Sister think i am crazy?
Few years ago i had fight with my ex. My ex was ok but my sister said she was crying bcoz of that and asked me to go to mental clinic. The mental clinic staff said i am perfectly normal and she kinda confused why I brought myself in.
Today, I had argument with her via text. I was always afraid to say what i think but today I was brave to say i think she is wrong. she said she wanna cut ties as siblings (she always do this to my older brother, and my brother always ended up apologizinf to her)
I said thats ok and asked her to give all my staff back. I walked to her place and knocking on the door/ringing the bell several times but she didnt answer. I was upset and said loudly “i wanna take my stuff back”. Then, she asked me to wait.
my brother in law came home and told me my sister didnt wanna let me in (she lives in my dad’s house and the husband pay for the utilities. she never work/socialize, no kids). i insisted to stay to have my stuff back but he said my sister didnt wanna open the door. So i chatted with my brother in law and her neighbour (who was doing gardening) and then i went back home.
And then suddenly police came in front of my door. they said they recieved a call frm my sister saying i was threatening her. But they didnt say anything much and left politely.
I feel like my sister always wanna put me in such position to make me think that i am crazy/have mental problem.
Besides, i am also disappointed of her treating my my mum badly. she didnt shout to mum but often give condescending statements like saying my mum childish and cant do anything. but i feel like my mum is afraid of her and never talk back (my brother also think so). She also swore at my dad behind his back and often said her husband is just like a cow, bcoz he couldnt make more money and she is sick of him, also saying she could get a better guy if she wants to (the husband is 34, good looking and have master degree and a supervisor) .She even cheated on him few years ago.
i wonder maybe she is the one who has mental problem? She said she argue with the husband maybe like everyday, but she also said the husband is quite nice bcoz never force her to work, and she can leave dish unwashed bcoz of watching drama series for like 5 days, being intimate only 1x/month, she is using the master bedroom and the husband is ok to sleep in single room. Also my mum often cook for her and her husband, otherwise she said the husband doesnt mind to eat instant noodle.
I've had it said to me many times that "If you spot it, you've got it" ..... In other words, sometimes things like certain character traits are easier to see in others than in ourselves?
I also tend to think that is humans are all about 'crazy' ...... It just varies in the degree and the detail.
It seems there's a lot of stuff going on within the family and that perhaps none of you really know who fits with who, and/or who maybe needs to distance themselves from who?
I don't really have any answers for you, except to say that I hear you and I get it; family relationships are hard sometimes. My oldest sister and I, for example, have rarely really been all that close, save for brief periods. And it's taken me almost all of my adult life to accept that, and live my life accordingly ..... and allow her that same dignity. I know she loves me, and I love her too, we're just two very different people.
Anyway, I don't know if any of that helps or not? Keep in touch, yeah? And take care of the only one you really can; yourself. Xo
Thankyou for your reply. I think i understand and get what u mean.
Sometimes it’s hard to avoid each other especially on family events, But I have understanding parents so i think they will allow me to avoid some family events if i want to.
My brother often argue with her even though he is far away overseas and only come like maybe once a year/every couple of year. Unfortunately, sometimes maybe bcoz some contact couldnt be minimized/avoided.
I think i still feel embarassed to be placed in such position. The fact that the hospital staff said i dont have any disorder at all, and the police said that they dont wanna deal with issue like this (bcoz they didnt think it was a case that they need to deal wifh) making me feel relieved, but being placed in those position made me think that she really wants me to be labelled as “crazy”.
I admire your thinking abt how u feel about your relationship with your older sister. It seems that you had a tough relationship with her for a long time, but you could still be forgiving.
I think it was more about her forgiving me ..... and to be honest, I don't know whether she has actually forgiven me, or just decided to let it go/ignore it/block it out.
I was awful to her in my drinking days; I lied to her and stole money from her and cheated with her boyfriend ...... I was truly an awful sister.
But nowadays, I've been sober a long time and have worked hard to be the person I was MEANT to be without drinking. And her and I get along better than we did. But we are still very different people with very little in common.
It's weird isn't it? How two people, even from the same family/same parents, can be so different! Anyway, I too used to think it was the rest of the world that was crazy and I was okay ...... but I certainly realise now that it was ME with the problems, and not so much everyone else. Took me quite some time to actually realise that though, and then also a long time to really begin to make those changes and have them 'stick' in my life.
Actually, just recently that same sister has said to me that she thinks I'm doing really well, and that whatever I'm doing, I should keep doing it because it's working! I tell you, it's so nice to know that I am actually now someone she can be proud of. Never would have happened if I had not gotten sober and gotten my act together.
I am the youngest of three girls, and in all of my immediate family, she has been the one that's been hardest relationship to repair. My middle sister and I are quite close and always have been. And my parents (Mum is no longer with us) are amazing people too. It was me (and my middle sister) that were the 'problem children'.
This coming May, my sister will be celebrating 24 years clean (from her addictions) and in December (God willing and a day at a time) I too will be celebrating 23 years sober.
My oldest sister never had the issues that we had, thankfully. But we have certainly been blessed with things of recovery and survival. Still, we've had our issues .....
Anyway, that's my story. That's all I got for now. Hope you get some sort of peace and contentment soon. xo
I am happy hearing that your sister feels you are dong really well and it’s working! I am sure she does forgive you because I can feel that you show remorse to her, which is very brave and not all people can do it.
Yes, I also think changes and good things will start after we start to realise something and willing to change it. When I was in my early 20s, I was lacking of work skill and relationship skill. After i reached mid 20s, I know it’s only myself that could change my own life. I kept trying to improve myself (in personality and professionally) and I started to feel the rewards, so I am sure things gets better in your life too.
Yes I also feel it’s funny/weird that people who shared the same blood and/or grow up together are really different. And it is sad when we love them but we cant be too close to them because of opposite personality. I can feel the love that you have for your middle sister and you have tried your best to fix the relationship. I am sure your older sister and your family is proud of you too.
And congratulation for the celebration!! 23 years take so much patient and determination. Have a nice weekend xo