Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[P12]

Hi Azzdog,

A few thoughts came to my mind after reading your recent posts and I thought to share them in case they help.

1. What is the activity that gives you the most joy in life? Are you able to develop new ideas and apply more effort to follow it more strongly than you currently do? I have found a couple of activities and interests that I really enjoy, regardless of whether they are popular with many people. They give me a chance to follow my true talents and interests without obstacles imposed by other people yet provide a way to meet a small number of people with the same interest. Even though I haven't yet been able to achieve a complete friendship or relationship with the people I meet, occasionally I meet really interesting people who I can talk to easily and repeatedly. This brings me some satisfaction. And I feel pleased to at least know that there is a small hope that I will meet someone I can connect with even more strongly.

2. Are you still visiting a psychologist or similar practitioner? You said in your original post that you see one regularly. I have found that psychologists have helped me, even though it sometimes feels like very slow progress. I try to approach my meetings like a friendship or relationship, because in a way they are the closest I have to one of these. I can meet practitioners as frequently or as many times as I like, and I try to speak as honestly as I can about feelings and thoughts that interest me, and in a way needing to pay my practitioners to spend time with me makes me consider whether I am really receiving value. If you feel like you aren't making progress with one I think there is no harm in trying a different one. I think lots of people change practitioners regularly, in the same way some people change friends or relationships regularly. 

I too have found that there are some goals I would like to achieve which are incredibly difficult because they involve other people. I too was told I have autism.

From P12. 

[Azzdog]

Nothing really springs to mind that I haven't tried already. I have already tried so many different avenues but nothing seems to stick.

I am seeing a psychologist but only for the autism/ADHD. 

I am struggling big time, there are no solutions to this situation.

[Azzdog]

Currently there are no activities giving me joy. I feel so lost and heartbroken about where my life is. I feel so sad and there are no answers.

I am seeing a psychologist but I want practical solutions to my issues. I dont just want to talk things over. it makes me so frustrated.

[Azzdog]

I just want to feel connected. But there are no social programs for people like me with ADHD and ASD. It is absolutely ridiculous and no wonder we live in a mental health crisis.

[P12]

Hi Azzdog,

I noticed you seem to be feeling sad. I want to say that I have read your recent posts and I understand your feelings. Is there anything you would like to ask me specifically?

Through which method do you think you are most likely to meet someone who matches your requirements? If you had to choose one activity that gave you the most satisfaction what would it be?

I think you would be able to get advice from a practitioner specialised in what you are describing as your goal if you wanted it. I did a quick internet search and found at least one or two in my city that appear to match. I believe most practitioners now offer Telehealth, so you could get advice from someone anywhere in Australia.

[Azzdog]

What services are there? I dont know if there are any services to help me

[P12]

Hi Azzdog,

I meant that an internet search for "disability relationships service" or "disability relationships counselling" might provide some new ideas you might like to consider.

From P12.

[Azzdog]

Some of them cost too much money and I am not in a financial position to afford it.

I often wonder if I have the evolutionary fitness to survive, whether that be in making friends or having a relationship. I barely function at mu job as it is. I dont know how any one manages to have a decent life in this world that we live in. I feel like I have had the absolute worst year of my life this year and nothing seems to be turning around. I can barely socialise at the moment, I am so forgetful and keep forgetting about things I need to do, I can barely hold conversations. I can’t even get on Zoom calls without felling immensely fatigued.

There is a Who song called “I’m One” that I have been listening to lately and the opening stanza just hits home:

“Every year its the same and I feel it again,

I’m a loser, no chance to win”.

[Azzdog]

Why is it so hard to see a psychiatrist? They are either full, they have arbitrary reasons to knock you back, or are so expensive it’s impossible to engage with them?

I have tried contacting the other services but they dont get back to me. My GP has been trying to help me but I keep getting knocked back for all these arbitrary reasons which makes me feel defeated. Why are these prices and arbitrary reasons tolerated by the public? Why cant GPs prescribe ADHD meds? It would make this process so much easier.

I am trying to work on my diet, my sleep, get more exercise, and find other alternatives to help with my ADHD. But all I can do at the moment is work and thats it. I have no access to any other parts of life (social life, relationship etc) and I feel so disconnected and lost at the moment. I am so shut down, fatigued, and I just have perpetual brain fog all the time. I am such a loser

[Azzdog]

@werris 

I cant get out and meet others for an extended period of time. I have no energy and have had no energy for years. Why dont people understand this? Honestly going to hospital and just staying there never to leave again might be the best solution. I am getting to that point where I dont feel safe due to the inaccessibility of ADHD meds, having an actual life where people finally understand my difficulties and find a service that fits me. I dont like living, I hate it I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it