Hi Em_
You've done well in describing some of your challenges and how they lead you to feel. So, a good start. I'm so glad to hear you're looking for guides at a time in your life where you might be feeling lost and in desperate need of a positive sense of direction. The school counselor and coming here is another good start.
While your thoughts and feelings are absolutely valid and completely understandable, I can't help but wonder where you're mum's coming from at the same time. Being a mum (to a 23yo daughter and 20yo son), I've spoken to plenty of mums over the years who have expressed the idea of 'running away from home'. I was amazed to find how common it is. I've felt that way myself on occasion. The thing is we don't necessarily outwardly express it to our family, especially on a regular basis. It can be stressful to our kids and lead them to question their own sense of value.
For some mums, the idea of running away from home is some version of 'I just want my mummy. I want someone to look after me. I don't want all this responsibility any more, it's too hard. It's not fair. No one cares about me' and stuff along those lines. Basically, it can be about running away from adult responsibilities and going back to being a kid again. For some mums, they have a partner who steps up and says on occasion 'I got this' when it comes to some of the mental and emotional challenges of being a mum and a person in general. Other mums don't have that kind of partner and can resent not having the break from the mental and emotional challenges. While some mothers aren't wise enough to seek a guidance counselor, to guide them through such challenging times/territory, their kids are very wise in this way. Very wise indeed 😊. Btw, I had a dad who put me in the mental and emotional 'too hard basket', when I grew out of being adorable. My husband was the same way with my own kids. It can be a bit of a 'I don't want the stress. You deal with it (directed towards the other parent)' mentality. We parents can definitely be challenging creatures, in a whole number of ways. Our kids can have a lot to put up with.
As I say, your feelings are completely valid and understandable. It can be hurtful to be led to feel like you're not worth staying for. It can be stressful to fear a parent leaving and losing that sense of stability or grounding. It can be confusing, not knowing what to do at a time where a greater sense of understanding is desperately needed. Amongst it all, school can be far from easy. The amount of work pressure is insane. All this can be felt. We can feel the hurt, feel the stress, feel the fear, feel the confusion, feel the pressure. And if we're a major feeler or sensitive (someone who feels/senses easily), we can feel it or sense it all so intensely. While some parents wish to go back to being a kid, I think they forget how hard it was at times, mentally and emotionally. Em, I feel so much for you. ❤️
