Seperated and lost

[Witchy76]

Hi I’m 45 seperated for a year from my husband of 8 years, when we first split I was so focused on what I wanted to do. I wanted my own place near my kids and grand kids etc I was walking 4 k everyday, I was chatting to other people felt like I was happy. But I couldn’t find somewhere to rent, after applying for over 30 houses, there were either too many applicants or I wasn’t earning enough. So I stayed in the marital home while he stayed in the motor home outside. He would come in the house and tell me how much he loved me etc etc but it was more yell at me his frustration. Then he would yell at me that he was going to kill himself . And he was very convincing that that was his plan. After a few not so great dates I had with other people I thought maybe I would give my husband another chance. Now I feel stuck and lost. Depressed and miserable. Stopped walking, stopped being happy. I also have lived with his dad for 8 years in the backyard which I loathe. Would be grateful for any tips advice wisdom a genie to grant wishes . Thanks Ali

[That Other Guy]

Everything you're describing sounds like abuse to me, and if I was you, I'd be looking for an exit strategy. Are there still kids living at home? Are there friends who would take you in while you sort things out?

[Witchy76]

Hi no kids at home just me and my fur babies.
which are hard to walk away from as they are elderly cat and dog.

Yeah it’s abuse I know.
is controlling etc just hard and no I have no friends or family to help sadly

Ali

[Witchy76]

Happy Easter 🐣 everyone

cheers Ali

[geoff]

Hello Witchy, one thing you can not be prepared for is the 'unpredictable' and if or when it may happen, such as going into his daughters bedroom, that's her domain and I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased at all.

This is where trust begins to break down.

Good luck with the lotto ticket.

Geoff.

[Witchy76]

Hi geoff

i didn’t win lol

thanks I have saved some money, started packing things and have started collecting things I need like towels, sheets etc

Once I find something I’m sure I will be on a tight budget.

still trying to keep walking etc

cheers

Ali

[geoff]

Hello Ali, sorry about the lotto, sometimes we need to win first division just to get our money back.

Are you able to hide these sheets etc at another person's house or can you put them to one side.

Geoff.

[Witchy76]

Hi geoff

i can pack them away in a black tub , I don’t want to burden anyone with my stuff.
I don’t really have anyone anyway to take it to.
Ali

[Witchy76]

Feels like I’m in a big black hole with no way out.

😞

[Sophie_M]

Hi Witchy76,

Thank you for sharing an update with us here. We can hear you're feeling really lost. Sharing here is an amazing step to have taken. We hope you can see it as a step towards feeling better.

We’d really encourage you to give our counsellors a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service. We are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636, and the team are really good at talking people through moments like this and working out options for support. If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

We’d also recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this, and maybe talk to them about safety planning. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:

• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse
• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning, in case it would help to think about options you could take to feel more safe
• It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here.

Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Witchy76]

Hi thanks

I’m ok, very bad week I think, on top of everything else happening I’m going through menopause.
so that just adds to low moods. I’m on patches for that so hopefully it sorts itself.

I have a therapy session with my psychologist Tuesday so I should be ok till then. Just had a bad day. Feel like I’m living someone else’s life.
not my own. Out of sorts is probably the word.

im trying to walk everyday so my head stays clear. Today I drove 2.5 hrs each way with the intentions of staying at a friends house, I had a cup of tea and drove all the way back again.
trying to tell myself that I deserve to be happy and I know I need to get away from the husband who mopes around making me feel awful.

so hard,

thanks Ali