I don't know where this is going

[anonymouszebra]

My parents have been not talking ans been in a spit for 2 weeks now. As a teen that is hitting the important end of his schooling life now, I am really uncertain to how I will deal with the stress of this and my parents being like this. Neither of my parents will give in. When I ask one of my parents to fix things up, they just reply with 'this is just a part of our life'. It's not just like that, this is really chipping away at my mental health every day that goes by. My grades are going well, my hobbies are going well, I have good friends, I just dont understand why and how this is having such a big effect on me. It's a regular occurrence for them to have an argument and not talk to each other for about 1 week, but this time it's 2, and it's really getting to me. Im fearing the worst for their relationship and my family. With winter approaching, it is also a time of the year that my main hobby does not happen, so therefore I lose that avenue to improve my wellbeing. Currently the best I can do is try to stay out of the house or stay in my room, but that is slowly starting to become ineffective too.

[Croix]

Dear Anonymouszebra~

I'm afraid for better or worse parents have a huge influence on a person, and when you see them make a hash of their lives it does seem the the future is bleak. How different it would be if they took your feelings into account, and also the feelings of each other.

Love sounds a scarce commodity in your household, you love them, they do not seem to return the feeling. You also appear to be treated without any consideration, both matters that have a huge effect on a person.

So you are presented with a picture of a future no sensible person could accept or want to have happen to them. It is no wonder you lose enthusiasm for your homework or anything else, after all it is easy to forget the point.

My own parents ended up demonstrating they had no love for me, and out of that I found I had an exact pattern of how to have a relationship and be a parent. I simply had to try to do the opposite of what they did. And it has worked well.

Even now you can see the futility of arguing and ignoring each other. Sadly such maturity is hard won, as you know.

I"m sorry that one of your main outlets to get away in your mind is stopping for the winter. Is it possible you can find a substitute?

You did mention you had good friends, and maybe now is the time to lean on them more, not necessarily by discussing your problems - though that can help too sometimes -but simply by being with people who lead calmer lives and enjoy being with you.

Can I ask if there is anyone in your family who is sensible, understands and cares about you?

I read Sophie_M's reply to you a while ago and think her advice to contact the Kid's Help Line when you are upset by all this by phone or web-chat is an excellent one. They are very experienced and can be a real comfort. You can contact them more than once

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling
or 1800 55 1800

If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great

Croix

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Thank you for being open here. It sounds like your parent's arguing is really affecting you and your mental health.

You mentioned that going to your room is not helping you anymore. Have you tried other ways to distract yourself? Try new things, and get out of your comfort zone.

I know it is very difficult at the moment but you will get through it 🙂

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[anonymouszebra]

Yeah, thanks for the reply, I really hope it gets better. Surprisingly, school is refreshing, and it really helps me escape from this, but I do slightly dread coming back home. And yes, since I shared my older post about this on this forum, their arguments have been on and off, they don't get loud too often, but the silence really is deafening. I do not really doubt that they are affectionate to me, but I do definitely think sometimes they ignore my feelings on this issue, and to a certain extent, their egos overshadow my feelings.

[anonymouszebra]

Hi Croix, thanks for the reply.

I do not doubt that they are affectionate to me, but I do definitely think that sometimes they are ignorant of my feelings right now. To a certain extent their egos overshadow my feelings. On the other hand, I am starting to like school, its refreshing and somehow takes my mind off this issue, but I slightly dread coming back home.

[anonymouszebra]

Sorry accidentally replied twice, thought the first one didn't go through

[Croix]

Dear Anonymouszebra~

No hassles over hte double post, sometimes it is hard ot tell if a post has got though.

I'm realy pleased you are finding school a break, it certainly helps to have such a permanent distraction you can rely upon every day. Can I ask if htere as a particular subject or activity you are keen on?

your parents sound a bit mixed up, it's a big plus if they do love oyu, however a great pity they cannot treat each other wiht respect and compromise. Everyone would be happier then.

Yes, coming home would be hard, going back into the atmosphere of a silent ongoing argument. What sort of things do you do then to feel a bit better?

Croix

[anonymouszebra]

it isn't school itself probably, it's just being around friends and away from troubles at home. it just feels all toxic and nasty back home, and I just hope somehow there's a solution to this soon.

[anonymouszebra]

Sure, will try to do so.