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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 646

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Hue I have no where else to go.
  • replies: 5

My mother was abusive. She hit me when I had a stuttering problem because she convinced herself that I did it on purpose. She would lock me in a dark room until I stopped crying, and now I can't help but flinch at a sudden raised hand, and I'm scared... View more

My mother was abusive. She hit me when I had a stuttering problem because she convinced herself that I did it on purpose. She would lock me in a dark room until I stopped crying, and now I can't help but flinch at a sudden raised hand, and I'm scared of the dark. She was a heavy alcoholic, and now she has moved on with another family, getting to live out the rest of her life in a stable home whilst I'm left picking up the pieces of myself that she left behind. She told me that I'd be raped if I wore Z, Y, and Z, and she destroyed my confidence to the point where it's still difficult to make friends. My father is emotionally absent. He went as far to tell me that "It's normal" when I mentioned wanting therapy for my suicidal thoughts, denying me any outside help. He has told me to "stop sulking and acting sad around the house" because it brings everyone else down. Now, I suppress any negative emotions so no one else can see vulnerability.So, I thought that my step mum was my second chance, a mother who may love me the way I want to be loved. But she has punched walls just because someone ate her food in the fridge, left dents in the fridge from her knuckles, smashed plates to the floor when they weren't cleaned properly. Her temper is something that I've never seen from anyone else, but it can be "justified" because--as she says it--she's never laid a hand on any of us, so she can't be that bad, right? She can be very nasty, and her double standards are insane... If we do something small like turning the dishwasher on when it is only half full, she will shout across the house for easily up to an hour about the waste of water, but God forbid if anyone points out any mistake she makes. I'm in a constant state of fawn or freeze, and it's absolutely exhausting.When I realized that they can only agree with "hurt people hurt people" when they are the victim, I also realized that they'll never understand my feelings, no matter how much I plead for them to. I resent them, but I love them so, so much. The only reason why I'm still here is because of the excitement on my father's face when I agree to watch a movie with him, the fear in his eyes and his shaky hands when he did almost lose me, the thought of him growing old without a daughter. A parent should never have to bury a child... but being a parent doesn't give you the right to make me feel like that's an option. I want to feel like I'm not alone.

Guest_09764308 feeling worthless
  • replies: 1

i’m 19, have multiple chronic illnesses that have rendered me disabled and i’m unlikely to work, i have learning disabilities and processing difficulties, all of these combined has made my family see me as lesser than a human.i had a discussion today... View more

i’m 19, have multiple chronic illnesses that have rendered me disabled and i’m unlikely to work, i have learning disabilities and processing difficulties, all of these combined has made my family see me as lesser than a human.i had a discussion today where even though i am highly educated on the topic bwcause i’m passionate about it, i got told that i was way wrong and i needed to open a history book in the nastiest most disrespectful tone ever, i know i’m correct which is hurting me more because now i’m questioning whether i’ve been taught correctly or whether i am jsut entirely stupid and have no clue what i’m even talking about.this feeling runs so deep for me, i’ve always been treated this way if my family doesn’t agree entirely on the topic, i’m always treated like i’m completely illiterate and worthless to the discussion, even as a kid not even talking about educational things, i’d always been ridiculed and spoken to like i was just dirt on the ground, like i knew nothing whatsoever. today opened up a lot of old feelings that i pushed down and tried to forget about, this year was so hard for me with my family and i finally thought i was pushing past how i was treated and coming out on top, but then i see nyself as the same child who was bullied relentlessly by my own family, to the point of being suicidal multiple times in my life DUE to my family!! my sister abused me and her boyfriend joined in to egg her on, made her worse and made her eventually want to put hands on me, all for it to be blamed on me, that she’s mentally ill and i just need to act differently. i’m always at fault somehow, i’m always the stupid one, i’m always uneducated, i’m always ridiculed, i am nothing to these people but a punching bag to make themselves feel smarter

Pepper Bpd break up
  • replies: 1

My partner has bpd and does therapy and is also medicated, when we first started dating he reached out and said he’s got too much he needs to work through before he can consider a relationship. I didn’t reply not because I didn’t want to but because ... View more

