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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Elf911 Narcissistic parent of my children
  • replies: 25

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen... View more

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen years we were together, he took control of every aspect of our lives, right down to the coin to spend on food for our kids, I was totally under his thumb. For a long while it was easier for him to do so with small children to care for but it went beyond control, he made me question my own sanity and safety with him on more than one occasion. Now out of this relationship and try to maintain communication for my children's sake of having a father, I see all the lies and manipulation that I previously had rose coloured glasses on for. Now since I mentioned lawyers for parenting agreements he is sending messages to ask me if we can fix things. In my head I can not see a future where 1. He is not completely transparent and submissive as I was in the past as I'm have gained my independence and am never giving it up again; 2 that will ever agree to give up the things that lead us to break up, eg gambling and search for money; 3 I in my right mind cannot really expect him to change as so, I don't want a puppet to love with strings attached and in so couldn't ask him to be a different person. So how do I get what I need from him; closure and commitment to our children, without that narcissistic personality in the mix. He likes playing games and seeing a person's reaction. Do I be straight and tell him I will never entertain the idea of reconciliation and what dame the results of his reaction as I know it will be negative or play this slow and ask for commitments such as therapy and time before his actions inevitable show his intentions and throw it up as you weren't able to for fill what you were asking as an equal in this relationship therefore it can not happen. Either way my children will suffer as they already are because of his actions. I am stuck in a hard place.

B-STAR Strange After pay Transactions
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am currently investigating strange Afterpay transactions on a joint account. My partner in the last recent years is spending about $15K per year on afterpay but I don't know what it is being spent on. The join account still has transactions... View more

Hi All, I am currently investigating strange Afterpay transactions on a joint account. My partner in the last recent years is spending about $15K per year on afterpay but I don't know what it is being spent on. The join account still has transactions for Supermarkets and other bills and insurance. She obviously becomes defensive when bring it up. She does get packages but the funny thing is I am not seeing new clothes furniture or anything like that in the house. My initial thoughts where therefore it must be gambling related. However my research has told me that Afterpay can not be used for gambling. On average the After pay amounts can be anything from a few dollars to $50 per payment. The other clue is that a lot of these transactions often land on the same day adding up to a few hundred dollars. Does anyone have any idea what these transactions could be paying for or funding?

PsychedelicFur Isolating because people and the world are too much
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, I feel like my only option in this world is isolating because I'm too difficult and traumatised to connect with others. I'm so wounded and Neurodivergent that I have to isolate myself because people are triggering and so many people don... View more

Hey everyone, I feel like my only option in this world is isolating because I'm too difficult and traumatised to connect with others. I'm so wounded and Neurodivergent that I have to isolate myself because people are triggering and so many people don't like me.

PsychedelicFur Triggered by someone's bad attitude
  • replies: 1

Hello, I suffer from Rejection Sensitive Disorder (RSD) and I need some reassurance when I feel anxious about a connection or relationship. I recently started talking to this woman who confessed she had feelings for me. She would bathe me in complime... View more

Hello, I suffer from Rejection Sensitive Disorder (RSD) and I need some reassurance when I feel anxious about a connection or relationship. I recently started talking to this woman who confessed she had feelings for me. She would bathe me in compliments like 'you are soo special to me!' And 'you deserve the world.' Well, her communication with me seemed a bit distant yesterday and I told her I noticed she seemed a bit distant and I wanted to know if she was OK. Then she told me 'why does it matter to you if I'm distant? You've only known me for like a month.' Her defensiveness and bad attitude really hurt me. Because I told her I need reassurance and I have relationship anxiety. From 'you are so important to me' to 'you've only known me for a month.' Is hurtful. Because she made out the relationship seemed so important to her. I told her the comment she made really hurt my feelings and I told her to not contact me again because twice now she has brought up that comment 'you've only known me for like a month.' She seemed to love bomb me in the beginning and then when I ask if she is OK and I ask for reassurance, which I don't always do but when I did she became defensive and gave me a bad attitude.

