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Serious communication issues. Beyond sad.

Guest_9043
Community Member
Hi all.

I'm not feeling good in myself at all. I am tired, sad and weepy most of the time. My partner has difficulties with communicating. Serious issues. It's to the point where not even I talk much anymore. I've said and expressed all there is to say and express. Most of the time it does not end up well. I deal with stonewalling or her ending up in tears. We are both doing our individual counselling and due to start couples counselling in the 20th of this month. It is even harder cause we live together. I feel so completely alone. We are drifting apart. Communication and trust is the two things that mean the most to me in any relationship. I am not intimate with her at the moment. I can't. I am affectionate, just not intimate. She just keeps saying she has a lot of work to do on herself.

I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like I have no more options or ideas. I'm scared to even talk about my feelings anymore. Mainly because I either get no response or nothing changes. I am being patient knowing she us working in herself. I offer encouragement and positivity. It's just that I don't have the partner I need. I miss her terribly even though we live together. I find myself wanting to be around others at times just so someone talks to me. I feel completely lost and don't know how to get through this very tough patch. I don't believe in just walking away when things get tough. They could be tough with anyone. I just feel myself becoming more depressed and withdrawn.

I wonder what to do cause I don't know. If someone could give me some insight as to what could be going in here and how I can better my situation?

Thanks.
5 Replies 5

Guest_9043
Community Member
I really need some help and somebody to talk to. Thanks.

Deckt
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey 2quik,

I'm listening. Communication is very hard, particularly when your partner doesn't want to communicate. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one to tear it apart. What are the issues that you are having?

Guest_9043
Community Member
Hi Deckt,

Thanks for responding. I feel a deep despair in myself. I can't even pick myself up or find any positivity to keep managing. Of course I'm tremendously hurt. My partner and I had a wonderful start to a new relationship. We were so very close. Gradually that is wearing away. I'm a communicator. From the start I expressed many times that communication and trust is so important to me.

I feel I'm meeting her needs, to the best of my knowledge. Mine aren't being met. Any time I try to talk she goes quiet, doesn't say anything. I've stopped expressing myself. It's a major issue and it's affecting the entire relationship. It's like my whole world has been tipped upside down. Living together makes it harder. I feel invisible, sad, depressed. I'm stuffing my feelings down and not sharing my thoughts. I feel just irrevocably sad every day.

I'm trying to hold out till we start couples therapy. It just feels like there is no us anymore. It's just me, alone.

Deckt
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey 2quik,

I hear that. I feel the same way about my "relationship". I've always tried to be the communicator, the giver, the forgiver. It has cost me a lot. And yes, my needs were not being met. I somehow convinced myself that my needs were less important. That in a good relationship, sometimes you're giving more than taking.

Couples counselling sounds like a great thing, particularly if your partner is agreeing to go, and to participate in a meaningful way. Could I also suggest that you get some individual counselling? You need to take care of yourself as well.

Guest_9043
Community Member
Hi Deckt,

I'm sorry I am so so tired. Cried a lot today. Tears that needed to be released. At times in certain situation yes more giving is required. Such as if your partner has become seriously ill or has had a major crisis. Other times, I don't believe so. There needs to be balance for me.

As mentioned in my OP. I am doing my own individual counselling. (Just started) My partner is doing her own individual counselling, she just started too. I'm just going to sit tight till we start couples counselling in 11 days. I am just holding out a little hope and doing my best.

Thank you for listening.