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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Unholy_Idiot Ex-partner is abusing my trauma to keep me out of our child’s life.
  • replies: 13

So for a little bit of context, I had a mental episode where I’ve disassociated and hurt my at the time partner. Immediately afterwards she had me arrested and a DVO was put in place. Since hen I’ve been doing everything I can to get some sort of dia... View more

So for a little bit of context, I had a mental episode where I’ve disassociated and hurt my at the time partner. Immediately afterwards she had me arrested and a DVO was put in place. Since hen I’ve been doing everything I can to get some sort of diagnosis and to try and make things right between myself, her and the few witnesses that were there, admittedly I pushed too hard but didn’t breach the DVO.But she seems to be taking advantage of this and is now constantly threatening to report me to the police. It seems to me that she’s wanted to end the relationship for a long time coming but the way she’s going about keeping us seperate is affecting both my ability to see my daughter and my sense of self.Ive spent damn near every day of the last 5 years of my life with this woman and she’s not only tossed me like a piece of rubbish, but she’s doing everything to try and burn my bridges to the world.Shes gone on such an offensive track that for a brief period just about every friend of mine turned on me and she’s had HER friends abuse me online. at this point I just wanna get my stuff outta the house and set up mandatory visitation rights but I’m that afraid of the legal system that any time I look into legal advice I can feel myself disconnect momentarily. i just want to see my baby girl again.

V_justV How to keep going
  • replies: 3

Been married for 13 years with a happy daughter of 4 yo, it may appear that I have a happy life but I found myself struggling.My wife and I met in uni like 17 years ago. Our relationship started and went well and we had so much happy memories.A few y... View more

Been married for 13 years with a happy daughter of 4 yo, it may appear that I have a happy life but I found myself struggling.My wife and I met in uni like 17 years ago. Our relationship started and went well and we had so much happy memories.A few years back we decided to have a child and things started to have a down turn, at least from what I feel.We had a very tough pregnancy. She had a complication and had nausea for whole 9 months until birth. We lived through it, I cooked every day with a white list of food she can eat. I don't expect much appreciation as I understand that she feels traumatized just by thinking about that period of time.Then baby came out, a lovely yet very demanding one. Cried all night for breast feed and mother had to stay up a lot. We lived though it but did not know how as we were both half sleepy.Then sleep get better but the child is mentally demanding. I work full time in demanding project, the minute after work I had to jump back to bay sitting, or preparing meal if she is away at work. Then my brain keeps busy until 10 to 11, which unfortunately is my child's sleep time.After that I don't feel like doing anything or thinking about anything. I just want to stop and get detached from the real world and get by.My wife has got a mild ADHD. Not sure if it's a blessing at a start as she is performing, has a big bandwidth and very capable, but recently does not look like blessing any more.A example is on spending time and energy planning for my child. I like spending time with my child. We have very good relationship and do a lot of things together. I don't think a lot need to be thought / planned as we just need to give my child the conditions and make her go her own way. However my wife keeps saying I am not doing parenting but just doing baby sitting, as she plans everything (finance, schooling plan, even food choice) very very thoroughly and carefully about everything and expects me to do the same.Recently she more and more criticize me for things I don't do up to her expectations or did not do 100% well. There is no positive conversation for most of evening. It almost feels like I am belittled and I feel worthless sometimes. Sex is out of question for a few months already as either I or her are so tired in late night.I don't want to find excuses to blame her as what she does seems beneficial for the family. However I don't seem to be able to catch up with her and I struggle a lot even to understand why she does things this way, as she is fifty steps ahead. On the other hand though, I don't think her attitude is right but I don't know how to let her know my situation and feelings.I am very tired to finish all I need to do and to give myself some relaxation in the mean time.I am nervous that what happens if I drop the ball (small or big) and afraid how mad my unforgiving wife will become.I struggle to see through, to understand what she wants and to make her happy, or even know whether it is possible to keep her happy with the me right now.Not sure anyone has this kind of experience but words of help / comfort would be very much appreciated.Thanks!

quirkywords Controlling partner now has a serious neurological disorder.
  • replies: 14

I have mentioned about my controlling partner who is wonderful to everyone and to me about half the time.He has just been diagnosed with a neurological disorder .He was angry as I was away when he got the news and then hung up on me as I offered some... View more

I have mentioned about my controlling partner who is wonderful to everyone and to me about half the time.He has just been diagnosed with a neurological disorder .He was angry as I was away when he got the news and then hung up on me as I offered some practical advice. I wonder how people cope with a controlling partner who is unwell and will get worse.I want to care for him but am not sure my mental health can stand the stress of his anger and criticism. I would like to start a discussion on this topic.

