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So this is my life now?

new_beginning
Community Member

No job, no friends, no hope for a better future. Ive always tried to be a good person, help those who've need it and yet i end up here.

When will i ever get to be happy?

Or is life just going through the motions until i die? Sure feels like it atm.

6 Replies 6

Zeal
Community Member

Hi new beginning,

How long have you felt this way for? Do you have family members in your life, or pets? Having no or very few friends is rough...I was in that situation about four years ago. If you don't mind me asking, when was the last time you felt true joy? What was going on in your life that led to this joy and happiness?

I hope to hear more about you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

new beginning, there is always hope. Please do not give up on life. Things can change, new friends can be made, a new job can be gained and although life feels crap at the moment, it can change.

Have you seen the GP or a psych and discussed with how you are feeling?

Have you ever been diagnosed with any mental health matters?

Hope to hear back.

Mark.

Zeal, i cant actually remember a time when i was last truely happy. I used to have friends, i used to have a relationship where i thought someone loved me and wanted to spend their life with me. I used to make plans for my life that actually came true.

Now there is noone because i stopped being of use to people, when i actually needed someone noone was around. I try to make plans and each and everytime they fail. I live to struggle through each bill.

I have 2 kids and i have many pets and these are the only reason why i get out of bed each day. Yet knowing the day will come where im no longer required in their lives is quite scarey. I will have no more reason to move from my bed

Mark,

New friends can be made by people who have some self worth. I havent made any friends in over 6 years and those friends are no where to be seen anymore.

I spend hours each day looking for new job opportunities and training i could possibly do to put me in a new field but nothing eventuates. Its so hard to find work that works around my kids school and daycare hours. I had this trouble last year, found a job eventually that i hated but did my best and worked hard. To find out last month that i was no longer required. And again in the same situation.

Ive been to the gp who referred me to a psychologist but they only come to my area once a fortnight and who is booked out for 3 months in advance. Had an appointment made early on which the receptionist wrote down wrong on my appointment card so i missed out. The next time was 3 months later. During a time where i felt particularly bad i attempted to make an appointment at her clinic an hour away but after having a bill taken out of my bank i was unable to afford the petrol to get there or the gap to actually see her. Then i finally got a job and couldnt see her close to home cause i had to work. I havent attempted this time around cause whats the point really? I know what makes me happy, i just cant get back there again

Hi new beginning,

I apologise for my delayed reply!

It saddens me to hear that you can't remember the last time you were truly happy. You have had positive social relationships before, which is encouraging. Some people haven't had this, so have no context for knowing what a healthy relationship is like.

How old are your children? I personally love cats, and my family have a golden retriever and an adorable cat who is getting older now.

Please save Beyondblue's 24/7 helpline number (1300 22 4636) to your phone. It's ideal to have a support option at all times.

If you don't mind me referring to your post to Mark, what used to make you most happy?

Best wishes,

Zeal

new beginning, ok so lets break this down a bit.

Self worth, no argument there about it is exceedingly difficult to make friends when you have no self worth. We need to get that back. One of things that I did was get old photo's out. Some of them were travel, some family, some good times. This was designed to show me that I have had fun at some stage in my life and what i had achieved. Small step.

What I want you to do when you go to bed tonight, is when your head hits the pillow, i want you to think of three things that you did good that day. It may be as something small as you brushed you teeth really well, you ironed some clothes really well, you made a nice dinner really well...small things but name them and congratulate yourself. If you have achieved something bigger in the day then absolutely name that.

I then want you to name three other things that you were grateful for that day. Again can be small, the taste of a nice coffee, the breaky you had or it could be larger things as well. If you cannot think of three things that you are grateful for that day, think of three things you have been grateful for in life.

I want you to repeat this exercise continually. I started this about 12 mths ago and still do it every night. It helps to build resilience and when you build resilience, you will start to get your self worth back.

Are you a perfectionist? If so, stop it. No one is perfect. You are human, not a robot - you will make mistakes. It is a hard thing to do but work on it.

Do you catastrophise? Much like above, you need to stop doing this if you do. I used to do this and still do to a degree but have settled it down heaps. It is a work in progress. There is generally a very logical excuse as why someone is late rather than you thinking they have been in an accident.

Unfortunately jobs for mothers who need to work specific hours are very hard to come by as once they are taken, they don't become available again for a long time. I don't have much on this front other than to say, keep persisting.

The psych situation is not a good one so you need to develop some really good self care. Have you heard of mindfulness? This will help you - download an app called "Smiling Mind" and do it every morning. It will help ground you.

How is your diet & alcohol intake? If you can eat the very best you can, limit or cut out alcohol intake and do some daily exercise, this will assist greatly.

Keep engaging with us, hopefully we will help guide you through your journey.

Mark