No one knows I'm depressed
First time posting on these forums.
I feel tired and unmotivated most of the time and Im wondering if Im actually depressed.When I see friends and family I pretend Im ok but Im not.I have a job and when Im there I make out Im all good.At home alone I feel terrible.Im 45 and feel liked Ive achieved nothing.Everyone else around me seems successful and doing things with their lives.My partner is a good man but I believe he drinks too much.I don't feel like I love him anymore and would prefer to be on my own.We have a 13 year old son together.We are total opposites and he can be very domineering at times.I have to force myself to socialize and do housework.Sick of feeling like crap😩
Welcome here, and sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. It sounds like you're at a bit of a crossroads in life right now, feeling despondent about your life's achievements, whether you're in a marriage that's working for you, and pretending to everyone else that everything is fine when it isn't.
When you say you feel like you've achieved nothing, raising a 13 year old son so he's ready for the world is no mean feat. Being a mother is often overlooked in our society, as something that's just expected, and mums get on and do it too without blowing the trumpet.
But as much as I'm sure your son gives you joy, it is only one part of your life. I sense a lot of regret in your post, and when you look at others you see success and activity that makes you envious. You say you could imagine yourself on your own. Now I'm not suggesting this is something that you do, but when you are thinking about being on your own, what does that look like? How is your life different, and what are you doing? Sitting down on the couch after a long day in your new life, how would you know that you were successful and 'doing something' with your life?
These are big questions to think over, but they are important because the answers will give you an idea of what kind of live you want to live, and not just a vague sense of feeling disappointed with yourself, and perhaps unfairly comparing yourself to others.
I hope you will post again soon.