Br1sbaneg1rl Depressed Partner Is Nicer To Everyone Else
  • replies: 5

I am feeling quite hopeless and empty. My partner suffers from depression and we have had a difficult 6 months. It hurts me when he withdraws from me and is distant. One day he will be nice to me and loving and the next day he treats me though I am i... View more

I am feeling quite hopeless and empty. My partner suffers from depression and we have had a difficult 6 months. It hurts me when he withdraws from me and is distant. One day he will be nice to me and loving and the next day he treats me though I am invisible. He acts so nice to others but he’s cold toward me and doesn’t even speak to me at times. I cannot understand why he is so nice to others and treats me like I am nothing. 2 days ago I offered to help him with something and he accepted. I went to see him, helped him and he was much nicer toward me. That night we were intimate for the first time in a few weeks. This was initiated by him. He refuses to tell me he loves me recently. After we were intimate, he ignored me when I said I love you. This is something that came natural only a short time ago and I feel empty and used. The past month has been the worst. We have been together 15 months, we have had a lot of ups and downs and my love and support has never been a question. I am filled with anxiety and it is making me physically sick. This is an emotional roller coaster and I just cannot understand why he would treat others well and treat me the opposite. Is this a part of depression? I am desperate for answers and/or advice.

Earth Girl Feel hurt and left out
  • replies: 4

I live with my parents. My older sister has a child (toddler that we will call Bob) and a husband who live in a house fairly close to us and my younger sister lives in a different city, but in the same country. When I visit my older sister, most of t... View more

I live with my parents. My older sister has a child (toddler that we will call Bob) and a husband who live in a house fairly close to us and my younger sister lives in a different city, but in the same country. When I visit my older sister, most of the time that I am at her house, I am looking after Bob while she has a break or does some cleaning which is fair enough because I understand she needs breaks and Bob is really lovely anyway so it's nice spending time with him of course. Today, her husband invited me and my Mum over to help and hang out because Bob has a cold. I was thinking it would be great because we'll get to hang out like a family, but from the moment I got there, they expected me to do almost all the baby stuff. After being there for a minute, my older sister said to me in a kind of aggressive way "Okay, Earth Girl, you're on Bob duty" and she then went to have a friendly chat with Mum while I was watching Bob in the back door way. Bob and I later went outside the back, while my sister and Mum were still inside chatting and I was talking and playing with him and this went on for at least 40ish minutes. After they had there long chat, my Mum helped her tidy the house a bit with some vacuuming and wiping the kitchen while I was still watching Bob. I understand that by doing that, she was also helping my sister, but looking after Bob is harder and I know that if Mum got asked if she wanted to clean or look after Bob, 10/10 times she would choose clean and if I was the one cleaning and chatting with my sister, she would be a lot more annoyed than I am. Also, after they cleaned, they just started chatting again and my sister didn't say much to me at all (chatting wise). My sister would never talk to my younger sister like that (tell her that she was on Bob duty while spending time with Mum). This is no different than if I had a baby, and I told her that she was on Bill duty and then just chatted with Mum or if I told Mum that she was on Bill duty and I just chatted with my sister. I'm not annoyed with her for wanting help, I am annoyed with them for leaving me out and putting all of this part on me while they just chatted mostly and the way they talked to me. Close to the end, they both said "We should do this again" and I was thinking um, I think I'll go by myself next time. (When I go by myself, I'm mostly just with Bob too, but at least it's not just me). I want to discuss this to them, but they will get likely get angry with me and.....

Guest_81296230 Verbal abuse
  • replies: 3

I verbally abuse my boyfriend when I am drunk. I think I resent hin & the only time I have the guts to talk to him is when I am drunk. I get mean & once I pushed him. He says he is scared of me as I become another person. Can you help me as I don't w... View more

I verbally abuse my boyfriend when I am drunk. I think I resent hin & the only time I have the guts to talk to him is when I am drunk. I get mean & once I pushed him. He says he is scared of me as I become another person. Can you help me as I don't want to be this way. This is not a person I want to be.

