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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Not_grumbling Abusive alcoholic wife
  • replies: 4

We are in our 60’s have been married for 40 years mostly happy but over the last few years my wife has been drinking more and more, now starting as soon as she gets up in the morning. She drinks all day and then the abuse starts. Bringing up trivial ... View more

We are in our 60’s have been married for 40 years mostly happy but over the last few years my wife has been drinking more and more, now starting as soon as she gets up in the morning. She drinks all day and then the abuse starts. Bringing up trivial things over and over, accusing me of things that I have never done and saying disgusting stuff. She has stopped me from seeing family and friends and virtually having a life. I know I should leave but it’s not easy. Is it possible that she has mental issues through alcohol? If so how can I get her help when she won’t admit she has a problem. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Kazza Finally breaking free after 25 years but it still hurts
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I’ve never posted before, but I’ve been reading here quietly for a while. Seeing how others put words to their experiences has helped me feel less alone. So I guess it’s my turn now — to share a little of mine. I’ve recently separated af... View more

Hi everyone, I’ve never posted before, but I’ve been reading here quietly for a while. Seeing how others put words to their experiences has helped me feel less alone. So I guess it’s my turn now — to share a little of mine. I’ve recently separated after 25 years in a relationship that I can now see was emotionally, psychologically, and financially abusive. It took me decades to wake up. I kept hoping things would change. I kept telling myself it wasn’t “that bad.” But the truth is… it was slowly destroying me. And it started showing in my children too — their confidence fading, fear creeping into their daily lives, and me watching helplessly while trying to hold everything together. I was the primary carer, but he always held the power — emotionally and financially. My father had supported us for years, and once that money ran out, I saw the truth of how I was viewed. The love disappeared. The respect, gone. What followed was coldness, control, and cruelty masked in “reasonable” words. After the AVO was issued by police, I hoped he might reflect or take accountability — but instead, things got worse behind the scenes. I’m now going through mediation and hoping to create a safe path forward for my kids. I’ve been listening to Dr. Ramani and learning about narcissistic abuse — it's helped so much. But I’m also struggling with guilt. Guilt that I stayed. Guilt that my kids had to live through this. Guilt that I didn’t see it sooner. I’m working through Centrelink, Legal Aid, and trying to find a trauma-informed therapist. Some days I feel strong and hopeful. Other days, I feel completely broken.I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. Maybe just connection. Maybe to hear from others who’ve walked this path. How do you rebuild when so much of your identity was wrapped in surviving? How do you stop feeling like you were the one who failed? Thanks for reading. It feels scary to post this, but also like a small act of reclaiming my voice.

CMF Lonely Hearts Club. Do we miss the person or the relationship?
  • replies: 94

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own exper... View more

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own experience. Our hearts are broken by people who: no longer want to be with us; cheat on us; stay with us but don't treat us right; That's just to mention a few. There are many reasons why relationships don't work and its always hard on the person trying to keep it together. So if someone cheats on us, treats us badly, lies to us, isn't around when we really need them, why are we so heartbroken when they leave us or why can't we leave them when we are clearly unhappy with the situation? Why do our hearts hurt so much even though it's been broken? Why do we want to stay with the person who broke it? Do we miss the person or miss the relationship or the idea of the person? I can't stand my ex most of the time, he has good traits but at times is rude, irritating, careless, selfish, treated me very badly but still I find myself feeling sad sometimes when I think of the good times but I remind myself that i'm not sure if that was the real him. I question this because he treats him mum the same way and yet she does everything for him. Yes she is annoying and overbearing but how do you treat your own mother like that when she does as much as she does for you? I used to love his laugh, the late night calls, that he made me feel like a teenager again. Now I find his laugh annoying, he's laughing at my expense, I find him irresponsible and childish. Yet I feel sad. I don't miss HIM. I miss the company, the fun, having someone to do things with. I feel lonely. None of this is a new revelation. You can google the topic and read up on it. In time we may start to enjoy being on our own again, being our own person, not being put down or treated badly. We realise we have the chance to meet someone else, someone who really wants us and treats us great, our soul mate. So why do we feel lonely and miss a person who mistreated us, or cheated on us? Why do we fight hard to be with someone who doesn't want us? Why is it so hard to move on? cmf

