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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sherry M Family Deaths
  • replies: 1

I lost my Father, my partner & my Mother in 1 year. I have struggled ever since no matter how much therapy I get.

I lost my Father, my partner & my Mother in 1 year. I have struggled ever since no matter how much therapy I get.

JBP Caring less about my marriage
  • replies: 1

Good Morning,I'm married to a man who has in the past battled drug addiction and has also been a binge drinker on weekends. Recent health issues have forced him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and I had hoped that this time he would do the right thing a... View more

Good Morning,I'm married to a man who has in the past battled drug addiction and has also been a binge drinker on weekends. Recent health issues have forced him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and I had hoped that this time he would do the right thing and change but he has fallen right back into old habits and my gut is telling me we are heading into a another cycle of drug taking and drinking. Our children are now all grown and I don't think I have it in me to go through this again. I look at him and I only feel tired, he excuses his bad behaviour, minimises the hurt it causes and when his health suffers because of his behaviour he promises to change but then expects constant praise for minor changes but he doesn't really make the big changes. I feel like I'm drowning, he's sucking all the vitality from me. People say "he loves you so much" but micro aggressions, over consumption of food, and alcohol, I don't feel like he really does. Is it normal when you reach your 50's to re-evaluate your life? What you tolerated or participated in when you are younger you no longer want to be a part of? Anyhow, thankyou for having a safe place to get this off my chest.

Guest_66452333 Broken inside
  • replies: 2

I got married to my husband (soon to be ex) 8 years ago. When I was 10 months pregnant, he broke up with me as this wasn't what he wanted. He has ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 and is not stable. Right after he broke up with me, he came back when I had the ... View more

I got married to my husband (soon to be ex) 8 years ago. When I was 10 months pregnant, he broke up with me as this wasn't what he wanted. He has ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 and is not stable. Right after he broke up with me, he came back when I had the baby for our daughter's sake. However, our relationship has been very complicated and we really didn't "get back together." We were more than friends but not in a committed relationship. I have asked him to move out several times, which he did, but somehow he always came back to the "family" house. I always accepted him as I had hope we could build a family again, I guess. We have a sexual relationship until now, and I am like his support worker. I make sure his appointments, money, etc., are okay. I have been his emotional and everyday support. We tell each other "I love you" every day. A couple of weeks ago, he came back crying and told me that he has a girl who he likes and is into now. He felt guilty, so he told me. I have asked him not to tell me anything related to girls he hangs out with, as I know I can't take it very well. I told him that if he wants to do whatever he wants, he has to move out first. He said, "I know this is going to hurt my wife; however, I need to do this and give myself permission to move forward, even if it hurts her so much." He and the girl talked about the situation and decided not to contact each other until he moved out (but they see each other at college sometimes).He keeps telling me that me and our daughter are at the top of his pyramid and no one can replace us. Me and our daughter come first, and we are his first priority above everything else. If he had to choose between me and the girl, he said he would choose me without hesitation and protect me.for his birthday, he want me to be there so he is not going to invite the girl who he likes...According to him, He doesn't want to see me in pain or hurt, and it's killing him.He said he wants to keep this family like it used to be, where he chills and spends time with us at my house. He wants to celebrate Christmas together and go on holidays together. I am lost and don't know what I should do.am I being manipulated by his words? or am i just too stupid to not be able to let him go?

Earth Girl Does this mean all was well (back then)?
  • replies: 5

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she ... View more

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she said that I'm "like the best friend that she has never had" and she also asked me to please email her and soon we became really good friends on there and we would email each other often and they were long emails too. She was really fun and interesting to talk to and also very talented (she wrote really good songs) and in a way I think I may have had a bit of a girl crush on her which is awkward (especially since I once saw in one of her old posts she made before we knew each other that she thinks that sort of thing is wrong and that even thinking it's okay is wrong). I was having a really rough year and had unmedicated psychosis for a while without knowing it (I sometimes heard voices and was stressed but that's all I knew and I didn't think too much into it). On her birthday I thought I would send her an email about how cool I thought she was and the email I made was really weird so luckily it didn't go through. I asked about the email on the thread and people were telling me not to post it (which I didn't end up doing) and luckily too since in the email I was saying things like "I want to be like you so much" and it was kind of scary. I later typed "h" into the email thing to her to see if it would go through and it actually did this time and she emailed me back "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" with a day dreaming emoji next to it and I looked it up several years ago and it says that if your friend says that to you, that it means they are really excited to talk to you so I'm assuming that everything was okay still even though she probably saw my email message thing (I didn't send it directly to her but she probably would have seen it in the thread before I deleted the thread)? Hopefully she didn't think I was a psycho? Also, the day dreaming emoji sounds positive as well? Like something you would send to someone you saw as a really good friend?

