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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Anne29 Feeling overwhelmed
  • replies: 1

Hi, Sorry for long post haven’t posted in a long while. I’m concerned about my husband who suffered a spinal cord injury almost 10 years ago. I have great concern for his mental well-being over the last year. Last week we had a fight regarding our re... View more

Hi, Sorry for long post haven’t posted in a long while. I’m concerned about my husband who suffered a spinal cord injury almost 10 years ago. I have great concern for his mental well-being over the last year. Last week we had a fight regarding our relationship and how he is feeling. He mentioned that he was feeling very empty. He asked me top stop getting at 5.45 in the morning to work out at the gym because I am always tired. I am exhausted most night by the time I go to bed but I work Five days a week part time and have two very active children who have adhd who I also I have to run after. All children are challenging at time but my husband lashes out st my youngest son. Earlier this week my husband was yelling at our son. He hasn’t actually hurt anyone I think it is just all the frustration builds up. By the time I get to sit down at night I watch a little tv and then I am in bed by 9.30 at the latest. This leaves my husband sitting up by himself. In our fight he mentioned that he has no one to talk to at work and nothing outside of work. Just recently he had a fall after attending the afl grand final and falling backwards and hitting his head landing him in hospital in Melbourne and needing stitches in the back of his head. This is not the first time he has fallen when being intoxicating. I have had to help him up from off the floor when he has fallen over after drinking. His left side of his body was affected during the accident and when he drinks too much he loses function on this side. He want go and talk to anyone. I am feeling overwhelmed and scared.

Natalia123 Complicated Relationship
  • replies: 6

I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for a total of 3 years. We have no children. Im at a point in my life over the age of 30 questioning what love is? The marriage was dysfunctional and ended in a separation for 3 months recently we r... View more

I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for a total of 3 years. We have no children. Im at a point in my life over the age of 30 questioning what love is? The marriage was dysfunctional and ended in a separation for 3 months recently we reconciled. In the three months off my thoughts disappeared and all I felt was Iove for him in my heart. I returned because of the love I felt. I wonder is love enough? I didn’t feel pressured or compelled. There is a conversation every night about the relationship and my husband is feeling overwhelmed. I think it is my way of trying to connect emotionally.

Chicflutterby feeling numb and disconnected
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have never really been depressed or suffered from anxiety etc. Lately, however, I feel completely numb. If my husband and stepdaughter walked out of my life, I don't think I would feel anything. I love them but I feel separate from them. I ... View more

Hi all, I have never really been depressed or suffered from anxiety etc. Lately, however, I feel completely numb. If my husband and stepdaughter walked out of my life, I don't think I would feel anything. I love them but I feel separate from them. I recently got married. I was stressed out by the wedding. Things were going wrong. We got a notice to leave just before the wedding which caused stress. Husband-to-be got into a fight with his adult son. He and his girlfriend decided to not come to our wedding and sent some disgusting messages to me saying husband was living a double life, felt trapped into marrying me etc. I asked my husband if he loved me and wanted to get married. His response was that he shouldn't have to tell me. But I really needed to hear it. The wedding was a disaster (I didn't feel loved or wanted and to this day wish I had not gotten married). Then after the wedding we had to move. Husband is now smoking weed inside our new house and has all his mates coming over all the time to smoke with him. I hate my home. I hate coming home to the smoking in my house. Husband only works a few hours a day and I have to work 10 to 12hrs a day to pay our bills. Husbands income doesn't cover his bills. I don't know what he does in the 1/2 day each day he doesn't work. Husband says he loves me but I don't really believe him. Since the wedding we not only moved, but I resigned from my job and have a new one to move to. We bought a new home (which my money paid the deposit on) so we have to move again. Husband and I fight all the time. He doesn't care if we are fighting, if he wants sex he thinks he should get it and will put a lot of pressure on me. I give in, I feel nothing. 4 months after the wedding I feel like I am not living my life but a bystander. I don't really feel anything. I don't really care what happens anymore. I feel like if he wants things that bad he can just have them. whether that's my body or my money or using me to babysit his daughter so he can do what he wants or using my body. I feel disassociated and not connected to anyone or my life. I think its just all the stress. Moving, getting married, buying a home and changing jobs. but I also just feel like I want to walk out of my life and never look back. Is there anyway to fix the numbness?