Lee79 Sisters psychologist diagnosed me
  • replies: 1

A psychologist my sister saw told my sister I am coercively controlling. I looked up this term & I am none of the symptoms mentioned. I advised my sister to look it up where she seemed surprised, but still believed the professional who told her this ... View more

A psychologist my sister saw told my sister I am coercively controlling. I looked up this term & I am none of the symptoms mentioned. I advised my sister to look it up where she seemed surprised, but still believed the professional who told her this about me. I spoke to my psychologist of 12+ years about it, and she said no you are not that. And also that psychologists should not be giving out diagnoses of others without seeing them & hearing all sides. It caused quite a rift between my sister & I, and we are now sadly estranged. Can I make a complaint about this psychologist? Granted things were not perfect between us, but this certainly set the tone of further negativity & distance between my sister & I.

Newuser Husband cheated with sex worker
  • replies: 3

With my husband for 16 years, married for 13 The last few years have been challenging as I feel he has just not cared about me as much and it has greatly affected our sex life, we have been arguing about petty stuff that makes me resent him. I have r... View more

With my husband for 16 years, married for 13 The last few years have been challenging as I feel he has just not cared about me as much and it has greatly affected our sex life, we have been arguing about petty stuff that makes me resent him. I have recently had time off work due to a traumatic incident and longer term work stress (several years) which has likely contributed to our relationship challenges and have gotten great support from a psychologist and have felt less stressed and felt our marriage has been going good with an improved sex life and he has also commented on thisi have just returned from a trip overseas to visit family and on return yesterday found suspicious bank ac activity and uber receipts and after some digging have found my husband has been to massage parlors twice whilst I was away, the night I left, and most recently the night before I got home. He has only admitted to the most recent saying he was drunk, doesn’t remember and “doesn’t think he had sex” just a massage and 2 “happy endings” but that cannot explain the late night $1300 bank withdrawals. My friend is suspicious he may have spent money on drugs aswell which would also be shocking. I only later realized about the first occasion and he has not answered my questions about that timeI have been hysterically upset Its all very raw <24hours He is very cold about it all and I have asked him to stay elsewhere I just cannot stop crying and have not eaten anything in 24 hours I have so many thoughts self blame, am I that bad, guilt, concern for his wellbeing (sounds crazy I know) where will I live, do I move back overseas, scheduling std testing, what do I tell people, what will he tell people -likely that I was an awful wife, how do I begin to navigate this??? He was my best friend and my world and I never would have thought he would betray me in this way.

Umar How Escape Forceful marriage
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m going through an extremely difficult and painful situation, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn. My family is forcing me into a marriage I never chose or wanted. This marriage was arranged when I was ... View more

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m going through an extremely difficult and painful situation, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn. My family is forcing me into a marriage I never chose or wanted. This marriage was arranged when I was just a one-year-old child, long before I could have any say or understanding. Now, as an adult, they expect me to accept it without question—as if I have no right to decide my own future.They keep telling me that it’s about “family honor” and that refusing the marriage will bring shame not only on me but on everyone in my family. They say I must comply for the sake of our family’s reputation. But this pressure is suffocating me. I feel like I’m losing control over my own life, my own freedom, and my happiness. I am scared and overwhelmed.What frightens me the most is the threats I’ve been receiving if I say no. They have warned me that I would become a “threat” to the family, and though they haven’t said exactly what that means, I am terrified of the consequences. These threats make me feel unsafe in my own home, and I don’t know who I can trust.This situation has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I have been having very dark and troubling thoughts, some of which scare me deeply because they feel like a threat to my own life. I feel trapped, isolated, and desperate for support. I want to live a life with dignity, freedom, and peace—not one ruled by fear and coercion.If anyone has been through something similar, or if you know of any organizations, resources, or advice that could help me navigate this, please share. I am desperate to find a way out or at least to find support and hope.Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Your kindness means more than I can express.

