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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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_Sky_ Feeling lost
  • replies: 5

My husband of 15 years told me Christmas day he wants to go overseas to work for 3 years with or without the kids and i. The kids and i dont speak the language only he does. Boxing day he told me he loves me but isnt in love with me and hasnt been fo... View more

My husband of 15 years told me Christmas day he wants to go overseas to work for 3 years with or without the kids and i. The kids and i dont speak the language only he does. Boxing day he told me he loves me but isnt in love with me and hasnt been for years. He says he wants to sew someone to be better and wants us to see someone. I didnt see this coming. He had been seemingly happy only complaining the normal amount about mundane things. Im hurt, angry, sad and lost. I don't know how to help him

Tata.M Lack of all intimacy in marriage
  • replies: 8

Hi , Am new in this forum and looking for an honest and safe space to ask and speak out. I have been married for 5 years, I got married very young to a man more than 10 years my senior. Our relationship was fine in the beginning but mostly because I ... View more

Hi , Am new in this forum and looking for an honest and safe space to ask and speak out. I have been married for 5 years, I got married very young to a man more than 10 years my senior. Our relationship was fine in the beginning but mostly because I had no voice. Having grown up more and started learning myself I started communicating my needs, wants and desire to push myself further ahead. This has been met with alot of resistance. My main 2 issues are lack of intimacy and lack of desire to move ahead. 1.Lack of intimacy From the beginning I knew I wanted a to be in a relationship where we were open to being intimate and friendly to each other however things have not been this way. I have had weird comments made when I asked to be intimate with my partner. I was the one who kept going after him for connecting or even to have a conversation. After 5 years I laid back to see if he could even try to put effort in reconnecting us, since I was exhausted of begging for attention and affection, unfortunately it's been 7 months and all I get is has the baby slept or eaten. We can stay in the house together and he will not say more that 10 words to me. It hurts so deeply. The sex is none existence. For one week I tried to dress in sexy clothes since we were both home but he never even noticed. This broke my heart. Having no family in Australia makes things even harder because I have no one to turn to. It's hard when you want to be intimate with your partner and have to beg and even then there is no passion. 2. Lack of motivation to move ahead. I believe in improving yourself however my partner says he doesn't want to be pushed or any pressure put on him. When I decided to switch jobs for a better work life balance and better pay he was so against it as he said I was taking unnecessary risks. Once I got the job he didn't even say congratulations. I have requested for us to have family projects and finances but he shuts me down. Am upset and frustrated. I sometimes have sleepless nights wondering what I did wrong. I just want to wake up from this but it's my life.

Lauz22 No faith in humanity
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, I hate to say it but I can't help but to continuously lose faith in humanity. The older I've gotten the worse I have seen what people are capable of. It's both very frustrating but heart breaking. These are experiences I have are with fr... View more

Hi everyone, I hate to say it but I can't help but to continuously lose faith in humanity. The older I've gotten the worse I have seen what people are capable of. It's both very frustrating but heart breaking. These are experiences I have are with friends and family where their behaviours are truly not acceptable. I am not sure if it's just my misfortune of surroundings or does anyone else feel the same about their family and friends? I have a sister in law who blatantly refuses to allow us to visit her kids or makes an effort with my parents and I. She even went ahead with a christening without inviting myself and my parents and lied to about it. I have friends who simply just stop talking to me even while I needed them most when I was going through my divorce. I constantly feel like I am chasing my friends to like me or hang out with me and they never reciprocate. I know most people do not behave so selfishly and dysfunctionally, which is why when I see good from humans, I am so appreciative and grateful. But there are just so many people in my life who are truly not kind humans, ones with dark souls and who unfortunately will never change and I am wondering if this is just my personal experience or common amongst everyone else's family and friends dynamic.

Waterfall21 Not feeling the Christmas spirit and lonely during the holiday season
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I feel guilty for feeling this way, but does anyone else feel lonely during Christmas? I don’t have a huge family at all, I am an only child and only my mother is around. No extended family around either (Aunties, uncles etc). It’s even more ... View more

Hi all, I feel guilty for feeling this way, but does anyone else feel lonely during Christmas? I don’t have a huge family at all, I am an only child and only my mother is around. No extended family around either (Aunties, uncles etc). It’s even more difficult because I don’t get along with my mother very well and my only family are my friends, but they’re busy with their own lives. Nothing about Christmas is lifting my mood. Decorations, food, lights, gifts and evening saying “merry Christmas” doesn’t feel right. It’s just another day for me. I am also currently in a relatively new relationship and my partner is spending Christmas with his family, but I’m not joining. It’s too soon. It’s almost as if I’m envious of the tight knit family he has, as he’s close with them all. I just don’t know how to process this.