Guest_62930493 What to do??
  • replies: 1

I have just found out that my husband has been online chatting to other women again! This is the 3rd time I have caught him doing this in the last 3 years! I just don’t know what to do anymore! On one hand I want to just leave him but we have been ma... View more

I have just found out that my husband has been online chatting to other women again! This is the 3rd time I have caught him doing this in the last 3 years! I just don’t know what to do anymore! On one hand I want to just leave him but we have been married for 30 years and it jusa makes me feel sick

TrueSeeker Does the pain ever going to go away?
  • replies: 10

Hello,I grew up in a narcissistic family and due to comfort zone ended in a short abusive marriage as well. My new partner grew up in similar environment and because his parents divorced and remarried more narcissists, we have to deal with three narc... View more

Hello,I grew up in a narcissistic family and due to comfort zone ended in a short abusive marriage as well. My new partner grew up in similar environment and because his parents divorced and remarried more narcissists, we have to deal with three narcissistic families. We haven't really realised what is going on in our lives till recently when we did more research on what is going on in our lives and why we seem to be so unlucky. Unfortunately, we had to cut all our ties with our families as it became very mentally challenging, had a very negative influence on our lives and we started feeling that it's becoming life threatening too as one of my partners brothers committed suicide 20 years ago. I think we have done what we could to deal with the damage that has been done but I still have this pain inside me that keeps interfering with my happiness. It doesn't help that more pain still keeps coming from those families as they're not happy that we're distancing ourselves and still keep causing more harm. I've lived with this pain most of my life and I'd love to hear whether anyone has a similar experience and some tips how to make the pain go away.

Stephen87 So lonely and feel unwanted, in a sexless marriage
  • replies: 1

Look I love my wife I really do, but the last 7-8 years it’s been so hard to be sexual with each other, I mean I have been more then patient with my wife and yes a lot has been going on with medical stuff, but to me I just feel that she doesn’t want ... View more

Look I love my wife I really do, but the last 7-8 years it’s been so hard to be sexual with each other, I mean I have been more then patient with my wife and yes a lot has been going on with medical stuff, but to me I just feel that she doesn’t want to do stuff anymore, I mean for example, one day she will be in so much pain that she’s in bed all day, then the next she is sore but much better, I’ll try and hint at her to do stuff or try and get her in the mood and she will be like not now I’m too sore, but she is ok to do house work all day and clean the garage out and drive to her mums, but she is not even willing to try and get in the mood, I don’t know if anyone out there has these issues but I struggle sometimes and feel like I don’t turn her on anymore, I mean yes I’m older and have put weight on, not a lot but some and have lost 2 of my front teeth when someone slammed a metal door into my face and because of her medical cost I can’t afford to fix my teeth, but I’m not ugly or much different other then that, and I’m not being rude but she has put weight on and is older then me and her body has changed, but I love her body and always want it but I feel she hates my body, again anyone out there that has been through this?

Arnold It’s over
  • replies: 2

I have been married to my wife for 8 and a half years. We have 3 children. she suffers from some mental health issues. ADHD is the most recent conditions she believes she has. I have tried to be there for her the best I can. Sometimes it’s too much f... View more

I have been married to my wife for 8 and a half years. We have 3 children. she suffers from some mental health issues. ADHD is the most recent conditions she believes she has. I have tried to be there for her the best I can. Sometimes it’s too much for me. Our relationship has been rocky lately. But I think it’s all over now. We have had fights but not like this. She’s even moved all my clothes out of the bedroom and I’m in the spare room now. She says I don’t have to leave the house. It will probably be better for the kids if we’re under the same roof at the moment. I can’t sleep. Barely eat. Emotional mess. Only thing keeping me alive is my kids and the glimmer of hope of us getting through this. She says that’s never going to happen. I don’t know if I can keep doing this though. I know I have some issues too. I have a lot of work stress. Am the soul provider for the family. I don’t know what to do

