Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Arabesque Coping with home while trying to cope with myself
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone. I'm new here. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. My husband was diagnosed with advanced aggressive metastatic prostate cancer about 15 months ago. As part of the on-going management of the cancer he has been having hormone therapy t... View more

Hello everyone. I'm new here. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. My husband was diagnosed with advanced aggressive metastatic prostate cancer about 15 months ago. As part of the on-going management of the cancer he has been having hormone therapy to stop his testosterone feeding the cancer, which has effectively put him into menopause. His mood swings are dreadful. And it would seem that I am the only person that witnesses, and therefore has to live with them. I have talked to him about it, but I don't think he realises just quite how difficult it is to live with, or how much of an issue it is for me. He is very fragile himself, and I don't want to force this so that it becomes a major issue. I don't think either of us have the resilience to deal with that. Anyway. I'm not looking for solutions, just wanted to share. Even just to hear people who have had the same experience would be wonderful.

Benny83 Wife wants to separate without warning
  • replies: 2

I am 38 years old and been with my wife since i was 19 and married for 12. We jave 3 kids together 15, 10 and 8. We have had our ups and downs over the years including her cheating on me with her boss 2 years ago. I forgave her and it has taken a lon... View more

I am 38 years old and been with my wife since i was 19 and married for 12. We jave 3 kids together 15, 10 and 8. We have had our ups and downs over the years including her cheating on me with her boss 2 years ago. I forgave her and it has taken a long time to get over it and trust her again. With all the covid 19 and lockdowns last year she really didnt cope. She has had depression for the last 10 years and been on antidepressants since. She started a mental health plan 6 months ago but never went through with the sessions. At the time we were starting to drift apart and about 4 months ago we sat down and sorted all our problems and issues with eachother out. Since then i have done everything i could, helping out around the house more, being a better father etc and feel like i couldnt do any better. We have been getting on awesome, the sex was great and regular for a while then over the last 2 weeks she has just shutdone all her affection towards me but we are still getting on great and out and active with the kids. She has also met a new friend that is a bit younger then her that likes the night scene and is always getting her to go out with her while im at home with the kids. Ive been out once with her and really dont like her and think she is a bad influence. 2 days ago i get home to a letter saying she wants to seperate, that she still loves me but needs time to work on herself. She ends up telling the kids, gets them all upset and leaves saying she is going to stay at her friends house and we can do week on week off with the kids. Long story short i rang her later because i really wasnt coping and we are both just balling our eyes out and she ends up coming home that night. We have spoken a lot since and i have said ill do anything to get the help she needs and we have her booked in to see her doctor to start her on a mental health plan. I suffer from anxiety myself and dont really know where to go from here. My anxiety is though the roof. I really dont know what to do. I keep thinking what happens if she gets help and she still wants to leave. I feel so lost and empty.

Qwerty23456 Chore VS Commitment
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, not sure what I am hoping to get out of this.. but just needed an outlet to voice it out. How do you cope when a relationship transitioned to a chore, or dread. We have been married for 3 years, and I know my husband is not keen on kids.... View more

Hi everyone, not sure what I am hoping to get out of this.. but just needed an outlet to voice it out. How do you cope when a relationship transitioned to a chore, or dread. We have been married for 3 years, and I know my husband is not keen on kids. However, I he claims " I want to have kids with you". I was on the pill for the first 2 years as we weren't ready, but when Covid hit, I thought it would be a good time to start trying.. So we did, for the first half of 2020. I stopped consuming alcohol and started taking more vitamins, bought ovulation kit to confirm I was ovulating.. but i still wasn't pregnant. I know it takes time, but he stopped wanting to be intimate anymore. Its been 3 months since we had sex. I'm not working, so I look forward to just catching up with him after work. I dont think I ask for hours and hours of attention, I take care pretty much 90% of the housework, but he doesn't want to engage in conversation even. I know he is tired from work, tired from school and just wants some alone time.. but the alone time is only pertaining towards me. He still texts his friends during his alone time. Infact he texts them through out the day. There is this female friend who he texts frequently. I'm sure they are not physically cheating on me because she is in another country. But I realised that he tries to do things she like and engages her in conversation.. he tries out her favourite drink when I've been trying to get him to try stuff that i like, and does her favourite activity and sends her photos of it. The behaviour reminds me of when he was pursuing me during our dating days.. We tried talking about it and he has confirmed that he feels I am a chore.. he did try to initiate more cuddling for the first 3 days but i can feel " urgh CHORE"radiating from him while he does it.. he has stopped cuddling and actually we have stopped talking.. however life goes on as usual for him because he obviously does not want to deal with a normal wife much less a crying depressed wife. I guess I am hurt and still trying to come to terms with all this. It is sad that I'm demoted to "chore" while I still treat him as a commitment. I don't want to indulge in self pity and im tired of starting and ending my day crying. Does anybody have any good advice please?

