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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Maggie_ Out of my control
  • replies: 5

There are two things out of my control that are getting me very down. One is I am desperate to have a second child, whereas my husband is set on only one. We have had countless discussions on this for the past 2 years and neither is changing their mi... View more

There are two things out of my control that are getting me very down. One is I am desperate to have a second child, whereas my husband is set on only one. We have had countless discussions on this for the past 2 years and neither is changing their mind so I really don't know what to do as I'm worried about feelings of resentment. It's so difficult because neither one of us is right or wrong in this, we just have different opinions. I always wanted to have children and he was never too bothered so tells me 'I compromised and gave you one, you should be happy.' I am happy with my daughter but didn't know, until after she was born, just how strongly I would feel about wanting a second. I'm trying to make peace with her being an only child but I'm just not able to get there. The second is that I'm feeling quite lonely due to my husband's shift work. He has worked most evenings, weekends and public holidays for the past 10+ years. Last Sunday I took my daughter to a park and all around us were families where there were 2 parents and at least 2 children. It makes me so jealous and lonely seeing it. I clearly crave more family around me (both husband and second child-wise!) I usually meet with a friend and her children and she sometimes brings her husband and parents too. I so appreciate the company but it's not the same as having my own larger family and it also adds to my feelings of the stark contrast between her having that around her whereas it's always just me and my daughter. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely love spending time alone with my daughter but it doesn't stop my thoughts of craving for more at times. So both of the above are playing on my mind so much and making me feel down and lonely. But both are out of my hands as there is nothing I can do to change the situation other than what I've already tried (trying to make peace with having one child only and meeting with friends when my husband is working). But I can't help how I feel and this only plasters over my feelings deep down and I'm increasingly finding myself having a big cry about these situations that I'm not happy with but am powerless to change.

jayske Someone else helping my partner's mental illness rather than me...
  • replies: 6

I am in a relationship that is 2 months and me and my partner are feeling around the committed stage. However, this is my first relationship and my partner's 3rd. Going into the relationship, my partner has opened up to their mental illnesses and for... View more

I am in a relationship that is 2 months and me and my partner are feeling around the committed stage. However, this is my first relationship and my partner's 3rd. Going into the relationship, my partner has opened up to their mental illnesses and for most times, whenever I try, it never feels like when I try to help, it has no effect, and I can only really do the basic '"texts" because I do not see them or live with them. Recently, one of my friends, maybe even close friends, helps our relationship and has been for a while, he has that experience from his past long-term relationships but is now single. This is where the conflict happens, we have recently gone on a break, but it didn't even last long, only a week, and now are about to be broken up. It is because of them having these mental illnesses, and me not being able to take care of their mental needs most likely because of my basic and inexperience self unable to really do anything, but my close friend has, and has been these past times. When me and my partner did have some trouble, usually he would be able to speak with them. Now, my partners feelings for me is not so much unlike the start, which is a pretty normal thing? when it comes to relationships, but they have started to like my close friend instead. I feel so.. conflicted in terms of emotions, I love my partner, and i have always wanted to help them, but whenever I try, I never really do anything. He on the other hand has and is still continuing to talk to them as well as helping them. I don't know what to do, feel or anything. I feel hurt though, with me not able to help my partner as well as jealous almost that my close friend can. And I have that gut feeling, a strong one at that, that they will date and I will feel even worse. Can I do anything? Should I accept this? Do i talk to my partner/ex? What can I do for future problems because of my inexperience.

IrisLight Confused and lost separation and new love after escaping toxic marriage
  • replies: 9

I have only just escaped a toxic marriage that I had almost lost my life to. The man I married was for all the wrong reasons, tradition, everyone's opinion, family, settle too fast, me being hopeful, just everything was wrong with it. During the rela... View more

