Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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krystelpykie Breaking up with the one person i thought understood me
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new on here and thought i should post about my current situation. In the last few months my partner of 6yrs and i have drifted apart quite dramatically. I have always been very "different" to other people i know and am surrounded by - so... View more

Hi all, I am new on here and thought i should post about my current situation. In the last few months my partner of 6yrs and i have drifted apart quite dramatically. I have always been very "different" to other people i know and am surrounded by - sometimes i just feel like a freak of nature! This is definitely one of those times. I never really have any true friendships - as people seem to get to know me - and not really like how i am - i am somewhat awkward socially and don't like being used in any way. I am very knowledgeable on lots of health / diet subjects and am asked regularly for help by others - to their dismay i am too forward and honest i think - they don't seem to like my advice / help which is fine with me, but then people seem to drift away. I have become so accustomed to people "coming and going" from my life that it never surprises me anymore - but never the less it still hurts to know that there isn't really anyone like me ...and so no one truly likes me for who i am worts and all. I was kind of OK with this feeling for some time as i felt if there was 'one person' (my partner) who could love me for exactly who i am without the need to pretend or moderate myself then i would be ok...Now it feels as though there really is nobody for me in this world - almost as if i belong to another planet or dimension or something...i just don't quite fit. We had a chat a few days ago (initiated by me) as he seemed so unhappy lately - we were honest and he told me that he would like to stay friends, but once our house sells he would like to go his own way while i go mine. I believe there are a few reasons for this - though all of these were apparent when we were first together so im confused - has he just grown away from me? Or was he trying to like / love who i am all this time and just can't do it? It seems like just another one who came and is going to leave..but feels alot more hurtful as he is the one person who kind of confirmed for me that im not such a freak. Now i feel like i will be alone all my life and there really is nobody. I have animals who mean so much to me (my dogs and chickens) because of my experience with people and thus i spend most of my time with them to stay sane and have some connection with other beings on this earth. It helps with the loneliness...but i still know in my self that i just don't fit in anywhere. I hope that someone may be able to relate and maybe offer advice of some sort?? Thanks all.

BellaVida My partner cheated on me while I was pregnant
  • replies: 5

I have had depression and anxiety on and off for over 20 years. I really feel like no one understands me.Two years ago my partner cheated on me when I was pregnant and I feel like I still haven’t recovered. I feel like I made a mistake forgiving him ... View more

I have had depression and anxiety on and off for over 20 years. I really feel like no one understands me.Two years ago my partner cheated on me when I was pregnant and I feel like I still haven’t recovered. I feel like I made a mistake forgiving him and the relationship has gone downhill from there and we are now separated. I was talking to doctors and psychologists at that time but I feel like they just thought I would recover and get over it. I have no family or friends to talk to. I’m no longer the person I remember I once was. I feel a lot of anger and negativity within myself. I find myself not wanting to leave the house anymore. I feel like a bad person/ mother. Would love any feedback anyone can offer.

one11 An important decision for the future...
  • replies: 4

So, my boyfriend (20) and I (20) have been together for 8 months (first serious relationship for both of us) but I’m starting to worry... My boyfriend sometimes mentions, albeit sporadically, that he wants to have kids in the future. This seems like ... View more

So, my boyfriend (20) and I (20) have been together for 8 months (first serious relationship for both of us) but I’m starting to worry... My boyfriend sometimes mentions, albeit sporadically, that he wants to have kids in the future. This seems like a very important thing to him. Very early in the relationship this was quickly discussed, and he knows that I DO NOT want to have kids. I am very much against having my own kids, and I am very much set on this. I have heard from countless family members that I will change my mind when I’m older and that I should have kids in the future (I am Italian so makes sense I am put under this pressure haha). But I cannot stress any more that I do not want kids, not now and not when I’m older. So you can see this may be a problem. I didn’t worry about my boyfriend and I being on different ends of the children spectrum early in the relationship as I didn’t know how long it was gonna last. But now we’re creeping up on a year together and I’ve become worried that I’m going to be wasting his time. I’m worried but I’m not really doing anything about it except worrying, but I don’t want to break up with him. We both love each other and spend a lot of time together. I don’t want to waste his time being in a relationship that may lead into the future if we just end up older and not wanting the same stuff (pretty big stuff), and I certainly don’t want to waste my own time. But again, I just can’t seem to want to break up with him. God I hope I’m not being selfish. He does know I am very much against having children so I’m not sure what to do. I’m just so confused as to whether I should worry about this stuff now (in regards to wasting each other’s time) or I should just ride it out and see what happens because I’m still ‘young’ (although I still feel like that may waste time)?? I am just very confused you can probably tell this. I’m also pretty scared of being alone. In context I have severe social and generalised anxiety and depression and this may be contributing to not wanting to break up. I don’t really know what to do, any feedback is very much appreciated!!