RedKarma Pregnant and betrayed
  • replies: 3

l have been married for over a decade, I have known my partner for 15 years. We have a 10 year old together. Last year we unexpectedly fell pregnant and we lost our baby early days, I was lucky enough to fall pregnant within two months after this los... View more

l have been married for over a decade, I have known my partner for 15 years. We have a 10 year old together. Last year we unexpectedly fell pregnant and we lost our baby early days, I was lucky enough to fall pregnant within two months after this loss. We are now expecting another baby in July. My husband decided to go out to a friends birthday. I stayed home due to work and 13 weeks pregnant. I really didn’t feel included. In the middle of early morning I woke up suddenly with a horrible feeling I couldn’t master but regardless, I ignored it and went back to sleep. The next morning I went about my normal work routine then I returned home. Turns out we are pretty in tune with our gut instincts. As soon as I saw him, we locked eyes, and my heart broke, I knew that things would never be the same. I was told that there was lots of alcohol and drugs consumed that night and a friend (we both mutually knew) relentlessly preyed on him and convinced him to come home with her. The deed was done, unsafely so and as soon as he came to his senses left. One incident, one massive mistake. He is showing complete remorse, got tested, removing all contact, making an effort, seeking help, ect... But I feel so violated. I feel so tainted. More so I feel as though in that moment nothing mattered...the life we had, our 3 babies (one in heaven) and I, were just expendable. He didn’t walk away, he allowed this to happen. To our family. I have been through this sort of betrayal previously with my ex fiancé prior. I promised myself I would never put up with it again, I told my husband this before we got Married. And here we are... Given the dynamics of marriage, one child and another baking away, the situation is different. But I am so unhappy. I feel so unworthy. So scared. So hopeless. I have a history with depression so I immediately sought care, And we are seeking marriage counselling. I am really starting to see that I may be ready to move on, this pain is too much to bare. I see him differently now. I don’t believe anything he promises me, because I am so gutted. And I feel like I’d rather be alone than have to go through this again. Then I think of the unique bond we share.. Im sorry about the background but I felt it was necessary to understand the context. My questions are, has anyone been in this situation before?Can you overcome this betrayal? Is it better to stay or go? And when do you know if you have made the right decision? Thank you for reading

Feeldeatroyed Bipolar and devastated
  • replies: 2

Hi there i feel like I’ve exhausted all my support options and this is my last resort. I’m bipolar and my relationship is in crisis because of this. We have a 2 year son and He’s in daycare twice a week but I just can’t cope knowing my partner is unh... View more

Hi there i feel like I’ve exhausted all my support options and this is my last resort. I’m bipolar and my relationship is in crisis because of this. We have a 2 year son and He’s in daycare twice a week but I just can’t cope knowing my partner is unhappy and that we might get separated. We’ve been together for 6 years and he’s seen me through a lot but he’s had enough which I can totally understand and understand why he feels frustrated. I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells with him trying not to do anything wrong, trying to act “okay” when I’m suffering. My GP said we need marriage counseling but my partner refuses do go. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to get better but the support I use to get from my relationship is gone and I don’t have any family and I feel so alone. He’s sick of repeating things to me and I’ve already had 2 hospitalisations ... does anyone have any advice? I can’t talk to him anymore..,or it seems anyone.

helpmegetmyfeetbackontheg How to separate from a narcissistic husband.
  • replies: 5

My story is too long to write it all down so I'll try to keep it short. Got married 28 years ago because I was pregnant. Have 3 grown children and our marriage has been up and down that whole time. He has typical narcissistic tendencies, and I didn't... View more

My story is too long to write it all down so I'll try to keep it short. Got married 28 years ago because I was pregnant. Have 3 grown children and our marriage has been up and down that whole time. He has typical narcissistic tendencies, and I didn't really realise it until I started reading some books on the subject and was blown away. I have always kept the peace in the house between everyone and he has a very awkward relationship with all three children, especially my daughter who just doesn't like to be around him. I'm almost 50 and I don't want to be married anymore, I did try to end things with him 2 years ago and he just cried and because I'm such a softie, I told him that we can give it time and that we need to communicate more and things need to change and he agreed that I was right. That lasted for a few months and things are right back where they were. I'm so done, but I need to do things the right way. I work part time, and will need to work full time to support myself. We own a home so we can split the remaining money after we pay off the mortgage, and there won't be any custody issues as our kids are all adults (although 2 still live at home) I want it to be amicable, but I don't know where to start. There is no one else, I don't want to be in another relationship, I just want to be independent.

