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Struggling with the loss of my life

BlueBen
Community Member

I am suffering from separation anxiety from my partner leaving me.

It feels like I have lost a wife and son in a car accident and I never got to say goodbye.

Her 3 year old son and I were at times inseparable and I miss him so much it hurts. I am broken hearted and cannot understand how or why this has happened.

We had a fantastic relationship, we were both very affectionate and attentive, very involved in each other’s lives. Shared our children and were beginning to blend together quite nicely. Yes some issues and things along the way and ahead of us but nothing major. We discussed building a life together with all of our children and having more. We talked about the future, our future on a daily basis. It was all going great.

Christmas time and we were taking selfies of us all cuddled up with all of our children in bed yet 2 weeks later it was all over.

I was blindsided by the decision.

I’ve sought explanation on her reasons but really got nothing of note, nothing that would seem insurmountable.

We both had previous traumatic relationships that contributed to some issues but I thought we were and could continue to deal with these. Nothing love, communication and understanding couldn’t help solve.

Since the split I have suffered panic and anxiety attacks and depression. I am seeing a psychologist and having reiki sessions to help deal with it all but I continue to struggle emotionally on a daily basis.

2 months on and the loss is still feels as as raw as when it happened.

I am devastated.

BlueBen

10 Replies 10

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello BlueBen

Welcome to the forums. I wish it was under better circumstances

I understand you about separation anxiety......it is very painful to say the least

You are very strong to have created your own thread topic and good on you Ben. The forums are a safe and judgement free place for you (and me) to post whatever is on your mind

Your heart would be broken also where your children are concerned. I feel your pain there too Ben

I see that you have been proactive and are seeing a psychologist...good move

I have had anxiety attacks followed by depression for a while and they do lessen in severity depending on the frequency of the counseling. The more the better....fortnightly is great....weekly is god too if you can arrange it

May I ask you about the severity of your anxiety attacks? Ummm...do they interfere with your quality of life on a daily basis?

You are not alone here Ben. There are many gentle people like yourself that can the best support possible

Please post back...when convenient and if you wish

My Kind thoughts for your pain Ben

Paul

PamelaR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi BlueBen

Wow, you are going through difficult times at the moment. Separation anxiety is so difficult.... Thoughts go out to you BlueBen.

Going to a doctor and psychologist are excellent ways to move yourself forward.

The hard thing that I keep thinking is - why? What are the things you think that are insurmountable. Maybe if we explore these with you we might be able to help you further.

Kind regards

PamelaR

BlueBen
Community Member
Hi Paul and thank you for your reply.

Her son has just turned 3 and he quickly became the son I never had (I have 2 daughters), I love him to bits and we were inseparable at times. The last time I saw hime he was so excited running towards me and hugging me so tightly and said I love you Benjamin, he always called me Benjamin haha. It brought me to tears. I miss him as much as his mother.

The panic attacks have been quite severe at times rendering me useless and stuck at home not to leave. I have had multiple less severe attacks at work where I've either had to take time out or also had to go home. Much less effect now I have started to get help and advice from psychology appointments (every 3 weeks atm) and reiki treatments. But the depression and destructive thought patterns remain...

Ben

BlueBen
Community Member

Hi PamelaR and thank you for your reply.

I didn't think anything was insurmountable for us. I was quite relaxed about our planned future ahead and would always be able to find ways to problem solve moving forwards.

It was my partner who thought otherwise as it turned out.

Ben

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Ben,

I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling so much. You mention you both had traumatic relationships, I'm wondering if your ex is having counselling? Does she possibly have things to deal with which affected your relationship. Do you have any clear answers why she broke things off?

cmf x

BlueBen
Community Member

Hi CMF,

We has both been in previous relationships that were emotionally, physically and sexually abusive and this did have an effect on our relationship but was something we were working on. I am having counseling as you know to help myself with what I am dealing with mental health wise. I hope she too is having counseling or getting help but I don’t know.

No clear answers as to why she broke it off and that makes it so much more difficult for me to understand and accept. The questions still remain and it is killing me inside.

Ben

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Ben,

Just checking in to see how you are doing? Did you do much over the break?

BlueBen
Community Member

Hi CMF and thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot!!

I flew last minute to Queensland and spent Easter with great friends of mine. Water skiing and camping and really enjoyed every minute of the whole trip. Had some great chats with friends I really respect and trust and I have returned feeling better and fresher in my mind.

I still have thoughts of the relationship lost but I am slowly coming to terms with much of my life this past week.

Last night I again had reiki treatment and that is also helping.

Cheers,

BlueBen

PamelaR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Reiki treatment can work wonders BlueBen. Good on you for using it.