So LOST and confused

[Firefly]

I have been married for 18 months, and with my husband for 7 years.

8 weeks ago, he came home from work like any other day and says "I need to talk to you about something and its going to hurt".

Immediately my heart drooped and I felt sick! He said I've been talking to my 1st girlfriend (from 30 years ago when they were teenagers) and there's a spiritual connection and its real. She's my twin flame, I need to go and see her! Mind you she lives in another state, and of course my reaction was WTF we're married, have you lost your mind?

I basically told him to leave the house and he did drive 8 hours to see her that weekend. Early the next week he comes home after work like everything is normal, so thinking he's going to stay in the house with me, and tells me he's moving in with her in the New Year! 

I said you need to get all of your stuff out by the end of the week. Which he did and we havent had ANY contact since. That was 8 weeks ago.

He said I can keep the house, he thinks its as easy as signing a piece of paper and told me I didn't need a lawyer. Turns out it is not that easy, I have to get the mortgage refinanced into my name, thats a whole other kettle of fish.

I am a mess, crying all day, everyday, I don't understand how this happened.

Is it just me or is this absolutely absurd? He's living in a fantasy!

There were no signs or red flags, he was literally telling our mutual friends 2 weeks prior how much he loves and adores me.

This has broken me.

Has anyone had a similar thing happen, can anyone shed some light? Am I crazy?

[Picture]

I am so sorry Firefly. What a shock and betrayal. Make sure you have lots of support from friends and family and take some time off work to look after yourself and grieve the relationship. 

It could also be helpful to see a GP for any medication you need to get you through this time eg for sleep; and you could ask about a mental health plan if you need psychological support.

As hard as it is, it may be useful to consult a family lawyer to work out where you stand and what your best options are. 

It will take time but it won’t always be this hard. 

[sbella02]

Firefly, you have every right to be absolutely appalled. What an awful thing to go through. What an awful thing to hear from somebody you love.

I appreciate the fact that you've found the strength to not only retell your story but also to post it here and seek support. That already speaks volumes about your ability to persevere. Good on you for telling him to leave the house and keeping to no-contact, that must've also taken so much strength to do. 

I really hope you have a good, supportive group of people around you to lift you up during this time. You may go through a grieving period, and that is totally normal and necessary to help you work through what's happened and find a resolution. Having that strong group around you can be helpful also when you're navigating those big challenges like having the mortgage refinanced into your name. It sounds like it might help to have somebody with you when you're tackling that task. 

It's super important that you take the time to grieve the loss of that relationship in the way that your body feels it needs to. If you want to cry, let it out. If you're in public, you can always take some time to sit by yourself in the bathroom. Journal as much as you need to, if it helps to get everything you're feeling out onto a page. Talk with people as much as you need to. If you find you're after professional help, have a chat to a GP, therapist, or psychologist. 

Sometimes there aren't any red flags, betrayal can creep up on you silently. Other times, when we reflect, we find that there might've been signs that we missed. But, just remember, there may be many reasons why he's done what he's done, but the important part is that he's done it and that it hurt you. 

I hope this can provide some comfort, please feel free to reach out if you need to chat some more, we're here for you. 

All the best, SB