Sailorgirl recent break up - not coping
  • replies: 19

Hi there, I am new, just joined up yesterday, I am not coping with a recent break-up. It is more than just heartache. I was in the relationship 5 years, he was "the one" and I accepted him with all his faults and wanted to make it work no matter what... View more

Hi there, I am new, just joined up yesterday, I am not coping with a recent break-up. It is more than just heartache. I was in the relationship 5 years, he was "the one" and I accepted him with all his faults and wanted to make it work no matter what. I was always the one who put more effort into the relationship. Anyway, we broke up 2 weeks ago, and i feel like my anxiety and depresson has spiralled out of control. I have moved to my mums place, but my stuff is still at our unit (renting). I could stay there and he could leave, but I just have too many bad memories there.. can't stare at those walls on my own any longer. I went and saw my GP on the weekend, and she started me on antidepressants. I am on my 4th day of half dose. I haven't taken any days of work despite feeling quesy, nauseous, and sleepy everyday. I feel really out of it. Anyway, i am super struggling and very scared. I have my mum and a few friends chatting to me, but i feel very alone in this feeling. I miss him like crazy and I don't know what to do. I keep hoping for a reconciliation but deep down I know it's not going to happen. He just doesn't love me the way I loved him. It hurts so much. I don't know how to be alone, I have been thinking for two for the last 5 years. I don't want to move on, I don't want to meet people. I don't want to go out. At 33 I don't want the single life again. I don't want to go back to housemates and partying on Saturday night.. I know I don't have to, but I don't know how to be alone at this age. I have an admin job that will take me nowhere, but I am also a casual dance teacher (pays peanuts) and also am in the middle of finishing my cert 3 in fitness (super struggling with the pressure as I haven't been studying and getting no help). My motivation is down the toilet at the moment and I can't seem to do anything. I will see my doc again in a week so she can see how I'm going on the antideps, and I think i will go on the mental health care plan with her and start seeing a psychologist. I am sad that this is how my life had turned out and I don't know how to be happy. I am scared I will be hurting for years and won't be able to move on from him. I am scared he will start seeing someone else straight away and be happy and married and I'll still be alone.. The sadness is just too much.. i want to be free

Mudcakes Being made to feel like I’m on a list
  • replies: 0

Struggles with my friendship: He is the class clown, with depression, the nice guy. He has to literally show every single person he meets that he is nice. He asks the new kid: ”Have you eaten or drunk anything?” “You’ll do great here.” “What was your... View more

Struggles with my friendship: He is the class clown, with depression, the nice guy. He has to literally show every single person he meets that he is nice. He asks the new kid: ”Have you eaten or drunk anything?” “You’ll do great here.” “What was your last school?” “Yeah I was Physically abused at my old school.” “I appreciate your existence.” Every 5 seconds to me and other people. Yet is one word answers in text. Leaves randomly. “Says Mudcakes may be too young for this.” In a chat with my Mum. He’s a year older in my class. I said how I’m 16 not 5 and then he says “Well I grew up with old cartoons and shows.” I then listed 20 I have watched, even older. Treats me like I’m 5 ever since I said I have social anxiety. Even thinks I know nothing about sex and thinks he has to explain obvious innuendos. This girl who was basicly a toxic user/bully, who both separately treated us like trash he just lets back in. Is nice to her and expected me to hug him in front of her as she gave me a death stare. I feel like I’m just another on his list. He is kind to people to make himself feel better and it feels like he only cares when he needs validation he’s a nice person. He shows off all the time how he’s the nice guy. That’s not a nice person. I told him to have a few days off because he was being weird and I said just dont talk if you feel depressed, makes me feel not cared about with weird nothing answers. He then took 8 days off. I’m kind because I care, sure being nice to someone makes you feel good but that’s not the reason I am. Its just my nature and I care. I just feel like I am an item on a list. Another person to use to be nice to when he feels bad about himself. Thats not genuine kindness. He actually calls me his bestfriend. Took him a whole day to say happy birthday to me at school when we had plans for my birthday after school. Too busy helping his friends and their crying. I legit thought he forgot about it. Then just joked and hung out with my mum as I sat feeling like I did not need to be there. Made to feel like the 6 year old at an adults party. On my 16th birthday. I also invited him to this free lgbt event my first one and he goes “if I change my mind I can just leave”. He was the first person other than my mum I had come out to and now does not care at all, this is my first and is a major deal for me. I told him a major personal story and 2 photos and he says “Aww cute.” That’s it. After I waited 1 hour for a reply. I just