Miss Odette Sibling family estrangement.
  • replies: 9

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told... View more

I became a victim of a most serious crime. It was a life changing event. No fault of my own. Not my husband. It happened in my private life. I was the 3rd victim. As a result I became ill with major reactive depression cptsd. Anxiety. My husband told police "he was not returning to see what was left of his wife". He also told police "shoot her she won't be able to live with what happened". He was defence service. I have 3 older brothers, all professional people.1 said "fluff off I'm busy." Another said " I'm sorry what happened to you but you are no longer family dont come to my home near my family I'll call the police." My eldest said "im not comming back you choose to live like this and look what you are doing to mum and dad". Well that was 35yrs ago. Mum and dad were aged and wonderful as my uncles. And aunt. Sadly now all deceased. I returned to my career. After loosing everything and was transferred to public housing. It is family shame but mum and dad said anything can be a home. They helped with cleaning gardening and maintenance. I am so grateful to have a home. 2 of my brothers wives are deceased and they didn't tell me. I sent flowers to funerals. Christmas cards over the years. No response. I have retired due to physical health, rare untreatable cancer. I am alone and hide from society where I can. I am getting my personal affairs in order and my brothers adult children are looked after from my estate.I will have no funeral. I have 2 good cousins and a best friend.My home is small lovely and peaceful. I still hurt when the dark days are looming. I feel I am nothing. Then dark thoughts. It is my responsibility not to act on them. There is no help out there. Beyond blue has a good ice app and articles.My own family . I am so below them because I live in housing.I have a mental illness. I do on occasion interect with 1 brother, he can be rude and his 3rd wife is nasty. He allows this and is very cruel, thinking he is funny. He never asks how I am.We only make contact family business. We all grew up together Weddings 21st births family Christmas. Family holidays.Has anyone else been treated like this? Over 35 years. Honesy if it wasn't for my 2 sheepdogs I won't be here. But it is a beautiful world.I am now 62. No support but a oncologist and good GP. When I was in danger the police were inappropriate and medical staff were non sympathetic. I remember their comments and treatment.Thankyou for listening. Please know " I tried to make it right". I feel an outcast and unworthy. It is my secret. Especially from work.I am a retired general nurse of 43yrs. Nurses are never to break.But we do. I can only talk of this because I am retired.Blessings to each and every one of you. Again thankyou for listening. J.

Von is lost Moving in with boyfriend
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend has been overseas for the last four months and we’ve been able to continue developing our relationship. We will have been dating for a year in September, and circumstances mean that logistically it would be a good time to move in togethe... View more

My boyfriend has been overseas for the last four months and we’ve been able to continue developing our relationship. We will have been dating for a year in September, and circumstances mean that logistically it would be a good time to move in together when he gets back in a few weeks. I’ve never lived with a partner before but we feel solid, however I’m worried about messing anything up. Any advice on how to know when it’s good to move in together?

Shockedwife Cheating is a dealbreaker??
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been married for 25 years and i thought our life together was pretty perfect. We spend lots of time together going for walks, going out for dinners and shows and going on mini-holidays often. 8 months ago i discovered he had starting engag... View more