Hurt_hopeful Heartbroken
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I have suffered from major depression since the birth of my son 11 years ago. Approx 18 months ago I found out my partner of 13 years had been having an affair for 4 years ( the reason I found out was because she was pregnant, she did not pro... View more

Hi all, I have suffered from major depression since the birth of my son 11 years ago. Approx 18 months ago I found out my partner of 13 years had been having an affair for 4 years ( the reason I found out was because she was pregnant, she did not proceed with pregnancy ) our relationship had turned in to room mates however I turned a blind eye and was happy to just be in a relationship with him and to be living as a family. We spent 2024 living separately but trying to repair our relationship, I thought this was going well. We came back together at the end of last year and everything seemed good I had forgiven him we were no longer in the roommate phase. Then in Feb he mentioned that he could not move past the guilt, towards me, towards her and to the unborn child. At that point I decided that this relationship was no longer capable of being saved. He didn’t put up any protest and we have be apart since April. I am desperately sad, my anxiety is out of control and I find myself consumed with nothing but thoughts of him and how did I get here. Hopefully there are others who have come out the other side and can share some tips on how they have managed that. We currently co parent our son 50/50 so I see him multiple times a week and find myself asking him questions about his life, telling him I miss him etc.

Aveeno I feel so lost and confused
  • replies: 1

Hi, well as the title says I feel so lost and confused, hurt, angry, betrayed, lonely. I am going through a split worth a focus on healing with my partner of almost 20 years and with everyday we spend spilt the more I realise just how broken and dama... View more

Hi, well as the title says I feel so lost and confused, hurt, angry, betrayed, lonely. I am going through a split worth a focus on healing with my partner of almost 20 years and with everyday we spend spilt the more I realise just how broken and damaged I am. And I know I need to work on myself, I went straight from an abusive household to living with my partner and I never went to therapy to heal. I just existed in a depressed state for months before they dragged me out to meet people, and I hated them for it at the time but know I'm grateful. But I also now know it was the start of them resenting me. And yeah I spent so long unemployed, bit then I eventually found work and pulled myself up but then I let my weight slip because I was so focused on getting good work. And I started neglecting my partner without even realising it and that resentment grew because they felt they couldn't talk to me because I never healed properly from my trauma and I had zero emotional stability so they stayed quiet and just let it become indifference to me and I never noticed. Then it all started coming to a head, they final broke and said they hated my weight, so I'm doing something about it and I'm lighter then I've ever been, them came the confession of "I don't know how I love" and "hate would make things so much easier". And in two sentences my entire world imploded, they asked for a split so they can heal from there part trauma and so that I could heal from mine. But instead I clung to the ghost of us so tightly, I kept trying to fix us and I kept doing things to fix us and expecting them to do the same and expecting exclusivity still but that was ripped away from me and I've been very firmly told that if I don't butt out of there private affairs and actually work on me, there will never be an us again. And I feel so lost and confused, why can't we work on us?

PrincessE Criminal record help and anxiety
  • replies: 8

I am having anxiety attacks over this issue and it is making me sick to the stomach I unfortunately have a criminal record from 30 years ago which is still causing me grief even though I have tried to put this in the past and move on as I want to for... View more

I am having anxiety attacks over this issue and it is making me sick to the stomach I unfortunately have a criminal record from 30 years ago which is still causing me grief even though I have tried to put this in the past and move on as I want to forget the pasti am a good person and make silly mistakes when I was much younger and in a serious DV relationship with the wrong man for 25 yearsi walked away in 2020 to start a new life on my way to find peace and happiness Finally I have met the absolute love of my life, the most perfect beautiful man, a true gentleman and so respectful with the kindest heart in the world, we have been together 5 mths and life could not be more perfect and wonderfulWe have plans to travel the world and talk about the future and settling down together as we are both so in loveDue to my criminal record I am not been able to travel the UK as they would not grant me a visa to enter the UK due to my past I am feeling sick with worry about the future and feel as though I do not want to tell him about my past for fear of him judging and rejecting me as I am so scared of losing this beautiful man I travelled to Europe, Munich, Austria, Hungary and Czech Republic in December/January this year with no issuesThey are changing the travel laws bringing in the ETIAS next year and he is already talking about us travelling togetheri don’t know what to do and am so worried as I don’t want him to think I am hiding anything from him even though I have told him if he wants to ask anything about me I am happy to answer any questions but have not disclosed my past as he has had no questions What do I do please, I would love others opinions

Guest_45292427 Loveless and sexless marriage
  • replies: 1

Lost and don’t know what to do anymore its been Over three years since I have laid in the same bed as my partner . It all started with his heavy drinking and smoking I hated the smell so I started sleeping in spare room he would make promises after p... View more

Lost and don’t know what to do anymore its been Over three years since I have laid in the same bed as my partner . It all started with his heavy drinking and smoking I hated the smell so I started sleeping in spare room he would make promises after promises he would stop drinking during the week and spend time with me but instead it’s become worse he comes home from work and sits outside and watches the footy or scrolls on his ph whilst I sit alone in the other room 7 nights a week. three years of broken promises and telling me he will change and that he does love me. mum so lonely and so depressed but don’t know what to do.