Struggling in life and marriage

[Guest_78664415]

Really struggling right now and wanted somewhere to share my story and ask for advice.

I’ve suffered from mental health issues since I was 13, primarily depression and anxiety but may be something else. Pretty sure both parents have mental health conditions as well but neither have acknowledged this and “don’t believe” in mental health. I recently opened up to them about struggling for 30 years and just got “well, we never noticed anything” in response.

I’ve been with my wife for close to 15 years and moved to Australia with her. We have a 7 year old daughter, who I love deeply. I love my wife deeply too but we are on the verge of separation.

My mental health and panic attacks have caused major ruptures in our relationship and she had said she can no longer live with my cycle of behaviour. I understand this and in the past six months I’ve tried to put myself in her shoes. It’s been very confronting but necessary and I can only imagine how hard it is. She has called it a form of emotional abuse and I find it hard to disagree. It’s never been intentional but I can now see how draining and exhausting it must be for her.

I’ve been on a renewed drive to try to really fix myself once and for all, but it’s been hard. My wife isn’t convinced about my therapist and still I get anxious easily. But I’m finding it tough and old habits die hard, and this weekend I had a massive panic attack over something stupid. I understand why the panic attack happened and what I can do in the future.

my wife has had enough, and I feel I’m about to lose every part of my family. I’m trying so far but I know with ease lapse it drives a further wedge between us. I am devastated even if I know why.

I’m also feeling desperately alone. I don’t have any close friends in Australia, no hope of talking to my idea, and I have no idea what to do next.

any thoughts of advice are really appreciated.

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this as it would be a lot for anyone to handle. I can see that you love your wife and daughter very much and would do a lot for them. Sometimes it can create even more pressure on us and it can make our anxiety even worse. We get upset then we get upset that we got upset and other people get upset that we got upset and it keeps spiralling.

As much as it seems really hard to do at this moment, finding a way to calm ourselves down can break the cycle. I find walking or any gentle activity very useful as not only it calms me down, it helps me to clear my head and focus on the good things in my life. It is surprising how calming down can solve a lot of things on its own.

Once calm, it's much easier to solve or fix the problems that might be causing our distress. It could be our past experiences, unnecessary worries, confusion etc.

I hope that it helped at least a little bit, please be nice to yourself as it's a lot to deal with and please feel free to share anything you need to as just putting our troubles into words can help a lot too

[Ocean26]

Hi Guest,

Thank you for sharing your story. It's not always easy to find people to talk to. I'm a first timer here on this forum for the same reason, wanting to share my story when I'm finding things really difficult. Some advice I got today when I called Beyond Blue was to make sure to create some space for fun, relaxation and activities I enjoy. To have a break from feeling in pain and give myself self care. I also felt comforted that I was told I can call Beyond Blue at any time, as many times as I need for advice or just an ear to listen to. This comforted me today. I just want you to know that I've heard you. I know how tough it can be. And if any of the advice here seems like a good idea to you, maybe try to give it a go. It sure helped me today.