to be with me I needed to know. He said he only went on to Grindr to try and speak to people who felt like him. He said he was straight, fancied women and didn't want to change his gender from male, but that wanting to look at and wear women's clothes was like a compulsion. We agreed to speak to counsellors separately. After my sessions I saw that I could be supportive by giving space or alone time for him to wear the clothes, but I didn't feel I could feel attracted to him in women's clothes if he wanted to bring them in to the bedroom etc. I feel bad about this, but I can't change the way I feel. He said he actually hated the thought of me and my daughter leaving the house so he could do this. He said it's not what he wanted. He also said it wasn't even a sexual thing for him to wear the clothes anymore either. We don't see the counsellors anymore and it's been a year. He felt he wasn't getting anything out of it and we promised we would talk more about it, but we don't. This week I used his iPad and saw he'd been on Grindr again. All of my fears came to the surface again. Is he just reaching out for help from those who understand? Is he lying to me about wanting to be with me because he's scared of confused about the alternative and breaking up our family. I don't want him to live a lie, nor me.

Here2Talk Supporting children with autism
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). ... View more

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). Anyway he was distressed, as usual, when getting into the shower, because he said “it’s going to hurt”. I tried to placate him and persuade him that it would be manageable; alas he was so distressed that eventually we just put a bandaid on and let him shower like that. The exact scenario is not that important; I am just Wondering if anyone has thoughts or ideas or experiences with autistic children, and in terms of what you should do in terms of nudging them to try and do difficult or uncomfortable things? He is very intelligent young man (ahead of the class eg in maths and spelling and reading), but has trouble with rigid ideas and subtlety characteristic of autism. I’ve heard of others with autism being guided very well, some even becoming very successful in careers etc and I just wondered - philosophically - how much one should try to encourage children With asd throughout development. Obviously one can’t (morally) push any human to do things that are distressing - but in trying to make everything conform to a child’s agenda and protect them from every difficulty they might encounter would seem like depriving them of skills necessary for life - this world is going to throw difficulties at children .... So I guess does anyone have advice for the ultimate amount of pushing vs placating/comforting a child with ASD- more geared to level 2 high intelligence children but any advice/experiences in general are welcome. Best wishes.

PsychedelicFur My Boyfriend called me a spoilt brat & a f**king b*tch
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone. I have an issue that happened earlier today and I'm unsure if I'm the one who behaved badly or not. My boyfriend was making me breakfast and I like my microwave Oats done and certain way and when I went over to try and make my Oats an... View more

Hello everyone. I have an issue that happened earlier today and I'm unsure if I'm the one who behaved badly or not. My boyfriend was making me breakfast and I like my microwave Oats done and certain way and when I went over to try and make my Oats and told me he was going to do it. When it was done it wasn't the way I liked it. And I told him it wasn't the way I liked it. And then he called me a spoilt brat for not liking it and seeing he did something nice for me. He said that other adults would just eat it and not be a weirdo about it. I have Autism and like things done and certain way. And him calling me a weirdo, a spoilt brat and a f**king bitch has really hurt my feelings. I don't know if I did the wrong thing. I didn't eat up eating the Oats as there was too much milk in them. I struggle with food so much and he knows this. Was it wrong for me to tell him that i didn't like the way it was done? I'm unsure.

Guest_48945486 Constant Validation
  • replies: 2

My partner tells me I don't tell her i'm proud of her enough, that I should tell her i'm proud of her because she cleaned the house, or did the washing.She tells me I don't believe in her because she only every knows when I'm angry or upset about som... View more

My partner tells me I don't tell her i'm proud of her enough, that I should tell her i'm proud of her because she cleaned the house, or did the washing.She tells me I don't believe in her because she only every knows when I'm angry or upset about something. I don't praise her enough, I don't cry to her and don't seek validation from her myself. I don't know if she's being unhealthy in her expectations, or if I'm unhealthy because I'm content and don't feel the need to unpack every emotion throughout my day. Emotions are just a party of life and I don't feel the need to state every emotion with a hundred words. I share my moments of joy, we laugh, we have fun together, I share about my work days and ask about hers. But that doesn't seem to be enough.She wants for nothing, I pay for everything, she goes out with friends etc and has her social life outsider of me. She works 20 hours a week to my 40, so she gay plenty of time to do housework etc, and I still help out, I cook, I clean, I keep things tidy to make life easier on both of us.I'm lost, I don't think I should have to constantly validate her nor unpack every feeling I have. I know it's easier for me to grump and be frustrated when something isn't done that I feel isn't okay, like not changing a toilet roll, but I don't yell or scream, I simply sigh and fix it myself.I dunno, I dunno what healthy expectations of my emotions are. What is reasonable for her to ask if me?