Maryelle Emotional abuse
  • replies: 3

So I have social anxiety, which I am managing with cbt and medication for my cranial sweating. My problem - and has been for a number of years is that I actually think that my husband is emotionally abusing me. For instance, today he told me that if ... View more

So I have social anxiety, which I am managing with cbt and medication for my cranial sweating. My problem - and has been for a number of years is that I actually think that my husband is emotionally abusing me. For instance, today he told me that if I don't get a job by next week he didn't care what I did and that I should be licking the toilet owl. Then he lies straight to my face and said he didn't mean it literally. This is a cycle. Unfortunately our children are here when he says this and he convinces them it's all my fault and he's right. His brother got out of jail after serving 5 years and child protective services are involved with us now due to the charges. He tried to convince dhs that his brother is innocent even after they repeatedly told him what he was charged with. The area manager for dhs came over and told him that he was intimidating and threatening and that he went from a 0 to 100 very quickly. He has turned the kids against me. I have no friends for support. I'm actually thinking of disappearing from his life and the kids lives and the latter breaks my heart but I feel that I have no chance with them now. I feel so lonely, isolated and broken. Please help.

lost6 Blindsided ending to my relationship
  • replies: 12

Hey, This is my first post here. I guess I'm just incredibly confused, lost and overwhelmed at the moment so trying to get support here and see if someone else is going through the same thing and how they're coping. My boyfriend of almost a year brok... View more

Hey, This is my first post here. I guess I'm just incredibly confused, lost and overwhelmed at the moment so trying to get support here and see if someone else is going through the same thing and how they're coping. My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me completely out of the blue. I had rang up to simply see how his day was on my way home from work and it ended with him asking to come around for a chat and, after staying for only 15 minutes, told me it was over. No compromise, no discussion but worst of all no explanation. We had spent the weekend together just before this happened and there were no signs. He told me I was his soul mate and we talked about our future together only the day before he broke up with me. Only a week before we broke up we booked flights for a weekend away next month. Our relationship was full of happiness and love. We had travelled overseas together, our parents had met and became friends and we were planning on moving in together in a few months time. He has since asked for space and has told me that he wont be able to give me an explanation for a very long time which has left me battling with myself about what has happened. Looking at our relationship I thought it was perfect. However, I do see now that maybe it was 'too' perfect. We hadn't had one fight in the year together, there was never conflict between us and he would always reassure me he was ok and shut down whenever I tried to encourage him to speak what was on his mind. After reading different articles I see now these are red flags about communication problems. I guess I just wish that he had opened up to me, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. I am absolutely heart broken and feel like I have lost half of my world and had my future ripped away from me. I'm struggling to socialise only seeing my closest friends at the moment. I feel like I'm just surviving through each day at the moment just waiting for the pain to slightly get better.

Libby81 Bullying my daughter
  • replies: 2

I have a 4 year old daughter, and she gets bullied a lot by my niece, i look after my niece in the afternoons so my sister can work.i get a used a lot by my sister cause im to soft and wont say no to her. Ive tried to get my niece to stop bullying my... View more

I have a 4 year old daughter, and she gets bullied a lot by my niece, i look after my niece in the afternoons so my sister can work.i get a used a lot by my sister cause im to soft and wont say no to her. Ive tried to get my niece to stop bullying my daughter my niece has a lot of emotional problems. Now my daughter loves my other niece as shes gentle and plays with her. But when my two nieces get together they are 7 and 8, they both bully my daughter they tell her to go away, they wont play with her and its really nasty. Like on Saturday just gone i actually witnessed my niece pick my daughter up and take her out of the bedroom and my daughter was saying i wanna play with you. My daughter ends up in tears in the end and i do too as its cruel and i dont know how to stop it. I have spoken to my sisters about it i told one of my sisters that if they are together i wont be going over there im not putting my daughter through it anymore her response was ok your choice so in other words she dont care.. I suffer from depression and anxiety. It really makes me so mad cause its not fair and not right and nothing gets done to stop it. Any advice please its to the point i wanna pack our bags and disappear so noone knows where we are.

