Struggling with relationship breakdown

[jon74]

Hi l have recently come out of long marriage . My ex controlled nearly every aspect of my life. She continues to by refusing mediation for the property dispute. I was hospitalised twice due to suicide attempts late last year. I just can't see any way to move forward with my like. She has also turned our adult children against me

[Bob_22]

Hi jon74,

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Please know that if you ever want to talk to a counsellor over the phone or online you can contact the counsellors here at beyond blue at any time at: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

It sounds like you're feeling isolated at the moment as well as a bit trapped. It certainly is a tough situation to be in. Have you considered going to a GP or a psychologist to talk through some of these issues? They can also help you gain an objective perspective on things by providing emotional and mental support. Let us know what you think or if you have already explored this avenue.

Bob

[white knight]

Hi Jon, welcome

I see Bob has replied already with good info. Your post Jon is a carbon copy almost of my 1st marriage split in 1996. I'm 67yo now and can happily claim I'm happier than ever regardless of the split when my daughters were 7 and 4yo and included a suicide attempt. So, of course I'd love for you to read my reply.

The first 8 weeks of being single I was lost, constantly breaking down with emotion, worried my kids would be well looked after and yes, I knew I was being demonised by their mother. Even my body weight was used to make out I'm evil.

Then I saw a block of land, built my own house on it and it was the proudest day of my life bar my kids births. I found direction and obsession. 8 months later I moved in and my kids stayed their first night, fairy curtains and doonas it was magical. Two weeks later I received a letter from child support with my ex's comment "I have a 100 year house, he has a brand new house therefore I deserve more child support". Mind you I'd signed over the house to her upon divorce.

So ok, I realised then that my full child support and extras like clothes I'd be proud to provide and not allow my ex to infiltrate my fatherhood because I also knew that regardless of my good deeds, good dad etc she would always degrade me so she could elevate herself.

Now, you do not need to attend mediation. I would obtain a solicitor and get him/her to handle all aspects of the legalities and most importantly Jon, remove yourself from all aspects of your ex. This is all part of your "survival strategy".

It is extremely hard to rise up against this person. You need reminding of how important you are as a dad. I have a few threads below that you might find interesting.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/relationship-split/td-p/359242

ATM I'd like to invite you to update us.

TonyWK

I'm