Mum574 I'm trying not to sound petty.....
  • replies: 5

It was my birthday yesterday and my husband completely forgot. Not the first time he's forgotten, but this time it's different - it seems to hurt more than it ever has, and I don't know why. He only realised it was my birthday when one of his family ... View more

It was my birthday yesterday and my husband completely forgot. Not the first time he's forgotten, but this time it's different - it seems to hurt more than it ever has, and I don't know why. He only realised it was my birthday when one of his family members phoned to wish me a good day. Husband said oh, happy birthday and then left for most of the day to do something he'd already planned. This one hurts more than the time he gave me a REALLY crappy present, because he just plain forgot. I understand that we don't have a lot of money and it's not like I want a diamond necklace or even dinner at a fancy restaurant, but something would have been nice. I do a lot around here. He will mow the lawn and sometimes do the dishes or vacuum. Anything else, nope. I told him why it made me sad/cranky but he simply just does not care, and is more grumpy at me for being upset. I'm so upset that honestly, if he walked out the door, I wouldn't chase him. Thanks for listening to my rant.

The_Possum Friendship Mass Exodus
  • replies: 41

This is my life right now. Relationships falling apart everywhere. There's some saying that, when times are tough your true friends are revealed. Well.. Clearly I have none. My closest friend since school, is constantly harassing me or saying horribl... View more

This is my life right now. Relationships falling apart everywhere. There's some saying that, when times are tough your true friends are revealed. Well.. Clearly I have none. My closest friend since school, is constantly harassing me or saying horrible things about my situation. Another friend is accusing me of been mean and that I owe her an apology for something that I've done nothing wrong. Again this is another 15+ friendship. She also likes trivialising all my problems. I should get over it. My corporate group of friends are all dwindling off because I no longer work. So I'm too lowly for them. I also don't have the disposable income to keep up with their social activities. I have a psychologist accuse me of been OCD when I'm not, & ended up having my psychiatrist assess me to make sure. Even he thought the whole thing was bizzare. She didn't take too kindly to that & I don't feel comfortable seeing her now. My GP of years that I trusted so much and admired really, I think is trying to remove my mother from my life so she can step in.. I have no friends lol The first time in my entire life to say this, but I really don't. It's depressing to me. Should I try to salvage any of these relationship or start over? Has anyone else lost all their friends during difficult times?

kanga_brumby Family issues
  • replies: 2

rt. To the point where I am now totally alone. In the last two years Not once have they contacted me. Unless I contacted them. Even then they cut it very short. Saying they were to busy to talk with me. I am in a nursing home and cannot walk very far... View more

rt. To the point where I am now totally alone. In the last two years Not once have they contacted me. Unless I contacted them. Even then they cut it very short. Saying they were to busy to talk with me. I am in a nursing home and cannot walk very far. The activities have no interest for me. No one visits me at all I just sit in my room alone with my computer and television carving human contact. Yet staff are to busy to sit and chat. My physical health Is now on the decline My mental health is fast going out the door. Almost daily I wish it was over. The only thug stopping me is my two Children I want to be around for their 21firsts. I have just got NDIS funding a few months back. I have organized OT assessments For aids and Equipment invoices have gone in. I have been quietly chasing the NDIS to get things moving Yet all I get in response is where are the invoices where did you send them. I get no visitors I can visit no one. I am trying to get back to church but cannot because I cannot walk from the car park to the Church. and I have ne wheel chair. I have begged and pleaded for 4 years now. on my Knees. and I still have to wait. I need people in front of me talking English to me to feel better. A mobility scooter to get out and do stuff. Can some one suggest some thing PLEASE. Kanga

GemAndLogan Fifo partner- changing negative thought patterns
  • replies: 6

Hey everyone, My partner was working FIFO last year and it was really tough. He recently had a 3 month break from FIFO and has been working locally and its been amazing having him home all the time. However it was only while waiting for a new contrac... View more

Hey everyone, My partner was working FIFO last year and it was really tough. He recently had a 3 month break from FIFO and has been working locally and its been amazing having him home all the time. However it was only while waiting for a new contract, he now has a start date in a few weeks and I am devastated. I always knew he would be taking another FIFO job as it is a great opportunity and beneficial for both of us long term but I think I was in denial about him leaving. Now I'm terrified about him being gone for 3 weeks at a time, whether I will cope and how hard I know its going to be. I'm struggling to support him or focus on why we make this sacrifice because the negative side is all I can think about. Its really overwhelming me. How can I change my mindset and thought pattern to focus on the positive? How do I stop myself being hounded by all these negative thoughts? Any advice would be wonderful Thank you all : )

ForeverForager Combating feelings of anxiety with a depressed partner
  • replies: 1

Hi there, first-time poster so I'm not sure if I'm gonna go well but here goes. I'm currently in a long term relationship with my beautiful partner and I absolutely love her to bits. She's amazing in every way shape and form and I'm the luckiest man ... View more

