Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Dadmeister Making the best of a loveless mate
  • replies: 3

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 mont... View more

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 months. It’s been the hardest time of my life but with some cognitive therapy I am trying to keep positive. My children and my mates have been incredible and I realised that the easy way out would be divorce. I’m trying to find happiness in other ways as she refuses to sit in the same room as me and I’m just trying my best to be here for her and hoping that she turns around. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes and understand how hard it must be living with someone like me. I’m really hoping that things change. Any suggestions on how to find happiness in a loveless marriage would be appreciated, this is my first post.

PsychedelicFur Anxiety in family life and relationships
  • replies: 4

Hello there, To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I h... View more

Hello there, To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I have to move house. At the moment I have a massive amount of uncertainties. It's incredibly startling. To clarify, this has enhanced the anxiety and misery that has occurred throughout my life recently. My dad is very lonely and is suffering enormously from the separation of his marriage. He is constantly venting to me about how he feels and it is truly exhausting. I understand that he is going through a lot of self doubt, loneliness and uncertainties but there is only so much I can take. I feel like I am constantly listening to his problems and stresses and it is getting to me. Then when I stay with my boyfriend he feels lonely and reminds me how he has nobody. And my dad has recently been trying to chat with/chat up one of my older friends who is her late twenties. Dad is lonely and wants to really speak to this girl. I keep reminding him, that a mature aged man should be seeking friendships and relationships with people who have common ground or are in a similar age bracelet. I tell him he needs to focus on himself but he just constantly complains to me about how lonely and depressed he is. And I am trying to be as supportive as I can be. I also have recently started properly dating and this is all so new and particularly overwhelming to me. I am scared that I'm not doing the right things in my life even though I'm being very very very cautious and attempting to act as rationally as I can. However, due to seeing my parents' rocky marriage I now have trust issues. I'm worried my boyfriend will lose interest in me, even though he reassures me that I'm a great person and I deserve to feel loved. He actually was the one who encouraged me to seek professional psychological assistance and recommended that I try antidepressant to help with my reoccurring anxiety. Time is going so fast and everything is happening far too quickly. I am so overwhelmed. I just don't really know what to do. I feel trapped, lost and even worse I feel truly isolated. Signed, PF.

Pia1987 Relationship between two people w mental illness
  • replies: 5

Hi, my first post! im reaching out for advice, thoughts and opportunities opinions about my current relationship within the context of mental illness. Me: diagnosed recurrent depressive disorder, eating disorder, adhd and addiction (alcohol, drugs pa... View more

Hi, my first post! im reaching out for advice, thoughts and opportunities opinions about my current relationship within the context of mental illness. Me: diagnosed recurrent depressive disorder, eating disorder, adhd and addiction (alcohol, drugs particularly). Partner: diagnosed bipolar, BPD and has a history of criminal incidents. Also has a history of lying, may be related to bipolar? Significantly has a history of child molestation abuse. Both currently under independent and combined relationship treatment. Both reasonably.....stable. I guess my question is, can we work through this? I love him. But I am concerned that given our needs and preconditions we will fail. Any tips or ideas are greatly appreciated!!!!

BrokenHearted88 Dad doesn’t want to come to my wedding
  • replies: 4

Hi I’m newly engaged which I’m really happy about. I live in Vic and we have family all over so we are having an engagement party because who knows when we can have a wedding!! Anyway, my parents have been divorced for 22 years and my mum is happily ... View more

Hi I’m newly engaged which I’m really happy about. I live in Vic and we have family all over so we are having an engagement party because who knows when we can have a wedding!! Anyway, my parents have been divorced for 22 years and my mum is happily remarried. My dad is still single. when i asked my dad if he would come to our engagement party he said he doesn’t want to because mum and my step dad will be there. He said he doesn’t want to come to the wedding either but will if he must as he went to my sisters and ‘its only fair’.... now what can i say. I have little to no expectations of my father, he hasn’t really been there for me or supported me ever. Hes never come to anything important for me. He doesn’t show up. Yet i still feel heart broken and angry. i feel like he shouldn’t come to the wedding if its going to be such a horrible chore for him. My fiancé is terrible at emotions and now im angry at him too for saying the wrong things. can anyone help me with this? Should’ve i just get over it? I already accept my dad is not a good father and ive made peace with the ways he’s broken my heart in the past and just lowered my expectations of him, but this is my wedding and I really thought he would WANT to be there for me and be happy for me.....

