Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Daphne68 Grandmother denied access to grandchildren - daughter ? hates me
  • replies: 6

Hello community i am struggling as I have not seen by grandson of 2 since Xmas, my daughter is single and has chosen this path, she is 32. She had another babe in May 2018 and I have never seen him and there is no contact. She is the first born and a... View more

Hello community i am struggling as I have not seen by grandson of 2 since Xmas, my daughter is single and has chosen this path, she is 32. She had another babe in May 2018 and I have never seen him and there is no contact. She is the first born and as a child was delightful till she reached age 7, then had "rages." I had a second child when first born was 2. I separated when the girls were 4 and 2 and have worked incredibly hard to provide for them and have done my very best, clearly not enough. Older daughter disclosed sex abuse when she was ? 8 or 9, This was perpetrated by a 13 yo boarder who once I found this out threw him out. Terrible time. Teenage years were hell, with chaos, oppositional defiance, rudeness beyond belief. School drop out (both girls) Year 9 which broke my heart as education really is everything. From ages 7 - 20, we have had sooooo much therapy, counselling, in-patient stays, a huge myriad of health professionals, meds, older daughter has self-harmed, went to live with her father who was more like a brother, took and overdose x 1, much physical illness and over-eating, as I write this my anxiety is high as I relive the nightmare of that time. I think I tried EVERYTHING, all those years ago.. and to date. Ensured both girls have own homes. I just want to see my grandchildren say once a fortnight, be a granny. Older daughter does not want to have anything to do with me, and this is sooo painful. Yes I have had and still do, have counselling and I lead a busy fulfilled life otherwise. The grief is just terrible. Older daughter states "she wants to protect the children from me" so I just am at a loss to what more could I have done to make heal and repair and at the same time provide for these girls. Older daughter appears to be a good and responsive mother, she is a good money manager, however in the early days with first grandson I would visit her (drive an hour), only to be watched like a hawk, never left alone with him, not allowed to help her with housework (she lives in abject chaos). Child goes to child care which probably is his saving grace. I just want to be a part of the life of my grandchildren. I and my ex are the only grandparents, and they have no father (the sperm was a transaction). Any bright ideas of dealing with all this please? Say it how you want to .....many thanks Daphne

BB1986 Space
  • replies: 3

My partner wants obe thing at the moment and its for me to give her space . I have not been dealing woth my anxiety and have been in a constant circle of getting good and going backwards for 2 and half years she cant do it anymore i have really made ... View more

My partner wants obe thing at the moment and its for me to give her space . I have not been dealing woth my anxiety and have been in a constant circle of getting good and going backwards for 2 and half years she cant do it anymore i have really made a difference with myself and closwd alot of chapters which previously left open lead to me going backwards and i get she wants space but im unsure on how im supposed to ignore her even when im away at work ????

Pandemonium Second time around
  • replies: 1

I've been with my partner (now ex) for 4 years. We were friends for 2 years before we got together and she's always been in heterosexual relationships before me. About 18 months ago, she broke up with me because she said that she wasn't attracted to ... View more

I've been with my partner (now ex) for 4 years. We were friends for 2 years before we got together and she's always been in heterosexual relationships before me. About 18 months ago, she broke up with me because she said that she wasn't attracted to me anymore but that she as confused because she hasn't loved anyone as much as she loves me. So I gave her time to think and after about a month before she came back and said she made a mistake and she loves me so much. She said she hasn't figured out the attraction thing yet, maybe its because of her depression which she was always struggling with even before we got together. While we were on a break she went out with someone and slept with him to see if 'there was anything there' but she said she just felt empty and that's what prompted her to come back. Few months down the track I found out she was sending these flirty messages to another guy and she said that she was doing it for me because maybe she just needed to feel sexy again - this hurt me a lot and she said it didn't do anything for her anyway so maybe it just is her depression still. So we stayed together up until a month ago when she moved interstate and a week later she ended it and said that things haven't changed at all. 6 months ago, we bought a house together and started building a life together so I thought we were going on the same direction. I gave her her space and didn't want to push her "emotions" because she always said it would pressure her when we talk about her feelings and that there isn't anything I could do about it. So I just supported her as best I could. She said that she doesn't want to work on the relationship anymore because she doesn't think it will change and that she doesn't see a future anymore. I asked her to come to counseling with me but she refuses and says she isn't in the mental capacity to do it right now, maybe not ever. I started going on my own and have learnt SO MUCH about relationships and how they are largely affected by your past family relationships etc. To me, I know that if she could learn or just realize what I'm learning now that we could make it work because she says that she loves me more than anything - there just isn't that 'spark' but she doesn't think we can get it back. This is why I am at a loss because I know if she just gave counseling a chance, she could at least be at peace with herself even if means we won't reunite.

