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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nothappyuni Dating an alcoholic with major issues- HELP
  • replies: 3

I have completely fallen for this person, but it is the most unhealthy relationship. I believe in monogamy and this person when drunk argues that they are loyal but monogamy is boring and I should widen my perspectives. Sober I am with a remarkable p... View more

I have completely fallen for this person, but it is the most unhealthy relationship. I believe in monogamy and this person when drunk argues that they are loyal but monogamy is boring and I should widen my perspectives. Sober I am with a remarkable person who is intelligent and such fun, drunk, there are frequent biter break ups that are forgotten by them in the morning, while I have to live with the memories of the night before. I understand the alcohol makes them very secretive, and there is shame in their addiction, but their whole life is secrecy. Texts, messages, emails and calls that must be taken in private. It came to a head for me when I went to their house and found people had been having sex in the bed- all the marks and stains. It was explained a friend had slept over and must have had sex someone there, but the hair all over the bed was my partner's and one other person's (the alcohol makes their hair fall out a lot). I started to look at social media and found my partner (of nearly a year) has x-partners posting messages with hugs and love hearts to this person's time line, all while I have been forbidden to post to media that we are in a relationship. My partner refuses to post any public acknowledgement of the relationship, not introducing me to friends, or calling me a 'Friend'. When very drunk, my partner tells me the most horrific things about sex with other people and drunk or sober stares at other men with such hungry eyes it scares me. They have hyper-sexuality as a consequence of the alcohol and insist it is only me that they sleep with, but sometimes disappears for days, people talk about my partner's promiscuity, past parents broke up because of the issue. I just want some honest straight forward advice. Could it all be me being paranoid from all the drunken ramblings, or is it the truth that comes out when drunk (I don't drink). I am not permitted to phone my partner, I must wait for calls from them (they had a lot of trauma in a past relationship). My partner has confessed to being in need of attention, and confessed to meeting up with men, but only for conversation. I spoke to a psychologist friend and they told me "RUN, run far away, fast as you can", but I'm hooked on my partner, sober they are remarkable, but they are only sober a couple of hours a day.

Koala_KT He says he’s not happy and being with me feels like a chore
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with this bf for around 3 years, broke up twice, and got back together, and just two days ago, he wants to break up again. It’s almost the same pattern as before, no real issue no fight, and suddenly he wants out. He said he’s been trying t... View more

I’ve been with this bf for around 3 years, broke up twice, and got back together, and just two days ago, he wants to break up again. It’s almost the same pattern as before, no real issue no fight, and suddenly he wants out. He said he’s been trying to be a good bf, give me time and plan things, which he has improved a lot in the past 6 months. But he says he’s not happy and that’s not him. When I ask him if he’s not happy spending time with me, he says no, most of the time he’s happy, but when he thinks about it, he’s not happy, because he felt that this isn’t who he is. I’m very confused because this doesn’t really make sense to me. I understand being in a relationship both parties may need to make slight adjustments, but that’s not changing who we are. I do not know how to communicate this to him. I want to save the relationship but i dont know how.

topsykrets Anxiety when partner comes home from work or is at home
  • replies: 1

My partner and myself have been together for 2 years, though I have known him (not closely) for around 8. Early in our dating I fell pregnant, we now have a nearly 8 month old daughter, she is beautiful. However, my partner has shown me so many red f... View more

My partner and myself have been together for 2 years, though I have known him (not closely) for around 8. Early in our dating I fell pregnant, we now have a nearly 8 month old daughter, she is beautiful. However, my partner has shown me so many red flags since early on. The worst yet is that late in my pregnancy - around 27 weeks he started to yell and scream at me over small things, disagreements or your typical argument. he is extremely volatile, emotionally unstable most times, he can’t handle any constructive criticism or any sense of heightened emotion. A number of times, I had a newborn baby cradled in my arms as I was nursing her and he would be screaming over both of us, at me. This has happened several times, he also gaslights, manipulates, uses coercive control tactics, threatens suicide and says he is going to/wants to kill himself because of me, and financial abuses me and holds money against as a means to make me feel bad. He also does not help AT ALL with our daughter. He will pick her up, say “coke give daddy a cuddle” and hold her for 10 minutes. And that’s essentially it. I am a first time mum, and he has other children to other women. He hasn’t had an angry outburst for around 6 weeks now, but I feel so on edge and afraid when I know he is coming home, or when I know it’s the weekend coming and he will be home. I have constant anxiety and I am always dreaming of leaving with our daughter, as I feel it’s so unhealthy to be in a home where this behaviour happening, but I also want to set an example for our daughter. I am so afraid to leave because I worry that I would need to share custody while our daughter is so young, he is clueless and really inattentive. Will do things like fall asleep at the drop of a hat when he’s meant to be watching her, will cover her pram in blankets on a hot day to ‘keep our the light’, doesn’t understand safe sleep and thinks all of the tiles around safe sleep environment are ‘stupid’ - just very senseless with parenting and he has past addition problems, he was an alcoholic until our daughter was 3 months, I said unless you stop drinking I’m leaving. He stopped but I know he’d likely start again if I did leave. I don’t want to keep her from him, and I’d ideally like supervised visits as frequently as he likes, or limited time spent at his house, not overnight. I fear leaving because I don’t want to put her at risk by him having shared custody while she’s so young. I feel so depressed and trapped.

