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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JessCC Mum with depression- how to help her?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have just joined this site. My mum has been suffering from depression for the last few years. Initially, she put off treating it, as she was caring for my sick grandma. My Aunty (mum's sister) passed away suddenly, shortly after nana's death an... View more

Hi, I have just joined this site. My mum has been suffering from depression for the last few years. Initially, she put off treating it, as she was caring for my sick grandma. My Aunty (mum's sister) passed away suddenly, shortly after nana's death and my mum's depression seems to have gotten even worse. It was a struggle to get my mum to see the GP, but eventually, she went and was prescribed a bunch of medications and sleeping tablets. She went to see a psychologist one time but decided that it was not useful. She is experiencing insomnia, severe depression (suicidality, loss of interest in everything, rarely leaves the house, cries whenever I speak to her on the phone, etc.). My mum lives 2 hours from me. I am finishing uni at the moment. I do not have a car, so I see mum around once a month. Nothing seems to be improving for her- her thoughts and conversation are very dark, she has become very critical and mistrustful of people. My dad lives with mum and he has been helping her, but he is not the most emotionally understanding person and hates going to the doctors himself. I love my mum soooo much and just want her to feel better. I am unsure what to do at this point- do I try to force her to seek treatment? Try to change the subject and get her out of the house as much as possible? Accept that she might not be ready to accept help? I have tried sending her info about doctors, psychologists, naturopaths that I've found but she ignores them. I tried an intervention with my father and I- saying "come on let's be proactive about this and get it sorted out because you can still have many happy years ahead of you", I take her out for lunch and for walks when I visit and she seems like she enjoys it but then afterwards she tells me that she was faking being happy and that she never feels happy. We have long conversations and I listen to her, but sometimes the conversations become very dark and I try to steer her back into the light. It sounds horrible but I often feel like kidnapping her and taking her to a hospital for treatment- obviously, I wouldn't do that, but depression seems to make people their own worst enemies. I have anxiety and have experienced minor episodes of depression, but nothing like what my mum is going through. I hate seeing her so unhappy. I don't want to imagine her ending her life, but believe that in the state that she's in, it's a possibility. I really just want to find a way for her to feel better. What suggestions do u have for me?

Tilly2018 I think I am scared of my husband
  • replies: 10

Hi i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and... View more

Hi i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and I’ve always just accepted that’s just how he is, but this of course makes me cautious of the way I approach him. The only time I find the strength to confront him is usually the day after he has come home from a night out and in his drunken state he has been verbally unkind to me and has on occasion made me afraid of what he might do next. He has never hit me (trust me I would be straight out the door if this ever happened), but I feel I have to just put up with his behaviour in order to avoid provoking him in case he did turn violent. so usually the next day I speak with him about it because I am usually so pissed off. Quite often he says he doesn’t remember saying those things and apologies and for the next week he is as nice as pie, telling me he loves me etc etc. i do feel trapped as he has a lot going on with his work and sleep apnea so I am trying to support him. But every now and then and when situations like the above occur I think what the hell am I doing. Surely this isn’t how a marriage is supposed to be. Am I over reacting or should I just get the courage to say enough is enough! I have considered moving out a number of times but then things have always got better for a while. what would you do?

ashleighnewton0000 Feeling abandoned by friend.
  • replies: 2

Last year I fell out with someone I considered my best friend and we haven't spoken in a very very long time. I have other friends, they've always been closer with me (as I met them in a different stage of my life) but they knew each other through me... View more

Last year I fell out with someone I considered my best friend and we haven't spoken in a very very long time. I have other friends, they've always been closer with me (as I met them in a different stage of my life) but they knew each other through me, only saw each other because of me and whenever there were catch ups I'd be there. Usually organised by me. Since I've fallen out with this 1st friend, she has been making over the top effort to organise catch ups with my friends and always excluding me. What I am most upset about is that I mentioned to friend #2 that I'm seeing a psychologist to deal with losing a friend (that suggests that I'm not coping with it very well doesn't it?) Anyway, a matter of a week later I see friend #2 posting on social media about their dinner that I was very obviously excluded from. I was absolutely shocked that she did that after me telling her whats going on for me. I'm not bothered about the dinner, or that they catch up. I have accepted it but I am still in utter shock that friend #2 totally disregarded my feelings for some likes. Am I wrong in being upset here? Have you had a similar situation? I'm feeling incredibly abandoned, isolated from my old lift and that friend #1 is going above and beyond to make my life hell.