Hi there, first-time poster so I'm not sure if I'm gonna go well but here goes. I'm currently in a long term relationship with my beautiful partner and I absolutely love her to bits. She's amazing in every way shape and form and I'm the luckiest man alive to be with her. She's been my light in the dark times and never fails to make me laugh. The only thing is...she's been struggling lately. Things have been harsh for her and I can only imagine the levels of pain she must be going through. It's on and off as everyone would think, but over the time I've known her this has definitely been the worst it's ever been. It makes me feel sad to see her this way, but I never fail to remember who she really is. Unfortunately, sometimes I realise that I'm falling a little. There's allot of pressure on me to take care every time things get bad and sometimes I wonder if I'm truly doing the right things. I've struggled with anxiety for a long time now, but through my partner I've found the strength to push through and do what's best for the both of us. I know that things will get better and there's always a sunlight, but I find myself panicking often on the bad days. I find myself thinking the worst at work when I don't get a reply or staying awake at night watching over her when I feel like something might go wrong. I have to trust in her that it won't, but it can get severely difficult to escape my own thoughts. I don't want to smother her, but I don't want to leave her alone either. She's current;y seeing someone weekly for help but I panic wondering if I'm doing the right thing. It can be difficult sometimes to need and want to protect someone from themselves when you always worry you're going to say the wrong thing. It's really difficult to put my feelings into words because there's just so much that I feel. I love her so much and want to be by her side through these dark times, and feel that I wish I could help in other ways. I just, sometimes feel like I'm slipping and falling sometimes. Struggling with horrid thoughts and anxieties makes it difficult to support. Don't we all just wish there was a magical cure? I don't really know what I'm looking for. I just...sat down and wrote what was on my mind. Maybe I'm just looking for some kind of encouragement? I'm safe and of stable mind I feel. So I know I'm not in any danger. But the wolves of the mind get us all sometimes. Thanks for ya time and I hope everyone is feeling safe and having a good day! Love ya

Peart No support from loved one
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have posted in this forum before about my situation and I did feel a lot better getting support from this forum. Thank you all so much. However, I am here again because, I guess I've become hopeless. I can feel the depression is creeping back i... View more

Hi, I have posted in this forum before about my situation and I did feel a lot better getting support from this forum. Thank you all so much. However, I am here again because, I guess I've become hopeless. I can feel the depression is creeping back into my life, especially when it's really hard for me to find a job and juggling 2 casual jobs to make ends meet at the moment. I find a lot of things in my life upsetting and discouraging. I moved to a new city with my partner because he got a job. While he's blossoming in the new city, with new and old friends at the same time, with a good job, I'm stuck with 2 crappy jobs and housework. I feel unappreciated most of the time and I have expressed it to my partner. He does apologise but always forgets about it afterwards. I guess it's also because he has a lot on his plate. His job is, however, very demanding and stressful. So one time, I got very frustrated about my job situation and what's happening around me. I seek for support from my partner. I have no social life, no friends except for 2 friends who are living overseas. My partner's my source of human interaction and intimacy. I do love him very much. I decided that I should reach out to him about how I felt and cried to him that I was depressed. And he told me to go get help. This happened a while ago but I just can't get over it. I know it came from a good place as he's aware that I'm clinically depressed. It still hurts because I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for. I was hoping that he could hug me and wipe my tears and say that things will be ok. It's a cliche to say but when it comes from your loved one it feels a lot more assuring and comforting, but he didn't do that. I feel strongly criticised and that makes me feel ashamed of myself. I can't bring myself to tell him how I feel or what I think anymore. When I confronted him about his reaction, he said it'd be better if I sought professional help, and that he couldn't help that much. Am I over my head or is this a very bad reaction to my condition?

mermaidheart Feeling like a door mat.
  • replies: 1

Over the past few years My Partner has done some pretty hurtful things that I just can't seem to move past. I've previously been in a very DV/controlling relationship and I worry that this impacts on how I react to things, becoming a 'doormat so to s... View more

Over the past few years My Partner has done some pretty hurtful things that I just can't seem to move past. I've previously been in a very DV/controlling relationship and I worry that this impacts on how I react to things, becoming a 'doormat so to speak. A few years ago my Partner proposed on my Birthday and within minutes then turned around and said it was a joke, do you think I'd really get you a basic ring like that, do you think Id not make it a bigger deal etc basically tried to Turn the Proposal into a prank. He then broke down appologising saying his anxiety got to him and he didnt know what to do so he made up the whole Joke thing to try relieve his anxiety. I was heartbroken, distraught and angry. And to this day I remember the 'Proposal' as this horrible event and every birthday I remember it too. I feel like that once In a lifetime moment was ruined by him. A moment that I'll never get back. I don't know how to move on, or If I should move on? Is it forgivable? Or will it just always hurt.