Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

HelloMyNameIsDale Alienating people closest to me
  • replies: 10

I am feeling more and more distant from people who used to be my closest people. I am growing cynical of them and trust that but it's also super harmful for these friends and family. I know they arent kind people but it is scary to lose them and I am... View more

I am feeling more and more distant from people who used to be my closest people. I am growing cynical of them and trust that but it's also super harmful for these friends and family. I know they arent kind people but it is scary to lose them and I am the one initiating the questioning of relationship and it's been going to shit and I'm feeling like now I have no one.. can I be comfortable with being around unkind and non supportive people? I know this is a better solution rather than cutting them out. Please help

Von is lost Am I doing something wrong?
  • replies: 8

I realised that I have been single for four years today, with lots of failed relationship attempts in between. I’m almost turning 26 as well, and am starting to get a bit panicky about being single for so long. It’s not that I hate being single, it j... View more

I realised that I have been single for four years today, with lots of failed relationship attempts in between. I’m almost turning 26 as well, and am starting to get a bit panicky about being single for so long. It’s not that I hate being single, it just baffles me that I haven’t even gotten close to having a relationship in that timeframe. It makes me wonder if I’m giving off weird vibes or doing something wrong or looking in the wrong places for the wrong type of people to date. And that this will cause me to be single for a long long time, and therefore limiting the kind of life I eventually want for myself (kids, family etc.) But I don’t know what to change. I’m finding it hard to stay positive about dating and trusting the timing of things.

gympiegirlq Dealing with a selfish ex of partner, is it worth the stress?
  • replies: 2

My partners ex had several affairs before they split in 2006. She told him after they had children she didnt feel attractive and if she was able to get attention from other men it would enhance their relationship as her confidence would be restored. ... View more

My partners ex had several affairs before they split in 2006. She told him after they had children she didnt feel attractive and if she was able to get attention from other men it would enhance their relationship as her confidence would be restored. Of course it wasnt. She fell for one guy and thought theyd both leave their spouses for each other and it didnt pan out. She then booted my partner out with the excuse of it was just for a few months and he could move back. Of course it wasnt. She received 85% of their assets house car etc. We eventually got together and had the kids 5 nights a fortnight. Good routine, all settled. Then we wouldnt have the kids at a moments notice so she could go out as we had other commitments that night so she got the kids to help drag out the remaining items of furniture that belonged to my partner and set fire to them on the front lawn and posted video on facebook. Then she got a new bf and moved towns without any consultation. He now sees his kids 2 nights a fortnight if she doesnt change it to 1 randomly. She has told the kids she never loved their Dad only used him to have kids which upset my partner as she had once said the same to his face in anger. He never wanted kids or marriage but yet he loved her so much he gave her both but it wasnt enough. She drops the kids off when we arent here even when we've arranged work hours around her times. She has now said she wants her life back and will be dropping the kids off for half school holidays each year amd wont be home if we try to take them back. She gets child support, family benefit and her wages. My partner only has his wages to live on and pay bills etc. We cant afford vacation care and cant take 6 weeks holidays. She thrives on knifing him constantly yet the divorce etc was her idea. He takes everything bitter twisted thing she does and does nothing. He cant afford to go to family court. Im now unsure if I can mentally handle another 10 years of this (their youngest is 8). My kids have grown.

Speaker_glass Raising Children in Blended Families
  • replies: 1

A safe place for parents to discuss difficulties in a blended family. Nuclear families are very common these days. How do you make it work? What are the dynamics? What happens when they become teenagers? (especially when they play parents against eac... View more

A safe place for parents to discuss difficulties in a blended family. Nuclear families are very common these days. How do you make it work? What are the dynamics? What happens when they become teenagers? (especially when they play parents against each other). Blending a family is difficult enough, but when the ‘other’ parents don’t make it a positive experience they set it up to fail from the beginning! What do you do to stop this? how much stress do you feel? Feel like you’ve tried everything and read every book possible? Feel exhausted from taking on someone else’s kids? Probably even more so if you care for them for more time than the Bio parent. what about the youngest child? Are they still the youngest child? And how do they cope if they are no longer the youngest. Have an older child or two now? they both used to be the eldest and now they fight for prime position. My family; I separated from my children’s dad in 2015. In 2016 my new partner and I moved in together. He has two boys currently aged 11 and 14. I have two children, boy age 12 and girl 7. my daughter was 2 when we moved in together so she wouldn’t have it any other way. my children’s dad lives 1 hr away and sees them every second weekend and half of holidays. My step sons are with us 50/50. Their Mum lives 10 min away. As of 2 years ago, all of our children attend the same school, that has been great! however at the start of this time when my step son started high school (prep-12) it became a difficult place to be and today I feel it could come to an end. I’m exhausted, I’m angry, and I’m not even sure it’s at my step son. Maybe my husband somewhat for not handling it better and definitely his bio mum because of the manipulation! I’m also heading down the barrel of court again ( for the 3rd time) with my ex. It just doesn’t end. would love to hear of anyone is going through a difficult time with the eldest teenager in their blended family. What did you do and how? This road is the toughest I have ever been down. I have no family support. My closest friend has just moved interstate to flee a DV situation (she was also in a blended family). I feel there is no way out, no easy way to make it easier. I don’t want out. I just don’t want the conflict.

