Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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justaburden What does everyone think?????
  • replies: 12

He and I reconnected on FB last year. We dated over 35 years ago. Both been married , divorced, etc. Both had similar health issues and depression. We have each had some awful relationship issues which have left each of us jaded and lacking faith and... View more

He and I reconnected on FB last year. We dated over 35 years ago. Both been married , divorced, etc. Both had similar health issues and depression. We have each had some awful relationship issues which have left each of us jaded and lacking faith and trust. WE live in different cities but have caught up a few times in the last 12 months. All was progressing nice and slowly and he was ready to move across the country to be closer, but then chickened out. I then got a message to say that he felt he was no good to anyone anymore and was better off on his own and that I should move on. I thought about it for a while, but wrote to him to let him know that I thought it was his depression that was influencing his decisions and that I was not going anywhere and would still be here for him. Things went quiet for a few weeks then there was some idle chatter via messages now and then. But today I got a message from him to say that he was coming to my city to apply for a job (the one he was previously going to do to move to my city when he chickened out). I am quietly optimistic but trying to play it cool. I am keen to know what others think. I had said in my letter to him that I felt moving here would be beneficial to him as there are more opportunities for him and he has all his siblings here. He comes from a large family. In one way I am overjoyed, but trying to play it cool and not get my hopes up. What do others think?

melbourneguy My partner is blaming me for being depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've been feeling a bit down as of late due to a few things. Continual pay cuts at work have left me with more bills than income, I've cut back and still have no money left over. I can't afford to pay for my next car service which is nearly 12 mo... View more

Hi, I've been feeling a bit down as of late due to a few things. Continual pay cuts at work have left me with more bills than income, I've cut back and still have no money left over. I can't afford to pay for my next car service which is nearly 12 months overdue and there's no money leftover to go to the movies or do anything like that unless I fall behind on my bills. I've asked for two pay rises in the last month since I'm now working in a much higher role but I've been told there's no money to increase my wage (I've seen the business account, millions of dollars in a small business that's only been up and running for 2 years in surplus would suggest they could afford more). Last night it was really getting to me, I've told my partner a few times that I'm feeling depressed but she insists I'm not depressed, plenty of people are depressed and it's not me. After feeling depressed last night I wanted to go to bed straight after dinner but my partner wanted us to watch a tv show together so I stayed up and watched it then went to bed. She was grumpy at me as I wasn't talking too much. I wasn't talking too much because all I wanted to tell her was that I'm feeling depressed and I knew she'd tell me I'm not. Today she has sent me a text message cracking it at me for my attitude last night and insisting I apologise to her for my poor attitude. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, I feel like I should just apologise and let that be that. She never believes me when I say I'm feeling depressed and I don't know what to do anymore. Struggling for money, hating my job, can't afford to quit, feeling depressed because of it and my partner is telling me I'm in the wrong. How do I fix this?

bubblegum5671 my boyfriend and best friend are close to someone who really hurt me
  • replies: 1

i used to be best friends with someone, then they all of a sudden stopped talking to me. i went to them and asked what was going on, but they said they didn’t have a problem, so we became ‘friends’ again. it wasn’t what it was before, but it only las... View more

i used to be best friends with someone, then they all of a sudden stopped talking to me. i went to them and asked what was going on, but they said they didn’t have a problem, so we became ‘friends’ again. it wasn’t what it was before, but it only lasted for about a week. i started becoming more than friends with someone they were close to, so before i started dating my boyfriend, i checked with my friend to see if it was okay. she said that she didn’t really want me to be with him. at the time, i understood this and wanted to respect her feelings, but it wasn’t really an option for me to stop talking to him. not only did we have a really strong connection, but i was going through a lot of personal things (that my best friend was aware of but chose to ignore) and the only thing keeping me afloat was this boy, so cutting him off wasn’t really an option. i decided to try and respect my best friend by just not bringing him up around her, but a couple days later, she just stopped talking to me again. i was completely heartbroken. not only for losing my best friend, but it just didn’t make sense to me because she had started dating someone who was my best friend (and stopped being friends with me after they started dating) about a month prior. it’s been months since this happened, but since she obviously didn’t want to be friends, i decided not to force it. i didn’t want drama, and it seemed like that was what she was looking for, so i decided to respect her by just staying away. now, it’s been a few months and we still avoid eachother, but it’s so difficult because she’s still in my friendship group. she’s especially close to my best friend, and still is close with my boyfriend. im not trying to be bitchy, but it is my understanding that these things are partly to do with trying to annoy me. i don’t want to be a bad friend or girlfriend but it makes me so heartbroken when i see both of them being so close to her without understanding how hurtful and toxic she’s been to me. i would never ask them to not be friends with her, but i just hate the situation i’m in. how can i stop being hurt by, or possibly change (in the least petty way), the friendship that my best friend and boyfriend have with this girl?