My partner has bpd and does therapy and is also medicated, when we first started dating he reached out and said he’s got too much he needs to work through before he can consider a relationship. I didn’t reply not because I didn’t want to but because I was hurt and didn’t know how to respond, though I had a lot of respect for him sending that message. About 3 weeks later we ran into each other at the shops and he said he’d like to go out again and see where things go, we then hit it off, nothing was off limits in terms of conversation and he was very open, throughout our relationship he would say things like ‘are you sure I’m not too much’ or ‘am I good enough for you’ I would always reassure him to put his mind at ease which he appreciated and said thank you. He said he’s never had a relationship like ours, someone that actually cares so much, so affectionate and he appreciated me being by his side during the dark days. then his father passed and he started not sleeping properly, he was working more, he was saying he feels he is in his body but not there. he then said he was spiralling and said he needs space, I gave him that for 3 weeks while I got minimal communication from him though I’d reach out occasionally and say ‘I hope today feels lighter for you’ he would thank me. yesterday he told me he’s decided he can’t be in a relationship I responded giving him reassurance that I was there for him in the beginning and I still am even when he’s in a better headspace. I told him I understand he’s overwhelmed. he then said he’s serious about not being able to have a relationship. I do feel he’s trying to protect me from the hurt he is feeling, and perhaps ashamed. I feel it’s more a trauma response, he has said ‘I know you’re only trying to help’during the 3 weeks of minimal communication he was still affectionate towards me, when he would cuddle me he would say ‘this is lovely’Is there hope that he will come back once his nervous system starts to regulate again and stabilise

Qwerty Life gets worse.
  • replies: 3

Hi, on top of my depression, my wife told me she is no longer in love with me, she said she doesn't know if she ever will again. We have children, I haven't got a clue what to do. It's just reinforced my idea that suicide would be a viable idea. View more

Hi, on top of my depression, my wife told me she is no longer in love with me, she said she doesn't know if she ever will again. We have children, I haven't got a clue what to do. It's just reinforced my idea that suicide would be a viable idea.

Guest_74433363 Separation
  • replies: 1

separation after 25 years with a coercive violent man. He did everything and now am lost dealing with my life. I had to move and struggling finding a job. He gets to keep his life and job and am so angry. Just don’t know how to get through

separation after 25 years with a coercive violent man. He did everything and now am lost dealing with my life. I had to move and struggling finding a job. He gets to keep his life and job and am so angry. Just don’t know how to get through

Sheridan Controlling parent
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I’m 28 and wanting to move out and start a life with my partner of three years , currently wanting to look for a rental, while we eventually build a house.However when ever I mention or show my Dad a place he has something bad to say abou... View more

Hi everyone I’m 28 and wanting to move out and start a life with my partner of three years , currently wanting to look for a rental, while we eventually build a house.However when ever I mention or show my Dad a place he has something bad to say about it and get all fussy picking out all the bad things and not the good things, or simply doesn’t care at all and doesn’t have much to say at all. I also feel a great sense of pressure at the moment , wanting to build and settle down in a few years , but finding it very difficult to talk to my dad without him getting all fussy and opinionated, it makes me feel really stuck because it’s like I shouldn’t put in for a particular house or give things a go for myself and just give up. I’ve mentioned multiple times about wanting to move out soon, so it’s been building up for a while, with not a lot of support from him , but then out of blue will says things about * oh when you have your own kids* I feel he is trying to control my life , first it was my job, my car and now my house.I just feel like I don’t have a lot of support from him and cannot talk to him about it.I know I need to move out for my own sanity and freedom , I’ve lived at home till now and finally ready to move on with my life and actually get to experience life. Thanks for taking the time to read this

Guest_49809867 exhausted of trying
  • replies: 1

i thought i was doing okay, but everything is happening at once. my parents and i have a complicated relationship, but it’s improved since i’ve left. still not great, but my mum tries and she’s owned up to what she’s done, which i appreciate. my dad ... View more

i thought i was doing okay, but everything is happening at once. my parents and i have a complicated relationship, but it’s improved since i’ve left. still not great, but my mum tries and she’s owned up to what she’s done, which i appreciate. my dad has always been hot and cold, one second supportive, the next berating me for being a failure. it’s still better than before. i live with my partner now, but he’s wanting to break up with me. 100% my fault, i emotionally cheated. my mental illnesses don’t justify it at all. however, i have nowhere to go and no one besides my psych. i saw texts between my partner and friend’s bf calling me crazy, ridiculing, and mocking me during a suicidal breakdown. this has caused tension w my other friend. my partner made me cut off a friend because we used to date 3 years ago. i have no one i can trust anymore. i’m failing uni solely because of attendance (grades are distinction), which my parents don’t know. what little money i make, half goes to my parents to help their mortgage, and the rest for bills. my partner pays for a lot. if i go back to my parents, i don’t think i’ll survive. i can’t afford my psychiatrist, bills, and rent without dropping out of uni. i don’t know. i’m so tired of everything. exams are this week. i’m exhausted. i know it’s self-pitying, but i really do think i’m a horrible person that everybody hates. i feel so paranoid because i can’t trust anyone and think everyone hates me. i’m tired of being a failure and i’m scared because i have no one to turn to. my cat is the only thing keeping me here. if i go back to my parents, i can’t bring her. sorry if you read everything. my mind is a mess and i haven’t been sleeping well.

