Stop caring what people think

[Nat11]

How do I stop caring what people think I feel it consumes me and defines how I feel on a daily basis. I know it’s lack of confidence of myself I have struggled my whole life to like myself I find it hard to accept when I make mistakes I always want to be perfect and if I am not I tend to want to give up feel worthless feel no one wants me or I am just a big disappointment how do I find away to be confident and stop caring what others think is it I need to change my attitudes towards myself I’m sick of going through life feel unsatisfied and always sensitive to everything

[white knight]

Hi Nat, welcome

A good question, as a family we have always worried about others thoughts, whether we have approval or not...and sensitivity, I'm the king of that.

Let's not worry about how we got here on these issues, likely guilt played a large part, a flaw in our upbringing, or in my case a traumatic event at 12yo that, as I found out at 53yo set off an illness called dysthymia which is responsible for my sensitivity.

So there could be an unknown illness you are carrying you are unaware of that need specialist care.

To help you further, please google the following and read the first post of each-

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic who cries over spilt milk?

Beyondblue Topic depression and sensitivty a connection?

Beyondblue Topic sensitivity beyond reasonable

Beyondblue Topic festering issues or moving on

Beyondblue Topic sensitivity break the cycle

Beyondblue Topic guilt the tormentor

Beyondblue Topic fortress of survival

Beyondblue Topic fortress of survival part 2

I promise you Nat, you will benefit from those posts.

Be proud you have come here to question why you are dwelling on others thoughts. That alone means you are insightful and witty. You have positives you can embrace so its not all bad.

Reply anytime here, more than happy to chat

TonyWK

[Nat11]

Thank you for your reply the article are good but what I am after is some tools to use to help me to not let people thoughts and actions overwhelm me what strategies would help so I can start to ease my mind and stop stressing

[white knight]

Hi Nat

Apart from psychological consultations the alyerative is becoming a hermit.

Google

Beyondblue Topic want to be a hermit?

Such a lifestyle isnt a good one.

Or

Beyondblue Topic wit, the only answer to torment

I'm afraid thats all I can offer.

TonyWK

[White_Rose]

Dear Nat

Welcome to the forum. I am so pleased you found your way here and spoke about what hurts and upsets you.

It is difficult to keep a sense of individuality and self esteem when you have been accustomed to put downs and derogatory remarks. And of curse every time something goes wrong you immediately accuse yourself of being useless and a waste of time. It's not true of course. Very rarely is anyone a waste of space because we all have something to offer.

I know you do not believe this and I have found it hard as well. So many people who write in here feel as you do and long to feel confident. It's a long road to travel so make up your mind it will not happen quickly. You need to keep count of all your successes and ignore those areas where you believe you have made a mistake. Again not easy as the emotion washes over you and you feel someone has emptied a bucket of water over you.

May I ask if there are any specific areas you are particularly concerned about? Anything you consistently feel you do wrong. What about those things you do right? Often they are small things that most people ignore. Like chatting to a neighbour or perhaps getting something from the shops. Helping others in what you feel is a small way and I suspect you think everyone does. Not true. It's the exception not the rule to show kindness to others.

So how about looking at these small kindnesses and plan to continue to do these and other similar kindnesses. It will not seem like much to start with but if you keep a note of these I think you will realise how much help you give, and all without being asked. Please keep a record of these things, not because you want to show off but because it will help to accept you have a lot of goodness in you.

This does not sound anything like you expected does it? Moving in small ways and accepting you can do this without feeling judged by others who have no idea what you do and what a worthwhile person you are, may not sound as though you are becoming more self confident. But it is exactly these small ways that build a solid foundation for you.

Can you try this for a few weeks? Keep a record and meanwhile write in here and tell us how you feel. It is bringing these acts to your consciousness that helps to stand tall. Have a go and we can talk about the next step when you feel better about yourself.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello Nat

How are you going? I wonder what you think of the suggestions. Can you write in again and tell us about it? If these are not quite what you thought you wanted perhaps we can chat some more.

Mary