LisaRose I still feel my heart breaking
  • replies: 4

I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for 3 years. I truly loved her... I still do. Our jobs just killed us. We were often moved around and away from one another. It was hard when we were apart. But SO good when we were together. This... View more

I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for 3 years. I truly loved her... I still do. Our jobs just killed us. We were often moved around and away from one another. It was hard when we were apart. But SO good when we were together. This was something special. We spent the first year of our relationship together in the same city and meeting her was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My heart beated to a different tune and I truly fell in love. She did too. She is the love of my life. She left me 2 months ago. Just before I had to go away yet again. She couldn’t do it anymore. All the long distance phone calls, flights, hotels. I get it. I wanted nothing more to wake up and fall asleep beside her every morning and night. Make her laugh, make her feel loved, make her happy. I know it was hurting her. I was hurting too. But I was optimistic that one day soon that our jobs would finally allow us to be together in the same place. She was not so sure. There was a lot of crying of the phone. A lot of I miss you’s. Slowly I realised that we were calling less often. She was tired from crying and I was tired from consoling her. Both require a lot of energy. She came to visit me while I was away and it was strange. She kissed me differently. Her heart wasn’t in it. I could feel it. Once I was back, it still wasn’t right. I knew something was up. I asked her about it. Many times. But she just said she was stressed at work. I betrayed her trust and looked st her phone. She had been talking to someone else... the way she would talk to me. And the more I read the more my heart sunk. I could feel my heart Slowly cracking and shrivelling. I was sick to my stomach. I fell to my knees. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. My heart was truly broken. She found me and knew. She picked me up from the floor and hugged me for hours. We talked about it. We talked about everything. I should have wanted to scream and shout at her. I should have wanted to hurt her. But I couldn’t. I spent weeks crying. Lying in bed doing nothing. Couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, lost 7kgs in 2 weeks and looked and felt like a wreck. My career is booming. I got a promotion at work. It’s the only thing I’ve got going for me at the moment. And I’ve had to move to a new city. I’ve left behind the love of my life, and all my friends and family. I have never felt sadder in my life. When im awake I cry myself to sleep. When I’m asleep I cry myself awake. I am truly heart broken

Muddywaters How to help my son deal with not living his wife anymore
  • replies: 3

My son told me today that he doesn't love his wife anymore .He does not know how to tell her as he is scared it will tip her over the edge .She has been suffering from severe anxiety for the past year and a half .She is having treat ment but nothing ... View more

My son told me today that he doesn't love his wife anymore .He does not know how to tell her as he is scared it will tip her over the edge .She has been suffering from severe anxiety for the past year and a half .She is having treat ment but nothing seems to be working .I can see it is taking its toll on him .Just want to help him deal with it .As i don't want him to have a breakdown as well .Anyadvice will be much apreciated

moo1 Alcoholic Daughter.......not allowing us to see our grandchildren
  • replies: 5

We made the mistake of helping my daughter move 2 thousand klm away with her hubby and 5 girls, we also stayed a mth to help them all settle in !!! we had a few drunken moments with her which we handled by going to bed, on what turned out to be our l... View more

We made the mistake of helping my daughter move 2 thousand klm away with her hubby and 5 girls, we also stayed a mth to help them all settle in !!! we had a few drunken moments with her which we handled by going to bed, on what turned out to be our last night there she flew into one of her drunk rages and had a rage at me, I took it for about 15 mins when I then turned on her some thing I never do when she is drunk, anyhow Hubby and I left the next morning, I just needed space from her , every few days since then she has sent alcohole fulled texts that are just horrid, since I suffer from restricted lung disease this come with a fair amount of depresion, which is now spirraling, as she wont let us speak with the girls and says we will never see her or them again !!! I am just so sad, I know she is an alcoholic, but she just cant see it yet !! but that does not help me knowing that !!! I just dont know waht to do

bubblegum5671 my mum struggles with mental health but doesn’t understand mine
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my mum has anxiety and depression as well as me, but she often makes me even more anxious and depressed. i’ve been to psychologists, counselors and doctors before who understand, but my mum doesn’t. basically someone very close to me is my support sy... View more

my mum has anxiety and depression as well as me, but she often makes me even more anxious and depressed. i’ve been to psychologists, counselors and doctors before who understand, but my mum doesn’t. basically someone very close to me is my support system, and they’re one of the only things that can make me feel better when i’m really down. the problem is, this is usually in the middle of the night. my mum found out that i was talking to them in the middle of the night, and i explained to her that they were my support system but she doesn’t care. now she takes away my phone at night and turns off the internet, so i’m completely cut off from them. everything to do with my mental health gets so much worse and i’ve told her this, but she’s under the impression that i’ll get more sleep. the problem is, i can’t sleep when i don’t talk to them. my sleeping is a lot worse, AND my depression and anxiety gets a lot worse at night. i’ve tried so many times to get her to understand, but she doesn’t listen to me. how do i make this situation okay?