lifeisbutadream Ghosted (cheating?) boyfriend moved on. Feeling incredible pain and struggling to cope, seeking advice.
  • replies: 10

Hi there everyone, I've posted about this relationship before but...sadly what has come to pass I never saw coming. My ex-boyfriend had depression, characterised by episodes of withdrawing and isolation. In our relationship he had 2 episodes like thi... View more

Hi there everyone, I've posted about this relationship before but...sadly what has come to pass I never saw coming. My ex-boyfriend had depression, characterised by episodes of withdrawing and isolation. In our relationship he had 2 episodes like this, in the first he ended up communicating that he had felt lost in a dark place and was unable to cope, but had sought help and was in a better place emotionally. Just over a month ago, his communication started to drop off and he echoed these thoughts (ie having a hard time, feeling trapped inside his thoughts etc) and I encouraged him to seek help, including referring him to here and his GP. He replied with how much he loved me, and wanted to get better so we could be together...And then nothing. I didn't hear from him for a month (I still haven't). During this time I had exams to focus on, so I just sent a few encouraging texts every few weeks or so, so as to not overwhelm him but just let him know I was there. It was very hard but I always remembered the good times, and used that to push me forward. I also figured it was because of his depression causing him to isolate. We had also made plans together that obviously fell apart. Something in my gut told me yesterday (Valentine's Day) to search his social media, and I discovered he is now public with a new girlfriend. I quickly blocked him and I'm thinking of entirely deleting my social media for sometime. I just feel the most incredible deep and pervasive pain. I feel like I only ever treated him with honesty, support and care only to be completely discarded and ultimately betrayed in the most callous and cruel way. Even at this point, I haven't even so much received a "hey, this isn't working out" text or anything...at all. Our relationship had rocky points, but I never even suspected he was interested in seeing other people and I'm completely blindsided by this....even if he had broken up with me to be public so soon (1 month!!) with a new girl is just so hurtful. I just don't know how to cope with this pain because it all just feels so inconceivable and immense. I never knew he was capable of such cruelty and it seems so unlike him to do this. To think the whole time I was so worried about him and reading about depression, doing the best I could to support him and he was moving on with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I have so many questions...did he ever think of my feelings at all? I would just really appreciate any input.

Love2020 Wishing death upon abusive father
  • replies: 12

Hi, My father is my worst enemy. He has created me to become my own worst enemy. He is a man I despise and recently have wished death upon. He is an alcoholic, smoker, a gambling addict (lost hundreds of thousands of dollars), had multiple emotional ... View more

Hi, My father is my worst enemy. He has created me to become my own worst enemy. He is a man I despise and recently have wished death upon. He is an alcoholic, smoker, a gambling addict (lost hundreds of thousands of dollars), had multiple emotional affairs on my mother, failed every business he has started and blamed me when they weren’t going well. He has always called me stupid, lazy, never good enough. Was yelled at when I expressed emotions he didn’t know how to deal with. He blamed me when life wasn’t going his way. I was told my basketball games were a waste of time because I never won games. My earliest memories of being physical abused go back to when I was a toddler. Due to my divorce I have lived back home with my parents since the start of the year. Today tension erupted and he unleashed his fury, swearing, yelling, smashing the door and left a hole in the wall. I forgot what it was like to live with my abusive father and it has brought back so much trauma. As I reflect I see that unfortunately I inherited a lot of his bad behaviour - anger, impatience, emotional abuse, manipulation and the need to blame others. Its not until I divorced I realised that’s how I treated my husband. I hate my father more now that I realise my bad behaviour was instilled by his upbringing. This behaviour ultimately ruined the best thing in my life - my marriage. Is it normal to have such hatred for your own father? Can you forgive someone who has so negatively impacted your life?

bill12345 I feel like i suddenly don’t love my GF anymore
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and i’ve been with my girlfriend for around 9 months now. Throughout those months i’ve loved her so much, loved seeing her, spending time with her and she made me feel so special. Now a couple of days ago i almost feel like i do... View more

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and i’ve been with my girlfriend for around 9 months now. Throughout those months i’ve loved her so much, loved seeing her, spending time with her and she made me feel so special. Now a couple of days ago i almost feel like i don’t love her anymore suddenly, like i don’t want to listen to her, i feel kind of numb around her and i just want to love her the way i used too. I don’t want to break up, i don’t understand what’s happening, i’ve struggled with anxiety and mild OCD for the last 4 years, could it be an effect of this, i feel so horrible that i have these feelings but i’m so worried i don’t love her anymore and that i’ll hurt her