Walto17 My girl best friend of 8 years cut me out of her life because her boyfriend doesn't like me
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I'll try to make this as short as possible. This girl and me have been best friends for almost 10 years. We met when we were teenagers and we're together sexually early on but not sex just sexual contact. Things never went anywhere after tha... View more

Hi guys, I'll try to make this as short as possible. This girl and me have been best friends for almost 10 years. We met when we were teenagers and we're together sexually early on but not sex just sexual contact. Things never went anywhere after that but she has always liked me but our friendship got stronger over time. We've been there for each other during break ups in relationships and we can openly talk about anything because we both feel comfortable around each other and it's a great feeling because it's hard to find decent people or so I thought. Fast forward to the present, she started seeing this guy (she's 23 his 31) she told me it wasn't serious just fun and then it got serious, and I was happy she found someone. Turns out he treats her bad, his physically assaulted her, tried to chat women up behind her back, even left her to go back to his ex who he has a 5 year old son with, his never met me, but resents me just because of her friendship with me. She stopped talking to me at the end of last year after I sent her a Christmas message and a few months later we started talking and she told me he didnt want me talking to her then in May, I sent her a screenshot of the first time her and me spoke and she didnt reply but he messaged me virtually saying we have a past and I'm ruining their relationship and I need to back off. I messaged him saying he was a hypocrite for trying to ruin our friendship and told him another terrible things she told me he did to her but said I'm her best friend and she loves you he read the message but didn't reply back. I gave them space because she's pregnant to him and I haven't heard from her since but the weekend before that she came over and we had a great time and she showed me the bruises on her arm from him hurting her and she told me she was done with him. So today I thought how come I haven't seem her on facebook recently? Turns out she blocked me even though I haven't talked to her since May. I wished her a happy birthday a month ago and she liked my post. Just not sure what to do because it's made me angry and depressed because I really do value our friendship but and I just fighting a losing battle with her boyfriend hating me?

Sheogorath The Incredible Hulk!
  • replies: 10

My wife is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. She's always making sure that I am well fed, offers me shoulder massages whenever I'm tired and is supportive no matter what I am going through. ...until something triggers an "episode". Rage... View more

My wife is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. She's always making sure that I am well fed, offers me shoulder massages whenever I'm tired and is supportive no matter what I am going through. ...until something triggers an "episode". Rage builds up inside her quickly, clouding her perception so that everyone and everything (myself, friends, luck etc.) is conspiring against her. One wrong word or one tiny setback is "proof" that the world is against her, creating more rage, more perception clouding, more things perceived as "proof". A nasty vicious cycle. The rage can be so extreme that she screams at the top of her lungs in public places - in a restaurant and at an opera theater were two of the worst. One time, the rage didn't end until she exhausted herself from uncontrollable thrashing. Another time, I had to physically restrain her fearing that she was about to attempt murder. I've identified some of the triggers and minimise her exposure to them, but I can't keep her in a bubble all the time. Usually, it's something minor during the day (disagreement with a colleague, delayed bus etc) that sets her off. I've been with her for seven years and I'm committed to helping her with these issues for as long as I am able to. Indeed, I've been teaching her the anger management skills that I use, and her episodes have become less frequent and less severe which gives me hope that the condition can be managed. Despite this, she does not believe on psychology and believes that counseling is a rort. She is also in denial that her anger issues are any worse than an average person's. Typically, as soon as I bring up the topic, her perception changes and she'll say that it's all my fault for being uncaring and calculative and that I'm fabricating her anger issues as a way of manipulating her. I've had to walk on eggshells for five of the last seven days... and I was already feeling overwhelmed by day 2. Right now, frazzled is probably the best word to describe how I feel. I think that my brain has suppressed some very nasty emotions that may bubble to the surface unexpectedly. Something inside me is telling me that our marriage has reached a make or break point. I guess I'm here today probably because I want to vent - and perhaps see if somebody has an understanding of what's going on. I suspect borderline personality disorder, but of course I'm not qualified to make a proper diagnosis. Just writing it all down has already made me feel better though.