krystelpykie Breaking up with the one person i thought understood me
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new on here and thought i should post about my current situation. In the last few months my partner of 6yrs and i have drifted apart quite dramatically. I have always been very "different" to other people i know and am surrounded by - so... View more

Hi all, I am new on here and thought i should post about my current situation. In the last few months my partner of 6yrs and i have drifted apart quite dramatically. I have always been very "different" to other people i know and am surrounded by - sometimes i just feel like a freak of nature! This is definitely one of those times. I never really have any true friendships - as people seem to get to know me - and not really like how i am - i am somewhat awkward socially and don't like being used in any way. I am very knowledgeable on lots of health / diet subjects and am asked regularly for help by others - to their dismay i am too forward and honest i think - they don't seem to like my advice / help which is fine with me, but then people seem to drift away. I have become so accustomed to people "coming and going" from my life that it never surprises me anymore - but never the less it still hurts to know that there isn't really anyone like me ...and so no one truly likes me for who i am worts and all. I was kind of OK with this feeling for some time as i felt if there was 'one person' (my partner) who could love me for exactly who i am without the need to pretend or moderate myself then i would be ok...Now it feels as though there really is nobody for me in this world - almost as if i belong to another planet or dimension or something...i just don't quite fit. We had a chat a few days ago (initiated by me) as he seemed so unhappy lately - we were honest and he told me that he would like to stay friends, but once our house sells he would like to go his own way while i go mine. I believe there are a few reasons for this - though all of these were apparent when we were first together so im confused - has he just grown away from me? Or was he trying to like / love who i am all this time and just can't do it? It seems like just another one who came and is going to leave..but feels alot more hurtful as he is the one person who kind of confirmed for me that im not such a freak. Now i feel like i will be alone all my life and there really is nobody. I have animals who mean so much to me (my dogs and chickens) because of my experience with people and thus i spend most of my time with them to stay sane and have some connection with other beings on this earth. It helps with the loneliness...but i still know in my self that i just don't fit in anywhere. I hope that someone may be able to relate and maybe offer advice of some sort?? Thanks all.

BellaVida My partner cheated on me while I was pregnant
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I have had depression and anxiety on and off for over 20 years. I really feel like no one understands me.Two years ago my partner cheated on me when I was pregnant and I feel like I still haven’t recovered. I feel like I made a mistake forgiving him ... View more

I have had depression and anxiety on and off for over 20 years. I really feel like no one understands me.Two years ago my partner cheated on me when I was pregnant and I feel like I still haven’t recovered. I feel like I made a mistake forgiving him and the relationship has gone downhill from there and we are now separated. I was talking to doctors and psychologists at that time but I feel like they just thought I would recover and get over it. I have no family or friends to talk to. I’m no longer the person I remember I once was. I feel a lot of anger and negativity within myself. I find myself not wanting to leave the house anymore. I feel like a bad person/ mother. Would love any feedback anyone can offer.

one11 An important decision for the future...
  • replies: 4

So, my boyfriend (20) and I (20) have been together for 8 months (first serious relationship for both of us) but I’m starting to worry... My boyfriend sometimes mentions, albeit sporadically, that he wants to have kids in the future. This seems like ... View more

So, my boyfriend (20) and I (20) have been together for 8 months (first serious relationship for both of us) but I’m starting to worry... My boyfriend sometimes mentions, albeit sporadically, that he wants to have kids in the future. This seems like a very important thing to him. Very early in the relationship this was quickly discussed, and he knows that I DO NOT want to have kids. I am very much against having my own kids, and I am very much set on this. I have heard from countless family members that I will change my mind when I’m older and that I should have kids in the future (I am Italian so makes sense I am put under this pressure haha). But I cannot stress any more that I do not want kids, not now and not when I’m older. So you can see this may be a problem. I didn’t worry about my boyfriend and I being on different ends of the children spectrum early in the relationship as I didn’t know how long it was gonna last. But now we’re creeping up on a year together and I’ve become worried that I’m going to be wasting his time. I’m worried but I’m not really doing anything about it except worrying, but I don’t want to break up with him. We both love each other and spend a lot of time together. I don’t want to waste his time being in a relationship that may lead into the future if we just end up older and not wanting the same stuff (pretty big stuff), and I certainly don’t want to waste my own time. But again, I just can’t seem to want to break up with him. God I hope I’m not being selfish. He does know I am very much against having children so I’m not sure what to do. I’m just so confused as to whether I should worry about this stuff now (in regards to wasting each other’s time) or I should just ride it out and see what happens because I’m still ‘young’ (although I still feel like that may waste time)?? I am just very confused you can probably tell this. I’m also pretty scared of being alone. In context I have severe social and generalised anxiety and depression and this may be contributing to not wanting to break up. I don’t really know what to do, any feedback is very much appreciated!!