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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_23252614 Can this be fixed?
  • replies: 3

I found some online orders my husband had bought after something had been delivered and I had accidentally opened them. It was "sex coins". I then found evidence of some pills and some cologne to make him more attractive to women. I had a discussion ... View more

I found some online orders my husband had bought after something had been delivered and I had accidentally opened them. It was "sex coins". I then found evidence of some pills and some cologne to make him more attractive to women. I had a discussion with him over these items and he said it was silly. I asked him if he had already found or was actively looking for someone else and he said no. We got over this over the next day or so and it was our anniversary that was difficult as were hardly speaking. I found a website where he had been looking for women in the local area to "hook up" with for casual sex. That night when I went to bed, I woke him and asked him what that was about but he just went back to sleep. When he woke, I asked him again and he said it was stupid and he never intended to do anything about it. He works away so it's hard to continue these discussions when he's not at home but my trust has been shattered. We hadn't been intimate regularly and I told him I had body issues as I've gained weight and I don't know whether this has driven him to do this but he's always been a regular watcher of porn and has some awfully explicit things on his phone. I asked him to delete the site from his phone where the "hook ups" were but I've now found another dating site that he was on that I didn't know about and this is still active. I don't know if I can get over this as it's devasting to find out the things he been looking at and for. He's gone back to site and I don't know if I can trust him being on site either.

CamdenChucks New dad at breaking point
  • replies: 7

Hi there. I have a relatively new son who is 11 months old who I love very much. Over the last couple of months however my relationship with my wife hasn't been the best. We both work around 30 hours a week trying to juggle looking after our son and ... View more

Hi there. I have a relatively new son who is 11 months old who I love very much. Over the last couple of months however my relationship with my wife hasn't been the best. We both work around 30 hours a week trying to juggle looking after our son and work however I keep getting this built up frustration and sadness as i feel the large majority of the house work is left to me to do and on the weekends my wife leaves him with me while she does other things. I love my son so much but I do need my time by myself. Whenever I do bring this up to her it ends in a fight and i feel like im the bad person. I have suffered with depression on and off since being a teenager so I get quite upset and down with it all. Any pointers would be great. Cheers!

blues23 Blocking my father & changing my number
  • replies: 4

Lately I’ve had a lot of family dramas fights ; disagreements: disrespect & now a form of betrayal my father had given my mother my number I have spoken to him before about not sharing stuff with my mother he has shared it to her without my consent o... View more

Lately I’ve had a lot of family dramas fights ; disagreements: disrespect & now a form of betrayal my father had given my mother my number I have spoken to him before about not sharing stuff with my mother he has shared it to her without my consent or knowledge my uncle called and I was surprised because I didn’t know he had my number so I ask my dad and he’s like yeah I gave it to ur mother ur uncle asked for it and I’m like did u not think to ask me or even tell : why should I have to ask u was my dads response And we went thru a whole argument of him denying anything my mother ever did anything to me growing up basically trying gaslighting me into believing that nothing ever happened and I’ve since blocked him changed my phone number because I just don’t trust him anymore to not share it again behind my back . I feel a bit sad as I’ve now lost my dad ,my relationship with my sister is strained due to a different issue we had and it’s like I’m pretty much left to my own self it’s quite lonely but how much longer can I go on trusting my father who has yet again broken another boundary in regards to sharing my details without my consent. I just wonder if I’m being over dramatic or over sensitive or something by feeling bad for basically removing my dad ive also in the past my dad has disowned me / threatened to cut me off out of his will / told me i wasn’t his child and all because I wouldn’t go see my mother to stop her nagging at him

Legoman Cheating on my wife with men
  • replies: 3

Why do i keep cheating on my wife with random men? I did it to my first wife and have done it again with my second wife. She has discovered it twice before and we resolved it as best as possible but I went out and did it again. We uses to have a heal... View more

Why do i keep cheating on my wife with random men? I did it to my first wife and have done it again with my second wife. She has discovered it twice before and we resolved it as best as possible but I went out and did it again. We uses to have a healthy sex life but I still cheated on her with random guys. There is no emotional attachment with the men though. At first we thought it was due to sexual abuse at a child or maybe because of a screwed up childhood. But I keep doing it. My wife is amazing and I couldn't ask for a better wife. This has led me to see only one way out. We have locked the medications away so I dont have access to them but there are still other options. At the moment the only thing stopping me from following though with it is her. If she leaves me then I have no reason to live. I only have one child left of my own as my daughter took her own life 9 years ago. My son hasn't spoken to me in 12 years. If I loose my wife then its all over for me. Why would a sane person keep doing this to themselves and the person they love unless im just a low life scum