midnightowl how to break away from toxicity
  • replies: 3

has bf of 5 years, known each other for 8 years. in the last 5 years i moved overseas so we have been in long distance relationship. im 40, he is 57. he has always been workaholic. the only time we meet is when i visit him and even then, he is still ... View more

has bf of 5 years, known each other for 8 years. in the last 5 years i moved overseas so we have been in long distance relationship. im 40, he is 57. he has always been workaholic. the only time we meet is when i visit him and even then, he is still busy at work. i can see it since i stay at his place when im there and his has his shop there. his ex still visits him. i should have set boundaries, but im not always there and feel he is in good terms with his ex and they are “good friends”. i went to visit last month and she was still visiting him. he got mad when i was about to go home early and that his ex is still there, like his ex does not know about me. am i the only blind person who does not see that they ate still together? is he lying about her being ex? why do i attract this kind of man? is it a curse? my ex before him was a gambler and it was very toxic as well. how can i let go? i had a month no contact with him at one point and it was very lonely. whenever i tell him things, he always have an answer but no action because he is “busy”. i guess i need someone to hit me in the head to wake me up from this dream.

Mum3 Need Guidance 🙏🏻
  • replies: 9

Hi, so I have been with my Partner for 21 years, I love him with all my heart, but he has a drug and alcohol addiction and it’s starting to put a strain on our relationship, we have 3 teenage Children and he is an amazing Father works hard. But I don... View more

Hi, so I have been with my Partner for 21 years, I love him with all my heart, but he has a drug and alcohol addiction and it’s starting to put a strain on our relationship, we have 3 teenage Children and he is an amazing Father works hard. But I don’t want this for my life or my Children’s I’ve tried saying this to him numerous times and he says he will stop but never does and has told me that he just wants to live and enjoy his life! But it always ends with him having no money and depression and anxiety and it’s a constant trauma for me now as I am always worried something will happen to him! As I have been through this with two Brothers who have both died and he knows this! I want to be happy but I didn’t want to lose him. But this isn’t the life I want. Plus the home and everything is in his name so I have nothing not even any money as my Daughter has bad anxiety problems so she struggles to leave the house , so I can’t work. What do I do and how would I start my life over plus the heart ache of leaving him??

Alyka Why do I feel that my parents never loved me?
  • replies: 8

How do I begin...I'm an only child, so I don't have siblings to turn to, and from my observation, other people have very different family dynamics,even those deemed 'problematic' ones.My parents, well, they are not all bad, or like those extremely ab... View more

How do I begin...I'm an only child, so I don't have siblings to turn to, and from my observation, other people have very different family dynamics,even those deemed 'problematic' ones.My parents, well, they are not all bad, or like those extremely abusive ones, and they did say that they want to make amends with me and all that.The thing is, I do feel Very exhausted every single time after I interacted with them.And I, after all their attempts of making amends and patch things up, I still don't feel that they love me, or even like me.Of course they claim otherwise, and I somewhat believe that, in their head, they sincerely think they love me a lot.Apparently I feel the opposite.This is just one tiny example of wayyy to many to include:Whenever interacting with them, they rarely care about what I want, they'll always just talk or drag me into whatever they want, and that's not the worst part. The worst part is, I can't have an different opinion. That means, if they deem a movie is terrible, I can't say I like it or they'll just berate me non-stop. The same goes for songs, clothes, food, etc.I'd really really just want to be left alone in these cases, and they seem never really notice.In their minds, they are taking me to all these different experiences, and having wonderful times together.Which is, well partially true, I believe they enjoyed these, but do I enjoy them?Absolutely noooo.Do they care? also no.I still dread, hence avoiding share any of my thoughts with them, even when they made an effort asking me what I want, I would automatically go defensive and say, whatever.I know I can't show any 'weakness' to them because they'll turn it into a weapon.So unlike a lot other people complaining about negligent parents, I thought those parents were god-sent.The only happy times I had when I was young were those when they were too busy to mind me.So, although I hate lying about things (It's draining), lying to them has sort of became my second nature, and I kinda hate myself for that.Plus, it has made all attempts of patching things up, in vain.I don't think I'll ever be able to share literally any aspect of my life, big or small, with them.I knew this shouldn't be normal with parents and kids.But was my feelings correct?Did they ever loved me, are they lying when they say they love me?would you call this love?What is really going on with my parents and I?What should I do from here? Simply break ties with them?