Krystle R Loneliness bites
  • replies: 3

Feeling alone is the worst. Son (20) has mental issue's, dad no longer in the picture (doesn’t want to be), I can’t talk to sister about it and I have no other family. My best friend is good to talk to but she has her own family issues. So hard to ma... View more

Feeling alone is the worst. Son (20) has mental issue's, dad no longer in the picture (doesn’t want to be), I can’t talk to sister about it and I have no other family. My best friend is good to talk to but she has her own family issues. So hard to make friends in small town. I’m not doing so well being by myself, as my son lives in his room. I’m so sad and feel really alone.

Unknown1 My husband has just come out as Bisexual
  • replies: 6

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4 years and we have 1 child together. He has just told me that he thinks he is bisexual. My reaction was not the most supportive which I'm ashamed about. He tells me that he has no intention of lea... View more

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4 years and we have 1 child together. He has just told me that he thinks he is bisexual. My reaction was not the most supportive which I'm ashamed about. He tells me that he has no intention of leaving me and loves me. He has never been with a man. I do not want an open marriage. I have told him we should separate until he figures out what he wants. He does not want this. I am so confused...I know he would want to do right by our family but I don't want someone that stays with me out of obligation and is inherently unhappy with themselves or decides in 5 years time that he doesn't want to be with me. I have also read a lot of forums that sometimes bisexuality can be a stepping stone to gay (although I know this is not always the case). Obviously a lot of questions that I need to discuss with my husband but I have no one I can talk to and was hoping to get some support from others going through this (bisexual men or wives of bisexual men). Thank you

CB23 Getting it out
  • replies: 1

Okay, short back story....Over a year ago I kicked my partner of 10 years out due to just so much emotional abuse. Just constantly putting me and our children down or calling us names. I found out shortly after that he was on OnlyFans paying for pict... View more

Okay, short back story....Over a year ago I kicked my partner of 10 years out due to just so much emotional abuse. Just constantly putting me and our children down or calling us names. I found out shortly after that he was on OnlyFans paying for pictures and videos. I found out confronted him and he basically told me he stopped. (This is the second time he has cheated) anyways I obviously still agree to try and make it work because I don't even know why now I'm writing it out. Now the whole relationship he has had anger issues and this was a huge issue at one point and he went anger management and basically decided it was not for him. Anyways seemed his mood got a bit better until it wasn't and it was back to him just yelling abuse when he was inconvenienced. Now the whole relationship I can't say I'm a saint either I spent alot of my youth on drugs also with anger issues, depression and heightened anxiety. I am dealing with my issues I think pretty good these days. (No more drugs, full time great job, eating better, sleeping better, emotionally feeling pretty in control but still have those days)Now I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I feel trapped in this cycle with my partner I feel like I can't trust him I feel like he doesn't want the same things as I do but when I talk to him about it, it's almost like his just telling me what I want to hear but his actions are not showing the same thing and his getting out of drugs for good, yet last night he went off because he didn't have cigarettes. I don't know what the he'll I'm after with this post but I need to get it out. I just feel like I'm about to explode with emotion because idk I still feel like I love him but I can't let myself get comfortable because his so untrustworthy, so I'm in this weird limbo.Am I crazy? What do I do? And how do I do it? I need an emotional support friend to stand next to me and hold my hand because I'm hurting a little bit and I wanna keep myself level and not lose myself again.

Mike85 Partner of 7 years may want to end our relationship.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I don't know why I'm doing this but I think I need to get it out there. My partner and I have been together for 7 and a half years. We live together in her house. We have two children one three year old boy who is my biological son and m... View more

Hi everyone. I don't know why I'm doing this but I think I need to get it out there. My partner and I have been together for 7 and a half years. We live together in her house. We have two children one three year old boy who is my biological son and my daughter who is 10 but I met her at 2. Last night we had a massive fight over something very small that had large repercussions. Her number one rule is no lying and I violated that for a very dumb reason. She then got extremely angry and basically told me that she was no longer in love with me and that she wanted me to leave.This morning we had another discussion with the heat out of the moment a bit and she is standing by her words from last night but has asked for space in the form of me going to stay with my parents for a few days.I'm struggling with so much of this and some of the abusive and violent language from last night. Further I have not spent a night away from my son or daughter since I moved in 5 years ago. I can't imagine not living in the same house as them. But it is not my house and she deserves some space. I don't know what to do. I love her very much but am tired of always being the emotional punching bag. I want to be there for my kids and can't leave them. I also have a history of depression and some pretty bad thoughts are creeping up and I'm not sure I would do well with time alone. Anyway thanks for reading.Mike.