adamc My Eldest Sister Treats Me Like She's My Mother And Mum Allows It
  • replies: 8

My eldest sister is 40 an I'm 37, we still live at home and for the past several years, she's treated me like she's my mother. I don't know how many times I've overheard her having private conversations about me with mum. On one occasion, I was sitti... View more

My eldest sister is 40 an I'm 37, we still live at home and for the past several years, she's treated me like she's my mother. I don't know how many times I've overheard her having private conversations about me with mum. On one occasion, I was sitting in my room and heard her say to mum "Adam's not doing this, how should we punish him? Maybe not allowed to use the computer? How long would you say? A week? Two weeks? Yeah, how about two weeks? I know, why don't you go tell him? Go on! Go do it!" Then mum comes in and says "No computer for two weeks" and goes back out into the lounge-room with my sister and says "There I said it." Several months ago, I went to go on a walk after dinner and she said "No you're not." Just a few weeks ago I was talking to my young sister on the phone and she came up and said "Off the phone. Dad needs your help"and then shortly after she whacked me on the butt and said "You were told to get off!" And now just earlier last night, my sister used the excuse of going outside to look at the flowers to have another private conversation with mum about me. I heard her say "And if he doesn't, I'm going on strike." Mum came over to me while I was on the computer and said "When you strip and make your bed, you will dust and vacuum your room." When she went into the lounge-room, my sister immediately asked "So what did he say?" I like to buy DVDs and Blu-rays for myself and my sister has recently "revealed" that it upsets her. She tells Dad it's because I have so many and because of her, mum tells me "If we can't have what we want, you can't have what you want." The real reason is because they are "desperate" to get another dog but everywhere refuses their applications. They want none of the responsibility that goes with having a pet. Mum just keeps letting my sister treat me like this but Dad on one occasion told her "You are not his mother, you are his sister. Stop treating him like you are."

misss Feeling confused
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I have been dating this guys for 8 months and things were going great. Around Oct time he opened up to me and said that he suffered from depression, I felt comforted by the fact that he was so open and told me that. Since about Nov time he ... View more

Hi there, I have been dating this guys for 8 months and things were going great. Around Oct time he opened up to me and said that he suffered from depression, I felt comforted by the fact that he was so open and told me that. Since about Nov time he has been really down on himself, feeling low and has become quite withdrawn. We'd keep in regular contact but he didn't like who he was or the person he saw in the mirror so we didn't really see much of each other. Today he has messaged and said that he feels he needs to take a break from seeing me to work on himself. I've told him that understand and hope that he spends the time working on himself to become the person he needs to be. But I'm not really sure what it means in reality and what if anything I should be doing. Do I just give him his space to work it out?

Guest7654 Mom cheated on dad - broken family and hurt 20 years on
  • replies: 2

Dear community, I am trying to heal from a childhood experience and would like to write about it here. My mom cheated on my dad multiple times during their 17-year marriage. My dad forgave her multiple times, never cheated himself and is generally a ... View more

Dear community, I am trying to heal from a childhood experience and would like to write about it here. My mom cheated on my dad multiple times during their 17-year marriage. My dad forgave her multiple times, never cheated himself and is generally a good and nice person. When I started school, my mom not only cheated on my dad with two men simultaneously, she decided to marry one of the guys she was having an affair with, because my father did not forgive her this time and, according to her, “it felt good to be appreciated by another man at that time.” When I learned of my parents’ divorce, I was devastated. As I see it, my mom chose her own sexual and emotional fulfillment over her children’s happiness, their dad’s feelings and their chance to have an intact family, telling herself and others different lies in order to justify her actions. Though I loved my mom, I emotionally took my dad’s side in the situation. I started hating the new guy (my stepfather), not only because it was easier to put the blame of my broken family on him than on the person I loved&trusted - my mother - but because he turned out to be a really big jerk. As in playing violent video games, having a very weak intellect, frequently having anger outbursts, loving to command people around, requiring my “respect” just by the fact that he was legally an adult, ridiculing me and others, smoking, regularly drinking, gambling, using crude language, lying, and having zero motivation for self-reflection. My solution was to pretty much stop speaking to my stepfather when I was about 8 years old. Any time I complained about the stepfather, my mom stated that she was the true victim of the situation, because I don’t get along with the stepfather and she is in the middle of it and that I should be respectful toward him. As though it wasn’t her who created the situation in the first place. Even though I am in my 20s now, I simply can’t come to terms with the fact that a person I am so close to has hurt me so badly, acted selfishly and has continuously found excuses to why she is not to blame. I feel hurt that my mom seemingly takes my stepfather’s side and sees me and my attitude as the only problem. I can’t seem to let go of the childhood hurt as the situation is constantly present when I visit my mother. I am thinking about limiting or breaking contact with my mother (at least for a while). If anyone has advice on how to healthily deal with the situation, I'd be happy to hear your thoughts!