Lily123rose Feeling Lost - when someone can’t take no for an answer and let you move forward.
  • replies: 2

In 2019 I became friends with someone l and we became close very quickly. They wanted to be in a relationship with me, I wanted to be friends. They kept pushing the boundaries of friends. Constantly turning up to my house unannounced and contacting m... View more

In 2019 I became friends with someone l and we became close very quickly. They wanted to be in a relationship with me, I wanted to be friends. They kept pushing the boundaries of friends. Constantly turning up to my house unannounced and contacting me all the time. I told them that I wasn’t comfortable with this (t started to feel obsessive). The last time they turned up in 2019 I told them to leave and that I couldn’t be friends with them. I blocked their number and then on any social media. Sporadically they approach me, I ignore and I asking to please leave me alone. I have been followed to my car and listened to what they had to say recently. I have told them that they need to seek help and talk to someone that is not me. I was left shaking. I went home last week and looked into my options. I haven’t let others know but recently someone saw and told me that we needed to sort it out.... I am lost and confused as how can I sort it out? As someone who has requested space from someone else - whether it’s a female or male shouldn’t the other person move on respecting their wishes. It has been 2 years.. they haven’t threatened to physically hurt me but they emotionally continue to try and talk to me and watch me..I worry about them being obsessed with me.. and then thinking about me constantly. At this point I don’t know what to do anymore. Seeing as back in 2019 I recommend that he needed help and I cannot provide him with the help he needs and that as he couldn’t respect me than I will not talk to him or have anything to do with him until I was ready. No one probably had a clue how difficult he has made my life and I can’t handle this behaviour anymore. I am worried to be looked down on by others in the town I live. The person who witnessed the other day already made me feel like it’s a “he said she said” “deal with it” issue. I don’t know what to do but enough is enough. I can’t live and enjoy my life and I have no idea what to do.

CathyC Should I confront narcissistic parents?
  • replies: 1

A year ago I left my covert narcissistic husband. We have young kids. In the course of studying NPD, I came to understand (as many do) that my mother surely suffers from the same. I grew up with ZERO physical affection from my parents, have never hea... View more

A year ago I left my covert narcissistic husband. We have young kids. In the course of studying NPD, I came to understand (as many do) that my mother surely suffers from the same. I grew up with ZERO physical affection from my parents, have never heard them say they love me and without doubt my childhood was one of emotional neglect. I am on the fence as to whether my father has NPD or was just very selfish; I spent very little time with him growing up. Their reaction to me leaving my husband has been predictably disappointing. For example, my mother has lamented that she finds herself “stuck in the middle” and even wants to invite my ex to family gatherings (despite sufficient indication of the abuse I’d suffered). Confronting the fact that I have never received love from my parents has been truly debilitating. I’d previously always excused their behaviour by thinking that they love me, but just have a funny way of showing it. Now I've found out (they didn’t tell me and I don’t know if they know I know) that they have given both my siblings each a large deposit to buy property. It’s been quite some time and the same offer has not been made to me. Admittedly, I have my own money for a deposit, but this is due to the sacrifices I’ve made and the career I pursued over the years while my siblings enjoyed their lives without a thought for the future. It’s certainly not the first time my parents have helped them out. They’ve never helped me out. I’m now a single mum with almost full-time care of my kids and unemployed – that money would have taken a lot of stress away. Friends of mine think I should say something. But I don’t know – right now I’m feeling like I don’t want them in my life at all, although my kids would miss out on knowing their extended family. Also, I don’t see what I would gain from speaking to them, as I always end up being the one in the wrong (cue my mother’s eye rolls, called overreacting, oversensitive, etc). On the other hand, I’m not sure if I can continue to ‘fake it’ and carry on as though nothing has happened. It’s not really about them giving me money, it’s the unfairness at a time when I’m particularly vulnerable that hurts. I’d appreciate hearing any viewpoints, as right now I’m finding it very hard to function and I need to be there for my kids.