Single Parent and no friends

LittleJules · ‎07-01-2023

I'm a single mother to a 7 year old. I have no friends and I'm lonely all the time. I work full-time and weekends/holidays can be lonely. I joined a social engagement site, but they tend to meet up in the city which is an hour drive from me. I have asked for closer meetups but I don't get a response. Anyone want to chat?

Juliet_84 · ‎08-01-2023

Hi LittleJules,

I’m a lot like you, I had a good set of friends in primary school but then they all went to the high school on their side of the boundary and I had to go to a different high school on my side. I had a lot of trouble making friends in high school and they just didn’t seem to be “my people”, I was bullied at various points and left alone at others but the net effect was the same, I felt isolated and disconnected. I also developed an autoimmune condition that further isolated me. I found a few friends at uni but lost touch over the years. I then got my first job and found a whole bunch of people who were “my people” - I worked there for 7 blissful years and my life was full but management changed, people left and I eventually left too. I got into a very intense relationship and really shut out the world. Sometimes it was bliss and other times it was a nightmare, as my partner became increasingly volatile and controlling. I was in that DV relationship for 15 odd years, unable to leave because it was better to have someone I connected with some of the time and treated me badly the rest, than no connection at all. I am really trying to make new friends but it is hard to make people “stick”, people who call you during the week just because or who you call when things are tough. I’m not sure what the answer is, but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone.

LittleJules · ‎08-01-2023

Hi Juliet,

I feel for you. I was bullied in high school and couldn't go further and finish my VCE, it traumatised me. I left with no friends and when I met other friends through hanging out at shopping centres at 15, only a couple I stayed friends with until now who are married and hardly see. I left my daughter's father when I was 4 months pregnant due to DV, I knew him since I was 16. He decided to start using drugs and became someone I no longer recognised. I met a really nice woman who became such a good friend then she chose to not bother spending time with me anymore, but to spend more and more time with her boyfriend and we drifted apart. I met people when I went to Tafe to study, I tried keeping in touch and they didn't bother so I stopped initiating contact and I never heard from them. I got my dream job and I've learnt never to get too close to work colleagues. My sister is in an awful marriage, I don't have a relationship with her, never really have because my parents favored me over her and it created jealousy and resentment in her toward me. I have a close relationship with my parents and that's it. Thank you for responding.

geoff · ‎08-01-2023

Hello LittleJules, as children start to develop they can become more demanding as they begin to learn from experience and can make it difficult for you to have some spare time to yourself.

A suggestion are you able to have a small puppie, and if so, then you and your 7 year old can take this puppie to school where they learn to sit, stay etc and then meet other people who might be in a club or who wants some company on the week ends, which could start you off.

Geoff.

Life Member.

smallwolf · ‎08-01-2023

Hey! Hello and welcome.

I can imagine that looking after your child, being mum, cook and cleaner and working full-time would not give you much chance of doing other stuff. 😞

What sort of things do you like doing?

This might sound a bit odd but wonder if you could get involved in school related stuff and meet other parents?

I also wonder if there are any Facebook groups for single mothers in your area?

And while this is not a place for a real time type chat, if you want to talk here about things we can?

What's on your mind?

LittleJules · ‎08-01-2023

Hi Geoff, unfortunately I have no time to look after a dog. I work full-time and I get home anywhere between 6-8pm. The poor dog would be at home alone too much of the time. I have a cat that I adopted for my daughter during lockdown to keep her mental health from declining and it worked it a treat. We also have a budgie. A dog needs a lot of attention and I just can't provide that. Thanks for the suggestion though, I appreciate it.

LittleJules · ‎08-01-2023

Hi Smallwolf,

I like to go for coffee, I love the beach, I love restaurant hopping.

I don't have time to get involved in school related stuff, I work Mon-Fri and I get home anywhere between 6-8pm every night.

I actually don't have Facebook, I closed it down during lockdown because there were a lot of horrible things going around which gave me a lot of anxiety. I do have Instagram though.

There are sites that have a lot of different groups, the problem is they want to meet up in the city of places that are an hour more away from me and I don't have anyone to look after my daughter. I don't trust strangers to babysit my daughter and she doesn't always want to be at my parents because she is there almost everynight after school while I work.

Thank you, I would like to talk.

I went to the beach with my daughter yesterday and everyone had a tent or umbrella apart from us because I couldn't carry everything on my own. I just discovered a beach trolley that can carry everything and it's really going to make our next beach trip soo much easier.

smallwolf · ‎08-01-2023

at the beach... guess you have to watch the 7 year old in shallow waters?

I like the beach also. That is sort of our family annual outing for holidays. When we go to the beach, we typically only take ourselves and towels. Maybe when the kids were a lot younger we prolly took a bucket or board. But cool idea with the trolley!

coffee and restaurants? Are you a foodie type person? ie trying out different things? different cuisines?