Boyfriend advice needed

[Lana1990]

So, I have been in a relationship with this guy for 4 months and everything is amazing!! Although the past week he has been getting messages from an ex girlfriend, another lady he slept with but not in an actual relationship and then today he mentioned this other girl he was sleeping with and that he caught up with her about a month ago.... I understand he can have mates who are female and couldn’t careless.. I guess I feel a little uneasy at the fact he keeps these women around for what purpose?! I just don’t see that he would feel comfortable with me hanging out with past men that I have bumped uglies with..... I don’t know how I should feel with this, or how I can look past it. I trust him, and feel secure but I just feel uneasy on why he needs these women around still... any advice would be helpful.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Lana1990,

Welcome to the forums. Firstly, I want to say that your feelings are perfectly valid and rational. You are completely understanding that your partner may have girl friends, but understandably have issues when there are these girls hanging around who he has slept with, which means there was attraction there at one point and so they are not exactly strictly friends. At the start of a relationship there can be these hangers on, before someone feels completely comfortable to commit fully. It sounds as though he may also be using them as a ploy to make you jealous and thus reveal your feelings for him. at any rate, I would give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being and see if they trail off. if not, I’d be saying calmly but firmly that you are not ok with someone keeping people around that they have slept with as “friends”. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to establish boundaries of what you will and won’t tolerate from a partner.