I have only just escaped a toxic marriage that I had almost lost my life to. The man I married was for all the wrong reasons, tradition, everyone's opinion, family, settle too fast, me being hopeful, just everything was wrong with it. During the relationship there was no intimacy, no emotional talk, alot of abuse, it didn't feel like a relationship at all yet we still married, we lived in different rooms to eachother isolated the whole time. I tried to escape this marriage multiple times, running away, asking for a break up, asking for a divorce, each attempt resulted in friends and family being threatened, suicide threats and so much more, eventually I gave up and decided to stay even if it meant being lonely and forever one-sided, life was really miserable i was trapped and the only thing i could do was to keep effortlessly trying to repair something that was beyond repair and keep suffering the abuse, the neglect being cheated on and consistely shamed while covering up for all his actions to survive. One day, he introduced me to his friends, one of them changed my life. This guy was bright, celebrated my wins, tried to pick me up when i was down, made me feel comfortable with my flaws, was just as shy as me and taught me many things as we grew in life. It caught me off guard when I caught feelings for him, I was terrified, I knew it was impossible for me to be with him because I had already committed myself to his friend. So I kept denying the feelings I had for him for a long time during our relationship which only made things worse. To try stop the feelings I threw myself more at my ex, had a baby, tried to buy a house, my ex was the whole time completely uninterested with anything I did in the marriage. These things caused me even more heartache and pain because I was constantly rejected and here this amazing guy completely the opposite was sitting across from me who over the years seemed to be everything perfect I would consider in a guy and there was nothing i could do. After many years I finally built the courage to take my child and flee my marriage, to flee the abuse. I am fixing alot of broken things going through separation and have been thinking about this man as I heal, but can't seem to shake the feelings I have for him off. I am heartbroken because the people I talk to that did leave me behind family or old friends all disagree with my choice of feelings.. but no matter what I can't help but feel he may actually be the right one for me.

seperatedmum my husband has just left and I just dont know what to do
  • replies: 2

A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and ... View more

A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and that he believed we were on different pages and that he didnt love me anymore. we've been together 11 years, since we were in high school, and we have a 2 and a half year old son. I had no idea he was unhappy in that way in our marriage. we had had talks about issues before but they were always resolved, he had mentioned some issues he was having with himself but had always assured me it wasn't our relationship and that he loved me. He told me he's been pretending for over a year, and in that time while he was pretending, we started a business together, so i quit my main job to do that, we had made holiday plans, we had made plans to buy and block and build a home, he said he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. He kept telling me he loved me, so i didnt know there were changes that needed to be made and because he has come to terms with how hes feeling, he doesnt want to try and resolve them, we've never had couples counselling but he wont do that now because hes already fallen out of love and geniunelly believes that there is no future and the feelings are gone. I don't know what to do, Im in limbo, im still in our house that we rent and i have no choice to leave because financially i know that i cant afford anything else, nor do i know where i would even want to go. Everyone in our life knows him as my husband and I dont know how to go out and live my life as normal because i dont know how to tell people about him when they ask because they always do. I feel like his life is just going on as normal and nothing is changing for him, he just gets to leave and im just stuck, with not many friends because all of my friends are his friends or his family, and I have my family but they cant understand how im feeling, and all they want to do is hate him, and they want me to hate him, but I just cant. Im trying to look after myself but i havent done that in 11 years. i have no hobbies, because all ive been for the past 11 years is a girlfriend, wife and mother. I just dont know what to do, i feel stuck.

JacindaRose Am I overreacting? Hard situation and no one to talk to about it.
  • replies: 5

Long story short, my brother in law used to live with us and one morning my partner found him being inappropriate in front of my kids. I was pregnant at the time (very hard pregnancy) so my partner didn't tell me but obviously kicked him out, I thoug... View more

Long story short, my brother in law used to live with us and one morning my partner found him being inappropriate in front of my kids. I was pregnant at the time (very hard pregnancy) so my partner didn't tell me but obviously kicked him out, I thought he moved out cause we needed the room for the baby. So I finally got told just before Christmas and obviously I was devastated and I said that my children will not be going to the house where my brother in law is (partners mums house) but his mum was more than welcome to come and see them at our house. She has not seen them and refuses to as she says her son did nothing wrong and I'm just being a typical daughter in law and over reacting so I can take her son and grandchildren away from her. My partner does agree that what he did was wrong but he still works with his brother as we have a business and his brother helps my partner out because he is so busy, this actually gets me really upset and I don't know if I should be or am I just overreacting? I don't have a lot of family (both parents past away) I only have a sister and she has problems with her own family so I try not to bother her but also feel like I need an outsiders point of view. What would u do about it all? Any help would be appreciated. Thank u

JoeyUpp Infidelity and PND
  • replies: 5

I have recently discovered my partner contacted and caught up with an ex, he says it’s was nothing more than a coffee and some text messages however after cheating in the past he knows this would be unacceptable to me. Our baby was 8 weeks old when i... View more

