Hi there,
It’s been two months since my last forum post.
My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it would “hurt both of us a lot more.” I appreciated the honesty and didn’t want to have any false hope.
When we broke up, he said he couldn’t be in a committed relationship, which I believe is still true.
At the coffee catch-up, we laughed a lot and cried a lot - especially when I asked the hard questions for clarity.
He told me he cared for me deeply and liked me, but after a year together, he didn’t feel what he thought he “should” feel. He said my feelings were stronger than his and that he didn’t want to lead me on. For context, we were together for a year, celebrated an anniversary, and I met his family (for a formal dinner which he initiated) two weeks before the breakup. We never officially labeled the relationship.
It was always difficult for him to define the relationship or make it official, and I struggled to have conversations about where we stood. All he would say was that he enjoyed spending time with me, that I was a sweet girl, liked me, and that he did see a future but was not ready to go steady or official.
A few months before the breakup, I believed he saw a future with me. I was happy to wait because I admired him so much and felt he was worth it.
He said that during our last date - about a week before the breakup - when I asked if we had a future, he realized he couldn’t see one with me.
I’m posting because I feel confused. I’ve accepted the situation for what it is, but I can’t help feeling unworthy or like I wasn’t “good enough.”
He says he cared deeply and that the relationship was great, but I guess our feelings weren’t equal or mutual.
How do I stop feeling unworthy? Did he think he could do better or just want to explore other options?
Because I truly felt loved during our relationship. On one date, he even told me he admired me more than I knew.
Important note: meeting the parents went okay. He said I was very shy, but that his parents and sister thought I was sweet. He also suggested we work on my confidence, so that seemed promising. Asked him about it during our post break up coffee and he stated that meeting the parents did not contribute to his decision to end things.
He also said I can reach out anytime if I need anything because he still cares for me and wants to make sure I’m okay and looked after. That sounded very similar to what he said during the breakup - that he couldn’t be the partner I needed or look after me the way I deserve.
Any thoughts or advice to get past the confusion?
Thanks and apologies for the information/details.