Ceruleann How do i support depressed sibling who had an affair
  • replies: 2

My brother had an affair and his wife found out. They have been separated for a few months and I'm worried about his mental health. He doesn't like discussing his feelings but he is filled with guilt and self hate. He has told me he cries anytime he ... View more

My brother had an affair and his wife found out. They have been separated for a few months and I'm worried about his mental health. He doesn't like discussing his feelings but he is filled with guilt and self hate. He has told me he cries anytime he thinks about her and what he has done. He doesn't do much socially anymore and is isolating himself. He believes he deserves to be punished for what he has done and admits to hating himself and feeling lost. I'm struggling with how to help him. Obviously what he has done IS horrible but he can't live constantly punishing himself. I don't know what type of things to say to show my support. My family, his ex wife and I are very worried about his mental state. I asked to see him to just hang out one night and he said no and that he doesn't want that. He has also rejected other siblings trying to do the same thing. I'm not sure if this has to do with him disliking feeling pitied? I'm really struggling with things to say to him and how to go about trying to help him.

LostonaForum Approaching an Awkward Situation
  • replies: 4

So me and I guess a friend had a messy falling out and we both agreed not to talk to each other for now (or maybe this is permanent I don't know) anyway when we were friends we signed up for a competition together and won. It was a gift card for abou... View more

So me and I guess a friend had a messy falling out and we both agreed not to talk to each other for now (or maybe this is permanent I don't know) anyway when we were friends we signed up for a competition together and won. It was a gift card for about $400. We agreed that we would split it but it would be delivered to her addres and under her name. A week later we had the fight and stopped talking. It should have shown up to her place by now but I don't know and $200 is alot of money for me and right now I'm struggling. I'm afraid to ask about it but I don't know if I leave it to long she might take the whole thing for herself. I don't really know how angry she is at me cause she hasn't really been clear on what I did and won't talk any more which is ok but I could be making things worse by asking but I can't just ignore the fact thaf I'm broke and need anything at this time. What should I do?

26bunnybear31 My long distance boyfriend [M, 17] broke up with me [F, 17] because he lost the spark
  • replies: 5

I have known for him for 5 years. I was best friends with him for 3 years where I was secretly in love with him but then we started dating for 2 years because he realised he loved me too. I was a positive type of person while he was a pessimistic typ... View more

I have known for him for 5 years. I was best friends with him for 3 years where I was secretly in love with him but then we started dating for 2 years because he realised he loved me too. I was a positive type of person while he was a pessimistic type. He made me realise its okay to think negatively sometimes and not have it kill me and I made him realise its okay to think positively and not be let down. We were good for each other. Supported each other in our time of need. Enjoyed life together. We felt like we could do anything. He was here for me and I was here for him. He broke up with me a few days ago saying that his feelings are different as to when we started dating. He said he didn't love me anymore and that it didn't feel right. He said that it wasn't the right time to be together right now. I was devastated. He said he tried so hard to believe he still loves me. He said I truly made him happy so he tried so hard to believe that he loves me. He still cares about me a lot and I still care about him and love him. He said that he wanted to keep our friendship. We still think that we're each other's missing pieces. We're meeting at the end of 2018 and the original plan was to meet as lovers but now the plan is to meet as friends. Is it bad that I still hope that it will reignite when he meets me? For the two years that we dated, we've never met due to family against it. I'm hoping that meeting will restart it again as all we ever did was videocall and text. I'm hoping that I'll bring him excitement again. He's also been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ocd recently, and he's taking medication however he's getting higher dosage as it doesn't help. I'm think thats another factor too. He's had a bad life. He's been depressed since he was young and his original plan was to commit suicide at 16. He told me I changed that. He said I gave him something to live for. He told me that when we were dating, there was no future that he imagined where I wasn't in it. But he told me that, he went back to square 1. He told me that he doesn't know anymore. Is it bad to still hope that we'll meet again on the same path, to the same dream with the same feelings? Because I truly believe so.