Patricia000 Tired
  • replies: 5

Hi there,I feel bad complaining because I live a pretty good comfortable life.I think I've been a bit overwhelmed the past few years and it's catching up to me.There are a few things I'm having trouble with and don't really know how to start tackling... View more

Hi there,I feel bad complaining because I live a pretty good comfortable life.I think I've been a bit overwhelmed the past few years and it's catching up to me.There are a few things I'm having trouble with and don't really know how to start tackling - I just feel too tired to even do anything about it anyway when it feels like there are easier alternatives at this point.My relationship with my mother isn't great. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if its truly my fault, but she says I'm the cause of all her mental health problems and if anything ever happens to her it'll be because of me. It becomes a bit of a vicious cycle, because her being hurtful (ridiculing things I enjoy, calling me names, yelling at me for mistakes) makes me not want to be around her. Then when I don't interact with her, she says it's my fault our relationship is bad because I won't make the effort. In some parts I believe that is true, but I know I can't be solely to blame for that either, it's just hard. I really can't bring myself to be bright and happy around her anymore. Today I got yelled at for not throwing out something in the fridge that only expired today - I'd been at work all morning... I often just go and sit in the park at night to get away from her yelling, but it's cold and I don't want to do that any more.I had a really good relationship with my best friend a few months ago and we decided to be partners. It was really nice for a few months, we got along super well, but I ended up breaking it off because I realised I was gay. I feel really bad because I should have known at my age. I think the things my mum said to me growing up kind of delayed me realising it, or I just forced myself not to acknowledge it. My best friend was so supportive and kind about it, genuinely he was lovely, but now it feels like there's a distance between us again. Which is normal. The absence is just hitting a bit hard, going from hanging out to nothing. I'm overly sensitive now too and I take every criticism from him as a sign that he hates me now. I just feel like a jerk.I'm in my exam period now for a post-grad degree and I am studying hard each day and just feeling exhausted, which is compounding things. I failed a practical skills exam and now have to resit it - if I fail again, I get kicked out of my course. I am trying to look forward to the holidays, but I feel like by the time I get there it won't have been worth it and I'll still be miserable.Thank you for your time - I'm sorry.

Earth Girl Feel hurt and left out
  • replies: 5

I live with my parents. My older sister has a child (toddler that we will call Bob) and a husband who live in a house fairly close to us and my younger sister lives in a different city, but in the same country. When I visit my older sister, most of t... View more

I live with my parents. My older sister has a child (toddler that we will call Bob) and a husband who live in a house fairly close to us and my younger sister lives in a different city, but in the same country. When I visit my older sister, most of the time that I am at her house, I am looking after Bob while she has a break or does some cleaning which is fair enough because I understand she needs breaks and Bob is really lovely anyway so it's nice spending time with him of course. Today, her husband invited me and my Mum over to help and hang out because Bob has a cold. I was thinking it would be great because we'll get to hang out like a family, but from the moment I got there, they expected me to do almost all the baby stuff. After being there for a minute, my older sister said to me in a kind of aggressive way "Okay, Earth Girl, you're on Bob duty" and she then went to have a friendly chat with Mum while I was watching Bob in the back door way. Bob and I later went outside the back, while my sister and Mum were still inside chatting and I was talking and playing with him and this went on for at least 40ish minutes. After they had there long chat, my Mum helped her tidy the house a bit with some vacuuming and wiping the kitchen while I was still watching Bob. I understand that by doing that, she was also helping my sister, but looking after Bob is harder and I know that if Mum got asked if she wanted to clean or look after Bob, 10/10 times she would choose clean and if I was the one cleaning and chatting with my sister, she would be a lot more annoyed than I am. Also, after they cleaned, they just started chatting again and my sister didn't say much to me at all (chatting wise). My sister would never talk to my younger sister like that (tell her that she was on Bob duty while spending time with Mum). This is no different than if I had a baby, and I told her that she was on Bill duty and then just chatted with Mum or if I told Mum that she was on Bill duty and I just chatted with my sister. I'm not annoyed with her for wanting help, I am annoyed with them for leaving me out and putting all of this part on me while they just chatted mostly and the way they talked to me. Close to the end, they both said "We should do this again" and I was thinking um, I think I'll go by myself next time. (When I go by myself, I'm mostly just with Bob too, but at least it's not just me). I want to discuss this to them, but they will get likely get angry with me and.....

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