Lily123rose When you are lead on while their partner is pregnant
  • replies: 4

A friend (or who I thought was a good friend) started messaging me about 8 months ago. It started off innocent checking how I was but then they got flirty and nothing felt wrong. I didn’t know they had feelings for me or that they had ever thought ab... View more

A friend (or who I thought was a good friend) started messaging me about 8 months ago. It started off innocent checking how I was but then they got flirty and nothing felt wrong. I didn’t know they had feelings for me or that they had ever thought about me in that way. I have a partner and so do they. We started talking a lot. Most days. More than we had over our 3 years of friendship. It started to Include commenting on how I look etc. but also conversations that were like chatting between two good friends. I started to begin to think it was an emotional relationship. I didn’t know his partner and they hadn’t been dating for an overly long time. Fast forward to last week, still talking and some personal details about my past came up in conversation including about ex partners and how we have both learnt from past relationships. He had called me pretty a number of times and that he regrets us not dating when we were both single. Only yesterday he said what a great friend I was. And today I found out his partner had a baby. I feel like an idiot. And hurt because if someone was such a great friend, wouldn’t you tell them that their partner is pregnant. Now I feel like I was just used to fill the gap during the pregnancy. I’m feeling lost and hurt. I think I have lost the friend I thought I had.

Katherine_R Left husband after years of sexless relationship - no children - feeling regret about the marriage
  • replies: 7

I was married for 12 years. In the initial stages of the relationship the sex was reasonable albeit a bit infrequent, but we eventually got married thinking we’d have a family. I was doing quite well at work; my husband wasn’t - we’re both profession... View more

I was married for 12 years. In the initial stages of the relationship the sex was reasonable albeit a bit infrequent, but we eventually got married thinking we’d have a family. I was doing quite well at work; my husband wasn’t - we’re both professionals and looking back, he wasn’t particularly hard working. The week we returned from our honeymoon he was sacked. For the next decade, he was in non permanent roles. I felt pressure to work extremely hard as I was worried he wouldn’t be in employment at some point. After our marriage (age 35), the sex virtually stopped. In hindsight I think my husband was depressed about his work situation. In my late 30s I started to get concerned about having a family. I explained to my husband I wanted a child and when I asked him about it, the response was, again, “with you I do”. The problem was, he was completely uninterested in sex. When I broached it with him, in the context of having kids, he shut down. He did go to the doctor to try to address his libido issues at one stage but lost interest not long afterwards. I distracted myself with work - my husband didn’t mistreat me and I couldn’t see myself starting again with another partner at that age, and so put up with the situation. Within a couple of years we started having arguments about kids and he went from “with you I want to”, to “we can’t afford to” to “well, we’re not going to have children now”. By this time I was 42. I coped by spending time with friends and throwing myself into work. But the grief and resentment eventually boiled over. I had an affair with the man I’d been with shortly before meeting my husband (the other man hadn’t wanted a relationship with me at that point). I told my husband straight away and left him within a few weeks. At that point he said we could have a baby but after years of his ambivalence I felt numb. My new partner and I tried to conceive for three years. An overseas IVF attempt didn’t work and Covid has prevented me from going back to try again (I can’t do IVF in Australia because of my age). I’ve posted this as I’m feeling I’ve wasted a massive chunk of my life on a relationship that was going nowhere and with irretrievable consequences. My grief and resentment are holding me back and I need to find a good counsellor who can help me work through everything. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

Justmeags83 So lost
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’m new here. not sure where to start really, but life is pretty average. I feel like it’s a constant battle and has been for around 6 years. We (husband and I) had so much going on. Loss of a business, had to sell our first home, dog got sic... View more

Hi all, I’m new here. not sure where to start really, but life is pretty average. I feel like it’s a constant battle and has been for around 6 years. We (husband and I) had so much going on. Loss of a business, had to sell our first home, dog got sick, had surgery $10,000 worth. Sold my car to pay for it, (then got a old little Mazda) husbands mental health went down hill. All in this time I was pregnant and then had our second child. Fast forward to now and we have another business which is fortunately working better but slow, financially we are still battling (it’s a constant issue it seems, with 2 kids there is always something to buy!) we don’t live lavishly also, we are still renting, found out last year through Covid our son has ADHD & anxiety and that’s been a hard issue in itself to come to terms with then also find the correct meds etc. life just seems constantly HARD. I’m starting to wonder if I’m depressed?! I don’t find much joy in things, parenting is a battle, don’t really love my job and it doesn’t pay much $30 casual rates, but happy to have one for now as I know others have it harder. Not really connected with hubby (and if you asked me about our bedroom antics well that’s like once a month these days, I just don’t seem to want it) , not much family support at all so hubby and I just battle along. Haven’t been on any family holiday in 6 years. Sorry for the vent and not really sure where to start anymore to change my life. Trying to be happy and put on a happy face seems hard work. I feel if it wasn’t for my family, I’d daydream about taking the next exit door outta here but then I feel guilty as I should be great full for what I have. Thanks for reading. M.