PinkOrchid21 Struggling with trust in new relationship after past abuse
  • replies: 1

I am a year and a half into a relationship and my trust is worse than ever. My partner has a job that requires them to meet lots of new people and attend events and each time I get increasingly anxious and paranoid. I think they are flirting and enga... View more

I am a year and a half into a relationship and my trust is worse than ever. My partner has a job that requires them to meet lots of new people and attend events and each time I get increasingly anxious and paranoid. I think they are flirting and engaging people who are interested in them, basically I always think worse scenario. my ex SA me and broke my trust in many other ways and I’ve not been able to trust my new partners intentions. I worry about what he thinks about other girls, if he is being ufaithful or even thinking unfaithful things. he has never done anything that warrants this mistrust but then again I’ve never seen how he acts when I’m not there. (See the mistrust) I don’t know what to do and would appreciate help.

Jessierosec03 My sister stopped talking to me
  • replies: 3

Me and my older sister have always been really close until a couple months ago where out of the blue she said she wants to cut me out of her life. my sister has 2 children and I’m an aunty she’s stopped me seeing the kids. Those kids are my life they... View more

Me and my older sister have always been really close until a couple months ago where out of the blue she said she wants to cut me out of her life. my sister has 2 children and I’m an aunty she’s stopped me seeing the kids. Those kids are my life they mean so much to me there only 5 years old and 4 years old. I’m just worried they won’t remember or know who I am once they get older. I’ve tried contacting my sister multiple times over different occasions and periods but no response.Any suggestions would be great of how to get into contact with her again.

sha00 Boyfriend drinking with the boys
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I am in a very healthy relationship, I trust my partner in terms of cheating etc. He hardly ever drinks, there maybe like 5 occasions per year where he may be on a weekend/week away camping with mates or at work functions which involves dri... View more

Hi there, I am in a very healthy relationship, I trust my partner in terms of cheating etc. He hardly ever drinks, there maybe like 5 occasions per year where he may be on a weekend/week away camping with mates or at work functions which involves drinking. We have had many conversations around this and we both have unpacked that maybe I have issues with it from my family consuming alcohol excessively and what might be a lot of alcohol for him like (around 10 drinks), a drinking session for some of my family is much more. He understands this. I never want to control him and say he can't go, I want to be relaxed and happy for him whenever these times pop up. It's like I have a devil and angel on one shoulder. The devil saying omg he is going to ignore me, he is going to be out doing stupid stuff with the boys, he is going to drink too much and stay out till morning (all of which have never even happened yet). The angel on my shoulder is saying, don't be so stupid, we're in our twenties, there is nothing wrong with him going out having a good time with mates and letting loose, he will not cheat, as long as he communicates it'll be fine, let him go have fun without you being a psycho over it! Along with my experiences with alcohol, I think another reason I might be a bit jealous is because I don't really have any good friends for myself. Any advice would be so helpful because I don't want to be toxic, I want to be relaxed and happy for him when these occasions arise in the future!

VanVincent My wife thinks I am having an affair when I am not
  • replies: 9

Consistently throughout our relationship since we got married my wife has accused me of having an affair with another woman. I am in an industry that requires travel occasionally and this has led to issues. In recent times she has installed monitorin... View more

Consistently throughout our relationship since we got married my wife has accused me of having an affair with another woman. I am in an industry that requires travel occasionally and this has led to issues. In recent times she has installed monitoring software on my phone to track my movements and be able to turn the camera and microphone on and off. What is upsetting is that while I have never had an affair on her - she had an affair several years ago that lasted for 18 months. After therapy I forgave her. So it is very hurtful that despite my every effort she will not stop accusing me of cheating. Her relationship with her mother and sister is strained, she also accuses them of cheating constantly, including with me in the past. I am concerned it is some kind of issue requiring help because she also keeps accusing me of smirking or laughing when I am not and hears me admitting to things I am not saying. She is now fixated on a woman who lives in another part of the country whom I have never met. She gets very angry and emotional regarding this other woman and I am not able to convince her that I am not having an affair with this person (or anyone else). She tells my children I am talking to this other person and accuses me of stealing things from her to send to this other woman. Nearly every happy occasion is ruined by accusations including birthdays, Christmas and other important days. I am very ill and was only given 5 years to live a few years ago though I will fight to make sure that does not happen as best I can- I do not want things to end like this. It is very distressing.