Shorty Need Help to get through
  • replies: 9

I need someone to talk too, im hurting so much in my heart. Any help and advice would be appreciated, I literally have absolutely no one

I need someone to talk too, im hurting so much in my heart. Any help and advice would be appreciated, I literally have absolutely no one

Guest_98660003 I need opinions please
  • replies: 2

I'm in a toxic and abusive house i live with my father and his wife and I've been given a chance to move in with a friend but her mum is thinking if it is a good idea or not (which is fine what she says goes) the wife is the toxic and abusive one my ... View more

I'm in a toxic and abusive house i live with my father and his wife and I've been given a chance to move in with a friend but her mum is thinking if it is a good idea or not (which is fine what she says goes) the wife is the toxic and abusive one my father tries to help but cant because she threatens to file a divorce and he loves her but I'm his daughter not hers so she likes to humiliate me and make me wear boy clothing and nothing else ( i identify as a girl pronouns she/her she knows this) she also makes me wear my hair in a ponytail plat very very tightly to the point I'm losing hair because of it she likes to talk down of my mum to me as well and i now have anxiety and depression and often have suicide thoughts.I'm very scared all the time even at school.I'm not aloud any type of device at all no tv no phone no radio to listen to music NOTHINGi only am aloud to go outside when I'm doing chores or going to school/coming back or seeing my mum for the weekend.Idk what to do if my friends mum says yes I'm scared and need a opinion please.

Firsttimedad Growing resentment towards step-kids and ex's
  • replies: 9

I am seeking some input from others who have navigated similar situations and have found limited information from the perspective of other men on this topic. I started my relationship with my partner knowing she had two children from previous relatio... View more

I am seeking some input from others who have navigated similar situations and have found limited information from the perspective of other men on this topic. I started my relationship with my partner knowing she had two children from previous relationships (teenager and a toddler). At the time it didn't seem to be an issue to me; I was head over heals in love with my partner and whilst it was an adjustment for me having kids around when we were in a new relationship we made it work and still had time to ourselves. Our relationship progressed quickly and my partner and I also had a baby (my first) early in our relationship. I couldn't be happier to be a father; I love the new role and have changed my life to make sure I am home as much as I can be with our baby. In the lead up to having our baby and certainly since though I have a growing resentment towards my step-kids and the ongoing relationships my partner has to manage with her ex's for the benefit of the kids. I am uncomfortable when the kids from her past relationships interact with our baby, dread when those kids our returning home and often feel like I miss out on experiences with my partner and our baby due to the impact mainly of the toddler she has from a past relationship. Things feel perfect when the other kids are not around but that all changes when they come home and the return of those kids also means interactions with the ex's which is something I dread having as part of my life. I understand that these issues just come with the territory of being with someone who has children from previous relationships but I am increasingly concerned about whether I can cope with this being my life because the resentment is clearly not healthy or sustainable. I haven't spoken too openly with my partner about the growing feelings towards her kids but have over-talked about the issues with the ex's particularly the father of the toddler because due to the age of the child there is a lot of contact. I feel stuck now in a constant battle of weighing up how good things are in the relationship and being a new father against the anxiety/resentment/frustration I feel about having other kids from past relationships interrupt that and the involvement of my partner's ex's in our life. I understand these are my issues, there is nothing my partner can do about them, but I am increasingly focused on these aspects of my life to the point it stops me enjoying the good parts of my life...

AMW Isolated and alone, marital issues, etc
  • replies: 18

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 and have been married for 19 years. 3 years ago I found out that my partner is cheating on me, with an ex-girl friend. He has been cheating on me on and off with this person for about 22 years. Yes, he has been cheating on me pr... View more

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 and have been married for 19 years. 3 years ago I found out that my partner is cheating on me, with an ex-girl friend. He has been cheating on me on and off with this person for about 22 years. Yes, he has been cheating on me prior to getting married too! Since I found out, I have been completely distraught, felt like my whole world has ended. He is apologetic, and wants to work it out with me. But I do not trust him. He lied and cheated for 22 years. Everything I know about his affair to date are things I have found out through other people. He has never disclosed anything 'new'. I feel so isolated and alone. My kids do not know anything about it. When I am with them I pretend everything is normal. But I am dead inside.

