Single, never been in a relationship, feeling like there is no escape from my hell

[MisterM]

I am 31 and never had a girlfriend.
I am unemployed, live at home with my parents (have never moved out) have very little friends, I'd say one friend and few acquaintances.

I just don't see anything in me that a woman would find attractive, who would want to go out with someone like me, a loser?
I don't understand how to get a girlfriend, what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do when I talk to women.
My friend thinks I come across too needy, desperate which scares women away. I also feel that women are scared of me or something like they run away or avoid me.

I have read online sites on dating, seems so mind boggling when it comes to dating, a lot of rules. I hate mind games and playing a game. I am not good at that. I don't know how one actually makes a date a partner, what is said to her to make her a girlfriend.
I don't understand it at all.

I feel so low on confidence that I don't think I will ever find love, it's an everlasting hell of pain and suffering and loneliness and shame that I am in.
I see guys I know break-up with a partner then find a new girlfriend so quickly and effortlessly, it makes me feel worse about myself.

And worse my mum keeps thinking I am gay as I have never had a girlfriend, her and my dad are ashamed of me as I haven't given them a grandchild yet.

[MisterM]

Thanks Paul.
Yeah I guess I need to take one step at a time.
Need any kind of job for now.

[Timtam494]

Hi Mister M

I have been following your posts and I am sorry to hear about your situation. Moving out, studying and supporting yourself financially probably seems so daughnting and overwhelming right now so I just wanted to tell you (from experience) that it can be done...I am 3 years into my teaching degree and have lived in share houses while studying (now I rent my own place and select the people I want to have as housemates). Hospitality work has kept me a float financially while studying and you don't need any qualifications to get a job. I won't lie it has been really hard and exhusting ....but the difference in how I feel about myself now and how I felt about myself when I was 'trapped' in a life I hated is phenomenal ... I wish you all the best and I truely believe that when you take action the universe will help you along. 

[MisterM]

Hi Timtam,

Thank you for replying.
Your post has given me some hope that it can be done.
I too am thinking of going back to uni to become a teacher, not sure whether to do primary or secondary.
It does seem so daunting and scary, I wish I had a partner so it would ease the burden of managing financially on my own.
I am not sure if I am fit to be a teacher, are there any teachers out there that suffer depression and anxiety? I know teaching is stressful, my teacher, my friend's partner, and a girl I know from school are all teachers and I see how stressful it is, will this stress trigger my symptoms I wonder.

Thank you for your wishes.
I wish you the best in your career.

[Paul]

Righto MisterM

It's a new year, a new beginning. 

What's your plan to get yourself out of this situation? For anything to happen there has to be a first step, then a second. Your situation sucks, your family are horrible to you and it seems you are angry and upset being where you are.

So, lay out your next steps and we can give you a hand and guide you through a plan of action.

It's time to lift yourself up and do something!

Paul

[MisterM]

Hi Paul,

I need to find a job and take it from there.
My fear is, as I have done before, I get stuck in a job I hate as I get comfortable there then my dream to give up steady income to study is daunting.

[Timtam494]

I am almost a teacher and I have depression and anxiety so I think there must be others. I put off uni for years because I didn't think I could do it, at some point you just have to make the leap. 

Do you think a partner is going to solve all your problems and make you happy? ... I am constantly fighting that thought myself and it gets me so down, especially the disappointment when I do meet someone and they don't solve all the problems or bring me complete happiness. 

[Paul]

Are your fears a good enough reason not to take the step of making your life better now by getting a job and following a plan step by step which ultimately ends in having an income and studying your dream subject?

So, step 1: Get a job

Step 2:?

[MisterM]

Hi Timtam,

I think that too, what if a girl doesn't solve my problems.
We need to make ourselves happy and not rely on others.

[MisterM]

Hi Paul,

Get a job, step 2 move out.
I am just fearful I won't be able to afford it on my own then I will need to move back home with my parents. I have never had a good paying job, I always get paid low. I tried to land a good paying job but it never worked out.
I am not sure if I want to be a teacher or not. I am always changing my mind and not sure.

[Paul]

Step 2, move into a share house then MisterM?