maec i feel so alone at home
  • replies: 4

My home situation hasn't been the best. some days are good and theres no arguing or lectures and others it arguing for hours all shouting and crying and throwing and etc. Everytime i try to voice out my feelings it's considered back talk, or disrespe... View more

My home situation hasn't been the best. some days are good and theres no arguing or lectures and others it arguing for hours all shouting and crying and throwing and etc. Everytime i try to voice out my feelings it's considered back talk, or disrespect. never actually just my feelings waiting to be heard and seen. i haven't slept, i cant sleep. i feel so angry all the time now and just at an all time low. i feel so depressed. all i wanted was for my parents to understand and hear how i'm feeling. and you'd think at 19 they would start hearing me out. but no it's just like last year and every year, last month last week yesterday. i feel as though nothing i do for my parents even siblings will ever matter or account to anything to be seen heard and loved. i cant even see my partner with my own free will. the one person other than god that makes me happy and at feel at peace. i tired of feeling angry all the time and sad lonely. i'm sick of the anxiety that runs through me at every mishap. every one just expects me to listen and do as told no questions asked no opinions no thoughts no disrespect. they make me feel like such a burden. Everything is disregarded. do i have to take serious measures for them to finally hear and understand me? i don't know how i'm gonna cope much longer.

chloe_marie Post breakup
  • replies: 1

I have recently left a relationship. I won’t go into the details of it. But since leaving, I feel so out of place, I packed up and left, moved 2000km away. All of future plans have just disappeared. I think because I made them all with him. Now I’m i... View more

I have recently left a relationship. I won’t go into the details of it. But since leaving, I feel so out of place, I packed up and left, moved 2000km away. All of future plans have just disappeared. I think because I made them all with him. Now I’m in a job where I don’t even feel like it’s for me. I’m in a new town, broke with all my animals. Plus my other animals still in the town I left because I can’t afford to move them. I just feel so so out of place and feel like I’m ticking time bomb that’s just hanging on by a thread. I had so much planned and now I can’t even plan to get past the day. Does anyone have any advice on this or has felt the same?

Lotus_85 AITAH for wanting to go out
  • replies: 11

So it's always been a problem, but has reduced over the yrs. I'm not able to go out with friends without feeling like garbage. Yrs ago I never went out because I believed I was selfish and mean for wanting to. These days I fight for it, and damn I ha... View more

So it's always been a problem, but has reduced over the yrs. I'm not able to go out with friends without feeling like garbage. Yrs ago I never went out because I believed I was selfish and mean for wanting to. These days I fight for it, and damn I have to fight. Most recent example...Girls at work asked me to go with them for a night away, girls night thing and go to the big markets and winery near where we r staying. I told him about 2 months ago and was met with 'y would u want to do that, u do even like that stuff, I just think it's stupid and a waste of time and money'. Feeling guilty and horrible for wanting it, I fought and explained it's more about the girls night than anything. When I didn't agree that I was stupid for wanting it he said 'we were spose to go to those markets (coz I had mentioned I wanted to yrs ago when we were nearby but they weren't on that wkend). So then it was all about me taking an experience from him (even tho we could go another time, but apparently it's not the same if I've already been). I don't exactly remember saying it, but apparently I said I wasn't going. Now me yelling 'FINE I WONT GO' sounds like wat I would do when I couldn't fight anymore. Nothing else was mentioned after that, I forgot about it even. I got reminded about the wkend the other day and reminded him. He made a snark comment 'u mean the trip we were meant to take?' I said no we could've gone another time. He left it, now I realise he left it becoz I had already promised him sex that night. Then last night... when I got home... he said it alright. Now I have apparently been lying to him for the last month planning away, and what else am I bullsh1tting him about. I took an experience from him and I lied to him and am so rude and and disrespectful for it... now I see this all very different. I see him being an AH controlling piece of xxx u can't stand me being away from him and doing something for me.We don't have the best relationship and don't really spend another time together, I hang out in my room and watch netflix in my spare time and he hangs out in the shed doing his own thing. But it's my fault we don't hang out coz I won't leave my room. Partly yes but not all me. I like my space and we have nothing to talk about when we r together. We have made small changes lately like Saturday coffee dates with a walk on the beach so we at least have that time.AITAH for wanting to go? For going out with the girls maybe 5 or 6 times a yr? I have to fight so hard and feel so miserable to have it. Maybe I am the AH.He says come out of my room and hang out with him, but I sit and get bored while he smokes and watches Fishing, so I go back to watch my shows. I dunno.. just needed to get this out I guess without screaming.