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Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner
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Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.
I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.
My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.
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Update:
No major changes, still lonely and struggling to find my place in the world. Life really does suck.
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Genuinely have very limited capacity to function at the moment. I cant get out of bed.
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Far out, I started this post when I was 24 and now I am 30 and nothing has changed. Sadness has just completely engulfed me. This year has been terrible.
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Hi Azzdog,
Thank you for being here and for updating us on how things have been going. It sounds like it is still incredibly tough. We can imagine it is upsetting to feel like nothing has changed since you first posted. That can be one of the frustrating things with a mental health journey - it can be hard to see any change at all sometimes. The fact that you are still here, reaching out, getting support to navigate life's challenges is a huge feat in and of itself, when sometimes it can feel easier to give up. We are here for you.
If you would ever like some more immediate support, you are always welcome to call our Support Service at any time on 1300 22 4636 or online: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor.
We're so sorry you are feeling like this, but we're glad you could share here.
Kind regards,
Sophie M
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It’s hard to have hope when you have put all this work in and you have nothing to show for it. Yet other people can put in less and get much more out of life than me. I feel so sad about that and I have tried so many different avenues to see change this year. I don’t know know what else to do.
I don’t want to be rude or anything but I honestly struggle with this thought. I don’t tend to get past first dates at all so it makes me feel like women (particularly in their 20s) don’t really know what they want.
I’ve got a career, my own place, a set of hobbies and interests that keep me interest. Yet, I get rejected all the time. That’s why the whole “you can’t love others unless you love yourself” narrative does get old after a while. I do believe that the standards of some people has become so ridiculously high that there are now a lot of men who are invisible to most women.
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Honestly it has been 6 YEARS since I have had this post. I have NOTHING to show for it. NOTHING. I know people who have put in less effort and gotten so much more out of life than me. What do I have to do? I honestly dont know where to turn. I have tried so many different things and I dont know what to do. I am so scared.
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For context, I know people who have gotten married and kids in that time. I still cant get past ONE FIRST DATE (if I'm lucky). 6 years is so long and I have tried so hard. I am such an ugly and unlovable human it seems.
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I just want practical solutions for my problems. I want to be free. I want to live. I just want to be a human being. I feel so stuck. I just want to be noticed.
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Why has my life not improved at all? Life absolutely sucks and not everyone is destined to have the life they want. I hate the fact that nothing has changed despite all the hard work I have put in. I hate it I hate it.
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I feel incredibly exhausted, I feel like I am slipping into madness