Bradd Husband lost on seapartion situation
  • replies: 17

Hi, I am going through tough separation with wife and have 3kids, we are living together separated under one roof. We live a hectic life both will full time high pressure jobs, running after 3 kids doing sports and doing major Renovations of the hous... View more

Hi, I am going through tough separation with wife and have 3kids, we are living together separated under one roof. We live a hectic life both will full time high pressure jobs, running after 3 kids doing sports and doing major Renovations of the house over the last 5 years, we stopped connecting as a couple and never did date nights of 1-1. I was streesed with work/renos ect. and felt alone & was unfaithful by getting some inappropriate massages a year and a half ago and suffered severe remorse(still do) and depression whilst we worked on our marriage. She started having coffee with work colleague for support 1 year ago (6 months after the infidelity) as I was not being emotionally supportive which I said was ok and she agreed I should focus on getting myself better & mentally stronger first, then work on the rebuild. So I did & 6 months later I found evidence they had fellings for each other. I told her many times over the 6months i was worried each time & get streesed & anxious. We had a blowup when i found out & she said they acknowledged their feelings & agreed to stop communication for a 4 month period. He is also married with 2kids. Over last 4 months I caught them texting/calls and at coffee multiple times, still says just good friends and he loves his wife and is working on making it work, she even said he has said his wife is perfect in all areas except one (didnt say what that is?). I just caught her again catching up with him, she still denies. I can’t handle this & cannot understand why she will not admit he is in love with her, when he text her theese words”I miss your smile and staring into your beautiful eyes”. I cant stop thinking I should have approached him when I saw them at coffee the other day and asked if he is aware that he has destroyed any opportunity for me to repair my relationship, while he was connecting with her and that he has destroyed my life and imp[acted my kids life which will now be without a family home. I did not approach him in case it caused a scene in front of my wife. I feel I will never move on unless I let him know my position and find out if he is in love with her and persuing a long term relationship. I can just see this being a major thing I will always regret not doing if I dont. Please someone advise if you agree or advice on how to do it. I know my wife wont like the facyt I have contacted him but I feel I have to.. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks Bradd

Speckonaclover Tired of caring anymore
  • replies: 13

I'm finding it hard to express what's going on in my head, I know what's there, but actually communicating it is a sense of failure, that there must be something wrong with me. I'm a father to 2 kids and husband to my wife. I don't feel I fit into my... View more

I'm finding it hard to express what's going on in my head, I know what's there, but actually communicating it is a sense of failure, that there must be something wrong with me. I'm a father to 2 kids and husband to my wife. I don't feel I fit into my family anymore. To cut it short, I'm tired of caring. More and more days go by where I have more internal rage, and more thoughts of "I just don't give a F anymore". And I never thought I'd be experiencing days of loneliness or coming home to a family that just expects me to do stuff. I feel like I'm on a road to an eventual end, that will end much sooner than it should, and frankly I don't care. I feel so lost

Guest_6063 I fear I can't continue to hang out with my friend group without seeing my ex who makes me feel nauseous whenever I see her. What should I do?
  • replies: 3

My closest friend/now ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago. We had a bad breakup where she suddenly blocked all communication with me which had hurt me terribly. In response, after an apology from me (I realized I had been too pushy) and a f... View more

My closest friend/now ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago. We had a bad breakup where she suddenly blocked all communication with me which had hurt me terribly. In response, after an apology from me (I realized I had been too pushy) and a few hurtful remarks from her, I tried to do all I could to avoid seeing her. This went rather successfully as I managed to spend 2 months with minimal contact and was finally starting to get over the breakup. During this period I was heavily aided by some of our mutual friends who helped us both get through the event. This all leads to yesterday where my friend group invited me to join them for a Christmas get-together. While I knew my ex was also going to be present, I felt that enough time had passed that I wouldn't be too hurt seeing her, however, during the whole event, I felt terribly nauseous whenever she was around me and eventually vomited when I made it back home. I'd rather not leave my friend group as they have continued to help me through this and I believe they are true friends. However, although I like to think I no longer hold any animosity to my ex, I fear it will be hard to continue staying with the group as long as seeing her continues to make me physically ill. What should I do? Further context: To answer some possible questions. It should first be said that I am in no way asking my friend group to pick a side, nor have they chosen to specifically side with either of us. What I am asking is if I should separate from my good friends due to my ex making me feel sick, or if I should continue to stay in the group. Furthermore, the reason this question is so black and white between 2 choices is that for the following year, seeing the friend group will be unavoidable as some of us share classes and we all hang out together during breaks. I know I cannot stay with them without inevitably seeing my ex and feeling sick again as a result. (I'm aware changing my school is an option, hence why I'm asking if I should leave the group or not.) Finally, I am aware of my own fault in this whole situation, I was trying to push her into a more serious and romantic relationship, while she wanted to keep the relationship more casual. As previously noted, I later apologized for it, hoping that we could forget each other's past mistakes and stay friends, which was met with a negative response, leading me to separate myself from her for the following 2 months.