MRSFLETCH I think I'm married to a narcissist
  • replies: 2

I supported this man for two years then we got married and he's trying to control me tell me what to do, yells at my kids constantly, uses harsh names when telling at us. He is always right, no one else's opinions or ideas matter in his eyes they are... View more

I supported this man for two years then we got married and he's trying to control me tell me what to do, yells at my kids constantly, uses harsh names when telling at us. He is always right, no one else's opinions or ideas matter in his eyes they are all idiots. No remorse for the court system hes dragged us through. He works when he wants, plays xbox the rest of the time. I bought the home we are in with my money. He came into this relationship with absolutely nothing. I need help

KittyMum Confused on relationship,
  • replies: 2

Hi ive been in a relationship for 8 years ever since high school it has its ups and downs. But recently another guy has come onto the scene. He always there for me and we can chat for ages talking about everything, he's admitted to liking me. Im star... View more

Hi ive been in a relationship for 8 years ever since high school it has its ups and downs. But recently another guy has come onto the scene. He always there for me and we can chat for ages talking about everything, he's admitted to liking me. Im starting to get these fantasy about being with him. We have been chatting lil sexually and he seems to give me butterflies. Im not sure if what I want is to be in a relationship with him or be a side fling? I still love my partner but im not sure why im doubting about being with other guys Please has anyone else been in this kind of situation before. Im torn inside on what I should do

Troy010 Lost love
  • replies: 3

Hi all, i am a new member of this amazimg support group. I suffer badley from depression and sometimes really really bad anxiety,and yes i understand now that alcohol is not what should be going into my body. I have been with my wife for 31 years and... View more

Hi all, i am a new member of this amazimg support group. I suffer badley from depression and sometimes really really bad anxiety,and yes i understand now that alcohol is not what should be going into my body. I have been with my wife for 31 years and married for 16 years,and have two great adult kids. As everyone , 2020 was not the best year with my dad passing and having To leave a job after 10 years,leaving some very special friends/workmates. My wife and i have both been drinkers all of our lives (both from about 14 ) but the last 12 years have been the worst were we basically are/where i major alchohlics for the last 12 years. I have attempted to stop a few times over the past 2 years, 8 months in 2019 and the again for 2 months at the negining of 2020 , to now,where i hate alcohol so much i KNOW i will never drink it again. And i am Now being sober again for 5 monthes, i wanted my wife to do th e same but she just doesnot want to stop drinking. Our last 4 or 5 years have not been the greatest due to alcohol and the nasty nasty demonds it brings When way too much has been consumed. The longer i dont drink,the more i think which is not good,and i know have come to a very hard situuation. I no longer have the love for my wife that i have held so highly for so long,and this i causing a lot of distress with me,where i am now thinking about doing things to myself which i know are wrong,because to me it seems easier than what i now have to do, i know that just makes no sense,im struggling with it as well. There is a bigger back story to my marraige with my with being mentally abusive towards me for a few years , but only because of alcohol, but it still doesnt excuse some of the terriable, hurtful,and so downgrading coments my wife use to direct at me,until it came to a head last year. The deal was we both stop drinking and reset...relove...and go again...but it seems a road im travelling on my own. I can feel im different, i no longer want to be married, i no longer want to give what love i have left just beacuse its whats expected. I do have appointments with my gp today because i really feel im going to do something so stupid if i dont sort this, and myself out. Am i selfish,,am i doing this wrong,,should i be ashamed i can't / don't want to be married anymore. I hope all the above makes a bit of sense and i thankyou for reading my issues.