I have recently discovered my partner contacted and caught up with an ex, he says it’s was nothing more than a coffee and some text messages however after cheating in the past he knows this would be unacceptable to me. Our baby was 8 weeks old when it happened. He says he was suffering from PND at the time, knows it was the wrong thing to do and is very remorseful. I know he was really struggling when our baby was little and I wish I had done more for him at the time. Has anyone had any experience with this? While PND definitely does not excuse the behaviour it does give me some insight as to how he was feeling and his emotional state at the time.

white knight Family planning anxiety/IVF
  • replies: 12

Hi all, I’d like to open up a discussion on family planning as being a baby boomer I’m concerned for the mental health of potential parents that decide to delay having children until around 38-40yo. Such decisions is now commonplace. Prior to say 199... View more

Hi all, I’d like to open up a discussion on family planning as being a baby boomer I’m concerned for the mental health of potential parents that decide to delay having children until around 38-40yo. Such decisions is now commonplace. Prior to say 1995 we married under 25yo, had kids, then in our 40’s/early 50’s we toured the world ... now it’s the reverse. My daughter 31yo highlighted this recently, her husband is just finishing his doctorate at uni and rather than get a high paying job they want to tour the world and rent rather than buy. They plan to have kids...”one day”. My only solid concern with this new age plan is that we grew up knowing a/ the greater chance of complications giving birth late b/ the rush to get pregnant with much lower number of cycles left to do so/ the latter must add to anxiety. There is other ramifications- you are much less likely to want to play with your kids when older (subjective), you’re not as close in age to your children and so on. So what is the benefits of having kids later? Have you experienced anxiety and/or had to endure IVF? Do you have regrets in leaving the process too late? Did you have a safety plan for your anxiety and was it implemented? Admittedly it isn’t logical in my eyes to leave the process late, but I do come from a different era so am wanting to be open minded. TonyWK

1Peace Overwhelmed
  • replies: 4

Hello, not sure if this the right spot to post this so fingers crossed. Ive been unhappy for several years. My marriage has broken down and I have no wish to repair this relationship. I have been increasingly angry the past 12 months which is affecti... View more

Hello, not sure if this the right spot to post this so fingers crossed. Ive been unhappy for several years. My marriage has broken down and I have no wish to repair this relationship. I have been increasingly angry the past 12 months which is affecting all parts of my life including my relationship with my two sons, 5 and 9. On top of this I fell in love with a co worker who expressed similar feelings but recently stopped all contact to persue a relationship with another man. I feel lost and like there is no clear way forward. There are daily arguments at home and haven't slept well in years. Feels like my head is full of cotton wool. I worry constantly about the kids and don't seem to have any control over my own life. I have started seeing a counselor but only one session so far. Not really sure why I am posting this, perhaps just to get it out of my head and into the real world.

Jodie96 Husband working away, young children
  • replies: 1

How do you cope with your husband/partner working away. I have depression and separation anxiety. My husband has just started a new job where he is away quite a bit and I’m finding it really hard. We have a 16 month old and 4 week old and I just miss... View more

How do you cope with your husband/partner working away. I have depression and separation anxiety. My husband has just started a new job where he is away quite a bit and I’m finding it really hard. We have a 16 month old and 4 week old and I just miss him so much. I become so depressed when he leaves. We live over half an hour away from any family so it’s hard to visit or have visitors.

Justjosh My wife is an alcoholic
  • replies: 17

Hello everyone. This is my first post. My wife is an alcoholic. In her eyes she is fully functional. She works full time and rarely misses work. She drinks every night. Normally half a bottle of vodka and slips in a few wines too. By 8:30 she’s drunk... View more

Hello everyone. This is my first post. My wife is an alcoholic. In her eyes she is fully functional. She works full time and rarely misses work. She drinks every night. Normally half a bottle of vodka and slips in a few wines too. By 8:30 she’s drunk as a skunk. She’s 40 years old with 3 children of her own and two of mine. We have shared care of all the kids. When she becomes drunk I put the kids to bed etc. if I challenge her when she’s drunk I become the bad person. If I challenge her the next day she can’t remember and brushes it off. She has been to rehab a few years ago and really enjoyed it. And starting drinking as soon as she got out. Anyone out there been through this and has any advice? When she is sober she is a great person. When she is drunk she is not ! I love her and our kids. How do I make her realise what she is doing is wrong without causing an argument?