Lisslooloo When is enough enough?
  • replies: 2

So long story short myself and my husband have been together for 9 years with numerous breaks /splits in that time yet we have always only lasted a week or two then we are back together. Everything goes great - then things start going downhill again.... View more

So long story short myself and my husband have been together for 9 years with numerous breaks /splits in that time yet we have always only lasted a week or two then we are back together. Everything goes great - then things start going downhill again. He loves the social scene pubs, clubs etc and doesn't find an issue with it being 3-4 nights a week so im left continually feeling like in not enough,why isn't he comfortable just being at home with me? And yet when we are out together we generally have a great time together. Both in early 40s. So Sunday two weeks ago we decided to end it... He said he loved me to much to keep hurting me, it was all amicable and we spoke about remaining friends always. Sunday just gone we hung out for the day he came back to my place and stayed the night we became intimate with each other, hugged all night and it was such a great feeling. We msg daily and have both said we don't want it to be over but need some space to sort things out. Arghhh it's such a bittersweet feeling and i don't know if i myself am going about it the right way... I've read so so many different posts about 'will it work out again' and others stating its best to cut all ties. I love him immensely, cannot imagine a life without him but just don't want to continually keep doing this vicious circle of breakup and makeup. Anyone in or had been in similar situations any advice would be greatly appreciated xx

Minnie_M How to be supportive when your being pushed away?
  • replies: 3

Hi, today my partner of 7 years has decided to end our relationship because he believes his depression has gotten worse and he believes that he can’t be in a relationship and try to get better at the same time. He mostly feels like he isn’t good enou... View more

Hi, today my partner of 7 years has decided to end our relationship because he believes his depression has gotten worse and he believes that he can’t be in a relationship and try to get better at the same time. He mostly feels like he isn’t good enough for me and he feels like he is constantly letting me down or disappointing me. Obviously this isn’t true and I do not feel that way at all. I guess the the reason I’m posting this is because I’m quite torn. I want to support him through this, I want him to know that I value and appreciate him and his the best thing that has ever happened to me... and I want him to believe it. Ive tried telling him, but words don’t seem to get through. Just wondering, for those of you that suffer from depression, what helped you the most? What were the things that your partners, family members or friends that made you feel supported? its really hard to be there for someone who keeps pushing you away.

EmP1 Unwanted drug use
  • replies: 3

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain frie... View more

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain friend, I feel left out because she’s hides the fact from me, or she’s not open about why she chooses do do drugs. Or when she wants to do them. she has asked me to hide the fact she dose do drugs occasionally from her family and says she doesn’t have a problem that she only dose it twice a year, but the fact is I’ve been out with her 4 time this year where she has done drugs, the problem is I’ve said I’m ok with it as long as she lets me know that she has done it, but now I feel I’ve lost her trust because I blew up about the fact I thought she was lying to me about using. And said I don’t like the fact she’s dose it. I don’t do drugs because I have done in the past and it scares me to remember how I was so dependent on them. I was an addicted and haven’t touched drugs in 3years. Yes it’s putting my judgment on her and my views on her choices, But I don’t like that she’s had been doing it more regularly since we have been together, I just want her to be happy to go out and not feel the need to take drugs, I think it’s mainly ecstasy and mdma Why is it so hard for me to have this feeling of not wanting her to do it knowing that she is probably going to keep doing it.

Jessbot Centrelink
  • replies: 2

Hello I will soon be separated from my husband and was wondering how much money I can earn without it affecting Centrelink benefits? Thank you

Hello I will soon be separated from my husband and was wondering how much money I can earn without it affecting Centrelink benefits? Thank you

Pinappled HELP - What are my options - I'm at the end of my tether
  • replies: 4

Hey all - thanks in advance, for listening!! I have a Child Support Situation - that I am seeking advice, opinion and or direction with... I have been an active and present father to my son who resides in another state to that which I am in. I have p... View more