itsagamble Office fling is tearing me apart
  • replies: 27

Long story short, I am married but was going through a down patch feeling lonely at home with all the attention on the kids etc. Sex life dried up and also a bit depressed about work, except that I had a crush on a girl at work and seeing her every d... View more

Long story short, I am married but was going through a down patch feeling lonely at home with all the attention on the kids etc. Sex life dried up and also a bit depressed about work, except that I had a crush on a girl at work and seeing her every day was my inspiration. She was a divorcee also in a long term relationship with a boyfriend of about 4 or so years. We were quite close and when she announced she was leaving, she became very flirty for the last few weeks. On her last day, we got drunk and ended up having sex, stopping part way through. The first few weeks after that was hell. I was so confused, crying all the time and shutting out my wife (who doesn't know). We ended up catching up with intention to talk it over but never did, just talked general chit chat, until a few weeks later, when she said she didn't want it to get out as her previous husband had left her for another woman after a long term affair. It seemed like she was more worried about repercussions than not wanting anything, but we agreed that it was a drunk fling and basically it didn't happen. This was months ago but I still have that crush. We see each other every now and then for drinks, only as friends, but she doesn't know how I feel and I don't want to stop seeing her - its the only thing that makes me happy apart from my kids. I literally think about her all day, every day. Have tried being intimate with my wife to get over it but she is always tired and never initiates anything. We're only in our mid 30s but averaging less than once a month for intimacy. I have tried to tell OW how I feel to see what she says, but I can't muster up the courage and then feel like crap again for days until I get a chance to see her. All has been friendly with OW, no intimacy , until the other day when we were flirty a bit and she blew me a kiss (after I joked about not kissing her and smudging her lipstick) then affectionately rubbed my arm when she said goodbye. That touch felt amazing. I am so confused and don't know what to do. On one hand, I want to be with her, but on the other I don't want to break up my family. Also, if I do split and OW doesn't want to join me, I would feel worse. My best guess at the moment is to get financially sorted so worst case I can afford a divorce and OW if she wants to, tell my wife and see if she forgives me. I think I would try pretty hard not to make the same mistake again. Should I just ask her if she likes me and if not bury it all? This sucks.

Guest_232 Feeling Empty
  • replies: 6

Hey guys. I’ve been bottling in all my emotions for a while now, so any help / advice would be appriciated. Sorry if it’s long. I’m in a really toxic relationship with my ex right now.The day after telling me something has changed for the better in o... View more

Hey guys. I’ve been bottling in all my emotions for a while now, so any help / advice would be appriciated. Sorry if it’s long. I’m in a really toxic relationship with my ex right now.The day after telling me something has changed for the better in our relationship, my now ex broke of a year and a half broke up with me because she said feelings change. However, only four days after the break up she came back to me begging for my forgiveness and saying she was feeling sucidal and self harming. Of course, disregarding my own feelings, I blindly pretended like she didn’t hurt me at all to make her feel better. She has recovered from her down period after five days. It’s been a month and a half and I still feel so empty. She was my only real friend, and since this was the case, I was so dependent on her. To this day, I message her all day about life and we talk. And I know she is playing me and trying to use me for sex still, but I really can’t help just going a long with it cause I’m still so in love. If I ever tell her I’m feeling down about what happened or I want some space, she just threatens to have sex with other guys or sends me photos with her DMs filled with guys hitting her up. Being full honest, I’m currently crying while writing this. I feel terrible that im to weak to change my feelings for her even though deep down it is ruining my life, and has been for the past month and a half. I feel so empty, like something is missing in me. I’m still so dependent on her even though she threatens sleeping with other guys and that just makes it even worse. It really doesn’t help that this week my dog was put down due to cancer. It has reached the stage where I feel worthless and empty. I feel like every day is just a struggle to impress her and win her back even though I’m so confilicted on if I still want to be with her. Over the past two weeks, I’ve had on average 3 hours sleep a night and it’s slowly bringing down my grades. I used to self harm two years ago, and I’ve used so much will power to stop myself from doing it again. im sorry about ranting, it’s just I feel so pointless and worthless, and I just needed to tell people. My family is extremely supportive, but I can’t bring up the nerve to talk to them because they see mental health issues as a joke. thanks for reading and any help is appriciated. I feel I’ve hit rock bottom. colbision