Humblemind I’m new to this step-mum thing ... paying extra child support?
  • replies: 1

Step mum help... Advice... Something!? My partner and I have been together for just over 12 months. He has 4 kids (2 from each previous marriage - 15, 12, 5, 2yrs). We see the 2 youngest kids half of each school holidays and FaceTime 3x week. We have... View more

Step mum help... Advice... Something!? My partner and I have been together for just over 12 months. He has 4 kids (2 from each previous marriage - 15, 12, 5, 2yrs). We see the 2 youngest kids half of each school holidays and FaceTime 3x week. We have the 2 older kids 2-3 nights per week. In the circumstances, my partner currently pays the highest rate of child support to each ex (both have full-time employment in good jobs), and then of his own free will he pays half of all extra curricular activities the kids participate in, including half of daycare and preschool for the 2 youngest ones. We have a joint account, and with all other payments, mortgage, bills on top of this, we live off a small amount each fortnight. I have expressed that I want to have a child of our own Which he is open to. Ive been working crazy amounts of overtime to put extra into a savings account for this). The problem is though, that no matter how much I try, I just can’t get over the extra that we are paying on top of the court order child support (the most recent ex doesn’t claim the additional as child support payments from us, and she got a near three-figure settlement payout when she left) sometimes it’s an extra $500+ per fortnight to the most recent ex. She also lives with her parents on a property so she doesn’t have a mortgage etc I’ve tried time and time again to explain this to my partner, that we go without to give his ex’s the extra money. It’s a difficult conversation to initiate, particularly when he won’t budge from the current position and says he “needs to do it”, we end up arguing and then not speaking. I’m also not allowed to talk to the youngest kids on FaceTime (they live 1200km away) and im not allowed to attend the changeovers (I have to get out of the car at a different location and wait until I get picked up) as the mother goes off if I have any involvement. I feel like I’m just throwing part of my hard earned money at the ex wife. I understand child support is a great thing for single parents with kids, im not against it at all. I am however, an anxious mess wondering what the future might bring, and I may never be able to enjoy motherhood on my own accord. The thought of having this conversation with my partner again makes me want to be physically sick. Could anyone please afford me some humbling advice or am I being too over the top about it? Thank you

auschic Is being hard to read a bad thing?
  • replies: 3

Im feeling a little frustrated and confused. A person in my life is saying to another person in my life that i'm 'hard to read'. Basically this person always checks with the other person (who im closer too) if i enjoyed myself, how I feel etc because... View more

Im feeling a little frustrated and confused. A person in my life is saying to another person in my life that i'm 'hard to read'. Basically this person always checks with the other person (who im closer too) if i enjoyed myself, how I feel etc because they 'never know what im thinking'. On my end, I feel frustrated because I dont see what else I can do to show im having a good time. I talk to people, I involve myself in activities, I take photos. Its not like i sit on the sidelines with a sour look on my face. If something is funny, ill laugh. If something makes me smile, I smile. If i feel sick, ill quiet down for 5 minutes. Its not like I completely suppress my emotions. This is a complete side note but what really bugs me is if your feeling sick and you go quiet for 5 minutes and someone will say 'do you not like talking or something?'... its like maybe ask if the person is okay instead of judging them? Cos thats what id do.. if I saw a quiet person on their own, id ask if they were okay. If i quiet down around any of my friends theyre always like 'whats wrong'? Acquaintances usually judge. Anyway, these people just label me as 'quiet' and 'hard to read', its frustrating and I dont understand why. No one in my life besides these people have ever said that, my friends and family know who I am and made an effort to get to know me. It seems as though these people havent otherwise they wouldnt be saying this? I will gladly share my thoughts and opinions if a topic comes up that I am interested in. If someone asks, I will gladly share also. I dont understand why this person says this about me. I know who this person is, i understand their personality and I like them. I would be there for them if they needed me. I care about their family. I made an effort to pay attention to them and get to know them. Seems as though this person hasn't done the same for me? I do know that this person does care about me, but I wouldn't say we have the closest relationship. I would like to be closer and I think they would too, I just wish the person would make an effort to get to know me on the level that my other friends and family have instead of saying that im hard to read. The way i see it, its a 2 way street. Does anyone have any other insights? Im trying to understand this situation.