Lawzy My story.
  • replies: 2

I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “T... View more

I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “This has to be it.” It was deep, emotional, full on. He said all the right things, made me feel like I was everything he ever wanted. And at the time, I truly believed it.But over time, the reality hit. The lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. Everything became about what he needed from me, from life while I slowly stopped recognising myself. I gave him so much of my time, my money, my energy… and it was never enough. He was either in jail or on the outside acting like I was a second option. He’d treat me like shit, disappear, and then when he was in trouble suddenly I was the only one he could count on again.Every time I wanted to leave, he’d reel me back in with sweet words, promises of change, dreams of a future that never came. And stupidly… I held onto it, thinking the good version of him was the real one and that one day it would stick.Truth is, I was more in love with the idea of who he could’ve been than who he really was.I kept making excuses for him. Telling myself he was struggling, or misunderstood, or just needed someone to believe in him. But all it really did was break me down. I started losing who I was trying to love someone who didn’t even love himself.If you’re reading this and any of it hits home please don’t wait for things to get worse. You don’t owe anyone your peace. You don’t have to be loyal to someone who keeps showing you they don’t value you.It took me way too long to realise that love isn’t meant to hurt like this. And just because someone keeps coming back doesn’t mean they care it might just mean they know you will.I’m still picking up the pieces, but I’m done making excuses for someone who never showed up for me the way I showed up for him.Just wanted to put this out there in case it saves someone else from going through what I did.

Cartons_of_milk I wish I had a normal mother
  • replies: 4

Today I had a huge fight with my mum today and something inside me finally snapped. When we fought, she must have hurled at least a dozen insults at me. I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear what she was saying and It was like the build up of emotions... View more

Today I had a huge fight with my mum today and something inside me finally snapped. When we fought, she must have hurled at least a dozen insults at me. I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear what she was saying and It was like the build up of emotions from the past year came out in that one singular moment. I screamed and shouted at her with a sort of rage and angst that I haven’t expressed in a while. Because of my forgetful behaviour and disorganised life (possible ADHD) she’s been hurling insults at me ever since she realised I was too old to be spanked. But things have gotten so much worse in the last few years (I’d honestly prefer the spanking). I’m 15 now and she is a living nightmare. She gets upset about every single thing I’ve ever done and acts like I’m some sort of horrible, unlovable, stupid beast with no feelings. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is ever nice and mostly consists of her expressing how much she hates everything, which is mostly just me. She hates me so so so much. When she’s mad it usually ranges from ‘You’re such a disappointment’ to ‘F***ing loser’ and ‘Do you really expect anyone to like you?’. But it’s the stuff that she says when she’s not spiralling that really hits the deepest, because she says it EVERY SINGLE DAY. How she feels ‘desperate’ about me and how she compares me to some stranger’s kids online because I’m so unextraordinary. Then she’ll tell my little sister to never be like me because I’m so awful. I get where she’s coming from, I really really do, but when she’s angry she acts like I deserve to DIE or something just because I don’t get straight A’s or because I left my water bottle at school or because my room is messy or because I’m not winning any awards or prizes. I know that my grades aren’t as high as they could be and I know that I’m forgetful, disorganised and messy and there are things that I do that have frustrated her for so long but I don’t do it on purpose. And after everything she’s put us through, I still try to understand her and I still try to be empathetic (she’s a single mum half the time because my dad does FIFO) but she’s never cared about my emotions even once. When I cry, she’s either yelling or laughing at me. She makes me feel so horrible about myself. For me, self-loathing isn’t new at all, but she makes me feel like killing myself. And what’s absolutely crazy is that she’s too stupid to realise what her words mean to other people. She acts all abusive when she’s upset and then goes back to normal as if she didn’t just tell me that she wished she never gave birth to me. But what I truly hate the most are the twisted ideas and thoughts she’s implanting into my 7 year old sister’s head. She talks about how she won’t love her anymore if she turns out like me and how I’m some sort of failed investment. She takes all her anger out on me when things aren’t even my fault and works herself up over the stupidest little things. I see the relationships that my friends have with their mum’s and it makes me feel so horrible. Their mum’s support them and love them meanwhile my mum barely even talks to me. And when I tell my friends about what she’s like they either simply dismiss it as Asian parenting or they just sit there and in awkward silence with no comment whatsoever. Sometimes they tell me to get help. I hate the sound of her whiny voice, I hate everything associated with her, I hate this house, I hate myself, I hate the way she thinks she’s always right and I hate that I have to stay with her for over two more years. I want to be normal and I want her to be normal too. I’m scared things will never change and I feel so alone in this household. I think she’s turned my sister against me. Anyway I just wanted to vent for a bit. If you actually read this whole rant (for some weird reason), then thank you for your time.