Em_ I don't know what to do.
  • replies: 1

im going to be honest, I don't really know how to start this, I've been thinking for a few minutes now and so I'm just going to go with this. To start off, I'm going to give a little context (?). I'm in year 10, therefore, looking at some certain top... View more

im going to be honest, I don't really know how to start this, I've been thinking for a few minutes now and so I'm just going to go with this. To start off, I'm going to give a little context (?). I'm in year 10, therefore, looking at some certain topics in a class at my school. One thing I had to do in this class, is reserch different types of abuse. after I looked through examples, I realised that my mother could be emotionally abusing me (just an hour ago she threatened to leave me and my younger sister, who is still really young). Off topic, today was her birthday, and all throughout the week she has said that she doesn't what me or my sister to do anything for her birthday, so that's what we did. Come an hour and a half ago, she started yelling at me for ruining her day, saying that shes going to cancel my birthday later this year as I have already started planning it, (I don't want a party, I just want to go to a water park about 2 hours away with my parents and my younger sister, that's it. I was 'planning' it now as a few years ago my mother went through a serious medical condition, and didnt do anything to make her feel special on her day. i get that, i want to feel special on my birthday, but she clearly stated that she didnt want me or my sister to do anything today. Anyways, she has said that shes going to leave mulitple times over the years (for about a year and a half?). ive told myself that im going to leave the house im in as soon as i can (which is hopefully in the next 3 years as im only 15 right now). im trying to find work close to where i live, as my father wont really drive me somewhere (almost) everyday (i used to be close to my father but when i was about 10-11 we grew apart and now he only talks to me when he wants something, which im not complaining). ive been through depression before (and still am) and i was even suicidal early last year and went to counciling at my school. just earlier i put in a digital form to talk to a counciler at my school again later this year. im sorry if this is all over the place and my words dont go well together, but im trying my hardest to make it all sound good and readable for others.

TryingMyBestAA Post break up confusion/worthiness
  • replies: 3

Hi there, It’s been two months since my last forum post. My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it ... View more

Hi there, It’s been two months since my last forum post. My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it would “hurt both of us a lot more.” I appreciated the honesty and didn’t want to have any false hope. When we broke up, he said he couldn’t be in a committed relationship, which I believe is still true. At the coffee catch-up, we laughed a lot and cried a lot - especially when I asked the hard questions for clarity. He told me he cared for me deeply and liked me, but after a year together, he didn’t feel what he thought he “should” feel. He said my feelings were stronger than his and that he didn’t want to lead me on. For context, we were together for a year, celebrated an anniversary, and I met his family (for a formal dinner which he initiated) two weeks before the breakup. We never officially labeled the relationship. It was always difficult for him to define the relationship or make it official, and I struggled to have conversations about where we stood. All he would say was that he enjoyed spending time with me, that I was a sweet girl, liked me, and that he did see a future but was not ready to go steady or official. A few months before the breakup, I believed he saw a future with me. I was happy to wait because I admired him so much and felt he was worth it. He said that during our last date - about a week before the breakup - when I asked if we had a future, he realized he couldn’t see one with me. I’m posting because I feel confused. I’ve accepted the situation for what it is, but I can’t help feeling unworthy or like I wasn’t “good enough.” He says he cared deeply and that the relationship was great, but I guess our feelings weren’t equal or mutual. How do I stop feeling unworthy? Did he think he could do better or just want to explore other options? Because I truly felt loved during our relationship. On one date, he even told me he admired me more than I knew.Important note: meeting the parents went okay. He said I was very shy, but that his parents and sister thought I was sweet. He also suggested we work on my confidence, so that seemed promising. Asked him about it during our post break up coffee and he stated that meeting the parents did not contribute to his decision to end things. He also said I can reach out anytime if I need anything because he still cares for me and wants to make sure I’m okay and looked after. That sounded very similar to what he said during the breakup - that he couldn’t be the partner I needed or look after me the way I deserve.Any thoughts or advice to get past the confusion? Thanks and apologies for the information/details.

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