Sky77977 Relapsed feelings from a past relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi i don't normally do this but feel like need to tell someone My x girlfriend is part of this group of friends I have, we dated a while ago but one day she got really stressed out and broke up with me and proceeded to block me on everything. I didn'... View more

Hi i don't normally do this but feel like need to tell someone My x girlfriend is part of this group of friends I have, we dated a while ago but one day she got really stressed out and broke up with me and proceeded to block me on everything. I didn't see or hear from her for 4 months after which I saw her and we made up, I understand why she did what she did because she got stressed out and I think I was overwhelming which is fine. However recently this group has been hanging out again even since we made up so I've seen her a bit recently I know I still like her, and i'm not sure if she feels the same but similar signs are there from when we dated the first time in terms of her liking me. This has been very stressful for me and affecting my mentality as I don't mind the fact I like her, its just after I see her I start to overthink things and go into panic attacks and stuff because I'm afraid if I tell her and she doesn't like me back it might ruin the group dynamic. do you think its justified I still have these feelings as we shared such as strong relationship before? and also why do I start to overthink about her after I see her, Is there something wrong with me? Is it worth me diving in again for another go at this relationship as it was really profound she just got overwhelmed so I think if i did it again I would take it more slowly and be a bit more chill about things.

tiayaya Self-doubt affecting an otherwise perfect relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm 22, diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Panic Disorder. I have a few issues that I have been trying to work out with my partner of 3 years as I want to be a better person and girlfriend. Because we know that I have dee... View more

Hi, I'm 22, diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Panic Disorder. I have a few issues that I have been trying to work out with my partner of 3 years as I want to be a better person and girlfriend. Because we know that I have deep seated issues with the unknown and 'grey areas' type things, we are very open and talk through anything that might worry us. I've been medicated and going to therapy for 2 years now and I am much better than I used to be - especially in regards to the intensity and frequency of panic attacks. That said, I am still quite an overwhelming person to be with, especially because my self-esteem is (always has been) pretty fragile. I personally am feeling better but about 6 months ago, my partner informed me he was feeling stressed out and overwhelmed himself by his own (family and work) life, and having to act as my carer more often than not was getting to him a bit. Hence why I'm looking to better myself in more practical terms regarding my self-doubt and self-esteem issues. He is seeing a counsellor that seems to believe we're not a healthy, durable relationship. I beg to differ, as we both are committed to the hard work that is dating mentally ill people, for the good and the bad. That said, it has brought up doubts that maybe I doomed this relationship because of my illness. I can't help but feel he's better off without me and I ended up needing constant reassurance. I am drawing out plans to deal with my own issues without putting too much pressure or responsibility on him. I'm finding it super hard to be respectful of his boundaries while in my head I am screaming with self-doubt and a million questions. Even when I'm trying to control my intrusive thoughts and obsessive questioning, I end up NEEDING to ask him 'do you still love me', 'am I still worth it', 'are you sure you wouldn't rather someone else' about 5 times a day (and that's on a good day). How do I get out of this constant need to hear that he loves me, and is committed? My rational self knows that he does but the slight chance that he might not drives me insane. I would want to continue blurting out my insecurities all the time on him, I know that's not fair nor healthy. But I honestly can't help the urge to ask for reassurance, like ALL THE TIME. I proposed that maybe he writes me a short letter of reassurance to keep (my love language is words of reassurance); his counsellor is adamant that it's a bad idea and actually an unhealthy approach.