I don’t know where to begin. Most nights my dreams and thoughts are plagued by self hatred and doubt. How Ive lost friends through either my fault or because of divorce many years ago. How I once had them at my 50th yet I wasn’t invited to theirs. I am upset during the night and truths are revealed. Mainly Ive been fooling myself into thinking I am a good person. Yet here I am. No friends to speak of and an unproductive useless life. I am an embarrassment to my children and my Ex competes for their attention. To which they make time to see him each week, yet Id be lucky for small mercies once every few months. That includes my grandchildren. My head is muddled and I self loath as a result. No confidence and my stomach is churning along with my emotions. Sucks being a failure and constantly being shown that I am unworthy. I try to pull myself up but it’s a constant battle. I have a partner with no friends to speak of and no income. Basically I feel completely lonely and on my own 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for sharing your story with us here, and on your other thread, "Anxious lost". We can hear you're feeling incredibly alone, and dealing with harsh self-criticism. For difficult moments the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you and would welcome your call or online chat, anytime it would help you to speak to someone.
We’re sure we’ll hear from our community soon, but in the meantime here’s a couple of articles we thought you might like to look at. We’re hoping some of them can bring you a bit of hope or some ideas for how you can take some steps towards feeling better:
It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums. You never know who might read this thread and feel less alone in their own experience.