Hey all - thanks in advance, for listening!! I have a Child Support Situation - that I am seeking advice, opinion and or direction with... I have been an active and present father to my son who resides in another state to that which I am in. I have paid maintenance religiously and paid for items in addition that my son (over the years) has asked for. My son and I have been close but in the past say, 18months and with him coming into being the age of 17 and taking on afterschool work etc, contact via him has been limited - albeit contact when he has wanted something (which is ok). He is busy with work, girlfriends and generally - growing up - which I understand. Issue is that, some 9 weeks ago I attended my sisters wedding in the same home town my son lives in and I caught up with my son at the wedding and before and after - herein I found out he was working full time, earning clear $1000 per week and living at his mums with his girlfriend in a adult relationship type arrangement. I KNEW NOTHING of this.. When I got back home Child support said it was up to me to provide documented evidence and lodge an application for reassessment special circumstances, which I did. I obtained confirmation from my sons employer, copies of his wage slips and confirmation from his previous school that he had left school more than a year ago. I obtained information that he had been working cash jobs etc.. I provided this to CSA and advised that I was not going to pay anymore child support until their investigation was done, as my son turns 18 in 10 weeks and I am fearful that his mother, who has been unemployed all her life - will not pay me back once it is proved she is not entitled, and given she is on centrelink payments for also, another child (not mine) she wont be made to pay me back in one lump sum etc. This week CSA advise they are going to take $679.00 per week to cover arrears and current UNTIL they have finished their investigation and they are taking from my employer DESPITE me having provided them confirmation that he is working full time and earning a wage, well above the norm for an adult etc... I am at the point where I want to quit my job because I know they wont fight for me and get money back to me that she isnt entitled to, once their investigation is through... They are not seeing reason?? Is my partner able to talk to CSA on my behalf if I give permission as I am too close emotionally and I need to get some sense to all this? Thanks so much

matb82 coping with a break up and cut off
  • replies: 1

Where to start.... I've been in an on again off again relationship with a girl for the last year and a half. We have broken up gotten back together three times over that period. She suffers from severe anxiety that has been the cause of the break ups... View more

Where to start.... I've been in an on again off again relationship with a girl for the last year and a half. We have broken up gotten back together three times over that period. She suffers from severe anxiety that has been the cause of the break ups as she felt trapped or worried something would go wrong. A few months would go by and we would reconcile and get back together. Each time i would take her back without hesitation as i really do love her, we get along so well, and so do our children. She is everything i want in a partner. Funny, intelligent, caring and a great mother who has the same values as me regarding bringing up children. The anxiety thing doesn't worry me at all. If fact i want to be someone can help her get through the bad days and support her however I can. The last time we were together is was just amazing. We were, so i thought, so in love with each other. She told me she was completely in love with me and we would without a doubt be together forever. We were planning to move in together and had even discussed having more kids. Then it all fell apart. She broke up with me again saying that I didn't trust her and that the thought of me made her fearful of having a future together and that it wouldn't work. I have already been through a marriage break up where my wife had an affair so i do maybe have some trust issues but with her i was 110% sure this girl was the one. i stupidly thought i could stay friends with her and after her anxiety settled down we could try again. We had been talking again and getting along so well but recently she completely cut me off . Won't return my messages and blocked me on all social media. It has completely destroyed me. I love this girl so much and i refuse to give up on us even though i'm sure it's over for good now. I try telling it's for the best as obviously it just doesn't work between us. I'm seeing a psychologist to help me with coping mechanisms and trying to lean on family for support but nothing seems to work. I'm completely heart broken. I can't think and right now nothing makes me feel any sort of happiness. even my beautiful little girl. I'd do anything to get her back even after her breaking up with me 3 times in just over a year and half. I feel like i'll never find the intense happiness and love i felt with her in anyone else and i'll end up alone forever. Obviously she doesn't love me the way i do her but i'd take her back in a heartbeat if she asked. It makes no sence

ALil Am I feeling Post-Traumatic Anxiety?????
  • replies: 2

After having a relationship for over 4 years, it was very traumatic. I went from feeling a happy all the time person to someone who is so negative about everything. Being unable to connect with family and friends, constantly overthinking my past and ... View more

After having a relationship for over 4 years, it was very traumatic. I went from feeling a happy all the time person to someone who is so negative about everything. Being unable to connect with family and friends, constantly overthinking my past and being upset all the time. Stressing over a lot of things. Feeling isolated sometimes from friend discussions. Feel as though I can’t connet with anyone. I could sit on my own and instantly feel sad. I let things get to me a lot. I have done a lot of research on here, I haven’t seen a doctor yet but I’m needing some advice first.