WaterFront Elephant in the room
  • replies: 3

Hi All, Is it just me or is there an elephant in the room? I think it must be just me. Surely not. I'm finding the whole Christmas situation is making me feel very anxious - absent friends - Well, one absent friend/FWB in particular. This will be for... View more

Hi All, Is it just me or is there an elephant in the room? I think it must be just me. Surely not. I'm finding the whole Christmas situation is making me feel very anxious - absent friends - Well, one absent friend/FWB in particular. This will be for the second year now after 20 years spending Christmas day together. I have all of my family there for which I am very grateful (except my Dad who passed away 7 years ago). Last year not one person mentioned this absent friend for the entire day and I think they did that to protect me from my feelings. I'm dreading Christmas Day because even the mention of her name makes me feel a bit panicked. I keep telling myself that I need to be stronger and a 'grown up' about it. I want to enjoy the day and enjoy my family and I make a conscious effort to live in the now. I worry about what might be said or mentioned as this seems to break down my veneer very quickly. Any tips to avoid this? I think I'm maybe being too sensitive. I know other people are going through much worse than this from reading the posts on BB and feel my problem is fairly insignificant in relation to what others are dealing with. But there it is. I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on the subject or some kind words/advice to offer that I can take on board. Just writing it down helps. Thank you BB community. WF

Kally_jo Father issues
  • replies: 14

My father has not spoken to me for 5 years. I tried to question him why he didn’t want to see me and he rejected me saying that he couldn’t change the way I think. It was a repetitive circle of him saying that he wanted to see me and then he wouldn’t... View more

My father has not spoken to me for 5 years. I tried to question him why he didn’t want to see me and he rejected me saying that he couldn’t change the way I think. It was a repetitive circle of him saying that he wanted to see me and then he wouldn’t show up when I tried to arrange a time to see him. So I gave up on trying to see him because I’m not going to allow myself to get hurt emotionally by him. He had never been there for my birthday but I had my birthday last weekend and I did not expect to hear from him on my birthday but he was the first person to wish me a happy birthday. I was happy to hear from him but I am still in shock and confused

Lynhs How do I not end up hating alcoholic husband?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have been married to a man I love very much for the last 21 years. I have always been the main breadwinner, and he has been the primary caregiver for our daughter. He would always keep up with the housework and cook all the meals so that I ... View more

Hi all, I have been married to a man I love very much for the last 21 years. I have always been the main breadwinner, and he has been the primary caregiver for our daughter. He would always keep up with the housework and cook all the meals so that I could focus on my very demanding job. What I didn't know at the time was that we was drinking heavily during the day, and most likely was doing school pickup while he was drunk. He has been working part time for the last 5 years or so. In 2019 he lost his job because he was under the influence of alcohol on the job. I didn't realise how much he was drinking until then - he's always been so good at hiding it and I have no sense of smell so couldn't smell it on his breath. Plus he never drinks in front of me - hides it in the car, the garage, in his golf bag etc. Since then he has spiralled out of control, and is now either glassy-eyed drunk or asleep. He has done 2 stints in rehab this year, with the latest finishing only 2 days ago. When he's there he's articulate, amusing and caring. But since he's been home, he's immediately fallen back into old habits. He swears he hasn't had a drink but he staggers between rooms, won't eat, then takes 4 hour naps at 10am, and again at 4pm, then sleeps 8-10 hrs at night. Meanwhile I'm doing all the housework, the cooking, looking after teenage child and doing all the running around associated with that, as well as being the sole earner and working 10hrs / day. So how do I not become bitter, and end up hating him? I want to help him but he lies constantly, and is never sober enough to have a serious conversation about what comes next or how I can help. When I try he says that I lecture him, but he just sits there and stares at me so I agree that its one-sided. Our daughter can barely speak to him. I'm so angry all the time I'm on the verge of tears every day. Life is so much less stressful when he's in rehab. I hate being at home, but need to be there to make it a home for my daughter. And yet I can't kick him out or he'll be homeless or sleeping in his car. I feel so trapped! What can I do?