Hi, I have been married for 25 years and i thought our life together was pretty perfect. We spend lots of time together going for walks, going out for dinners and shows and going on mini-holidays often. 8 months ago i discovered he had starting engaging in online sex chats. He assured me it was just chats, photos and one potential meetup that he thought better of and cancelled.I was absolutely devastated and in shock. However he has now admitted that he had sex with 2 of those women, (i suspect there were probably more that he hasn't admitted to). This was even more unbelievable to me. I begged for honesty back then and he continued to lie to me, although i understand he didnt want to own up to more as it would surely break us up. As bad as i feel I could almost move past this as it was months ago and could think of it as a once off mistake. However i also just found out he resubscribed to the sex site again a few weeks ago and was heading in the same direction again, spending money for photos, gifts and looking at bars for meet ups. I also found out that he has met up with a couple of women from the gym for coffees, platonic at this point, but of course they are single women and im sure they would think he wants more and he obviously knows its wrong as this was also kept a secret from me.Now that this has been exposed he knows i really might leave him now and he is desperate to do anything to stop that happening. We have just started couples counselling to try to get an understanding as to why it happened and to help me decide whether to stay or break up.He would be distraught if our young adult children ever found out.I always thought that cheating would be a deal breaker for me and it would be an easy decision, however in reality its not that easy.The problem is that i really love him and i loved our life together and just want things to go back to the way they were, but dont think we can ever be the same again and struggle to see at the moment how we could even be somewhat happy again.I hate the thought of ending everything after 25 years, selling the house, upsetting the family, being on my own etc...Its all so sad and daunting. The easiest option is to carry on, but obviously with new conditions.Is there anyone out there with a similar experience who has stayed and made it work?Thanks for reading my story.

Guest_81510707 Feel like giving up on my son
  • replies: 4

My son is 15. He and I don't get along. It's gone from good to terrible over the years. Right now, I find myself despising his behaviour, which I find selfish; inconsiderate. At school, he is skipping classes, being late and regularly in detention. T... View more

My son is 15. He and I don't get along. It's gone from good to terrible over the years. Right now, I find myself despising his behaviour, which I find selfish; inconsiderate. At school, he is skipping classes, being late and regularly in detention. There is a lot of yelling most days between my son and his mother/my wife.My wife and I argue regularly about how to address his behaviour. It's tearing us apart. I called in sick from work today, for the first time ever in my life due to the anxiety I am feeling.I feel like I've failed as a parent.I don't have anyone to speak with.I feel so low that I an no longer communicative at home.I wish somehow that I could be a source of encouragement; comfort for him... but he is angry with me, and he doesn't want to do anything with me.For now, he still comes home; but I feel that will change for the worse in the coming weeks. It's like seeing a train wreck unfold and being powerless to stop it. I don't know what to do.

JustAnYtka Am I a bad friend??
  • replies: 1

I'm just needing a bit of advice as to what to do with this. I have been very close friends with this person for around 3 years now. A few weeks ago, it was their birthday, and a few days later was their party. I woke up the morning of their party wi... View more

I'm just needing a bit of advice as to what to do with this. I have been very close friends with this person for around 3 years now. A few weeks ago, it was their birthday, and a few days later was their party. I woke up the morning of their party with a migraine aura (my warning sign that I'm about to get one), body aches and a sore throat. I took some medicine and had plenty of water and rest, but about an hour later it was getting worse. I was so upset, I was crying and telling my mum that I still want to go, and she told me that realistically, I wouldn't last very long. I took a covid test, negative, but I genuinely was not well. I was too sick and upset to message them, so I got my mum to calls theirs. Then I don't hear anything from them for two weeks. At the moment I'm really struggling with my mental health, my dog just passed away, and I'm also very socially isolated due to me being homeschooled. They know all of this, they also know that they are my only friend. I messaged them a few times over the two weeks, no reply. Then yesterday I asked if they were upset with me, and it turns out that they felt very disrespected because I didn't contact them directly on the day of their party. They seem really pissed off, and I felt really bad initially, but I literally couldn't open my eyes unless I was in a pitch black room because of the migraine, they knew this. Then they ignored me whilst I was talking about how lonely I am, and how much I need to spend some time with them. Am I in the wrong? I am genuinely really annoyed with them and I'm wondering if this friendship is worth continuing. This has absolutely destroyed me and I've been crying pretty much constantly since they told me.

josh88 Making things more positive for my wife
  • replies: 1

I'm currently in hospital being treated for depression, but I'm hoping to come home on Friday. My wife is having a really hard time supporting me through my mental illness, which has put a cloud over our relationship for 9 years. I want to try and ma... View more

I'm currently in hospital being treated for depression, but I'm hoping to come home on Friday. My wife is having a really hard time supporting me through my mental illness, which has put a cloud over our relationship for 9 years. I want to try and make things different at home when I come back, like only talking about my mental health problems once a week at a set day/time, and the rest of the time try and make things more light and fun for her. Does anyone have any advice or strategies they have used to make things more positive for their loved ones, while also not being unrealistic about the impacts of depression?