Struggling to move on..

[Thetormentofexistence]

Hi all, I've never posted anything like this before but I think it would be good for me to get my feelings out.

On New Year's Eve things ended between me and my on again off again boyfriend. I'm sad to say that everytime it was off it was my decision to end things. I was a selfish girlfriend, my reasons would be things like "we are too different" and "you deserve better". I still do believe these things, perhaps it was my constant negativity instead of rationally working things out that led to the final outcome.

It has been 2 months and I still miss him so much. I think about him all day everyday, I dream about him nearly everynight. I know we will never get back together - he has told me not to contact him again. I don't blame him as I have constantly manipulated him in the past. I just wish I could go back to the start, be happy with him and work on our problems instead of throwing it away whenever things became difficult. I know that he would have already moved on from me, I just can't seem to let go of the love we had. I look at our pictures and old conversations, I cry uncontrollably at the fact that I ruined everything. He honestly treated me like a queen and I treated him like dirt.

I have read stories where people cannot move on from their ex for at least a year or longer... I don't want to be like that.. I want to let go and be happy. It breaks my heart that I wake up and feel this constant pain everyday.

Does anybody else feel this way? Has anyone else been through this? How can I be happy without him?

[Thetormentofexistence]

Hi Tony,

Thank you for sharing your story with me 🙂

That is a lot of heartbreak for one person to go through, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that.

Do you ever miss any of your previous partners?

Are you still with "auntie" now? If so, I'm so glad you could find love again after such heartbreak.

I guess it's always hard to open up again after you've been hurt.

[Thetormentofexistence]

Hi Lizzie,

I felt the exact same way! My friends are confused about why I'm still hung up on this guy but I suppose it's never as easy as "goodbye" it's done and everyone moves on with their life. I feel stuck and I imagine you do too.

That's exactly right, all you want is him, that's how I feel too. It breaks my heart to know that it won't be the way it was with him ever again no matter how much I cry, pray or beg.

This is the worst part, wondering what they are doing, who they're hanging out with, if they've moved on while you are stuck feeling the same way about them as the day things ended.

Yes this is exactly why I did block him, I don't really want to know what they're doing or who they're hanging out with, I certainly don't want to know if he's already moved on. As much as my heart is already broken I don't want to shatter it anymore.

I don't know if this is why your ex blocked you, it sounds like he has a lot of mental issues going on and has taken a lot out on you. You shouldn't blame yourself for his actions, I know I've only heard your side of the story but I feel that you were there for him and he pushed you away? It's unfair but hopefully one day he realises what he did wrong.

Aw honey, I'm also so sorry to hear about the death of a loved one. I also contacted my ex as my childhood dog had just passed away, I just wanted him to hold me but you cannot make someone love you or even care that these terrible things are happening to you.

I hope you're feeling better tonight lovely. Take care of yourself. We can both get through this I know it. Xx

[white knight]

Hi,

My wife (the girls ex auntie) and l married in 2011. It has been simply wonderful and stable after l finally fine tuned my meds for bipolar2, dysthymia and depression.

being so stable has enabled me to contribute towards this forum. As l was anxious and manic most of my life l have had a colourful complex life packed with a variety of experiences.

Do l miss the ex's. No. I sometimes wonder how they ended up.The mother of my children had a second husband that was a nice fellow. They were married 2 years when he vusited me and told me he had problems with his wife. I guessed his problems. He asked what he could do to overcome them. "If l know that l wouldnt have left her". They divorced later.

That is a good example for you. See, that woman nearly cost me my life. She did cost me my full time fatherhood and our kids their full time dad. A bad attitude doesnt however mean a mental illness.

I noticed you blame yourself a lot or you have adopted your ex's accusations of worthlessness. My ex wife, with her silence used as a weapon (a very effective tool to a man with a hard working ethic) used contempt and disrespect as a means to suppress. This led to me feeling trapped and low self esteem. Hence after separation l lived in a small caravan and cried myself to sleep every night. I still had to negotiate with this person with visits with our kids. Work rosters and drop off times etc. It was a continuing nightmare.

14 years after separation my youngest turned 18. A short note to my ex said ...never contact me again under any circumstances.

So, what is important here. Insulating yourself from toxic people. Regain your confidence and screen your new friends. Google

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

One should also consider that you are only having these troubling issues with one person. It might not repeat itself. If you kniw you have contributed towards the break up then you have insight which is valuable. Focus on those and counter them. But dont punish yourself because faults mean you are human.

Keep things into perspective. Be kind to yourself. Regain your mental strength and realise you are worthy of happiness.

Google

Topic: worry, worry, worry- beyondblue

You cant and shouldnt try, to change your nature.

Topic: the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Tony WK