Husband comments explicit comments on single women content on social media

[Teena1__]

Caught my hubby complimenting beautiful & sexy women on social media everyday for months, as if he's single. He makes sexual comments too. I am in no way jealous of these women. They are single & flaunting their half naked bodies on social media because they simply can. But my husband comments on their bodies, flirts with them & complimenting them, as if to let them know that he likes what he sees, or to let them know he's interested. Even comments in ways where he wants to sleep with them. I want to know what other people considers this as? We've been married for almost 8 yrs with 3 kids together. I have confronted him and I was really hurt but all the comments (Yes, I read them all, bad idea) I find it really disrespectful to me as his wife and how he just gives his attention away so freely. I mean, he may as well just go ahead and do the physical deed and cheat. He says it's “just comments" or that he'll look but won't touch, or that it means nothing. Then proceeds to say that he will get rid of all of his apps if it upsets me that much. The man is trying to gaslight me. I'd love to know your thoughts. This quite frankly is the straw that broke the camels back and I'm just set on leaving. Am I doing too much?

[Juliet_84]

Hi Teena,

I would be absolutely furious if it was my partner, so I don’t think you are over-reacting at all. “Get rid of his apps” if it upsets you?? The problem is not that he has the apps, the problem is that he should be able to have the apps and control himself by not being a total sleaze on them. I get that most people will look at other people in the street or at the beach from time to time, but you like to think that your husband is capable of being discreet and not openly doing it in front of you. I think it shows a lack of control on his part and a total lack of respect for you. I wonder how he would feel if you were commenting as if you were single on men’s profiles, would be very interesting to know. I think that everyone in a marriage has a right to expect that their partner is not messaging members of the opposite sex or making sexual comments. He may see it in a similar way as porn but it’s really not as these are real people who are capable of meeting up. I mean what happened if one of them messaged him back? He’s already obviously attracted to them so that just seems like a huge risk to take.

[Petal22]

Hi Teena1 !

Well come to our forums.

Im sorry that your husband has been doing this.

I believe it’s very disrespectful to you and it’s really not ok.

[therising]

Hi Teena

Sounds like your husband may be doing a bit of attention seeking. Perhaps he loves the feedback he gets from it, puts him on a high. Having been married to the same guy for 20 years, if I discovered my husband was doing this, my question to him would be 'What the hell are you doing?!'. I figure there must be more considerate and creative ways of feeling good in life and it's as simple as that. If what he's creating for himself is highly destructive for you, I wouldn't regard it as 'positively creative'.

Have you asked him why this has become one of his favorite hobbies? Is he bored or is he going through a bit of an identity crisis perhaps where he's looking for ways that confirm he's of some significance or is he just plain self serving and arrogant and always has been? You mention a bit of gaslighting. Is he a typical gaslighter, a tad on the manipulative side?

If my husband refuses to feel for me when I'm upset about a particular issue, that's something I tend to seriously question. Being a 'feeler'/empathic person, I make every effort to feel how my husband feels. I expect the same in return. 'Just comments' sounds like a justification from your husband, a bit of a brush off. I think there are those triggers we can really feel at times, those self serving 'brush off' remarks/triggers such as when our partner may say 'You're blowing this out of proportion' or 'You're being ridiculous' or 'You're so dramatic' or 'You're making a big deal out of nothing' etc. Teena, they're the kind of remarks that used to depress me and lead me to feel unimportant, not worthy of greater consideration. These days it's a different story, these days that sort of stuff kinda makes my blood boil. Teena, you're important and this is something I hope you fully believe in. Are you important enough to command more respect and consideration than what you're getting, especially when it comes to your feelings? Absolutely, in my opinion.

Personally, I'd be asking him why this is the only way he can get a serious high out of life and why he can't think up something less destructive.

[geoff]

Hello Teena1, your husband is only day dreaming, but never the less it's putting too much pressure on your marriage and this doesn't need to happen.

The problem is what he tells you he will do may only be to appease you, however, he may find another to communicate with these people without you knowing, so can you trust him?

'Just comments' has the ability to wanting to go that extra step more, it's no different than leading an animal on a leash with a carrot, they always want it, no matter how many requests you offer him and he may get the chance to talk with them somewhere else and if this does happen, then the temptation to contact them while you're asleep may occur.

If he is gaslighting you, then there is the chance he will find another way to communicate with them, so you need to make a decision whether this is the beginning to see other faults that may contribute to your decision, to separate and/or leave him as your kids need to be considered.

Take care.

Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Teena1_!

From what you have mentioned in your opening post....I find it sad that your husband is using social media for his own needs instead of having a proactive discussion with you

Its not acceptable Teena1_!

Paul

[Kim1988]

I had kind of a similar issue a few months back where my husband created an Instagram account. I was curious to see who he was following on there and I saw that he was followed a lot of half-naked red headed Instagram models. He wasn’t commenting on the photos but he was liking a hell of a lot of photos to what I would call obsessive behaviour.

I had a discussion with him about it. He of course said it’s lunacy that I had an issue with it and said clicking like on a photo is innocent and that men will look at attractive women. He deleted his Instagram account. Probably because he realised he was using it for the wrong reason. I think he has a porn addiction as well to be honest, which he is in total denial about. I have a feeling it’s escalated to subscribing to women on OnlyFans and other similar websites. I just need the proof.

I understand that men will look at attractive women just the same as a woman will look at an attractive man. This isn’t a problem for me. It’s a problem when you take it a step further and create some kind of interaction. I think men these days consider looking at these women as a modern form of porn, however as Juliet said it’s not just looking at porn. These women are real.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

Speaking as a married male, like the other persons who have responded find the behavior of your husband as odd to say the least.

Is this behavior a recent thing? Or has been going on for a much longer time?

Is this a reflection on how he views himself?

The effect of this is clearly negative for you, or would be for me. There are many theories why he is performing these actions and discussing this with him might help work a way forward.